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Is it wrong to have a relationship with someone when you still love your ex? watch

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    Please keep anoymous or delete.
    I was in a relationship with a guy for a while (not that long, less than 2 months) and he didn't make much effort with me and he seemed quite distant at times. I got really paranoid and ended up questioning things and this lead to be dumped because i got like this.

    I fiound out a while ago he didn't invite me over some nights because to him it felt like cheating because he was still caught up over his ex in his mind. he was with his ex for 2 years and they broke up a year ago and they havn't spoken or seen eachother since.

    i think its completely out of order to get in a relationship with someone new when you still think about and love your ex. Its made me so angry that he thought like that when i was with him. he dumped me because i was too paranoid etc, yet he still had his ex on his mind through our relationship.. he could have at least told me the truth when he broke up with me rather than putting the blame on me. Apparently he really liked me and thought me and him would work, but whatever happened with them put him on edge and cold hearted and made him snappy

    What are your views on getting into new relationships when you have feelings for an ex?
    and also, is my ex out of order for what he did?
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    Not in my opinion. I still love an ex of mine after a 16/17 month relationship after 8 months. I'm more than happy with my girlfriend at the moment and I don't consider it "wrong". You can't help how you feel afterall.
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    He tried to use you in order to get over his ex. Whilst that isn't really a courteous action, it's understandable. Perhaps he'd already exhausted several other methods, and thought a distraction may help. I don't blame him really, it's a delayed rebound the way I see it.

    I wouldn't feel comfortable entering a relationship whilst I still had the ghosts of my past haunting me. It isn't fair to the other party.

    Was he out of order blaming you for paranoia? Yes. Should he have never got involved with you in the first place? Quite probably. Should you still be angry at him? No. He made a mistake and wanted to correct that, but for whatever reason didn't want to confront his demons at the time. You should just forgive and forget. If you can't, then forget forgiving, put it behind you and just move on.
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    To me, it wouldn't seem fair to go out with someone when you're still emotionally involved with your ex.
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    Not its not because you may need someone in the beginning to help get over the previous one.
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    (Original post by FormerlyFrisbeeFan)
    To me, it wouldn't seem fair to go out with someone when you're still emotionally involved with your ex.
    :ditto:
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    I wouldnt be able to do it, but I can understand why people do (especially those using their new bfs/gfs to get over exs).
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    Yes it's wrong to go in a relationship if you still love someone else. Do not do it or else you're not putting your full focus on your current relationship. Your hubby will notice and not like it that you still love someone else. Let time go by until you're certain your ex is meaningless.
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    I've been in the same position, and, feeling seriously like the rebound (I'm pretty sure he got together with me to get back at her) and I basically said to him not to expect anything serious or important until he was over her - eventually things changed and he did get over her and we have a great relationship - 14 months and counting.

    However I'm still haunted by his feelings for his ex and the basis on which our relationship was founded. It makes me upset and angry, and I used to be really prtective of him whenever he was around her.

    So despite the fact it ultimatley worked out for me and I love him to bits, I wouldn't ever reccomend it, and I think it is irresponsible of any to rebound in this way - it would have been so much easier all along if my boyfriend and I left it at a little bit of fun...
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    a lot of people do that tbh so its nothing new
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    a lot of people do that tbh so its nothing new
    Was there a need for anon? really?
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    not really especially seeing as your ex might never ever have you backk...
    [should have gone anon but saw above post :p: ]
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    (Original post by mikeyd85)
    He tried to use you in order to get over his ex. Whilst that isn't really a courteous action, it's understandable. Perhaps he'd already exhausted several other methods, and thought a distraction may help. I don't blame him really, it's a delayed rebound the way I see it.
    I wouldn't feel comfortable entering a relationship whilst I still had the ghosts of my past haunting me. It isn't fair to the other party.

