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    Anon or delete.

    Just found out today that I'm 5 weeks pregnant. I told my parents straight away and although my mum was supportive when I told her I thought I was pregnant, shes changed now that it's definite and is saying everything she can to make me choose an abortion.
    In all honesty, I have no intention of going down this path but she is trying her hardest to make me see every single bad point there is of actually going through with this pregnancy.

    I daren't tell her that I'm almost 100% going to have the baby.

    My dad is virtually silent apart from a few questions and now I've come to my room to get out of their way.

    I'm 19 btw (I'll be 20 when the baby is due) and I'm just finished college and was job-hunting. My mum also reckons theres no way I'll get a job now if I keep the baby.

    I need some advice on how to handle this situation and give me some perspective. Please!
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    don't listen to your mum; if any employer doesn't give you a job simply because of pregnancy/the baby when it's born, they're breaking the law. Employers are not allowed to discriminate on those grounds.
    If you feel that it's right to have the baby, that's what you should do. I personally would never murder an unborn child unless there were exceptional circumstances.
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    Do what you feel is right; it's your decision, not your mum's.
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    I think you should make it clear that you'll be keeping the baby - once she knows that she can't change your mind, she'll give up hope and should settle to the more practical matters.
    Have you thought about how you'll bring the baby up? Talk the job issue through with your Mum and make her see that you have a plan of action and aren't stumbling blindly into this. At the end of the day, you're 19 and perfectly old enough to have and bring up a child without her say.
    Finally, congrats!
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    just stick to what you want to do. parents usually come around after a bit anyway and i don't reckon employers should discriminate (but i know little about that so don't hold me down to it).
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    Do what feels right to you, you're the one who'll have to deal with the decision for the rest of your life.
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    If you are in a position where you can support yourself and your baby, then perhaps explain to your mum that you strongly feel that abortion would be wrong.

    In all honesty, if I could not support myself and a baby I don't think I could go through with the pregnancy, if I could look after both of us then I don't think I could go through with an abortion. But please don't think I'm trying to force my opinions onto you, these are just the ways I would imagine myself explaining to my mum.

    I'm sure that your mum will be a lot more accepting further into the pregnancy. It is her grandchild after all x
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    They'll have to accept your decision.
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    Wow. Thats disgraceful. Your mum telling you to get an abortion.

    Personally I think she's just freaking out a bit and will calm down later. When you have the child she'll change completely. Try telling her all the good points about having a grandchild and like someone else said, tell her you know what your letting yourself into. She'll come around when you both shop for baby clothes

    Is the father around? Will he be supportive?
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    Thanks for the replies. My boyfriend has basically said the exact same, that it is our decision and she can't say anything about that. Although I've not got a job yet, my boyfriend works full time and we were intending on moving in together.
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    They might not be 'allowed' to discriminate, but they will, you can be sure of that. I mean what employer in their right mind is going to employ someone that they know will be naffing off in six months time, and then might never come back?


    My view on teenage, or even pre-25 pregnancies and childbirth is that its fine for strange religious groups that still like to practice marrying off their kids before they get a taste of freedom and then expect them to breed like rabbits, but otherwise it generally results in a life of misery, lost opportunity and struggle for all involved.


    Heck I was 28 when our first daughter was born, and I knew that in an ideal world I would rather have waited another two or three years. But that's because I mucked up my first shot at uni, so I only graduated when I was 26 and I hadn't managed to nail down a decent job yet. So the end result being that I'm not going to be able to even start thinking about starting a career until I'm 33, maybe 34, but at least I already have the degree so that's one less thing to worry about I guess...


    Anyway, I would suggest you go for an abortion unless you fancy living with your parents forever, living off benefits for the rest of your life and generally having a rather hard and miserable time of it. Sure emotionally having an abortion isn't easy, I've been friends with several girls when they've gone through it, and it's not nice. And also having kids, and trying so hard to get them in the first instance I see every abortion as a wasted opportunity for life (I'm about as far from being religious as you can get BTW), but ultimately I know just how much hard work having children is, and just how far it limits your opportunities for anything other than changing dirty nappies, cleaning up sick and being surrounded by chaos, etc... for the next twenty years of your life. Remember a baby turns into a toddler, and a toddler turns into a small child, and a small child turns into a large child, and a large child turns into a teenager, which is I might remind you what you are now. Heck, you still need to 'parent' your kids even when they leave home, and quite often well into their 30's...
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    It's your baby. You have a supportive boyfriend. Please keep your descision, don't let anyone change your mind. Make sure you do what you want to do. And good luck
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    ok i'm a guy and don't have that 'motherly instict' and all that stuff, but i've never understood why people have children in the prime years of their life, i.e. 18-25, because it just restricts your life massively and is the biggest commitment of all having a dependant (NOT a cute baby, but a dependant).
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    Sad to say it, but no employer is going to take on an employee who will then be entitled to maternity leave. It's pretty obvious really. And you would have no right to appeal simply because they could say there were better qualified applicants than you.

    So far as your mum is concerned it is her job to talk you through all of the pros and cons of continuing the pregnancy. In reality, as you have no job and no money, it is almost certain that you will be living with them and they will be expected to contribute to the care of your baby.. So anyone who is saying it is nothing to do with them is talking out of a windy place.

