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    • #2
    #2

    I shall be slated for this, however I shall put forward my lines of reasoning for that in which you have found yourself in this predicament.

    Firstly, from the parents point of view, you as a daughter owe your parents money for which your parents supported you in your education, clothes, food etc.
    When a daughter becomes pregnant at that age, it is embarassing to the parents to answer every other family member of who the father is and what he does etc and how it will all work out. Granted I dont know your circumstances, but there is no real reason why you should be having a child at the age except that you want to live on taxpayer's money and get a free flat maybe to move into with your bf - very selfish of you might I add.

    Your point of view - I dont see any, you're not married to the guy, he can leave you anytime he wants making you another statistic of being a single parent mother.

    Consider the situation at the moment, it is difficult to find a job, living expenses are record high and you have never worked in your life meaning your yet naive and havent even started living life.
    Who will actually pay for the living costs of the baby? Do not say your bf because that isn't going to happen and your parents should not have to since you owe them money anyway and I'm certainly not going to pay you through benefits.

    Maybe consider giving your child away for adoption if you carry on with the pregnancy.
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    My Dad was born when his mum was 20, and his parents ran several businesses and were ultimately very successful.

    Their son is doing well too!

    So, forget what people say about ruining your life. It depends on the person.
    • #3
    #3

    You are in the same boat as my sister. She's your age, just finished school and is pregnant. It's taken some getting used to (especially from my parents) but in the end it is her (and her bf's) decision to keep the baby. My sister is anti-abortion so that was never even an option, she wanted to keep the child from the beginning.

    I think it'll just take a while for your parents to get their head around it. They need to realise that not everybody does things in the 'right order'/at the 'right' age etc.

    Whilst I was very shocked when I found out about my sister's pregnancy, I am kinda excited to be having my first niece/nephew

    But yeah, hopefully in time your parents and wider family will come to accept your decision. Chances are, they will get over it. They wouldn't let their grandchild suffer, they'll want to help I'm sure.

    As for getting a job, that could prove to be very difficult, but nowadays there are so many 'parent friendly' jobs/flexible hours etc, that you could probably get a job for a few hours per week somewhere. As for getting a job now, I think you'll have to declare your pregnancy before they offer you employment.

    Take care
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I shall be slated for this, however I shall put forward my lines of reasoning for that in which you have found yourself in this predicament.

    Firstly, from the parents point of view, you as a daughter owe your parents money for which your parents supported you in your education, clothes, food etc.
    When a daughter becomes pregnant at that age, it is embarassing to the parents to answer every other family member of who the father is and what he does etc and how it will all work out. Granted I dont know your circumstances, but there is no real reason why you should be having a child at the age except that you want to live on taxpayer's money and get a free flat maybe to move into with your bf - very selfish of you might I add.

    Your point of view - I dont see any, you're not married to the guy, he can leave you anytime he wants making you another statistic of being a single parent mother.
    Firstly, she said her boyfriend works full time. He might well have enough savings for a deposit, or enough income to rent somewhere. Don't just assume all young mothers to be want a free council flat.

    Secondly, that's such a backward, pessimistic view of relationships. That's like saying any woman who's not married to her boyfriend runs the risk of being left as soon as things get tough, which isn't the case. Also, divorce is a lot cheaper and more acceptable these days than ever before, so even if they were married it wouldn't mean a hell of a lot if her boyfriend intended to leave her anyway. Thus far her boyfriend seems very supportive, so lay off the poor couple.
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    PS Helper
    The OP's asking for advice on how to deal with her parents, having already decided she's "100% going to keep the baby", as she said. It's therefore slightly counterproductive for people to go on these anti-teenage-mother crusades.

    OP: As others have said, present your mother with a clear plan of what you're going to do (if you don't have one, make one!) and stay calm, just keep calmly stating that you're going to have the baby.
    • #2
    #2

    (Original post by Sakura-Chan)
    Firstly, she said her boyfriend works full time. He might well have enough savings for a deposit, or enough income to rent a flat. Don't just assume all young mothers to be want a council flat.
    Doubt he'd have savings. Consider the bf is 21 years old, that means he must have been working a maximum of 7 years and consider he has been saving, that's very little time to allow to save up to raise a baby.

