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    I have a friend who has suffered through a lot, she was married to her childhood sweetheart, they married young (she was only 19). A few months into the marriage, she got pregnant and he started beating her; this continued for the next 2 years. It's been a year now, and she lives with her little daughter. I knew it would take a while for her to heal and it has. Then, quite recently, she met a man. She tried hard to ignore him, she told him she wasn't looking for a relationship, but he persisted, he says he loves her. I can see that she loves him too and wants to accept it but she's scared of getting hurt and this time it's not just her, she has her daughter to consider too. I don;t know what to advise her as I have no experience in these kind of things. If this happened to you, how would you go about dealing with it? What sort of thoughts would be going through your mind? :confused:

    Any help would be appreciated, thank you,
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    Just support her , make sure she's making the right decision and if she's not talk some sense into her .
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    (Original post by Maximum Velocity)
    Just support her , make sure she's making the right decision and if she's not talk some sense into her .
    The fast dude speaks sense.
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    If the guy genuinely seems like a nice bloke, I'd tell her to take it slowly, but to go for it.

    If however you're wary, then I'd just sit with her and talk through what she thinks. She deserves someone who makes her happy.
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    she has every right to be weary seeing as her first love turned sour. but that doesn't mean all men are evil! I think if you as a friend and outsider think he's decent and not an idiot you should advise her to take it slowly otherwise if you sense he's an idiot tell her to back off. But as I said just because one man treated her badly, sadly, she shouldn't really think all men are out to hurt her and he might make her happy. : ).
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    She ought not let one bad experience ruin the rest of her life (if possible). Is she never going to date anyone ever again?
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    It will inevitably be difficult for your friends to form romantic relationships with people especially considering what happened to her, the fact that it happened whilst she still only young which is when we are growing as people etc is like adding salt to an injury.
    As her friend I think the best thing to do is support her no matter what she decides. This is going to be a tough and scary time for her and she will have to determine whether she is ready to put behind the bad times in her life. If you know the guy and you feel he will be good for then why not suggest asking her to take a leap of faith. She can take it at her pace and should at any point she want to get out assure her that you will be there for her.
    When people are hurt by those they love they tend to build a wall around themselves to make sure that no one can ever get in and hurt them ever again the only thing that people like us can do is assure them that we will be there. The fact that she has a daughter means she twice as wary as she doesn’t want to put her daughter to an experience like that again, she’ll be constantly worrying and blaming herself for letting it happen the first time so the thought it may happen a second will be of much concern to her.
    Support her as a friend but if this guy is fantastic and great point her gently in his direction. Telling her that she cannot let her ex control her any longer and her preventing herself from trusting/loving could leave her with nothing. If she is adamant that she does not want to see this man then support her no matter what. If the guy loves her as much as he says he does he must be prepared to wait due to the circumstances etc.
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    Thanks for your advice you guys! I mean I checked out the guy and he seems really nice and caring, but then so did her ex-husband. I just keep remembering what she said to me, when I asked her what she thought. She said, 'Is he a sweet dream or a beautiful nightmare?', so sadly. I don't want to encourage her and inadvertently let her in for more hurt. Thank you though for all the advice, once again.

    (Btw, what she said = not from beyonce's song -.-)
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    I don't think you neccessarily have to give the yay or nay to the guy, just your honest opinions of him, and tell her you just want her to be happy.

    In the end, as a friend, just let her know that you'll be here to support her if he ends up hurting her. Because really, that's all she would want from you as a friend
 
 
 
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