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    I really don't get why it's so difficult.

    As I understand it, he was given money (by your parents?) to pay for his school fee. Presumably this went into his account and he is supposed to write a cheque to the school.

    "The money left his account at some point but the school never got it".

    If he had written a cheque to the school but it had become lost within the realms of bureaucracy, the school wouldn't have presented it and the money wouldn't have left his account.
    If he had written a cheque, the school presented it, the money went out his account and into theirs, but yet the school claimed not to have received it, you could have contacted the bank who would have been able to provide a copy of the cheque as proof that the money has been transferred.

    Therefore, I can't see how he could claim that the money has gone "missing" somewhere in the ether.
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    That's the thing we're trying to get to the bottom of at the moment.

    Unfortunately, he isn't being clear on the matter, and we can't stroll into the bank and demand his statements, to track the cheque and such, so it all comes down to him at the end of the day to get this all sorted out.

    My dad tried to get it sorted, has seen the statements and he said he's seen a cheque go out for the exact amount required for the school. My brother isn't smart enough to transfer the money to a second account, so I doubt he's done anything as coy as that.

    One thing though is that there's a disrepency between the letter I saw and what my dad and brother say, like I said in the OP, the letter I saw had them saying that they could not find the cheque. That may be down to the date and cheque they asked to track was wrong or whatever, I don't know, I didn't go to the bank with them to get it sorted.

    This is one big mess, and like I said, though the solution seems simple, solving it is far from easy.
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    (Original post by Tabris)
    That's the thing we're trying to get to the bottom of at the moment.

    Unfortunately, he isn't being clear on the matter, and we can't stroll into the bank and demand his statements, to track the cheque and such, so it all comes down to him at the end of the day to get this all sorted out.

    My dad tried to get it sorted, has seen the statements and he said he's seen a cheque go out for the exact amount required for the school. My brother isn't smart enough to transfer the money to a second account, so I doubt he's done anything as coy as that.

    One thing though is that there's a disrepency between the letter I saw and what my dad and brother say, like I said in the OP, the letter I saw had them saying that they could not find the cheque. That may be down to the date and cheque they asked to track was wrong or whatever, I don't know, I didn't go to the bank with them to get it sorted.

    This is one big mess, and like I said, though the solution seems simple, solving it is far from easy.
    I didn't read all of it. It was long and slightly unclear.

    Basically, your brother borrowed money from you to pay tuition fees that your parents had already paid into your brothers account. The money left the bank but didn't go to the school? So you had to step in.

    Your bro spent £800 of this and had 3 holidays despite you missing out on NY (which is amazing btw).

    Now you are wondering what happened? He's conned you rotten. So either £3,200 doesn't matter to you or you need a spine.

    If someone (family or otherwise) treated me like such a mug, there would be hell to pay.
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    Sorry but if you're parents can afford to send him to public school why aren't they the ones lending him money when he needs it?

    You're his brother and shouldn't be bailing him out even if it requires a penny. It's the principle.

    You're obviously a good person and you care about your brother very much without finance being your focal concern. Though your brother might be noticing that and knowing he'll get away with never paying you back I'm afraid. Unfortunately it's true that nice people can be taken for a ride so easily.

    Though I'm pretty sure you're not going to see that money again but I think you should just worry more about your brother's stupidity and do what you can to help him.
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    (Original post by Nick_000)
    I didn't read all of it. It was long and slightly unclear.

    Basically, your brother borrowed money from you to pay tuition fees that your parents had already paid into your brothers account. The money left the bank but didn't go to the school? So you had to step in.

    Your bro spent £800 of this and had 3 holidays despite you missing out on NY (which is amazing btw).

    Now you are wondering what happened? He's conned you rotten. So either £3,200 doesn't matter to you or you need a spine.

    If someone (family or otherwise) treated me like such a mug, there would be hell to pay.
    In short

    Bro gets money to pay school. Money never got to school. School needs it. I bail him out before school suspends him.

    Whether or not the money left his account is still up for debate. Statements back in november say a cheque left his account to the sum of £3200. Letter from Barclay's couldn't trace the cheque. This may be due to my dad and brother being inept and asking for details at the wrong period of time.