    To the other poster - that was 30 years ago you might find.. times have moved on since then. It's a recession period, house, flat, food prices are high and it isn't practical to carry on pregnancy because of her circumstances.
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    (Original post by PinkMobilePhone)
    bejeez there's a hell of a lot of negativity here.

    I was 21 when I had my first baby
    23 when I had my second baby
    and I'm 25 now and my third baby is due in 6 weeks time

    and I'm perfectly happy

    I also applied for a job last year (before I was pregnant with my third, but whilst I was a parent of 2 small children) and shock horror I was offered it immediately.

    So, don't believe all the crap that people will try and scare you into believing - lost opportunities and a life of misery.....load of rubbish.
    I would totally agree with the last line of this post. I had my first at 23, second at 26. There was no way I wasted my time. So because I had 2 kids I couldnt do what my friends were doing??....sorry but thats rubbish. I still had a life and enjoyed myself. Anyway , ultimately the decision is the OPs and her boyfriends as to them keeping the baby, not her mothers. Frankly I am disgusted that her mother has told her to have an abortion, thats an awful thing to say about her own grandchild!. When I told my Mum that I was pregnant she went mad at me, but never sugessted that I have an abortion as she is against them, I was planning my wedding when I got pregnant. But she came around in no time and doted on her grandson. Just tell your Mum that you are keeping your baby , she *will* come around to it OP.

    Good Luck OP
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Doubt he'd have savings. Consider the bf is 21 years old, that means he must have been working a maximum of 7 years and consider he has been saving, that's very little time to allow to save up to raise a baby.
    He doesn't need enough money right now to raise a baby, considering the average amount according the Guardian that you'd spend raising a child from birth until the age of 18 is £200,000. Just to be able to provide the essentials.

    Also, I did say savings for a deposit, if you actually read what I put :p: Even I have enough funds of my own to do that and rent somewhere for a year and I'm 18.
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    Firstly I'm amazed at how many people still hold such a negative stereotype of young mums, and the patronising tone of so many posts. The OP's 19 not 12 people :rolleyes:

    To the OP: What a horrible predicament! It's sad that you don't see to be getting the support you need.

    It's quite clear from your post that you want to keep this baby. It's your decision nobody elses, not your mums, the posters on here, and to a degree your boyfriends while he deserves a say at the end of the day it's your body, and you who will no doubt do the majority if the childcare.

    Perhaps once you make it clear your against an abortion and keeping this baby, your mum will come round to the idea and support you once she realises this. There is plenty of support out there for young mums, so worst case scenario even without the help of your parents while it won't be easy, nobody will let you struggle and fail

    How are things with your boyfriend are you strong? Have you been together long? I seems that way as your about to move in together. Certainly the best situation is for you to be together, and for him to be fully involved. While as I said the final say comes from you, you must make sure you keep him involved and his input accounted for. The fact that he already has full time job is really promising for the future, and already gives you a strong chance of making it work.

    I think this thread shows the first of the many negative opinions about young mums you'll find in society. But all I can say is ignore them! Just make sure you work hard, do your research and prepare so you and your BF can be the best parents to your unexpected little arrival Good luck
    • #2
    #2

    (Original post by Sakura-Chan)
    He doesn't need enough money right now to raise a baby, considering the average amount according the Guardian that you'd spend raising a child from birth until the age of 18 is £200,000. Just to be able to provide the essentials.

    Also, I did say savings for a deposit, if you actually read what I put :p: Even I have enough funds of my own to do that and rent somewhere for a year and I'm 18.
    Oh but I did read it!

    I wasnt aware about the average cost of raising a baby, still £200,000 for 18 years approximately £10,000/year is still no joke.

    We are agreed that it's going to be a struggle right? I mean life was enough difficult for her to be job searching, and now becoming a mother and she doesn't have a parents support. I wouldnt want to be the bf in that situation! :eek:
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    (Original post by shorty.loves.angels)
    If you are in a position where you can support yourself and your baby, then perhaps explain to your mum that you strongly feel that abortion would be wrong.

    In all honesty, if I could not support myself and a baby I don't think I could go through with the pregnancy, if I could look after both of us then I don't think I could go through with an abortion. But please don't think I'm trying to force my opinions onto you, these are just the ways I would imagine myself explaining to my mum.

