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Lending your brother £3200 watch

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    Kinda bored, so I though I'd make a little thread about it. After typing all of this out, it is pretty ******* long, so yeah, essay concept.

    Starts off in November, my younger brother is supposed to pay his school with a cheque to the value of £3200 for winter term. As far as we know, it's done all is gravy.

    Now, moving to April, or just before, we start getting letters from his school that the money was never payed and the school needs it before the end of Easter break or they'd have to expel/suspend my brother until payment was received.

    The money had left his account at some point, but the school never got it. Despite my brother saying that he'd payed the money, other members of the family are a bit weary, and my dad and step-mother (who pay for his school fees) don't want to pay £12000 for £9000 worth of schooling (total yearly fee), admittedly, paying the extra wasn't a problem, but they didn't like the principle.

    Anyway, he needed the money quick, and was ratting about how he'd take out a loan or something to pay it off, which I wouldn't have put past him, as he is quite an idiot.

    Since I had 4gs saved up for a trip to New York for my 21st, I gave him the benefit of the doubt and the money needed to pay for school, expecting him to trace the cheque at some point and get the money back to me, no problems.

    He does his last term of school, A-levels, fair enough he should be revising, yadda yadda yadda.

    End of June, I find a letter and statement he left out in his room (I don't have a bedroom at my mother's, so I use his bed when he stays at his girlfriend's). Admittedly, I shouldn't have nosied, but whatever, it was my money. It states that they couldn't find any evidence of a cheque and the statements had been those since April when I gave him the money. He ended up spending £800 of the money on himself and his girlfriend, and did not pay the school back in April when I'd given him the money.

    He ended up having to ask my dad for more money as the school had added another £250 to the term fee. Finally gets it paid.

    It's August now, still no sign of anything. That's not much of a problem, money comes and goes, at least I paid for my brother's education, and hopefully his way into uni, no biggy.

    The problem is that my brother is quite the opposite to me, despite only being 2 years below me, he was born with a silver-spoon in his mouth and taken every advantage of that, whereas I have not. Though he pretends to care and sound empathic and concerned, he's quite a suckup and can sometimes be quite openly dishonest and have no problems doing so.

    Despite having received the letter from Barclay's, he still claims that he hasn't gotten the letter and that they said it should come within the next week. When we got the last letter from his school, asking for the increased fee, he told me that he only needed £250 from my dad, not £1050 if you include the money he spent from the £3k I gave him. He has also since April, gone on three holidays, Prague, Malia, Tenerife. I should call him out on his ********, but money is the type of thing that can tear families apart. Like I said, money is money, no biggy, it's his honesty that is a problem. To him, this summer has been great, if not better than usual.

    This **** has also caused bigger a rift between my younger and older brother. That, and the fact that my older brother has a holier than thou attitude due to his upbringing (despite being ****** and getting constant beatings and shoutings from my dad, he went to a good school and being the oldest, he always has to be the best at everything). This is another problem, as my older brother does not know of the words humble and tact, and is very antagonistic in nature. My money only gives my older brother something else to harass my younger brother about.

    Not really wanting resolutions, just thought I'd make a post because I'm bored as hell and I may as well chat a little bit, and see what people thought. There are bits and bobs I don't remember, and I tried to skimp on some details, but it's a pretty long saga. If I can remember anything else, I'll add it, but things are pretty long already...so I probably won't.

    Maybe this would be better in general discussion?
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    I know a pretty similar situation to yours involving my boyfriend and his brother.
    He lent his brother £1000 towards his first car on the agreement that he paid it back in monthly installments. Has he seen a penny of it? Not at all.
    His brother is swanning around in a lovely new car whilst my boyfriend is trying to save up on his own for a new car for himself. Not to mention that the car his brother bought is worth twice as much as his own.
    Don't get me started on how much you should spend on a first car, it was horrendous, 4K on first car?? Most of which he didn't pay for.
    Anyway, rant over, but anyway just don't trust ANYONE with that sort of money. I certainly wouldn't give my brother that sort of money just because I know how bad he is with it. My parents on the other hand would be fine.
    EDIT: Oh and just to mention that the rest of the money from the car went on his parents credit card. Bearing in mind that the bf saved up on his own for his. Silver spoon in this case as well lol.
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    Then confront him over his honesty and not over the money. You're not gonna get anywhere by not letting him know that you're onto him.
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    You don't seem bothered at all that your brother conned £3200 out of you. Seriously, how much money do you have that this can't bother you.
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    Overusing "no biggy" just reveals how much you actually do care. Man up and tell your brother you want the cash. Set a deadline and make sure you get it by then.