    I am not going to ruin things with my brother over £3200. It's a lot of money, but it isn't worth ruining **** with family. I value family more than money. I've said I should call him out, but I want as little collateral as possible, which is why I'm taking my time.
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    (Original post by Tabris)
    In short

    Bro gets money to pay school. Money never got to school. School needs it. I bail him out before school suspends him.

    Whether or not the money left his account is still up for debate. Statements back in november say a cheque left his account to the sum of £3200. Letter from Barclay's couldn't trace the cheque. This may be due to my dad and brother being inept and asking for details at the wrong period of time.

    I am not going to ruin things with my brother over £3200. It's a lot of money, but it isn't worth ruining **** with family. I value family more than money. I've said I should call him out, but I want as little collateral as possible, which is why I'm taking my time.
    A few questions:

    Why did your parents not bail him out? Why you?

    How has he justified spending £300 and having 3 holidays when he has a £3,200 debt?

    If money has gone missing from his account, why are the police not involved? What do you think the bank will say when your bro tells them "Well a few grand went missing but I thought I'd give it a while..."

    Finally, my rents would be furious if my bro did this. Why haven't they took any real action?

    Family is not chosen. If someone would mug me off like your bro did to you, I wouldn't want to be close to them just because they share the same DNA. Family is much more than relations. Real family wouldn't act like this.
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    You really should have made him sign some form of contract for that kind of money
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    (Original post by Nick_000)
    A few questions:

    Why did your parents not bail him out? Why you?

    How has he justified spending £300 and having 3 holidays when he has a £3,200 debt?

    If money has gone missing from his account, why are the police not involved? What do you think the bank will say when your bro tells them "Well a few grand went missing but I thought I'd give it a while..."

    Finally, my rents would be furious if my bro did this. Why haven't they took any real action?

    Family is not chosen. If someone would mug me off like your bro did to you, I wouldn't want to be close to them just because they share the same DNA. Family is much more than relations. Real family wouldn't act like this.
    I said in the OP, dad didn't want to pay £12k when he should have only paid £9k

    Saying he'd paid for it before he knew about any money troubles.

    We don't know where the money has gone yet, if it's gone to the school, we can get a refund. If someone found the cheque and cashed it, or if he's deceived everyone. Thing with Orientals. Fams try to solve **** within the family before going in for outside help, it's more of a pride thing. Stupid I know, but that's East Asian culture for you. I don't mind posting here because well, I don't know anyone personally and it's interesting to see other people's opinions on the matter.

    My dad is getting soft as he's getting older. While he beat my older brother and sister sensless and then some when they were young, my younger brother and myself got let off lightly. With him being the baby of the family, he has also gotten what he wants/needs, as much as the family could afford (through good and bad times). My mother has always been quite soft, and after her stroke, we'd rather leave her out of anything that may be stressful before **** hits the fan again.
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    (Original post by Tabris)
    If someone found the cheque and cashed it,
    Couldn't have happened. Assuming the cheque was crossed (most are printed ready-crossed these days) there is no way anyone other than the school could have presented it.
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    (Original post by sandettielightvessel)
    Couldn't have happened. Assuming the cheque was crossed (most are printed ready-crossed these days) there is no way anyone other than the school could have presented it.
    afaik, he'd written out the cheque. he also says he left it blank when he handed it in. but as nice as a signed blank cheque would be to find, anyone who cashed it in would get buggered if they were ever caught, i can't imagine many people stupid enough to do that, random or not.

    I don't know anything back about the original payment, I was at uni at the time and completely disconnected from it all. It only came to light for me when I was home for Easter break.
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    (Original post by Tabris)
    afaik, he'd written out the cheque. he also says he left it blank when he handed it in. but as nice as a signed blank cheque would be to find, anyone who cashed it in would get buggered if they were ever caught, i can't imagine many people stupid enough to do that, random or not.

    I don't know anything back about the original payment, I was at uni at the time and completely disconnected from it all. It only came to light for me when I was home for Easter break.
    If he has written a signed blank cheque, he is an idiot. The last thing to do when writing a cheque is to sign it. However, if it were presented it would still be possible for the bank to produce a copy of what it looked like when they got it.
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    (Original post by sandettielightvessel)
    If he has written a signed blank cheque, he is an idiot. The last thing to do when writing a cheque is to sign it. However, if it were presented it would still be possible for the bank to produce a copy of what it looked like when they got it.
    Tell me about it.

