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    #1

    Throughout my current school (it's a boys school and I've just finished, I'm 18 now), I've led a rather lonely life, and I didn't have any friends throughout the whole of school. Strangely enough, at my last school (from ages 7-13) I was fairly popular.


    I've always though it was just the fact I'm rather shy and quiet, but having said that, plenty of shy and quiet people seem to make friends. I'm not very talkative, yet I do make an effort, initiate conversation with others and take interest in what others say. I do quite a lot of favours for people, but I've noticed that not a lot of people help me out (while people are always helping out/aiding their friends). Though because I'm quiet, I feel often that sometimes I'm ignored. Some people have said (behind my back) that I'm arrogant. Though personally I feel that that is completely unfounded, I'm pretty modest and don't boast about my achievements (as many others do).


    I'm pretty good at School, though I generally don't take much attention in lessons. I help out others when they get stuck on homework/classwork, but I often feel as if they're only pretending to be nice at that moment at time in order to obtain the help (and perhaps show their gratification). I don't really like school, as I don't really enjoy it. It's the little things that get to me, like when you have to when you have to pick a lab partner. Most of the time, I just have to tag along with a pair, or if there's an even number I'll be the guy they choose last.


    I think most people are nice and polite to me most of the time. There are a few people that act fairly unkindly but I don't think they change their nature of their personality just for me. I've tried to socialise with others, playing football with the same people, doing Young Enterprise with them, basically doing stuff with them. They don't mind me playing football with them and other things, but they never really want to invite me to anything outside of school e.g. parties. When I've asked them directly (I have only done this a few times), they've always come up with some sort of excuse, or say that "I wouldn't like it". It's pretty hurtful, as it's hard for me to summon up courage and ask them. Getting shot down all the time just makes me more depressed.


    Funnily enough I'm not really the geeky type. Though I'm only average at football, I'm very good at racket sports, e.g. badminton, tennis, squash, cricket. I'm pretty good at athletics too. I like playing sport, when your playing sport, it's not as hard to make people interact with you. They're kind of forced too. In fact playing sport is probably the only thing that I do like at school.


    My appearance isn't too bad, my haircut is fine I think and I dress OK (though everyone wears suits anyway at school). I don't think I'm particularly ugly (even then would that matter), and I've attracted quite a few girls in the past (even though I've never gone to parties). I've only asked out a girl who was attracted to me (or accepted her asking me out rather than politely declining her). We kind of got talking (I find it easier to talk to strangers,and people outside school) and I was upfront with her when she asked about friends and stuff (she was fairly inquisitive for some reason). After that she was always a bit uncomfortable, and finally she broke up with me anyway (though we only dated for a week in the summer holidays). But anyway, I'm not really looking for girlfriends at the moment anyway, I just wanted/want friends. In fact part of me doesn't really want a girl to see, or be exposed the depressed loner that I am.


    I don't drink alcohol, and I don't swear. I think a lot of people in school seem to think not swearing is strange, but I've never really felt comfortable swearing. It's probably due to my parents being really against swearing. I don't criticise others when they swear, I just don't do it myself.


    At the moment I'm fairly lonely and depressed, I kind of want to work out what's wrong with me and if it is just shyness, than how I can overcome it (or at least do something positive about it). I've kind of kept myself sane from boredom on the weekends, by doing volunteer work on Saturday for a couple of hours. It keeps me occupied and I guess it's something to look forward too. Plus I'm rather good at it, and I like playing/looking after the children anyway (it's a nice change from when you go from being in the background to being at the centre of attention and having to cope with some responsibility). Though I do still feel as if I'm missing out while people are having fun and going to parties etc. and I do get a bit depressed/saddened by it.


    I know I've finished school already, but I'd like to change my ways before university. I don't really want to reciprocate my life at school at university. Uni for me is going to be a long time for me (5 or 6 years as I'm studying medicine), and I'd like uni to be something worthwhile.



    I'd appreciate any advice or views you may have on the matter.
    Thank you.
    • #1
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    Probably because your posts are way too long.
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    You sound lovely to be honest - I think it's just shyness. I had a similar problem at school, I went to college for a year and I found I was a lot more confident. Now I can't wait for uni, especially as I'll be living with complete strangers in a new country (well, England, but still). I'm sure you'll find it much easier at uni - try and keep up with your sports if you can as they're a good way to meet people, and continue to be the sweet, helpful person it's apparent you are.
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    yea op, make that post half the size and ill be happy to read it :yes:
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    (Original post by Colonel Brusnahan)
    Probably because your posts are way too long.
    lmfao. man that was funny.
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    You sound pretty decent, maybe just the wrong set of people? Try getting a part time job or something to interact with people more, or, even better volunteer your time somewhere. You'll be able to increase your social skills a little more etc. haha my fault for not reading your post fully.