    I'm sure that your mum will be a lot more accepting further into the pregnancy. It is her grandchild after all x
    This. Will you be bringing it up in your own house or well your parents be expected to look after it whilst you go out and carry on being a teenager? You need to have a baby for the right reasons not because of some romantic notion that motherhood is amazing.
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    If you and your b/f have decided it is the right thing for you to have the baby then that is what you must do. I think if you have both discussed this and as you say he is supportive then your parents will come round in the end I'm almost sure.
    Good luck and congrats!
    • #2
    #2

    (Original post by Lizia)
    What rubbish. What is embarrassing for her parents about saying, "The father is her long term boyfriend, and he's working full time so can support them"? If she was some slut who didn't know who the father was, you might have a point. But she isn't. And if her parents are embarrassed, that's their problem, not the OPs. She isn't having a baby at 14, she has a steady boyfriend who has a job, she isn't some child with no partner wanting a council flat. Nowehere did she mention living off the taxpayers' money.
    Where did she say long-term boyfriend? Lets leave out the shibby-shabbies and get down to the point, why must she have a baby? [I always like the why question..]
    Another problem in your argument, it is her boyfriend who holds the employment status not her so what will she do if he leaves her (supposing during pregnancy)?
    In this day and age, one can divorce at anytime as well. Marriage might be preferable simply from a legal stance, but it's no guarantee that he'll stick around.
    It makes sense to me, if your having a family why not complete the (little albeit important) legal formalities? Assuming he wants to be with her ... he shant have an objection.
    How do you know she's never worked a day in her life? I'm 19 and have been working since I was 16. Just because you wouldn't choose to have a child at the moment, doesn't mean everyone who does is naive.
    Forgot to mention 'full-time work'. Because when you become pregnant, you suddenly become a full time mother which imo is more demanding than a full time job. How will she manage the latter if she hasnt experienced the former?
    Why shouldn't she say her boyfriend? It seems to be true. How on Earth can you know what will and won't happen. They're in a stable relationship and he seems keen to stick around, and is working full time so can support them. They'll get some benefits from the government like all parents do, to help them cope. Sounds to me like she has it sorted out. They might not be living in luxury, but I haven't seen anything in this thread that suggests she'll be living off the state forever.
    Hmm :p:
    The question still stands; why should she have a baby? Consider the number of baby's thatt require foster parents in this country.
    Why should she? She has a partner who works full time and is willing to support her. Why on Earth should she give up her baby just because she's slightly younger than most first time mothers?
    Hey! I aint against pregnancies since I was born through one myself! :p: Simply because of the practicalities of raising a baby in her situation. That is all.

    I see I'm on a one-sided battle against the ladies in this thread. :p: It shall be my last post in the thread.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Where did she say long-term boyfriend? Lets leave out the shibby-shabbies and get down to the point, why must she have a baby? [I always like the why question..]
    Another problem in your argument, it is her boyfriend who holds the employment status not her so what will she do if he leaves her (supposing during pregnancy)?

    It makes sense to me, if your having a family why not complete the (little albeit important) legal formalities? Assuming he wants to be with her ... he shant have an objection.

    Forgot to mention 'full-time work'. Because when you become pregnant, you suddenly become a full time mother which imo is more demanding than a full time job. How will she manage the latter if she hasnt experienced the former?

    Hmm :p:
    The question still stands; why should she have a baby? Consider the number of baby's thatt require foster parents in this country.

    Hey! I aint against pregnancies since I was born through one myself! :p: Simply because of the practicalities of raising a baby in her situation. That is all.

    I see I'm on a one-sided battle against the ladies in this thread. :p: It shall be my last post in the thread.
    Not me, ive always been under the impression the best time to have a baby is when youre lving independently from your parents, in a stable relationship and have enough cash to support it and yourselves. Anything less is unfair :dontknow:
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    OP: Congrats on your pregnancy.

    I would talk to your mum, make it clear you want to keep it. She will soon realise she has to change the way she thinks as i expect she will want to be part of your child's life.

    Ignore all these people telling you to get an abortion, its your choice. People say 18-25 is prime age and that having a baby will stop you from doing things, well my mum had my sister at 23 and me at 25- she said she loved being a younger mum than say someone having children mid 30's! Lots of people seem to think having kids means your life is over, i know for lots of people it's the best times of their life.

