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Is it wrong to have a relationship with someone when you still love your ex? Watch

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    (Original post by MewMachine)
    Not a *******, an idiot, and a confused one at that. I know it hurts to be treated like that, I had someone do it to me who I really liked and it makes you feel like **** because you feel really used. But I don't think he meant to hurt you, he just didn't think about it properly.
    yeah well i think hes a ****** ******* if he spent 6 months apparently liking me, then got me, and ******* dumped me coz of some **** reason, when actually months later admitted he was the way he was because of his ex. he shud have told me at the time instead of letting me believe lies and making me out to be paranoid
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    I think it's really unfair to start a relationship with someone new so soon after coming out of a long relationship. In my opinion, it doesn't matter why you split up or whether or not it was messy, I feel that you cannot be over somebody that quickly. But one year if a pretty long time and your fella shoulld perhaps have sorted himself out sooner...

    He was wrong to get with you, I'd feel awful doing the same thing, because that person would still be second to the ex. And that isn't fair on anyone.
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    I still have feelings for every one of my X's, the serious ones. its human nature, if you didnt feel for them, then what was the point of getting with them in the first place. An ex is an ex for a reason. It can take a seriously long time to get other someone, but that shouldnt stop you getting into a relationship.
    If your going into a new relationship, with the intention of it to get you over someone, thats wrong, but if you go into a new one with good intentions it isn't.
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    The World would be a much simpler place if we all just stopped trying to forge meaningful 'Romeo & Juliet' style relationships and just focused on our natural desire to get laid.
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    I have split from my ex almost 2 years now and even though we split on very bad terms, there is still a part of me that will always have feelings and love for him. I was with him 3 years and he was my first love.

    Just because your boyfriend still had love for this girl doesnt mean he was in love with her. It was hard for me going into a relationship again and issues still come up from time to time relating to my past relationship, but everyone has a past and yes it was wrong of him to use you to get over this gf but maybe he genuinely wanted it to work with you but his feelings for her were deeper and more still there than he thought.
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    Of course it's not wrong. As long as it doesn't affect the relationship, and if it does, as long as you're honest about it and inform your partner.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    so you think its ok that he went out with me, made hardly an effort, wasn't honest with me, blamed me for why he didnt want to be with me, when actually the reason why he was so cold was coz he was still thinking about his ex to the extent where he didnt want me to sleep in his room sometimes coz he was thinking of her.. maybe u would think differently if u had been used..
    Calm down sweetie, and don't try to pretend as if you know me or my background.
    Clearly this guy didn't want to move on with his life, in which case, according to my previous post it's not ok.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    so you think its ok that he went out with me, made hardly an effort, wasn't honest with me, blamed me for why he didnt want to be with me, when actually the reason why he was so cold was coz he was still thinking about his ex to the extent where he didnt want me to sleep in his room sometimes coz he was thinking of her.. maybe u would think differently if u had been used..
    You clearly think what your ex did was wrong. So no matter what anyone says on here, in trying to justify your ex's actions, you'll still think he was in the wrong. So it makes no difference what the TSRians here say. Unfortunately it seems like a crap situation you were in
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    (Original post by bennh)
    Of course it's not wrong. As long as it doesn't affect the relationship, and if it does, as long as you're honest about it and inform your partner.
    which my bf wasnt.. in which case it is wrong
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    (Original post by smilee172)
    You clearly think what your ex did was wrong. So no matter what anyone says on here, in trying to justify your ex's actions, you'll still think he was in the wrong. So it makes no difference what the TSRians here say. Unfortunately it seems like a crap situation you were in
    if you agree i was in a crap situation then why are u arguing that what he did to me was ok?
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    if you agree i was in a crap situation then why are u arguing that what he did to me was ok?
    a crap situation for you both. he obviously wasn;t readty for it, and you didn't deserve to be treated how he treated you. but i don't think he did anything wrong in trying to move on. You should feel flattered that he felt that you were the girl he could move on with, even if it wasn't successful/
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    (Original post by smilee172)
    a crap situation for you both. he obviously wasn;t readty for it, and you didn't deserve to be treated how he treated you. but i don't think he did anything wrong in trying to move on. You should feel flattered that he felt that you were the girl he could move on with, even if it wasn't successful/
    or maybe he didnt even like me that much and just used me to get over his ex?

