Hey there! Sign in to join this conversationNew here? Join for free

Living together replaces 'dating' after age 20? Watch

    Offline

    20
    (Original post by shinytoy)
    hi fools,
    i have noticed among my firends, that it seems after age 20, you meet someone go for a drink once or twice, start sleeping together and then instead of the m going out together, it turns into 'want to come over' which , combined with staying over every few nights turns into moving in together, in many case, after only dating for say 2 - 3 weeks, then they stay like that until something major happens or in a couple years they get bored, or they settle into a rut living with the same person until they've been living together for 10 years and decide to get married. anyone else notice this?
    i dont want to live with a guy im not married to, so guys still take me out properly, for dinner, or to do things, or even to the park and since im not sleeping with them i dont fall into this trap of just becoming the live in gf. but my friends view my dating as not committed since im not living with the guy. whatever happend to dating and courtship? do guys prefer teh former since taking a girl out a couple of times is less effort then she moves in? why dont girls expect more from a guy?
    Sadly, they don't because blokes have this image of being like that. I, on the other hand, know of at least one bloke who woud be more than willing to go through it all properly.
    Offline

    3
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by SerpentineLara)
    That would be considered moving waaaaaaaaay to fast in my book.

    Besides, chances are that you'll grow tired of each other if you spend every freaking day together.
    i spent every freaking day with my bf (we're technically living together) but we werent bored of each other. We became each others bestest friend (and lover)...:cool:
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    Yeah the same happens with my younger friends but not after 2-3 weeks, it's more like a few months.
    My best friend (21) and her fella (20) have been together for 4 years and have lived together for about 2-3, he basically moved into her parents home until they moved into his parents back garden/granny annexe.
    My other friend's been with her bf for 18 months and they've lived together for about a year.
    My other friend was with her bf for 3 years and practically living together.

    I don't get it tbh. In my eyes, they're living the adult life far too young. I'd rather be 19/20 and live at home and have a good time, roll in at 3 in the morning than be worrying about paying bills and living with a long term boyfriend. *shrugs* I've got the next 40 years to live with my other half. I'd rather enjoy my freedom while I'm still young tbh.
    Offline

    2
    ReputationRep:
    Bugger, this is terrible! Thanks for the warning OP, I'm only 18 but I'd hate for a courtship of mine to turn out like that. I'd only live with a guy if we'd been dating a couple of years and were engaged. That way I can find out if we're actually able to live together without ripping each others throats out. But I agree, once you move in the passion can fade and you don't really date but when you live apart you make effort to go on dates and take each other out. I mean dates can seem a bit pointless when money's tight and you live together anyway.

    p.s. I liked the 'hi fools' bit
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    Why don't all the people saying "moving in before X age is wrong" or "living together without Y conditions is wrong" stop assuming what is right for them is right for everyone and just get on with their own lives.

    Shinytoy, aren't you shagging a 40yr old man who has a girlfriend?
    You are hardly a relationship guru.
    Offline

    12
    ReputationRep:
    I live with whoever I end up living with.. at the moment im living with 5 guys and happen to be sleeping with one of them, but i dont 'date', i wouldnt move in for relationships sake and i will certainly never ever get married.
    Offline

    1
    ReputationRep:
    Infact, couples who cohabit before getting marries are more likley to get divorced, studies have shown.
    http://www.google.com/hostednews/afp..._1Xuo-A_DiL5Cg

    I for one onyl want to move in with my Wife.... once we are married, not before.
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by shinytoy)
    i know, but do you think this is sad that marriage is borne out of this sort of convenience and not necessarily out of love
    It is sad - but not everyone has to go down this route.
    I'm over 20 and I wouldn't -but I do still think that it's a good idea to live with someone before you marry them so you have an opportunity to know them through and through.
    I would only really expect to move in with somebody once we were engaged, or on the point of being...
    Offline

    2
    ReputationRep:
    My sister and brother in law started living together at 17. Didn't marry until 28 though! I think it's partly that by 20 a lot of people are starting to seriously think about getting married, and living with someone is an intermediary step.
    • CV Helper
    Offline

    14
    ReputationRep:
    CV Helper
    (Original post by tomcuk123)
    Infact, couples who cohabit before getting marries are more likley to get divorced, studies have shown.
    http://www.google.com/hostednews/afp..._1Xuo-A_DiL5Cg

    I for one onyl want to move in with my Wife.... once we are married, not before.
    Correlation does not equal causation!

