pros and cons of a LDR

i'm leaving to go 2 uni in september, travelling from kent up 2 lincoln. me nd my bf have only been 2geva a month so far (yer i know its not even a real relationship yet! haha, but my last bf was for 3yrs.. so its not as if me nd my new guy r gna split up in a week!)

..anyways back 2 my point.. me nd him r already talkin abt tryin a long distant relationship. but the problem is that neither of us have ever had 1 b4.

so if any1s got any past experience, gd or bad, or any tips on how 2 make it work nd last.. or y it didnt work out... it would b much appreciated! thanks :smile:

Scroll to see replies

Reply 1

username156343

Pros: The relationship doesn't end right away.

Cons: many, many things.

Reply 2

*Corinna*

cons:

you miss each other
you miss stuff from each other's life
expensive
trust issues
small things may become huge when you argue

pros

great when you see each other after a long time

Reply 3

Sherlock.H

Light Dependent Resistor ???

Reply 4

Rooster523

Sherlock.H

Light Dependent Resistor ???

my thoughts exactly sherlock

Reply 5

psychocustard

It depends how willing you are to try and make it work. To be fair, you've only been together a month so far, so I wouldn't hold your breath - I'm being honest, I'm not trying to be mean, although obviously it doesn't always work that.

I've been together with my boyfriend for about 13 months now, and he was away from the second month studying in France for the year. We had to just get used to just having phonecalls and texts, as well as emails, and a visit for a couple of days every few months.

It was bloody difficult, and I missed him a lot, but we've got a really strong relationship now that he's home, although we're still two hours away from each other by train, but of course I can see him a lot more often.

Reply 6

Mr Advice

I think it's obvious that the cons far outweigh the pros. Having said that, LDRs can work, depending on the determination and trust of the couple in question.

Reply 7

FyreFight

There are no pros. Only cons.

And type properly.

Reply 8

Anonymous #1

Who on earth do you think you are FyreFight? Someone who just wants to be heard? Well, be nice why don't you?

Reply 9

harlar

Txt speek iz anoyin. Stop pls.

The cons are pretty obvious. The only pros are that it's great to see them after a month or more of apart, and you don't really argue as you're not around each other enough to annoy your partner with your habits. However, if you're really into them, they can work for a short period. Best of luck.

Reply 10

New...Romantic

^ Disagree, lots of pros. Lots of cons too though.

But I agree with the typing properly part.

I went straight into a LDR and it wasn't easy, but it wasn't that difficult.

Edit - There's a LDR advice thread and a chat thread, they might help you more than a thread like this. You'll get loads of negative comments on here from people who haven't actually been in the position.

Reply 11

Emily069

FyreFight

There are no pros. Only cons.

And type properly.

This.

Basically, it won't work. And if it does work, then that will only be temporary.

Reply 12

FyreFight

Anonymous

Who on earth do you think you are FyreFight? Someone who just wants to be heard? Well, be nice why don't you?

Raging behind Anon, lolz.

Reply 13

sophia.maria

Where's the optimism people?! Ok so it's not very likely it's going to work out in the long run but have some faith :smile:

Reply 14

Treben

There really aren't any pro's, you might as well just start again in my opinion. Sorry to be so cynical, but practicality has to take some kind of place in a relationship.

Reply 15

Ramryan

It can work, but it requires a pretty mature couple. I always wish I could have made the long distance relationship with my Chinese girlfriend work. Big regret of mine, but at least it let me be "free" for my first year at Uni, which let me have lots of interesting experiences guilt-free with many ladies. Obviously, this is a male perspective, and won't be shared by all blokes either :wink:

The problem is, I can't seem to find anyone now, who I feel really compatable with like her, over a year later. I feel like although quite strong on the outside, I'm just destined to wander forever on the inside. And it's a very lonely summer right now.

Enough of me feeling sorry for myself anyway. It can work, but I would only recommend pushing for it if you are really close emotionally, because it's quite stressful most of the time, especially the longer the distance. That being said, 2 people in my flat succesfully managed LDR's for their first year.

Reply 16

CapturedSoul

I've been in an LDR relationship for nearly 2 years, and it is ridiculously hard, especially when I'm at home in the holidays and my parents are very strict about me seeing him. However, a couple who can survive an LDR is very strong in my eyes, and if the relationship survives to the point of marriage, it shows the couple can live together without being in each other's faces all the time (as they are used to being by themselves for a long time) and I think it'll be healthier. One of my friends argues all the time with her boyfriend, and they argue even more on the phone when he's away for even a week. She told me if they had gone to different Universities, they probably would have split up.

Reply 17

elixira

As long as it's not forever. It's so, so amazing when you do see each other, you just make the most of every single second.

Neither me nor my bf are the jealous, insecure type so that makes things a lot easier. Like an above poster said, you do need to be mature.

If you're the independent type, it's nice to have a bit of time to yourself, though :smile:

Plus, as disgusting as it sounds, you don't need to be 100% 'groomed' all of the time...

Cons: some couples have weird rules about having to call each other every day or whatever - super tedious, don't do it.
When you're sad and you just want a cuddle from them!

Reply 18

Bathwiggle

Its hard work, you need to trust each other, and have the same out look on life, i;ve one year left (so far been 3 years) and they have been hard work, but worth it when we are together

Reply 19

littleshambles

I can't think of any pros tbh. All the pros are pros that exist in a non-LDR relationship as compared to living together (have your own space, etc).

And they're only pros if you don't spend all day in touch because you're so far apart and never see each other you communicate with each other 24 bloody 7.

So yeah, no pros.