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How do you tell someone you don't want to know them anymore? watch

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    **MAJOR UPDATE**

    Right, there's been an update on this on page 4. Follow this link to see:

    http://www.thestudentroom.co.uk/show...9#post20442459

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    Right.. long story short, I've been.... fooling around with this girl for the past 5 weeks-ish. The pretense of our relationship was "friends with benefits" and that was working out quite well, then 2 weeks ago she told me she loved me... which was still okay cos she only wanted to be friends as well....

    I thought I really cared about her and felt deeply for her as well, but wasn't too sure..... but now I've come to a decision...

    I don't want to even know her anymore...

    She's very emotionally (and tbh, mentally) unstable - and has come to rely on me a lot, and is ALWAYS texting me - at first I was fine with it.. but now I get a text from her and I just can't be bothered. She has too much emotional baggage and has grown too dependent on me - and my life is too messed up right now to be carrying both baggages.

    The plan was to stay friends when I went back to uni (i'm currently at home, and I'm rarely here - only during holidays) and to stay in touch, and I'd see her when I was back home...... but I don't want to anymore.... I want to go back to uni and never bother about her again...

    The problem is... she has a really REALLY hard life, and is very unstable, and really doesn't have long left to live (already surpassed what the doctors told her she had) -- so how do I cut off all contact with her as gently as possible? Or even make it seem like it's me..... basically I don't want her to get too upset (obv i'm gonna have to upset her somehow)....

    Any ideas?

    I know this seems an awful thing to do, and I feel a little guilty... but if you knew this girl you'd understand! I'm 21, she's 18 btw.
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    She's dying and you say you want to cut ALL contact with her?

    Is this wise? If she's emotionally vulnerable now, what will she be like if you do stop seeing her altogether?
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    I'm not quoting you because you're not anonymous, and hopefully if you report this fast enough then one of the mods can rectify that.

    I think this is one of the very few situations when I would condone lying, as from the sounds of it telling the truth would be messy.
    IMO what you do is you say that this is too much for you, you didn't know what you were getting yourself into, and you don't feel that emotionally you're strong enough to support her. You think that any attempt on your part to maintain a friendship with her is going to end with you eventually cut-and-running and that you would like to avoid hurting her as much as possible. You don't think that you can maintain some middle-of-the-road friendship, so you think it's safer for all concerned if you back away now and just stop being friends. And then for good measure add something about how she's a really special person and you'll always remember her.
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    why not just make a small effort until she expires? when you're back at uni you won't even have to see her, just a text here and there.
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    I hate to condone this, but block her phone number on your mobile, block emails, whatever else, and avoid seeing her. Surely it's not that hard to do?
    Or maybe you should just tell her you're not up for anything serious, so she understands more.
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    "really doesn't have long left to live"? What does this mean? A week, a fortnight, a month, 3 months?
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    (Original post by death.drop)
    why not just make a small effort until she expires? when you're back at uni you won't even have to see her, just a text here and there.
    expires? What an appropriate word.
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    Whoa. You'd ditch a girl who's dying... -.-
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    @white_haired_wizard:
    No-one knows... she's already lived 3 years past the doctors date

    @Blackswan:
    No.. that's what I'm trying not to do

    @death.drop:
    'Cos that could be years away - and a text or two won't suffice with her... she's VERY clingy (atm she's sending about 40 txts a DAY!!)

    @Anonymous #1:
    Better to do it sooner rather than later.. before she gets even more attached to me

    (Original post by Bekaboo)
    I think this is one of the very few situations when I would condone lying, as from the sounds of it telling the truth would be messy.
    IMO what you do is you say that this is too much for you, you didn't know what you were getting yourself into, and you don't feel that emotionally you're strong enough to support her. You think that any attempt on your part to maintain a friendship with her is going to end with you eventually cut-and-running and that you would like to avoid hurting her as much as possible. You don't think that you can maintain some middle-of-the-road friendship, so you think it's safer for all concerned if you back away now and just stop being friends. And then for good measure add something about how she's a really special person and you'll always remember her.