    Things should look up for uni, keep in there mate
    • #2
    #2

    You sound quite similar to me. Up until sixth form my school was all girls and I felt nobody really liked me as I didn't see anyone outside of school. I went to a mixed sixth form which made a big difference and people seemed to like me more as I was more outgoing but the same girls were still there so I kind of felt I couldn't turn into a completely different person. I kind of am hoping going to uni will be a chance to reinvent myself kind of thing. Just a new start now I'm not embarassed of how I have no social life and that I don't get drunk all of the time! I think it's just growing up really, you don't sound like there's anything wrong with you!
    • #3
    #3

    you're shy and you don't drink - there's your problem (I'm not saying you should start drinking though)
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    You sound really nice so dont beat yourself about this problem. I can identify kind of with what your sayng and i know how hard and upsetting it is to come to terms with. I think now beacuse you are aware of your issue of having no friends and are thinking about why and how this is, this mayb affect the way you come across to people as naturally you are going to be alot more anxious around new people because of your experience at high school.

    It will be hard but try to forget about the people there, go to uni and it will get better There will be alot more people with probably the same interests as you in your course. So stop feeling down and work at how good the future will be!

    Good luck
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    (Original post by Colonel Brusnahan)
    Probably because your posts are way too long.
    this
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Throughout my current school (it's a boys school and I've just finished, I'm 18 now), I've led a rather lonely life, and I didn't have any friends throughout the whole of school. Strangely enough, at my last school (from ages 7-13) I was fairly popular.


    I've always though it was just the fact I'm rather shy and quiet, but having said that, plenty of shy and quiet people seem to make friends. I'm not very talkative, yet I do make an effort, initiate conversation with others and take interest in what others say. I do quite a lot of favours for people, but I've noticed that not a lot of people help me out (while people are always helping out/aiding their friends). Though because I'm quiet, I feel often that sometimes I'm ignored. Some people have said (behind my back) that I'm arrogant. Though personally I feel that that is completely unfounded, I'm pretty modest and don't boast about my achievements (as many others do).


    I'm pretty good at School, though I generally don't take much attention in lessons. I help out others when they get stuck on homework/classwork, but I often feel as if they're only pretending to be nice at that moment at time in order to obtain the help (and perhaps show their gratification). I don't really like school, as I don't really enjoy it. It's the little things that get to me, like when you have to when you have to pick a lab partner. Most of the time, I just have to tag along with a pair, or if there's an even number I'll be the guy they choose last.


    I think most people are nice and polite to me most of the time. There are a few people that act fairly unkindly but I don't think they change their nature of their personality just for me. I've tried to socialise with others, playing football with the same people, doing Young Enterprise with them, basically doing stuff with them. They don't mind me playing football with them and other things, but they never really want to invite me to anything outside of school e.g. parties. When I've asked them directly (I have only done this a few times), they've always come up with some sort of excuse, or say that "I wouldn't like it". It's pretty hurtful, as it's hard for me to summon up courage and ask them. Getting shot down all the time just makes me more depressed.


    Funnily enough I'm not really the geeky type. Though I'm only average at football, I'm very good at racket sports, e.g. badminton, tennis, squash, cricket. I'm pretty good at athletics too. I like playing sport, when your playing sport, it's not as hard to make people interact with you. They're kind of forced too. In fact playing sport is probably the only thing that I do like at school.


    My appearance isn't too bad, my haircut is fine I think and I dress OK (though everyone wears suits anyway at school). I don't think I'm particularly ugly (even then would that matter), and I've attracted quite a few girls in the past (even though I've never gone to parties). I've only asked out a girl who was attracted to me (or accepted her asking me out rather than politely declining her). We kind of got talking (I find it easier to talk to strangers,and people outside school) and I was upfront with her when she asked about friends and stuff (she was fairly inquisitive for some reason). After that she was always a bit uncomfortable, and finally she broke up with me anyway (though we only dated for a week in the summer holidays). But anyway, I'm not really looking for girlfriends at the moment anyway, I just wanted/want friends. In fact part of me doesn't really want a girl to see, or be exposed the depressed loner that I am.


    I don't drink alcohol, and I don't swear. I think a lot of people in school seem to think not swearing is strange, but I've never really felt comfortable swearing. It's probably due to my parents being really against swearing. I don't criticise others when they swear, I just don't do it myself.


    At the moment I'm fairly lonely and depressed, I kind of want to work out what's wrong with me and if it is just shyness, than how I can overcome it (or at least do something positive about it). I've kind of kept myself sane from boredom on the weekends, by doing volunteer work on Saturday for a couple of hours. It keeps me occupied and I guess it's something to look forward too. Plus I'm rather good at it, and I like playing/looking after the children anyway (it's a nice change from when you go from being in the background to being at the centre of attention and having to cope with some responsibility). Though I do still feel as if I'm missing out while people are having fun and going to parties etc. and I do get a bit depressed/saddened by it.


