Hey there! Sign in to join this conversationNew here? Join for free

When girls see themselves as fat...and they arn't Watch

    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    I am a girl and have a pretty small body type. I am within the "normal range" of BMI. However, I cannot control the fears that I am "overweight". I live in a family where I am by far the heaviest girl (and I weigh in at less than 8 stone). These thoughts alone consume how I dress, how I eat, and I think others view myself.

    These thoughts are then of course relayed into my relationships. I never think I am skinny enough for my boyfriends and that they will always want a prettier and more skinny girlfriend. Of course, this turns into a self fulfilling disaster...and my relationships are usually jinxed.

    Any tips on having better self esteem - especially about weight and looks? How can I come to think that as long as I am "normal" and that I eat healthy that it will be okay....
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    You're less than eight stone? Then you're being absolutely ridiculous, dear - but I think you know that! I was around nine stone the last time I checked, I'm within the normal range for BMI, my hip-to-waist ratio is just dandy (actually, it's way, waaay into the safe zone!)... I consider health more important than looks!

    What you need to remember is most other people aren't going to care or judge you or even consider your weight when they meet you. I get the impression you know this as well, but need to remind yourself more frequently? Just be mindful of your concerns, but try not to let them scare or upset you. They really needn't.

    Try to focus on your qualities that you do like about yourself.
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    Im my experience you can never completely get rid of these feelings but you can make it so that you don't always care as much. The only way I managed to do it was via counselling, changing my thought patterns and actually paying attention when people told me I'm not fat. I'm not completely rid though and I never will be.
    Offline

    2
    ReputationRep:
    I'm still finding out myself tbh.. :erm:
    As hannah_dru said, it's more learning to change/manipulate your thought patterns.
    Offline

    2
    ReputationRep:
    You know, I used to weigh about a stone less than I do now, yet I feel slimmer. Stupid? Not really; my hip to waist ratio is more balanced, I'm definitely more toned, I have more colour in my skin and a healthier look, and I actually feel better in many ways. I used to be skinny-fat, like I weighed nothing but had no shape to me so ony ever looked skinny, not petite or attractive. I'd like to lose a few lbs now just to get rid of my problem areas, and ideally reduce by like an inch or two all over, but I've realised that weight isn't the be-all and end-all. It's about a balanced figure, and a maintainable diet.

    I get the opposite with what people tell me; I'm constantly being told "you've gained weight" and "you are looking healthy!" (the worst euphemism in the ******* world) but I try to block out what others say. It's difficult. But when people are telling you that you're skinny, they mean it! Trust me! It was only after I started gaining weight and eating decently that people admitted to me that while I'd only ever occasionally hear them say I was thin, behind my back they were all talking about me a lot and worrying that I looked pale and grey and half dead, which I never realised!

    Its so easy to distort and misinterpret the mirror. But believe us, and tell and believe yourself, that 8 stone is tiny for any height and any body shape. You are slim, and I think deep down you know it. Take care of yourself, eat well, and maintain the weight. Don't let the reflection-twisting inner demons win.
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    To have better self esteem you have to change the way you look at yourself.....if you're under 8 stone then you are by no means fat, so believe the fact that you're not fat and embrace your body shape......To gain more confidence you will have to come to terms with the fact that you are not fat and stop comparing yourself to other people...as you mentioned that your family members are skinnier than you...embrace your body shape and learn to love your figure...
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    I am 8 stone too and i admit, i get very conscious of overeating and gaining weight. I often scrutinize food and I'm addicted to the gym. I feel really "fat" say if i don't go in a few days. I know too that i am not fat, not in the slightest and i am being paranoid but its all psychological. You can't help but fear putting on any amount of weight. I do try to just look at myself positively though. You have to, only if your happy in yourself can you lead a happy life. I just try to remember that life is too short to worry about daft things like weight and food, and that every life stage you get to, i.e. pregnancy and old age will change your body shape anyway. Thinking of it that way makes you realize that its who you are inside that really counts and i always try and bear that in mind.
    Offline

    10
    ReputationRep:
    You're obviously really slim, but I understand why you feel pressured. My best advice is to make sure your lifestyle is healthy and balanced, and believe me you will feel a lot better about yourself. Throw in some running (just a light jog twice a week) and you will feel fresher a combined with healthy eating, more of the happy hormones will be released and you will not be as anxious. Now the chemically thing aside, the most important thing is to ask yourself what is there in your person that you are not quite happy about? Perhaps your weight worries are actually deeper anxieties that you have unconsciously translated into a body image problem. And lastly, reading lots and keeping busy really, really helps.
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    I am also obsessed with my weight. Its like I always want to be thinner than my current weight. I dont think that will ever change though..Ive just accepted it and havejoy in weighing myself every morning and finding that ive lost weight..
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    I think almost every girl feels like this at some point I know I do, and I hate the way I think about myself.... However my boyfriend is obviously attracted to me and says I'm beautiful.... I wish I could see what he see's
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    Nearly all my girl mates always think they are fat, always coming to me saying they are feeling fat and stuff. I can safely say that NONE of them are, bless them! If anyone does want a chat or whatever send me a pm, i'll be happy to help..... if i can!
    • PS Helper
    Offline