    You definitely understand the situation! And what you said to say tbh, is actually how I feel... so it's not really a lie (may be a little exaggerated, but not a lie).... I think I might go with this.... thanks
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    (Original post by JoeTSR)
    Whoa. You'd ditch a girl who's dying... -.-

    I haven't known her for very long - and it's not like she's on her death bed, you wouldn't know she was dying if she didn't tell you
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    Perhaps you're best writing her a letter if you're going to find it hard to say all of what you'd like to say face-to-face...

    and if you're going to withdraw from her, perhaps don't do it suddenly, do it gradually, i.e. if she's sending you 40 texts a day, don't send back 40 texts in reply, reduce it to 20 initially....
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    I never do reply to all her messages anyway

    Nah, I'll do it face to face... give her one last goodbye..... damn this is gonna be hard :/... I may seem like an insensitive jerk, but this way is for the better
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    Sounds like a stronger version than Im dealing with atm. But you have to do it. Listen, here's where I come from ..it's enough responsibility looking after myself without having to look out for where everyone else is going. You only live once and your own state can be affected by those around you.

    You have to tell it simply and honestly. I really good way of framing it is, "I need to move on and try other things with my life... if you want the best for me you'll accept that... I wish you all the best".
    If they can't accept it they're put in the position where they are not wanting the best for you.
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    No, don't lie to her. Just be honest - honesty will get you much farther than lying. Tell her with the way you and her are right now, it feels like a relationship and you understand she has many problems in her life but so do you. You don't feel like you're stable enough yourself to help her with her problems. Explain to her that the way things are going they can't anymore so either it's friends (without benefits and such) or nothing.
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    Oh God, if she's come to rely on you as much as you say she has, she's had a hard life, and she's dieing, you're going to ruin the poor creature. I wouldn't cut all contact, just reduce it to something you're comfortable with but still at least talk to her.
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    I don't blame you for wanting to get out, and you shouldn't be made to feel guilty by the fact that she was dying. In fact if she found out that you didn't want to let her down or lied to her BECAUSE she was dying, she would probably feel really offended.

    Let her go. And tell the truth, but be gentle. You are only human, and if she is bringing a downer on you, don't live with it. It's your life.
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    (Original post by Bbeben)
    No, don't lie to her. Just be honest - honesty will get you much farther than lying. Tell her with the way you and her are right now, it feels like a relationship and you understand she has many problems in her life but so do you. You don't feel like you're stable enough yourself to help her with her problems. Explain to her that the way things are going they can't anymore so either it's friends (without benefits and such) or nothing.
    I don't really want to be friends with her anymore though - she stresses me out so much and is nothing like me or any of my friends


    (Original post by Ella-x)
    Oh God, if she's come to rely on you as much as you say she has, she's had a hard life, and she's dieing, you're going to ruin the poor creature. I wouldn't cut all contact, just reduce it to something you're comfortable with but still at least talk to her.
    We've only known each other 5 weeks - and we only actually see each other 1 night a week.... She'll be fine in time



    I think I'm gonna go with what Bekaboo said... it's the kindest, and closest to the truth IMO
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    Can't you like tell her that you can only see her once in a while? Like don't cut off contact completely but just slim it down to maybe once a holiday or whatever. And when you do that, easier for you to break away completely, I suppose.
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    (Original post by latot)
    I don't really want to be friends with her anymore though - she stresses me out so much and is nothing like me or any of my friends
    Then explain everything to her but tell her you don't want anything more than friends. After that stop speaking to her apart from a few random replies. Eventually she'll give up when she see's you have no interest.
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    You may not want to know her now, but my guess is that once you ditch her, after a while you will regret turning down the opportunity to be practically the most important and special person in her life.

    Im no expert, but id say someone who is told they dont have long to live cant be the happiest or most optimistic person.

    I have no idea how your feeling about this. But no doubt it will be very very tough for your too.
    It sounds pretty stressful, and emotional. Im guessing that when you want to break all contact with her you dont mean it in a bad way.


    I forgot where i was going with this, but id suggest still keeping in contact, but cut it down a little.

    Iv never been in a situation like this. *fingers crossed*. But i hope it all works out well for the both of you. And dont let it stress you out or get you down.
 
 
 
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