    I know I've finished school already, but I'd like to change my ways before university. I don't really want to reciprocate my life at school at university. Uni for me is going to be a long time for me (5 or 6 years as I'm studying medicine), and I'd like uni to be something worthwhile.



    I'd appreciate any advice or views you may have on the matter.
    Thank you.
    You were maybe just unlucky.

    why dont you drink?
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Too much to quote
    Well there's not much I can say why you don't have friends, but when I read your post I got the impression that you think you know who and how you are. Maybe it's not what people see in you.
    You seem to be very good at school (I mean, studying medicine is quite something!), maybe people think you are arrogant because of something you do, a look, any facial expression- something you don't even realize.

    If I were you, I'd ask someone to describe how he/she sees me. Don't pick your parents, maybe a classmate you were somewhat close to, any relatives, such as cousins or aunts/uncles.
    You seem fine with what you do, so go and ask others what they think.

    -> "but I'd like to change my ways before university"
    Don't even try to. Making friends is something you can't do before meeting people. You can't practise infront of a mirror to get a friend.

    I used to have much trouble making friends when I was younger; not because I was shy, but because people thought I was selfish and arrogant; I had to learn that some things which seemed normal to me, offended others.

    I'm not saying you should change yourself in terms of interests or personality. This is not possible and not necessary. But be aware of how people see you, maybe it is just one little thing that makes others feel weird thinking about you.

    Based on the knowledge that you had already a date, I assume that you have also tried to talk to people- not just wait for them. This is necessary!
    I really hate small-talk like 'haha look how hes drunk', 'zomg I went shopping last we', and I never got the sense of getting drunk or go clubbing- but I can start conversations; just try to find something you are interested in, e.g. sports. At your university (which is it?, btw) there will be sport-freaks, maybe you grasp a conversation about sports and say what you think. Just an example.

    You say you are shy, but on the other hand you say everything seems fine about you. That doesn't make sense to me.
    People are shy because they think they're not worthy, their opinion doesn't matter, various reasons.

    Don't try to force any kind of friendship. Don't try to change your interests, don't start getting informed about something just to have a topic to discuss in which you are not even interested in. Ask people what they think, try to get a better picture of yourself and then, when you meet people, when you are around students, train yourself.

    That is what I have done for over 10 years now and it has improved my life a LOT. First track your problem, then accept your problem (that is more difficult than you may think), search for solutions, find ways to permute what you have found out, then train, train, train. People don't change in one day. It's a process, it is an active process which you CAN control. By change I don't mean changing who you are, but changing what you don't like about you- don't abandon believes, but ask them, doubt them, deal with yourself.

    Based on your post, you seem very nice to me. But that's just one impression of thousands you can/could/may give.


    And P.S.: University is not school. And so are the people. You may not rule out that you just haven't found the right friends for you.
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    r u an ethnic minority? do u act gay?
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    I would be your friend if I knew you, I'm sure you will meet some likeminded lovely people at uni
    • #4
    #4

    You sound like a really decent guy to me but i know how you feel. At highschool i was happy and had lots of friends but then i was the only one from my school who went to a different college and consequently found it extremely difficult to make friends. I don't drink either and i think that automatically "labels" you as an "unsociable geek". Unfortunately, society dictates that going out at the weekend and getting drunk is the normal and cool thing to do.
    However, university should be better. You'll meet people who will have the same interests as you due to the course you take and there will be loads of sports teams and clubs to join so you're bound to make friends via that.
    And to all the people who complained about it being a long post, how pathetically lazy are you?
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    i suggest you drink a bottle of whiskey and then goto a club, itll sort you riight out!
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    Because you have a post that is far too big ?

    Spoiler:
    Show
    kind of like something else
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    And to all the people who complained about it being a long post, how pathetically lazy are you?
    I cant believe you are projecting laziness because of that - I doubt you are as hardworking as alot of people who couldn't be bothered to read that post.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Throughout my current school (it's a boys school and I've just finished, I'm 18 now), I've led a rather lonely life, and I didn't have any friends throughout the whole of school. Strangely enough, at my last school (from ages 7-13) I was fairly popular.


    I've always though it was just the fact I'm rather shy and quiet, but having said that, plenty of shy and quiet people seem to make friends. I'm not very talkative, yet I do make an effort, initiate conversation with others and take interest in what others say. I do quite a lot of favours for people, but I've noticed that not a lot of people help me out (while people are always helping out/aiding their friends). Though because I'm quiet, I feel often that sometimes I'm ignored. Some people have said (behind my back) that I'm arrogant. Though personally I feel that that is completely unfounded, I'm pretty modest and don't boast about my achievements (as many others do).
    .

    Maybe they see you as stuck up?
 
 
 
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