    13
    ReputationRep:
    PS Helper
    If you talk to a guy, you will realise that most of them see girls in three sizes: extremely skinny, normal, and heffer-massive (this means really obviously big people). Once I realised this I became much happier and worried a lot less, I don't know if it will help you.
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    Easier said than done but trust the sources.. if your bmi says your weight is normal, it's normal. and plus it might not be that you want to be skinnier, just healthier maybe? Making sure your clothes are flattering might boost your confidence though or just go out with a guy who's sort of big-boned lol.
    Offline

    2
    ReputationRep:
    I think that body image is like many other things, in that you always see yourself or your work in a darker light (contradiction in terms, I know) than other people see your achievements.
    Theres loads of girls who think theyre fat when theyre really not, and it makes me quite upset that they get very self conscious when they have nothing to worry about.

    Just look after your body, and it will look after you =D
    Offline

    14
    ReputationRep:
    My advice is stop being an idiot
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    Personally, I weigh under 7 stone and I'm underweight. I know I need to gain weight and I hate being this skinny but when I manage to put on a little bit of weight, and I mean a tiny amount (what other people wouldn't even notice) I feel fat and disgusting, even though I know I'm not. I think it's something nearly every girl feels sometimes and it probably doesn't help that nearly every woman you meet is on a diet. In a way, I think because there are so many people overweight or obese at the moment, and when health is discussed, the emphasis is usually put on losing weight, our generation is being brought up to think that any amount of fat is bad. There's plenty of help, advice, special diets, tips in magazines etc. for losing weight, but you never really see anything about any other aspect of health or weight problems. Everyone is saying that fat is bad, but in reality, we need some fat to be healthy.
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I am a girl and have a pretty small body type. I am within the "normal range" of BMI. However, I cannot control the fears that I am "overweight". I live in a family where I am by far the heaviest girl (and I weigh in at less than 8 stone). These thoughts alone consume how I dress, how I eat, and I think others view myself.

    These thoughts are then of course relayed into my relationships. I never think I am skinny enough for my boyfriends and that they will always want a prettier and more skinny girlfriend. Of course, this turns into a self fulfilling disaster...and my relationships are usually jinxed.

    Any tips on having better self esteem - especially about weight and looks? How can I come to think that as long as I am "normal" and that I eat healthy that it will be okay....

    As I had said to one of my friends "If it helps ive seen a lot worse...."
    Offline

    1
    ReputationRep:
    It's horrible that if you aren't at most a size 6/8, you're fat. Maybe the media don't intend to put out this message, but it is indeed what alot of us are recieving.
    Offline

    1
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Melz0r)
    If you talk to a guy, you will realise that most of them see girls in three sizes: extremely skinny, normal, and heffer-massive (this means really obviously big people). Once I realised this I became much happier and worried a lot less, I don't know if it will help you.
    From a male point of view I would agree with this quite a bit. I would also say that over recent times, ive learned from speaking to male mates the concensus has definately changed from wanting a 'skinny' girl, to one who has 'a bit of meat on her'(excuse my grammaticly incorrect descriptions). Although from speaking to many males, I would also point out that girls who think they are fat when they arnt can can be extremely furstrating for a male, especially when he tries to convince her shes not. Can make a male feel helpless sometimes.
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by mermania)
    My advice is stop being an idiot
    That's helpful.
 
 
 
Reply
Submit reply
TSR Support Team

We have a brilliant team of more than 60 Support Team members looking after discussions on The Student Room, helping to make it a fun, safe and useful place to hang out.

Updated: August 5, 2009
  • See more of what you like on The Student Room

    You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

  • Poll
    Would you like to hibernate through the winter months?
  • See more of what you like on The Student Room

    You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

  • The Student Room, Get Revising and Marked by Teachers are trading names of The Student Room Group Ltd.

    Register Number: 04666380 (England and Wales), VAT No. 806 8067 22 Registered Office: International House, Queens Road, Brighton, BN1 3XE

    Quick reply
    Reputation gems: You get these gems as you gain rep from other members for making good contributions and giving helpful advice.