    If not, resort to older brother syndrome: beat the **** out of him.
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    (Original post by AsphyxiateD)
    Overusing "no biggy" just reveals how much you actually do care. Man up and tell your brother you want the cash. Set a deadline and make sure you get it by then.

    If not, resort to older brother syndrome: beat the **** out of him.
    It's 4:50am.

    I'm not the most varied person when I'm tired, it's long, I'm not going to make sure that I find different words for everything.

    I will admit, I'd be stupid if I didn't care at all. But at the same time, I don't anywhere near as much about the money, like I said, it comes and goes, it's the honesty thing that gets to me the most.

    Anyway, I don't want to cause any more **** because it's already strained some relations within the family. I'd rather not add another one to that list.
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    Well then you ain't ever seeing that money again son.
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    Your brother sounds like a ****.
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    (Original post by Tabris)
    Kinda bored, so I though I'd make a little thread about it. After typing all of this out, it is pretty ******* long, so yeah, essay concept.

    Starts off in November, my younger brother is supposed to pay his school with a cheque to the value of £3200 for winter term. As far as we know, it's done all is gravy.

    Now, moving to April, or just before, we start getting letters from his school that the money was never payed and the school needs it before the end of Easter break or they'd have to expel/suspend my brother until payment was received.

    The money had left his account at some point, but the school never got it. Despite my brother saying that he'd payed the money, other members of the family are a bit weary, and my dad and step-mother (who pay for his school fees) don't want to pay £12000 for £9000 worth of schooling (total yearly fee), admittedly, paying the extra wasn't a problem, but they didn't like the principle.

    Anyway, he needed the money quick, and was ratting about how he'd take out a loan or something to pay it off, which I wouldn't have put past him, as he is quite an idiot.

    Since I had 4gs saved up for a trip to New York for my 21st, I gave him the benefit of the doubt and the money needed to pay for school, expecting him to trace the cheque at some point and get the money back to me, no problems.

    He does his last term of school, A-levels, fair enough he should be revising, yadda yadda yadda.

    End of June, I find a letter and statement he left out in his room (I don't have a bedroom at my mother's, so I use his bed when he stays at his girlfriend's). Admittedly, I shouldn't have nosied, but whatever, it was my money. It states that they couldn't find any evidence of a cheque and the statements had been those since April when I gave him the money. He ended up spending £800 of the money on himself and his girlfriend, and did not pay the school back in April when I'd given him the money.

    He ended up having to ask my dad for more money as the school had added another £250 to the term fee. Finally gets it paid.

    It's August now, still no sign of anything. That's not much of a problem, money comes and goes, at least I paid for my brother's education, and hopefully his way into uni, no biggy.

    The problem is that my brother is quite the opposite to me, despite only being 2 years below me, he was born with a silver-spoon in his mouth and taken every advantage of that, whereas I have not. Though he pretends to care and sound empathic and concerned, he's quite a suckup and can sometimes be quite openly dishonest and have no problems doing so.

    Despite having received the letter from Barclay's, he still claims that he hasn't gotten the letter and that they said it should come within the next week. When we got the last letter from his school, asking for the increased fee, he told me that he only needed £250 from my dad, not £1050 if you include the money he spent from the £3k I gave him. He has also since April, gone on three holidays, Prague, Malia, Tenerife. I should call him out on his ********, but money is the type of thing that can tear families apart. Like I said, money is money, no biggy, it's his honesty that is a problem. To him, this summer has been great, if not better than usual.

    This **** has also caused bigger a rift between my younger and older brother. That, and the fact that my older brother has a holier than thou attitude due to his upbringing (despite being ****** and getting constant beatings and shoutings from my dad, he went to a good school and being the oldest, he always has to be the best at everything). This is another problem, as my older brother does not know of the words humble and tact, and is very antagonistic in nature. My money only gives my older brother something else to harass my younger brother about.

    Not really wanting resolutions, just thought I'd make a post because I'm bored as hell and I may as well chat a little bit, and see what people thought. There are bits and bobs I don't remember, and I tried to skimp on some details, but it's a pretty long saga. If I can remember anything else, I'll add it, but things are pretty long already...so I probably won't.