    It's interesting that you don't even mention a boyfriend!! Does that mean that he isn't in the picture anymore or that you simply don't want him to be in the picture? If so, is that fair to the baby?

    You are only going to be 20 when the baby is born. Do you really want to give up on the things that other 20 year olds do to be left with a new baby? They are very hard work you know and you might get a whiny one that screams all night and never sleeps for more than 10 minutes at a time.

    You need to sit down with your mum and dad and sort out the practical aspects of keeping the baby, in terms of baby care, studying for a job that you could go into once the baby is a little older etc. Don't just see the baby as a reason to give up on work. You can get help with childcare costs and if you have support from your parents you can make it work.

    At the end of the day you need to work out how much effort you will put into caring for the child and whether or not you are prepared to do that. If you aren't then you shouldn't have a baby.

    And finally, having a baby by mistake once is excusable. Having a second one is criminally stupid. Whether you decide to keep the baby or to have an abortion you need to find a form of contraception that works. Many girls that I know are using the implant. It may be an idea for you to try it.

    I notice that you have finally mentioned your boyfriend and that he is supportive now. He is probably the same age as you. Does he really want to tie himself down with a baby? He may say so now, but what about six months down the line? What about when you have to pay for a house and all the associated costs from a presumably small wage? What about if you do have a whiny baby? Will he still want to hang around then?

    You alll need to talk to each.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Anon or delete.

    Just found out today that I'm 5 weeks pregnant. I told my parents straight away and although my mum was supportive when I told her I thought I was pregnant, shes changed now that it's definite and is saying everything she can to make me choose an abortion.
    In all honesty, I have no intention of going down this path but she is trying her hardest to make me see every single bad point there is of actually going through with this pregnancy.

    I daren't tell her that I'm almost 100% going to have the baby.

    My dad is virtually silent apart from a few questions and now I've come to my room to get out of their way.

    I'm 19 btw (I'll be 20 when the baby is due) and I'm just finished college and was job-hunting. My mum also reckons theres no way I'll get a job now if I keep the baby.

    I need some advice on how to handle this situation and give me some perspective. Please!
    Holy , I thought this only happened in novels. I think u should have the baby, assuming that ur boyfriend is more than happy to settle down with u.
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    It's down to you what you but realistically there's no way you'll keep a job while being pregnant then going away for up to a year on maternity leave. Unless your boyfriend earns loads, childcare will be a factor you need to think about. Diapers, food, clothes cos babies do grow at a alarming rate and are you really ready for this? Being a mum is not a job you can just pick and drop. Your mum is probably thinking about all of this while she is suggesting an abortion. It's your life and your body and your baby..just be sure of everything.
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    Welcome Squad
    bejeez there's a hell of a lot of negativity here.

    I was 21 when I had my first baby
    23 when I had my second baby
    and I'm 25 now and my third baby is due in 6 weeks time

    and I'm perfectly happy

    I also applied for a job last year (before I was pregnant with my third, but whilst I was a parent of 2 small children) and shock horror I was offered it immediately.

    So, don't believe all the crap that people will try and scare you into believing - lost opportunities and a life of misery.....load of rubbish.
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    Another teenage pregnancy in this country. :rolleyes:

    OP: It's your decision. Do what you want but remember that it is a big responsibility.
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    Statistics.

    I'll just point you to this:
    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Legaliz...d_crime_effect


    There are of course other things, and that illustrates the extreme of the situation, assuming that everything does fall apart. But the fact is that things do go horribly wrong far more often than they go right. The people out there that spout "my mother was 18 when she had me, and we've been fine, etc..." are quite frankly the exception to the rule. Heck, enough families break up where the parents had kids in their 30's, but the 'bad stuff happening' for young parents is a heck of a lot higher than 'bad stuff happening' for those even just four or five years older (I'm talking mid-20's here, not comparing a 16 year old to a 21 year old).


    And of course sure, I know, or know of (friend of my brother) couples who found out that they were pregnant at school at the age of 17-18, decided to have the kid and are doing fine. However, in this example he probably could have become a concert pianist, but the need to provide for his family meant that he ended up getting a 9-5 office job, possibly even a call centre, I don't actually know exactly where, but all that matters is that he never managed to fulfil his potential all because of a split condom, or a missed pill.


    And that ultimately is what the decision boils down to I guess. Do you allow yourself, or yourselves (if the guy is still involved) to go for your full potential in life, or do you allow this potential life to come to fruition?


    But most crucually of all you really, really need to think long and hard about the impact of this on not only yourself and your partner, but on your parents and his parents. There is no way that you will be able to cope on your own, that is just a cast iron fact. You will need both your parent's support if you take the pregnancy to term, and that is even if you decide to give it up for adoption (personally I only agree with adoption if the parents really, really can't cope with the baby, in which case it should probably never have been born in the first instance. But of course circumstances change, people lose their jobs, etc...).


    Anyway best of luck, but remember having a kid isn't something to be proud of, literally any idiots with working genitals can do it. Bringing up a child well, now that is something to be proud of...
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    first of all, congratulations

    its your decision, not your mums. if you think you have the ability to raise a child, then go for it.

    it would be awful for you to unwillingly have an abortion 'cause you don't know if and when you may get another chance.
 
 
 
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