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I think I'm on the verge of becoming a psychopath. watch

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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    To put it bluntly, for the past few years I've had these urges/fantasies to kill or hurt people. They always end up with me either killing a lot of people for no reason, or killing someone but in a heroic fashion (i.e. killing a suicide bomber and saving others) but both always end in my death.
    I've seen a psychiatrist about this but he just told me that as long as they don't manifest into physical actions I'll be alright (no ****, doc).

    I don't usually care about these anymore, as it is a daily occurrence, but recently I've been forcing myself to stop doing something, like in my driving lessons sometimes I have to use all my willpower to stop from running someone over and I'll start to drift towards them when my instructor will say something and I'll snap out of it. The worst is when I'll be walking down the street and I'll be coming up to someone and I'll clench my fist, ready to hit them - no matter who they are.

    I also can't say "I love you too" to my parents, they say it to me and I just have to stay quiet, I can't say something that I don't mean.
    I've been depressed for a few years now, having seen a few psychologists, I really want to fix myself - just typing this is making me want to cry right now. I'm finding that I just keep randomly bursting into tears and I really want to end it, but I just don't have the balls.

    I want to see a psychologist again, but I just don't know how to say this stuff, every time I've been I've lied to them. I arrange a meeting then when I get there I just say "no, everything is alright now" and that's that. I'm a compulsive liar, I lie to my friends and family for no reason, they are sometimes just "I can't go out today", even though I can, to sometimes big lies which I just make up on the spot.

    Worst of all though is that I truly hate myself. I hate the way I look, I hate my personality, I hate everything about myself. Sometime I think the only way to fix it is to end it, or live with a load of Buddhists for the rest of my life :p:

    I want to do something before I go to uni in September, because as it stands now I don't think I'll be able to cope. I'm not very good at making friends anyway, but I've changed so much over the past few years that I can't imagine liking myself, let alone someone else liking me.
    There's a few things I want to say. Firstly, you can't "become" a Psychopath; you're born as one or at least raised in an enviroment that may encourage behavioural traits that are similar (the great debate of nature vs nurture). Secondly, the vast majority of Psychopaths are non-violent members of society. Finally, Psychopathy is more commonly referred to as Antisocial Personality Disorder these days.

    Thanks to the media/film industry, people like you clearly have no idea what a Psychopath is. It's more likely that you're an introverted loner that's become resentful of the people around you who are out living life. Time to spend some time with others, my son.
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    (Original post by Linweth)
    You crazy son of a *****
    I lol'd

    OP you have a lot to live for, you can do whatever you want, your a free person at the end of the day, your going to uni in September maybe that could re-invent yourself and find yourself some happyness, try and set your self somekind of challenges to get through the day or something, some time later on your life i'm sure you will look at these period in your like and think 'lol wtf was with me then'

    Enjoy life with whatever hurdles and crazy things happen, you get one chance in life don't end it early or waste it.
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    (Original post by H.JJJ)
    ever thought about releasing all that anger and hate instead of snow-balling it up in the back of your mind?

    Grab a few pillows and beat them senseless until you tire yourself out. Better a set of pillows than an actual living person/thing. BTW this is not psychopathic, its just a way of venting steam. Other people do it in different ways. Some through sports (which is what i do), some through self-harm (a no-no + a cry for help) or some through video games.

    Also, lying to your shrink isnt the best thing. Better to be open and honest about this all. Heck you could even print your first post off and show it him/her. Might make you feel better to talk to someone about it face to face.
    This is a very good idea.
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    (Original post by wintersunset)
    having fantasies and urges is normal, you're not going to actually do anything so what's the problem?
    Having fantasies is normal, having fantasies all the time, all day long, is not.
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    ^Seek help. Fast.
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    (Original post by emmie19)
    So how do I know you're not lying now?
    You don't have to believe me, but I do see where you are coming from - the eternal paradox of "this sentence is false".

    (Original post by J-E-N-O-V-A)
    OP you're creating a psychopathic persona to compensate for your weak and 'trodden-on' self-image.

    Watch American Psycho.
    Weirdly, that's actually one of my favourite films.

    (Original post by Simonccx)
    I resent that, im budhist, dont knock it till you tried it, wotked for me when i was depressed, although even i dont fancy living on a mountain in safron robes.
    Sorry, I wasn't knocking it, I was being serious - I wouldn't mind becoming a Buddhist, they have always intrigued me and it seems like a peaceful way of life.

    (Original post by wintersunset)
    having fantasies and urges is normal, you're not going to actually do anything so what's the problem?
    The problem is that I'm getting closer to doing these things, if they were just fantasies and urges then I wouldn't see the problem but they are getting closer to manifesting themselves.

