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How do you tell someone you don't want to know them anymore? Watch

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    I guess, "Your mum was better than your sister" isn't really appropriate for this situation. Best be honest and blunt when it comes to these people. Hope it goes alrigh
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    It does sound a little awful :|
    But yeah i'm not in your situation so I can't talk.


    When I didn't want to know someone anymore I just completely ignored them and didn't meet up with them/text them/facebook them/MSN them, mind you the situation I was in was completely different and involved a group of people.
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    she's dying!! and you want to upset her even more.. erm lol!

    just keep it to a minimum hello...bye eventually she will get the hint
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    OP, tell her that before you and her got together you got your ex gf pregnant and she's decided to keep it and so you're gonna be a man and step up to the plate and be a family. she can't hate you for that she'll just think it was the right man at the wrong time.
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    Take her to the side and tell her the truth.
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    (Original post by bikipip)
    Did you consider any of this when you got together with her?
    He probably wasn't aware. The point is if it was someone he loved then I'm sure he would stay til the end but he's been messing around with someone and found out this awful news. That doesn't mean he has to be the one to bare the responsibility, it's a lot to take on top of additional life burdens and I think it's pretty unfair he's being expected to remain tied down to her on this revelation.

    I know I sound an awful person right now maybe but i'm guessing it's a lot to take in. I don't see why he has to be like he's a husband on her death bed after a casual fling, especially at our age.
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    (Original post by bikipip)
    Did you consider any of this when you got together with her?
    Obviously I didn't know she was dying, and at the start everything was fine... then the 40+ texts a day started rolling in and her telling me she loved me etc


    (Original post by Abbas786)
    dude, she is dying, and you want to block off ALL contact with her? come on, live with it.
    she relies on you so much and you are literally gonna kill her emotionally just cos you cannot take it? think man
    If I do it the right way it's not going to kill her emotionally, that's the advice I'm seeking. And read my other posts, they explain why I can't, and don't want to, stay in contact with her.


    (Original post by Saffie)
    What does she have then? Sorry I'm very curious. I was going to say that she might be making it up as well.

    If shes that unstable you can't just ditch her, gradually cutting contact is probably the best way. Take forever to reply to her texts etc.
    Goldenhar Syndrome - it's very very rare. In her case it's caused scoliosis, malformed ears (near complete deafness), and malfunctioned heart and lungs.


    (Original post by anandv05)
    she's dying!! and you want to upset her even more.. erm lol!

    just keep it to a minimum hello...bye eventually she will get the hint
    I don't want to upset her - but it's going to happen eventually - so better that it's sooner before she gets even more attached.




    Each way has its pros and cons:

    Direct:
    Pros: I can say goodbye properly, and try my hardest to make her feel special and tell her that I chershed our time together and will always remember, but just say that I can't do the half-road-friendship (basically what Bekaboo said).
    Cons: This will upset her, that's a given... it could be a little upset.. or it could be a huge one

    Gradually:
    Pros: It's easier done and non-confrontational. Over time she might just get fed up with me and always making the effort - hell, may even grow to hate me.. and I'd even be fine with that.
    Cons: She might go a bit psycho and plague me even moreso... this could also hurt her even more than the direct approach as she could start asking herself questions and wondering why I don't keep in touch anymore


    It's a very precarious situation.. and it's not all as black and white as people might think...
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    (Original post by Davezk)
    He probably wasn't aware. The point is if it was someone he loved then I'm sure he would stay til the end but he's been messing around with someone and found out this awful news. That doesn't mean he has to be the one to bare the responsibility, it's a lot to take on top of additional life burdens and I think it's pretty unfair he's being expected to remain tied down to her on this revelation.

    I know I sound an awful person right now maybe but i'm guessing it's a lot to take in. I don't see why he has to be like he's a husband on her death bed after a casual fling, especially at our age.
    Thank you Davezk! This is exactly it! It was a casual fling that I never really intended to last more than summer or to get so serious (at least in her eyes).
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    (Original post by bikipip)
    Are you 100% certain she is dying? If you could not tell at the beginning of the relationship then I'm assuming its not something visible, therefore something she could lie about. I know it sounds horrible, but for someone who is mentally unstable it's entirely plausible.

    Also the doctors initial predictions were incorrect so for all you know she will make a miraculous recovery and live.