    Maybe this would be better in general discussion?
    i read the whole thing and was quite enjoyable

    but the idea that you find it 'no biggy' and writing such a long post seems to me that you have been stuffing all you frustration for a while now...which is quite understandable.

    all in all, my advice is not to pamper your brother too much. i know that u love him but he needs to grow up. so let him learn from his mistakes. it will hurt you also but it's for his best.
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    wtf??? dude.... seriously?? he just took 3200 off u and u don't care?? saying money comes and goes?? that's a pretty bad problem u got there... ur bro just took off u 3200 and isn't planning on giving it back. if i ever did this to my brother he would honestly beat the shiit out of me every day till i give him the money. besides... its ur vacation money wtf? he is using u. how can he even have the guts to take 3200 off ur parents and spend it on his gf?? didn't he know that a day will come and the school would ask for the money??? that's ****** up... i suggest u beat the crap out of ur brother and show him that this is ur ******* money.
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    Stop lending him money - 'money comes and goes' this statement kind of bugged me and this 'no biggy' you make yourself sound that you have lots of money and want to show off with it (no offence), or you either are just being toooo nice.

    Money for people like me is very difficult to earn and yeah maybe you have all that but seriously stop lending him money and like others said beat the crap out of him and make him work for the money he is the one who is going to get in debt not you - you have done your part.
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    You're right money does ruin people, like it seems to have ruined both your brother and yourself. Neither of you seem to appreciate money in the slightest.
    Money does not come and go in the real world it has to be worked very hard for. Not just to be given £1000 here and there from your parents.

    Independence is a very important thing in life and the sooner your brother and yourself learn it the better.

    Personally I'd make the point that he will get nothing from me again having lied about the situation. By this I don't mean money, I mean help with anything.
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    I would use my pimp hand on him, I love money.
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    (Original post by Ewan)
    You don't seem bothered at all that your brother conned £3200 out of you. Seriously, how much money do you have that this can't bother you.
    ^ this.. :|

    My brother would have had what was coming to him if I was put in your position.
    I'd be freking disappointed and then tell him to give me my facking money back. Oh and tell my parents
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    I wouldn't give my brother £3200 full stop, no matter what kind of trouble he was in.
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    (Original post by Anonymous.)
    Stop lending him money - 'money comes and goes' this statement kind of bugged me and this 'no biggy' you make yourself sound that you have lots of money and want to show off with it (no offence), or you either are just being toooo nice.
    (Original post by FAILINGKID)
    wtf??? dude.... seriously?? he just took 3200 off u and u don't care?? saying money comes and goes?? that's a pretty bad problem u got there...
    (Original post by turn_the_page_day_by_day)
    You're right money does ruin people, like it seems to have ruined both your brother and yourself. Neither of you seem to appreciate money in the slightest.
    Money does not come and go in the real world it has to be worked very hard for. Not just to be given £1000 here and there from your parents.

    Independence is a very important thing in life and the sooner your brother and yourself learn it the better.

    Personally I'd make the point that he will get nothing from me again having lied about the situation. By this I don't mean money, I mean help with anything.
    I think you guys missed the point. The money does matter, obviously, I'm not stupid, but I value my relationship with my brother more than money, that's how I was raised.

    £3200 isn't the be all end all of life that you guys seem to make it out to be, sure, it's a lot of money, money that I worked for and earned myself, I have the right to do whatever the hell I want with it, no? But at the end of the day, I gave it to him with the best of intentions, and what you guys are trying to tell me that I do not seem to care, showing off (with no offence meant), and not knowing the real world. I don't think there was anything wrong with that decision at the time.

    I admit, it does come off as pretentious, but it's better stating the facts than being ambiguous and saying a large sum of money, which differs from person to person.

    But, I know people on TSR like to jump the gun a bit, so whatever.

    The closest person to hitting the spot would be newman24x. I've taken a lot of weight off of my brother's shoulders in life. In a family of four, he's the only one younger than me, so I feel the need to protect him, sometimes a bit too much.

    After my mother had her stroke, I was the one who took responsibility for everything in the house, even my older sister who's 6 years my senior didn't do much to help, when my grandmother got murdered, I was there the one having to talk to the police for the family.

    See, people like turn_the_page, you can talk about me not knowing the real world, but you have no idea about what I've been through with my family. We've had more ups and downs than most people can imagine and yet, still manage to come out alright in the end.

    At the end of the day, I value blood more than money. If some people can't understand that, whatever.