    he had me and when he was being distant and didnt make much effort with me, obvoulsy i thought there was something up, he didnt even try and reassure me or tell me the truth about his ex. he just said i was paranoid. and now the truth has come out. he wasnt a good boyfriend to me.
    this has really pushed me over the edge. i get worried in relartionships due to past experiences with several blokes, and this relationship was the final straw.. im now gonna find it even harder trusting someone
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    or maybe he didnt even like me that much and just used me to get over his ex?

    he had me and when he was being distant and didnt make much effort with me, obvoulsy i thought there was something up, he didnt even try and reassure me or tell me the truth about his ex. he just said i was paranoid. and now the truth has come out. he wasnt a good boyfriend to me.
    this has really pushed me over the edge. i get worried in relartionships due to past experiences with several blokes, and this relationship was the final straw.. im now gonna find it even harder trusting someone
    you have my complete sympathy, i'm in a very difficult ex-related situation myself, what with my emotions and all that. and it's very very hard
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    #1

    (Original post by smilee172)
    you have my complete sympathy, i'm in a very difficult ex-related situation myself, what with my emotions and all that. and it's very very hard
    do you think he used me? or did have genuine feelings for me? when i was finding this out from him the other day in 1 text he said 'i like you and shouldnt have acted like a ****'. whether hes implying he still has feelings for me from that text.. i dont know.

    u can PM me about ur situation if u want
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    do you think he used me? or did have genuine feelings for me? when i was finding this out from him the other day in 1 text he said 'i like you and shouldnt have acted like a ****'. whether hes implying he still has feelings for me from that text.. i dont know.

    u can PM me about ur situation if u want
    i couldn't possibly comment. he could definitely have had feelings for you, but just fcuked up and treated u much worse than u deserved. or he could have just been getting with you in the hope it would help him get over his ex. but i'm sure no one can be ****ish enough to do that!
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    (Original post by smilee172)
    i couldn't possibly comment. he could definitely have had feelings for you, but just fcuked up and treated u much worse than u deserved. or he could have just been getting with you in the hope it would help him get over his ex. but i'm sure no one can be ****ish enough to do that!
    what about the text? reckon that was just friendly or he meant it in a romantic way?
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    what about the text? reckon that was just friendly or he meant it in a romantic way?
    he might just mean he knows he acted like a **** and shouldnt, no romantic intent. maybe you could ask him in a subtle way, else you're just gonna keep wondering.
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    (Original post by smilee172)
    he might just mean he knows he acted like a **** and shouldnt, no romantic intent. maybe you could ask him in a subtle way, else you're just gonna keep wondering.
    theres not really much point actually, it doesn't really change anything and if i ask he will think i want to be with him or something. He wants to be friends, but i don't think i can be friends with him coz im too annoyed about how he treated me and i don't trust him because he never told me the truth when i was with him or even when he broke up with me. i felt like i was just being crazy and paranoid to think there was something up, but i wasn't so im angry he made me feel like that
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    theres not really much point actually, it doesn't really change anything and if i ask he will think i want to be with him or something. He wants to be friends, but i don't think i can be friends with him coz im too annoyed about how he treated me and i don't trust him because he never told me the truth when i was with him or even when he broke up with me. i felt like i was just being crazy and paranoid to think there was something up, but i wasn't so im angry he made me feel like that
    maybe time to try and move on then, as difficult as it may be.
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    It's understandable that you're annoyed, and I agree it's wrong to see somebody new when you are still in love with your ex. However, from his point of view he may have been genuinely trying to get over her, and it would have been very difficult for him to be open about his feelings as obviously it would have hurt you (which lead to you feeling paranoid trying to imagine what was going on with him)...he probably thought that by being with you he was moving on, but when it came to the crunch he wasn't ready.
    He obviously had/has feelings for you, but you are better off not being involved with someone who is emotionally unavailable.
    I'm sorry for your pain and anger, it's a difficult situation but such is life
 
 
 
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