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    This sounds a bit silly, but i think you just need somebody to love you, and appreciate you for who you are. Loneliness or rejection could spur on something like this; but with the constant support of a few close friends who understand you, you might be able to get through it. If you are going to university in september this is the perfect time to make friends and have a new fresh start. I know you said you find it difficult, but you've just got to remember that so many do, and everybody is in the same boat on their first day.

    Whatever thoughts come into your head, just dont act on them. Just keep telling yourself that. Pain will never help or cure anything.
    Good luck, admitting the problem is a step to solving it. I hope everything sorts itself out for you.
    That actually makes a lot of sense to me. I met a girl about 1 1/2 years ago (I was in the same mind set as I am in now) and when we dated I was normal, no feelings of depression or urges and it was great. Stupidly, after about 6 months in I told her how I used to feel (as I thought we were close enough, and I hadn't had them in a long time) and she left me because of it.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    You don't have to believe me, but I do see where you are coming from - the eternal paradox of "this sentence is false".



    Weirdly, that's actually one of my favourite films.



    Sorry, I wasn't knocking it, I was being serious - I wouldn't mind becoming a Buddhist, they have always intrigued me and it seems like a peaceful way of life.



    The problem is that I'm getting closer to doing these things, if they were just fantasies and urges then I wouldn't see the problem but they are getting closer to manifesting themselves.



    That actually makes a lot of sense to me. I met a girl about 1 1/2 years ago (I was in the same mind set as I am in now) and when we dated I was normal, no feelings of depression or urges and it was great. Stupidly, after about 6 months in I told her how I used to feel (as I thought we were close enough, and I hadn't had them in a long time) and she left me because of it.
    Get locked up at a mental instition for a while? Lots of therapy?
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    To put it bluntly, for the past few years I've had these urges/fantasies to kill or hurt people. They always end up with me either killing a lot of people for no reason, or killing someone but in a heroic fashion (i.e. killing a suicide bomber and saving others) but both always end in my death.
    I've seen a psychiatrist about this but he just told me that as long as they don't manifest into physical actions I'll be alright (no ****, doc).

    I don't usually care about these anymore, as it is a daily occurrence, but recently I've been forcing myself to stop doing something, like in my driving lessons sometimes I have to use all my willpower to stop from running someone over and I'll start to drift towards them when my instructor will say something and I'll snap out of it. The worst is when I'll be walking down the street and I'll be coming up to someone and I'll clench my fist, ready to hit them - no matter who they are.

    I also can't say "I love you too" to my parents, they say it to me and I just have to stay quiet, I can't say something that I don't mean.
    I've been depressed for a few years now, having seen a few psychologists, I really want to fix myself - just typing this is making me want to cry right now. I'm finding that I just keep randomly bursting into tears and I really want to end it, but I just don't have the balls.

    I want to see a psychologist again, but I just don't know how to say this stuff, every time I've been I've lied to them. I arrange a meeting then when I get there I just say "no, everything is alright now" and that's that. I'm a compulsive liar, I lie to my friends and family for no reason, they are sometimes just "I can't go out today", even though I can, to sometimes big lies which I just make up on the spot.

    Worst of all though is that I truly hate myself. I hate the way I look, I hate my personality, I hate everything about myself. Sometime I think the only way to fix it is to end it, or live with a load of Buddhists for the rest of my life :p:

    I want to do something before I go to uni in September, because as it stands now I don't think I'll be able to cope. I'm not very good at making friends anyway, but I've changed so much over the past few years that I can't imagine liking myself, let alone someone else liking me.
    DEFINITION OF PSYCHOPATH FROM WIKI:
    Lack of a conscience in conjunction with a weak ability to defer gratification and/or control aggressive desires, often leads to antisocial behaviors. Psychopathy does not necessarily lead itself to criminal and violent behavior. Instead, psychopaths high in social cognition may be able to redirect their antisocial desires in a different, non-criminal manner.[citation needed]

    Psychopaths (and others on the pathological narcissism scale) low in social cognition are more prone to violence against others, failure in occupational settings, and problems maintaining relationships. All psychopaths differ in their impulse control abilities, and overall desires. Psychopaths high in the pathological narcissism scale are more equipped to succeed, but pathological narcissism does not in any way guarantee success.

    You did get help.. But next time I suggest you actually write about your feelings throughout the day.. Keep a record of what you are thinking if it kind of is out of the ordinary and maybe a mood diary for your depression. Next time you see someone take that with you. Obviously if these things continue to happen then you need to get help.. It could also be self esteem issues etc.