    But that's what we're waiting on now.

    Like I said above, we can't go to the bank and demand it ourselves, so it's all down to him at the moment since no other member of the fam seems to be able to drag him there.
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    try 100 (or so) K and a family feud don't bother family only goes so far as sharing a name
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    (Original post by abcdefghijklmnopqrstuvwxyz)
    try 100 (or so) K and a family feud don't bother family only goes so far as sharing a name
    That's next level, right there.
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    (Original post by Ewan)
    You don't seem bothered at all that your brother conned £3200 out of you. Seriously, how much money do you have that this can't bother you.
    I was thinking the same thing... Your brother sounds like a huge ****. You know, if I was you I'd actually bring legal proceedings against him. That's a hell of a lot of money.
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    (Original post by Tabris)
    That's next level, right there.
    lol just a bit
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    If its no biggy, we can be blood brothers and i'll have £3000 also?
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    Yeah, I would if you were directly related to me.

    Read the rest of the thread.
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    (Original post by Tabris)
    Kinda bored, so I though I'd make a little thread about it. After typing all of this out, it is pretty ******* long, so yeah, essay concept.

    Starts off in November, my younger brother is supposed to pay his school with a cheque to the value of £3200 for winter term. As far as we know, it's done all is gravy.

    Now, moving to April, or just before, we start getting letters from his school that the money was never payed and the school needs it before the end of Easter break or they'd have to expel/suspend my brother until payment was received.

    The money had left his account at some point, but the school never got it. Despite my brother saying that he'd payed the money, other members of the family are a bit weary, and my dad and step-mother (who pay for his school fees) don't want to pay £12000 for £9000 worth of schooling (total yearly fee), admittedly, paying the extra wasn't a problem, but they didn't like the principle.

    Anyway, he needed the money quick, and was ratting about how he'd take out a loan or something to pay it off, which I wouldn't have put past him, as he is quite an idiot.

    Since I had 4gs saved up for a trip to New York for my 21st, I gave him the benefit of the doubt and the money needed to pay for school, expecting him to trace the cheque at some point and get the money back to me, no problems.

    He does his last term of school, A-levels, fair enough he should be revising, yadda yadda yadda.

    End of June, I find a letter and statement he left out in his room (I don't have a bedroom at my mother's, so I use his bed when he stays at his girlfriend's). Admittedly, I shouldn't have nosied, but whatever, it was my money. It states that they couldn't find any evidence of a cheque and the statements had been those since April when I gave him the money. He ended up spending £800 of the money on himself and his girlfriend, and did not pay the school back in April when I'd given him the money.

    He ended up having to ask my dad for more money as the school had added another £250 to the term fee. Finally gets it paid.

    It's August now, still no sign of anything. That's not much of a problem, money comes and goes, at least I paid for my brother's education, and hopefully his way into uni, no biggy.

    The problem is that my brother is quite the opposite to me, despite only being 2 years below me, he was born with a silver-spoon in his mouth and taken every advantage of that, whereas I have not. Though he pretends to care and sound empathic and concerned, he's quite a suckup and can sometimes be quite openly dishonest and have no problems doing so.

    Despite having received the letter from Barclay's, he still claims that he hasn't gotten the letter and that they said it should come within the next week. When we got the last letter from his school, asking for the increased fee, he told me that he only needed £250 from my dad, not £1050 if you include the money he spent from the £3k I gave him. He has also since April, gone on three holidays, Prague, Malia, Tenerife. I should call him out on his ********, but money is the type of thing that can tear families apart. Like I said, money is money, no biggy, it's his honesty that is a problem. To him, this summer has been great, if not better than usual.

    This **** has also caused bigger a rift between my younger and older brother. That, and the fact that my older brother has a holier than thou attitude due to his upbringing (despite being ****** and getting constant beatings and shoutings from my dad, he went to a good school and being the oldest, he always has to be the best at everything). This is another problem, as my older brother does not know of the words humble and tact, and is very antagonistic in nature. My money only gives my older brother something else to harass my younger brother about.