    Good luck with the pregnancy, on here there is a pregnancy and parenting society you may wanna join- although i don't have any kids it's full of lovely people around your age with children/pregnant who are fab at advice.

    And those of you saying OP is going to be living off benefits, not everyone who gets pregnant young doesn't have support and isn't financially stable!!
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    Hi, I was in the same situation 2 years ago and it has all worked out fine for me. I'm in uni now, have a job and look after my child.
    You don't need to tell employers your pregnant untill your 25 weeks gone so you can still get a job, I got a job when I was 7 months pregnant!
    It's hard work but it's worth it in the end.
    Good luck.
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    yeah im not being funny annoymous 2, but you get many woman who are housewives and their husbands/ partners work and they don't. They could still leave their wife/gf just the same as the OP could!! So what your saying isn't justified for just her.

    And what has work and looking after a child got to do?? Working in a job is probably very different from looking after a child. The OP hasn't even mentioned about previous jobs etc. so don't just presume.
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    I have to say I am absolutely disgusted at some of the posts on this thread. I had no idea of the views still held in society in regards to young mothers.

    I was pregnant at 17 and had my son at 18. I am now 19 years old and off to university next month to study social work - what I have always wanted to do. I am perfectly happy with my life, it may be slightly harder than that of my friends but believe me it is completely worth it!

    Stomm - to say that teenage pregnancy generally results in a life of misery, lost opportunity and struggle for all involved is just completely wrong. Why do you and others just assume that young mothers live on benefits? I have worked since I was 15 and continue to do so now, I have worked incredibly hard to get into university and I will graduate when I am 22 - something you didnt do untill you were 26 and you didnt even have a child. It all comes down to individual differences, sure there are people who have children very young and then get a council flat and live off benefits, but many of these people have been through a hell of a lot an it is not by choice!!!!! And the rest of us who are tarred with the same brush get incredibly frustared by the single-minded idiots who critisise us unnecessarily and insist that we are the 'exception to the rule'. Why is it never said that it is infact the people who do not do so well that are the exception?? I know plenty of people who have had children young and are as happy as anyone else. And to say that people do not fulfil their potential because of a split condom or missed pill - how insulting. The person you knew who did not become a concert pianist instead became a father, an amazing thing and Im sure he would of said that becoming a parent is better than anything else. I really think you should open your eyes and see that everything is not as black and white as you seem to think it is - young mothers are not all council houses, benefits and misery - and the ones that are have usually had incredibly hard lives and see it as a way out. You clearly have no idea.

    And to the other anon idiot who also seems to believe all that rubbish, do you honestly think that people of 20 get pregnant to have council flats and live off tax payers money??? Like I have already said I was 17, and I have worked since I was 15 an am still doing so now. I pay for my house and I pay my taxes, I honestly cannot believe how completely ignorant you are. To say she should give up her baby for adoption on the assumptions that she will become a single mother and live on benefits is unbelievably cruel and insulting. There are brilliant single mothers out there, and there are brilliant mothers out there who happen to live on benefits. You should really step out in to the real world, look out beyond the statistics at the real people to who they are being applied. When people are receiving benefits, it is not alot of money at all, do you really think people are doing this by choice?! Of course there are the odd exceptions that do, but many of these people have hardly anything at all. I really do think that you are being incredibly cruel and insensitive.



    To the OP - Ultimately of course it is your decision. I considered an abortion when I found out I was pregnant because I was terrified but I can honestly say now that my little boy is the best thing that has ever happened to me! Of course it is hard work, but completely worth it! Abd my parents are now completely besotted with him!
    You really have to do what you think is best, if you are considering an abortion though I would really think about the emotional impact. If you'd ever like to talk just give me a message because I really do know what you're going through!!
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    (Original post by 3006)

    it would be awful for you to unwillingly have an abortion 'cause you don't know if and when you may get another chance.
    A terrible reason to keep a baby.

    If you can both support a baby financially and be happy then by all means go ahead. Good luck!
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    Go with your heart. After all it IS your child, if you cannot get work, the government have many schemes to help. I wish you and your child the very best
    And congratulations!
 
 
 
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