    It seems like you want help and you want this gone and you want this sorted.. But please get some willpower to actually be honest about what you feel and what you think. You may not actually go out and kill someone, but wanting to kill anyone for no reason is a big sign of things not going OK. You pretty much clarified everything to me.. I mean.. Having the urge to crash into someone whilst learning how to drive? You should take yourself seriously and be honest with your psychiatric doctors and what not.

    I guess with me I can be very emotionally unresponsive.. When my uncle died (my mother's only brother), everyone was crying yet I couldn't get a tear down my face.. The most pathetic thing was that my baby brother cried about his death yet he doesn't remember him. I also have feelings of wanting to hurt people, especially those who have hurt me.. But I have bipolar disorder where the brain chemicals are unbalanced etc. and my behaviour can be either manic or depressive etc. so I completely understand where you're coming from with your feelings thoughts etc. I sometimes hate myself but when I'm manic I believe I can take on the world you see..? I mean it's one of those things that is common in bipolar disorder.. I mean I'm not crazy and would hate for someone to call me crazy because it is a real physical illness that impacts how you behave.. If you need a friend or anyone to talk to or whatever or... whatever.. Feel free to like.. I don't know, reply or message me? The good thing is I'm applying for 2010 so I can take this year to kind of take things a little slowly and mentally prepare for whatever uni i'll attend.

    Good luck! :woo:
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    Why not write a letter decribing all your thoughts and feelings, and post it to the doctors with a note asking for an appointment? Or get someone to make an appointment for you? If they've received a letter, you can dismiss it as a lie less easily.
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    (Original post by BossManSingh)
    Doesn't seem like a healthy lifestyle. What kind of foods are you eating?
    Lol are you being serious?
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    print what you have wrote on here off and take it to your next appointment then you wont have to tell them anything. let them read what you have wrote then you wont have to say anything?
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    (Original post by Malsy)
    good god.
    also admitting it on tsr=not a good thing
    joke, actually i have nothing helpful to say..
    You'll be the first.




    No, in all seriousness OP, make yourself see a psychologist. Copy and paste this into an email and email it to your parents, or definitely to any of the psychologists you've been in contact with. Do it now. Save it in a drafts folder and send it t othem. That way you can't turn back, they recieve it and when you next go you they'll know better than to just accept it when you say "I'm ok now"
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    (Original post by starsdream2)
    Lol are you being serious?
    Yeh, OP did not state the foods he was eating. You have to consider these things when looking at topics like this :o:
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    (Original post by BossManSingh)
    Yeh, OP did not state the foods he was eating. You have to consider these things when looking at topics like this :o:
    lol well in general I have a good diet. Weetabix in the morning, wholemeal pasta and meat for lunch, healthy dinner with 3+ veg, couple portions or fruit a day, 2-3 liters of water, snacks like tuna in between main meals, gym 3-4 times a week, martial arts once a week, and trying to get into swimming/running every day.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    lol well in general I have a good diet. Weetabix in the morning, wholemeal pasta and meat for lunch, healthy dinner with 3+ veg, couple portions or fruit a day, 2-3 liters of water, snacks like tuna in between main meals, gym 3-4 times a week, martial arts once a week, and trying to get into swimming/running every day.
    What about self relief? what kind of sites do you vist?
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    I hear Burma is recruiting Generals if you're interested?
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    I get homicidal in traffic as well, especially old women! :rant:
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Oh, I probably should have said what I want from you. Basically I don't know what I'm supposed to do, I feel ridiculous asking for help because when I call up I have to say what is wrong with me and I get these dirty ******* looks from the idiot receptionists, and then I lie when I get in. I don't really know what to do.
    I feel the same as you do, and i forced my doctor to give me a note to see a psychologist and i tried to explain them i think i am psychopathic. But they won't believe it.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I feel the same as you do, and i forced my doctor to give me a note to see a psychologist and i tried to explain them i think i am psychopathic. But they won't believe it.
    Psychopaths almost never see Psychologists out of choice, as they feel there is nothing wrong with them. Simply by going to see a Psychologist out of your own choice, you're almost definately not Psychopathic.

    Bad luck, kid.
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    (Original post by Joel4fun4u)
    Psychopaths almost never see Psychologists out of choice, as they feel there is nothing wrong with them. Simply by going to see a Psychologist out of your own choice, you're almost definitely not Psychopathic.

    Bad luck, kid.
    I know, i read that too. But think i am manipulating them, because they just think i am someone that needs help. I let everyone work for me that way. I don't know something else.
    I am this way, because there is nothing behind that behaviour, no person, no feelings, i don't identify myself with anyone and i don't feel empathy.
    I feel better when people are crying, or sad.
    I will do anything to keep them that way.
    Also threatening with suicide (i already ordered pills, i am trying to really want it)
 
 
 
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