    Not really wanting resolutions, just thought I'd make a post because I'm bored as hell and I may as well chat a little bit, and see what people thought. There are bits and bobs I don't remember, and I tried to skimp on some details, but it's a pretty long saga. If I can remember anything else, I'll add it, but things are pretty long already...so I probably won't.

    Maybe this would be better in general discussion?
    This is kind of happening to me with my step bro atm. He used to be sch a good kid, but stuff hapended with his mom and step dad so he came to live with us, it hit him pretty hard. But he was doing really well in state school till y9 then he reached the entry age to get into the school with a music scholarship. Even though our fols cud afford the fees. but since he got there he ended up taking drugs and drinking all the time etcetc so when he comes home in the hols my parents call him on hs excessive spending from the money his dad left him when he died. N my step dad whos like his dad cause his dad died a few months before he was born and my dad took the money away from him. he was desperate and came to me. i gave him a bank account id saved about 3k of spare pocket money etc up in over a year n within a few months hes spent the majority f it. I know its my own stupid fault. but I thought hed get out of it once he had realised the seriousness and I could empathise with his situation given my experiences with drugs n parties in y11. But now hes hooked and f***** basically he can pay me back when he gets access back to his account when he's 18 and im in no doubt he will but i feel so guilty its like iv done ths to him and to add insult to injury my folks dont know i did it and cant understand why hes still hooked even though their happy to just go on blindly pretendign everything is alright.
    nways yeah families
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    (Original post by Tabris)
    Nah, I haven't lent him diddly squat since, don't really intend on doing so since he doesn't need it anymore. I have brought the money up a couple of times, he just keeps saying he's waiting on the bank.

    I don't constantly pester about it though, because money is not everything to me. That's probably a pretty bad trait on my part, but it's just how I am. I'm not going to lie, I like money, and it affords some great things, I can't even tell you how much I was looking forward to being in New York for my 21st. But it isn't the quite the same to me as people who only live for money.

    Like I said though, I don't want to cause further strain in the family. Money is the sort of **** which potentialy tears people apart for life, as unfortunate as that is, that's why I'm tip-toeing around the situation. There are things I should do, but there are God-knows-what ramifications if I rush in and just call him out. I don't want to end up on non-speaking terms with my brother if I go about this the wrong way (admittedly, I'm going about it a wrong way at the moment, but the only alternative at the moment is worse)

    My parents do know, but my mother is pretty useless since she's in la-la land half of the time, we don't talk about financial matters with my step-dad, he doesn't see my father or step-mother enough to warrant any progress unfortunately.

    Definitely right about the appreciation thing though. I told him that I only know one other person that I could honestly say would do the same for his brother, an that's one of my best friend's, otherwise, I very much doubt anyone else either of us know would do such a thing.

    There's a lack of control on my brother, and I'm going to be honest, I have not helped at all. It's only been over the past couple of years, when he started at his public school that things went really wrong with him. Partly because his personality and being very popular with a lot of people in our area, probably his need to remain so and also to keep up with his other public school faring friends, everyone outside of the family I know, loves my brother. But this is about money and finance, not an analysis of his psyche and personal life.

    Well, it's more like my little outlet when I was bored this morning and wanting a bit of a chat, not me asking for a resolution, I appreciate the advice and replies and such, but something like this isn't easily solved, not without bitter consequences anyway.
    Look at your brother like a puppy, they do stuff wrong again and again like say.. pissing on the carpet, so you tell them off, and show them what they should do, and generally they learn.

    You need to do this, tell him, you're being an idiot, you've spent my money, you haven't paid it back, and you're quite happy to lie through your teeth about it. <-- From what I gathered that last point is your biggest annoyance!
    Tell him to stop taking things so lightly, stop spending other peoples money, you may not be bothered about the money, but it is the route of this problem and tell him to stop being so self-centred and look what his greed does to the rest of your family.

    Bring it up between you and him, and do it in a civil manner and most decent human beings like you seem to be would be able to talk it through and sort it out without it escalating into something that puts strain on the rest of your family.

    The relationship with your brother is already strained between you and him, and it isn't getting better any time soon until you confront him!
 
 
 
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