    (Original post by newman24x)
    i read the whole thing and was quite enjoyable

    but the idea that you find it 'no biggy' and writing such a long post seems to me that you have been stuffing all you frustration for a while now...which is quite understandable.

    all in all, my advice is not to pamper your brother too much. i know that u love him but he needs to grow up. so let him learn from his mistakes. it will hurt you also but it's for his best.
    Cheers. Some people I've been talking to said the same thing. But whilst he's good at some things, he's not so good at others and needs a bit of help. I find it really hard to leave him to his own devices when that happens just in case he cocks something up.
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    I doubt you are going to get the money back at all, your brother sounds really immature and disrespectful. If telling your parents will cause unwanted rows you do not want to deal with, you will have to accept that the money is gone forever. Unfortunately one of lifes ard lessons learnt when you were trying to help someone. You will have to be tough and tell him you will want the money back and try to arrange a repayment plan, if he refuses or agrees and the money never materialises vow never to help him again regardless of the situation.
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    (Original post by Tabris)
    I think you guys missed the point. The money does matter, obviously, I'm not stupid, but I value my relationship with my brother more than money, that's how I was raised.

    £3200 isn't the be all end all of life that you guys seem to make it out to be, sure, it's a lot of money, money that I worked for and earned myself, I have the right to do whatever the hell I want with it, no? But at the end of the day, I gave it to him with the best of intentions, and what you guys are trying to tell me that I do not seem to care, showing off (with no offence meant), and not knowing the real world. I don't think there was anything wrong with that decision at the time.

    I admit, it does come off as pretentious, but it's better stating the facts than being ambiguous and saying a large sum of money, which differs from person to person.

    But, I know people on TSR like to jump the gun a bit, so whatever.

    The closest person to hitting the spot would be newman24x. I've taken a lot of weight off of my brother's shoulders in life. In a family of four, he's the only one younger than me, so I feel the need to protect him, sometimes a bit too much.

    After my mother had her stroke, I was the one who took responsibility for everything in the house, even my older sister who's 6 years my senior didn't do much to help, when my grandmother got murdered, I was there the one having to talk to the police for the family.

    See, people like turn_the_page, you can talk about me not knowing the real world, but you have no idea about what I've been through with my family. We've had more ups and downs than most people can imagine and yet, still manage to come out alright in the end.

    At the end of the day, I value blood more than money. If some people can't understand that, whatever.


    Cheers. Some people I've been talking to said the same thing. But whilst he's good at some things, he's not so good at others and needs a bit of help. I find it really hard to leave him to his own devices when that happens just in case he cocks something up.
    but u r totally wrong in this situation.... he is not appreciating you giving him the money and u r saying u wanted to help him. if u think about it... u r not telling him what he did is wrong and he better give u the money..... one day in the future he will keep borrowing money off u and u wont say **** to him... u have to give ur opinion here. i know that u love ur brother more than everything and all of that but he doesn't look like he is sharing those feelings tbh
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    I don't often feel the need to resort to violence but your bro needs an ass kicking.

    He conned you and you're letting him get away with it. Worst still, by letting him get away with it you're actually encouraging his behaviour towards you in the future.
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    Nah, I haven't lent him diddly squat since, don't really intend on doing so since he doesn't need it anymore. I have brought the money up a couple of times, he just keeps saying he's waiting on the bank.

    I don't constantly pester about it though, because money is not everything to me. That's probably a pretty bad trait on my part, but it's just how I am. I'm not going to lie, I like money, and it affords some great things, I can't even tell you how much I was looking forward to being in New York for my 21st. But it isn't the quite the same to me as people who only live for money.

    Like I said though, I don't want to cause further strain in the family. Money is the sort of **** which potentialy tears people apart for life, as unfortunate as that is, that's why I'm tip-toeing around the situation. There are things I should do, but there are God-knows-what ramifications if I rush in and just call him out. I don't want to end up on non-speaking terms with my brother if I go about this the wrong way (admittedly, I'm going about it a wrong way at the moment, but the only alternative at the moment is worse)

    My parents do know, but my mother is pretty useless since she's in la-la land half of the time, we don't talk about financial matters with my step-dad, he doesn't see my father or step-mother enough to warrant any progress unfortunately.

    Definitely right about the appreciation thing though. I told him that I only know one other person that I could honestly say would do the same for his brother, an that's one of my best friend's, otherwise, I very much doubt anyone else either of us know would do such a thing.

    There's a lack of control on my brother, and I'm going to be honest, I have not helped at all. It's only been over the past couple of years, when he started at his public school that things went really wrong with him. Partly because his personality and being very popular with a lot of people in our area, probably his need to remain so and also to keep up with his other public school faring friends, everyone outside of the family I know, loves my brother. But this is about money and finance, not an analysis of his psyche and personal life.

    Well, it's more like my little outlet when I was bored this morning and wanting a bit of a chat, not me asking for a resolution, I appreciate the advice and replies and such, but something like this isn't easily solved, not without bitter consequences anyway.
 
 
 
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