    Was he out of order blaming you for paranoia? Yes. Should he have never got involved with you in the first place? Quite probably. Should you still be angry at him? No. He made a mistake and wanted to correct that, but for whatever reason didn't want to confront his demons at the time. You should just forgive and forget. If you can't, then forget forgiving, put it behind you and just move on.
    Wtf, you dont blame him?! thats so out of order to do that to someone
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    (Original post by Malsy)
    not really especially seeing as your ex might never ever have you backk...
    [should have gone anon but saw above post :p: ]
    what?
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    (Original post by yoyo462001)
    Not its not because you may need someone in the beginning to help get over the previous one.
    How is that fair on the other person?
    So if you really liked someone, had a reltionship with them and then found out they still had strong feelings for their ex, you wouldn't be pissed off?
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    (Original post by mikeyd85)
    He tried to use you in order to get over his ex. Whilst that isn't really a courteous action, it's understandable. Perhaps he'd already exhausted several other methods, and thought a distraction may help. I don't blame him really, it's a delayed rebound the way I see it.

    I wouldn't feel comfortable entering a relationship whilst I still had the ghosts of my past haunting me. It isn't fair to the other party.

    Was he out of order blaming you for paranoia? Yes. Should he have never got involved with you in the first place? Quite probably. Should you still be angry at him? No. He made a mistake and wanted to correct that, but for whatever reason didn't want to confront his demons at the time. You should just forgive and forget. If you can't, then forget forgiving, put it behind you and just move on.
    This. This completely. I can completely see why he did it. Now I look back, I suppose I used my current boyfriend to get over my ex, but I'd only been going out with my ex a couple of months and having my boyfriend (who, to be fair, I wasn't having a serious thing at the time with) helped me get over my ex very, very quickly. Just forgive him, and be thankful he didn't string you along any longer. He probably did really like you, just couldn't help loving his ex. Though I agree he was wrong for blaming you about paranoia.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Please keep anoymous or delete.
    I was in a relationship with a guy for a while (not that long, less than 2 months) and he didn't make much effort with me and he seemed quite distant at times. I got really paranoid and ended up questioning things and this lead to be dumped because i got like this.

    I fiound out a while ago he didn't invite me over some nights because to him it felt like cheating because he was still caught up over his ex in his mind. he was with his ex for 2 years and they broke up a year ago and they havn't spoken or seen eachother since.

    i think its completely out of order to get in a relationship with someone new when you still think about and love your ex. Its made me so angry that he thought like that when i was with him. he dumped me because i was too paranoid etc, yet he still had his ex on his mind through our relationship.. he could have at least told me the truth when he broke up with me rather than putting the blame on me. Apparently he really liked me and thought me and him would work, but whatever happened with them put him on edge and cold hearted and made him snappy

    What are your views on getting into new relationships when you have feelings for an ex?
    and also, is my ex out of order for what he did?
    yes. just look at what happened to Noirin in Big Brother.
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    (Original post by MewMachine)
    This. This completely. I can completely see why he did it. Now I look back, I suppose I used my current boyfriend to get over my ex, but I'd only been going out with my ex a couple of months and having my boyfriend (who, to be fair, I wasn't having a serious thing at the time with) helped me get over my ex very, very quickly. Just forgive him, and be thankful he didn't string you along any longer. He probably did really like you, just couldn't help loving his ex. Though I agree he was wrong for blaming you about paranoia.
    thats a contradiction. If he actually did have feelings for me, then how would hhim being with me be stringing me along if his feelings for me where genuine?

    I still think its out of order to be with someone if u spend more time thinking about someone else. He dumped me coz i questioned things too much and was paranoid about him. well what dy'a know, he knew he was wrong and yet instead of admitting he still liked his ex and felt guilty me staying over and that was the reason he just told me at the time he wants space or was too tired and i didnt trust him enough.. well now i know i wasn't so crazy so after all..
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    (Original post by Anon the 7th)
    yes. just look at what happened to Noirin in Big Brother.
    This.

    Don't do this, or you'll get voted out of RL. (Real life, for those non-nerds).
 
 
 
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