    I think it's crazy to marry someone you have never lived with, personally.
    Offline

    1
    ReputationRep:
    i was 17 when i got with my partner (he was 27 at the time)..
    got together feb 14th 2007
    i turned 18 may 2007
    moved in together june 2007
    had our daughter june 2008
    and are still together now
    everythings still all gd after the 2.5 years and still like it was at day 1.
    ive just turned 20 and hes coming up to 30.
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by tomcuk123)
    Infact, couples who cohabit before getting marries are more likley to get divorced, studies have shown.
    http://www.google.com/hostednews/afp..._1Xuo-A_DiL5Cg

    I for one onyl want to move in with my Wife.... once we are married, not before.
    There's too many lurking variables in that correlation to even be partially causative. A really obvious one, that people who don't live together prior to marriage are more prone to certain beliefs that curtail divorce somewhat. Also, 'people who live together before marriage' today is a much larger pool of people than 'people who don't...marriage'; thus the two pools of people can be accurately compared. And etc, etc...
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    The pigeon. Its watching you.
    Offline

    1
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by tayalouise)
    Moving in before the age of 23 at least is too young. You haven't been independent enough yet
    Why specifically 23?? If someone has gone through enough in life, is mature enough and has been with her/his boyfriend/girlfriend for 3 years why is 23 specifically too young? Don't get me wrong I used ot have all these social rules as well, no sex before X age, no kissing before X age, no moving in before X age, no getting married before X age, no having babies before X age but then I realised how stupid it was. People lead different lives and many of my friends are now married at 21 and I think it's amazing. It would be ridiculous for them to wait until they were 26/27.
    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    14
    ReputationRep:
    yea but like at uni, dont you meet on a night out, end up 'coming over' rather than going out on a date, then just end up living together?
    Offline

    17
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Tootles)
    Sadly, they don't because blokes have this image of being like that. I, on the other hand, know of at least one bloke who woud be more than willing to go through it all properly.
    :wavey:

    I honestly like doing it all properly as you put it man!

    There's nothing like old fashioned chivalry!
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Tootles)
    Sadly, they don't because blokes have this image of being like that. I, on the other hand, know of at least one bloke who woud be more than willing to go through it all properly.
    There is nothing sad about it at all, all that has happened is that most people aren't bogged down with christian morality and wanting to appear "pure" anymore, so they are free to test out whether they are can live happily with someone before making a permanent commitment. I don't mean to insult your way of doing things, but you shouldn't be judging people negatively for making a different decision.

    (Original post by mikeyd85)
    :wavey:

    I honestly like doing it all properly as you put it man!

    There's nothing like old fashioned chivalry!
    How is it chivalrous?
    You seem to be assuming that all/most women would want to be married before they live with someone, but male attitudes force them to compromise. I personally would never want to marry someone without living with them, who knows what you would be committing yourself to!

    (Original post by shinytoy)
    yea but like at uni, dont you meet on a night out, end up 'coming over' rather than going out on a date, then just end up living together?
    Where as you are still hung up on a middle aged man in a relationship you used to "fool around" with because he is the first person you ever let "touch you like that". Just because you clearly aren't emotionally mature to be living with anyone doesn't mean other people of your age aren't, or that it is the wrong thing to do.
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    i think moving in does replace the dating stage really.. because you see eachother everyday and do things togetther in the house so dont feel the need to do things outside of the house...

    but if i moved in with my bf i would still want to do other things like go to the cinema, have dinner out somewhere nice, go to the park, walks around places etc
    i also enjoy it when he walks me home that would be taken away if we moved in together lol

    but yeah.. moving in after a few weeks is TOO fast... i would say for me, its alright to move in after a few YEARS... but marriage isnt neccessary..
    Offline

    20
    (Original post by mikeyd85)
    http://static.thestudentroom.co.uk/i...lies/wavey.gif

    I honestly like doing it all properly as you put it man!

    There's nothing like old fashioned chivalry!
    You do seem to agree with a lot of what I say...

    • PS Helper
    Offline

    3
    ReputationRep:
    PS Helper
    (Original post by Ilora-Danon)
    Yeah the same happens with my younger friends but not after 2-3 weeks, it's more like a few months.
    I don't get it tbh. In my eyes, they're living the adult life far too young. I'd rather be 19/20 and live at home and have a good time, roll in at 3 in the morning than be worrying about paying bills and living with a long term boyfriend. *shrugs* I've got the next 40 years to live with my other half. I'd rather enjoy my freedom while I'm still young tbh.
    I already have to worry about bills and I'm 19, whether I live with my long term boyfriend or not. After a 9-5 day in Uni (which us scientists do most days unfortunately) I'd rather have a nice cup of tea, the TV and my boyfriend waiting for me than a bottle of vodka. Not everyone relies on their parents until they're 22...
 
 
 
Reply
Submit reply
TSR Support Team

We have a brilliant team of more than 60 Support Team members looking after discussions on The Student Room, helping to make it a fun, safe and useful place to hang out.

Updated: August 19, 2009
  • See more of what you like on The Student Room

    You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

  • Poll
    Have you ever participated in a Secret Santa?
  • See more of what you like on The Student Room

    You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

  • The Student Room, Get Revising and Marked by Teachers are trading names of The Student Room Group Ltd.

    Register Number: 04666380 (England and Wales), VAT No. 806 8067 22 Registered Office: International House, Queens Road, Brighton, BN1 3XE

    Quick reply
    Reputation gems: You get these gems as you gain rep from other members for making good contributions and giving helpful advice.