    I'd suggest phasing it out, just gradually cut contact, pretend you are busy from time to time, she will get the message. Cutting her out completely is just cruel - you're probably the best thing that's happened to her in a long time and now you are going to leave her heartbroken? :no:
    There is a problem with just phasing her out though. This could hurt her even more than the direct approach as she could start asking herself questions and wondering why I don't keep in touch anymore - she could start blaming herself, saying that it was her fault etc....
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    She does seem to have a decent amount of friends - but they all seem to be *******s really :s...

    Yeah, pretty much (probably 7 times in total)...

    Hmm.... I always seem to find myself in such precarious positions lol... never a dull moment....
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    I just looked up Goldenhar Syndrome, and it says: 'Children with Goldenhar Syndrome are usually of normal intelligence and live normal life spans.'

    Are you sure she's not lying or exaggerating?
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    Very true. I have a friend with Cystic Fibrosis and there have been a few times they weren't sure she would pull through but she has. Hmmm it's very sad all around.
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    (Original post by bikipip)
    I read this too. But in OPs case, the girls Goldenhar Syndrome is affecting her heart and lungs so she may die as a result of these complications. Though she may also live for many many years to come. Doctors thought she would die at 14, she is now 18 and may live to be much older. Doctors aren't always right.
    That's the same with this girl - doctors said she would die at 14, she's 18 now

    Goldenhar Syndrome is made up of different things (as all syndromes are) - she got the very unfortunate symptoms of scoliosis and her heart/lungs being malformed. She even has a life-support machine in her room to help her breathe.
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    (Original post by latot)
    Right.. long story short, I've been.... fooling around with this girl for the past 5 weeks-ish. The pretense of our relationship was "friends with benefits" and that was working out quite well, then 2 weeks ago she told me she loved me... which was still okay cos she only wanted to be friends as well....

    I thought I really cared about her and felt deeply for her as well, but wasn't too sure..... but now I've come to a decision...

    I don't want to even know her anymore...

    She's very emotionally (and tbh, mentally) unstable - and has come to rely on me a lot, and is ALWAYS texting me - at first I was fine with it.. but now I get a text from her and I just can't be bothered. She has too much emotional baggage and has grown too dependent on me - and my life is too messed up right now to be carrying both baggages.

    The plan was to stay friends when I went back to uni (i'm currently at home, and I'm rarely here - only during holidays) and to stay in touch, and I'd see her when I was back home...... but I don't want to anymore.... I want to go back to uni and never bother about her again...

    The problem is... she has a really REALLY hard life, and is very unstable, and really doesn't have long left to live (already surpassed what the doctors told her she had) -- so how do I cut off all contact with her as gently as possible? Or even make it seem like it's me..... basically I don't want her to get too upset (obv i'm gonna have to upset her somehow)....

    Any ideas?

    I know this seems an awful thing to do, and I feel a little guilty... but if you knew this girl you'd understand! I'm 21, she's 18 btw.
    tell her ure gay, or your joining the priesthood and she reminds you of your sinful pass!
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    (Original post by latot)
    Perhaps in normal circumstances, but these are, by far, normal. Any suggestions for another method?
    When I had my friendship (not even relationship) end on me officially. i.e. not drifting apart slowly like how most friendships disappear. For the next few months I kept asking myself whether she didn't want to be friends anymore, whether I could fix the situation and all the damn problems that come with status uncertainty because she never said that it was over completely but that we had different paths.

    It'll sting to know that it's over but at least there aren't what ifs forever hanging around me. Depending how attached she is to you, it's quicker for her to move on if she knows. Let her call you a horrible guy, it doesn't matter since you won't be with her anymore anyway right?

    It's not a she might do so, it's a she will definitely do so situation.
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    Dont be so hasty to try and completly remove someone from your life. It's a massive decision which you may almost instantly regret, not to mention its usually very very difficult, especially when you used to be close.

    Prehaps you could just make it clear to her that you only want to be normal friends?
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    I think you should pull your tampon out and stay with her - you yourself seem to have problems, breaking up with someone terminally ill is what is technically known as being a prick.
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    (Original post by death.drop)
    why not just make a small effort until she expires? when you're back at uni you won't even have to see her, just a text here and there.
    Yeah. If she's dying and she loves you, let her die happy. Not very often does anyone get a chance to, these days.
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    Two above. That's just being unrealistic, she's already been around for longer than expected.
    How long are you willing to live a lie?
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    If she hasn't got long left to live please don't make her last days miserable. Tell her that you still want to remain friends (!) but that you've got a lot on your plate and may have to cut down on the amount you talk. But won't you even be sad when she dies? She's obv. lonely.
 
 
 
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