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    • #5
    #5

    Perhaps you're too nice. Being too nice doesn't make you too popular. In fact those who are a bit rude or arrogant often come off interesting, hence often those who aren't very nice don't really have any problem getting friends.
    A pity really.
    • #5
    #5

    (Original post by DeanK22)
    I cant believe you are projecting laziness because of that - I doubt you are as hardworking as alot of people who couldn't be bothered to read that post.
    It's actually not that hard to read, it doesn't really ramble on it just covers lots of topics. It would be very easy to read if you really wanted to.
    • #6
    #6

    (Original post by DeanK22)
    I cant believe you are projecting laziness because of that - I doubt you are as hardworking as alot of people who couldn't be bothered to read that post.
    wow..idiocy has reached a new level, you come to a MESSAGE BOARD and expect to not read? really?

    to the op: From what i can tell, it seems to me that you have not found the 'right' group of people for you to become friends with, maybe due to you being more mature than the majority of people in your grade?

    in uni, it shouldnt be hard to find people you could hang out with though, as you will share interests with them from the get-go.

    err, not really sure what else to say.
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    I read the entire post because it was paragraphed exceptionally well. Not sure what advice to give the OP though except, you seem perfectly fine to me - maybe the people around you are jealous of your intellect?
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    (Original post by lm_wfc)
    You were maybe just unlucky.

    why dont you drink?
    Cause it's lame, innit.
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    (Original post by Hamcock)
    r u an ethnic minority? do u act gay?
    why are you obsessed with ethnic minorities?

    how could this have an impact on the ability to make friends - OP appears like he speaks English to a decent level!

    squish.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    ...
    You sound like a nice guy. Maybe you've just not met the right kind of people? I had the same problem as you when I was at school, you actually sound like me back then. I didn't have many friends at school and I felt awfully lonely for the most of my teenage years. But then I went to uni, decided to try out a new sport and I totally fit in right from the beginning. I finally found my kind of people who I click with. At uni most people are really open to meet all kinds of new people because everyone's a bit sick of the small circles they've had at school. You'll have a good chance of finding friends at uni, especially by joining a society/sports club of your interest.

    Also, you maybe come across as arrogant or stuck up a bit? I think I did back at school. You kind of get into the mode of not having many people to hang out with and people notice that and start thinking there's something wrong with that lone kid hanging around in the corner. And the more pressure you put on yourself to make friends and the harder talking to new people gets. I was quite quiet around people as I was a bit shy and was nervous around them and it probably made me look arrogant.
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    You sound too formal.
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    **** em mate, don't bother with those tossers at school if they can't see what a good friend you are and they don't know what they're missing.

    **** your parents for not allowing you to swear, that's ********, swearing is such a good way to get the anger out of your system, who gives a **** if you swear? Nothing bad is gonna happen to you.

    And did I seriously read you don't drink alcohol lol? Come on, if you're shy do you really think staying sober is the best way to overcome that shyness?
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    Just remember that your experience at school certainly does not define how the rest of your life will work out. A lot of people I know have said uni has given them a major confidence boost - just being out of your comfort zone, thrown into a situation with people who are all wanting to reform themselves (i'd say most people start uni with a similar attitude to you - wanting a "fresh start") radically alters your perspective. It's difficult when you're shy but just push yourself, say hi to everyone and smile even if you look like a nutter and if you enjoy racket sports, join societies they're a great ice-breaker!
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    aw you sound so much like me. I haven't got any friends either and have absolutely no idea why.

    Stick it out for now sometimes at uni things turn around, sometimes they don't, the only thing I can suggest is once uni comes (wouldn't bother now it's probably too late) have a drink and try not to be as shy then you might be able to make some friends. I don't drink and I'm shy as hell so have the same problem, wish I'd had a few during freshers. You can possibly make friends in societies, if you're good at a sport people seem more willing to get to know you than being the rubbish one always coming last dunno why just always seems that way.

    What year are you in? I must have missed that.
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by Advanced Subsidiary)
    I read the entire post because it was paragraphed exceptionally well. Not sure what advice to give the OP though except, you seem perfectly fine to me - maybe the people around you are jealous of your intellect?
    haha, I had to paragraph it well as it's pretty long. I didn't want people to be put off by a huge block of thread. In fact I left 2 lines between each paragraph to make it easier to read. Still some people were put off by it's length.

    I don't know why people would be jealous of my intellect. I don't really think how well you perform at school really gives an accurate measure of intellect. There are plenty of people who do very well academically, and I don't think people bear any prejudice against them.

    In fact I'm flattered that you consider me to be of a good standard of intellect. Personally if I were so intelligent, I'd be able to use it to figure out the right words to say and how to make friends in the first place. There's got to be some intelligence that people have in order to successfully charm others and make friends. To me that's real intelligence.
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    You sound like a decent guy to be honest, and I can't see any obvious reasons why you have no friends. Sporty people are generally the most popular, but if you got stuck in a rut early on in your school career it can be difficult to change it.

    A few things though, people may think you're stuck up if you speak very well, and don't swear. Although, it may be difficult to fit in I would advise trying to modify the way you talk to more like your peers. The best strategy is to talk one way to other young people, and another to adults, and in important situations. As for drinking, this will likely hold you back to an extent at university, and again reinforce the view that you are stuck-up, and regard yourself as above your peers. I would try various types of beer, cider, and other drinks, find a few that you like, and get used to drinking small quantities. Sadly, you're unlikely to be invited out with the lads to a party, pub, or club if you have the reputation of a stuck-up teetotaler.

    Hope that helps.
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by Lindath)
    Well there's not much I can say why you don't have friends, but when I read your post I got the impression that you think you know who and how you are. Maybe it's not what people see in you.
    You seem to be very good at school (I mean, studying medicine is quite something!), maybe people think you are arrogant because of something you do, a look, any facial expression- something you don't even realize.

    If I were you, I'd ask someone to describe how he/she sees me. Don't pick your parents, maybe a classmate you were somewhat close to, any relatives, such as cousins or aunts/uncles.
    You seem fine with what you do, so go and ask others what they think.

    -> "but I'd like to change my ways before university"
    Don't even try to. Making friends is something you can't do before meeting people. You can't practise infront of a mirror to get a friend.

    I used to have much trouble making friends when I was younger; not because I was shy, but because people thought I was selfish and arrogant; I had to learn that some things which seemed normal to me, offended others.

    I'm not saying you should change yourself in terms of interests or personality. This is not possible and not necessary. But be aware of how people see you, maybe it is just one little thing that makes others feel weird thinking about you.

    Based on the knowledge that you had already a date, I assume that you have also tried to talk to people- not just wait for them. This is necessary!
    I really hate small-talk like 'haha look how hes drunk', 'zomg I went shopping last we', and I never got the sense of getting drunk or go clubbing- but I can start conversations; just try to find something you are interested in, e.g. sports. At your university (which is it?, btw) there will be sport-freaks, maybe you grasp a conversation about sports and say what you think. Just an example.

    You say you are shy, but on the other hand you say everything seems fine about you. That doesn't make sense to me.
    People are shy because they think they're not worthy, their opinion doesn't matter, various reasons.

    Don't try to force any kind of friendship. Don't try to change your interests, don't start getting informed about something just to have a topic to discuss in which you are not even interested in. Ask people what they think, try to get a better picture of yourself and then, when you meet people, when you are around students, train yourself.

    That is what I have done for over 10 years now and it has improved my life a LOT. First track your problem, then accept your problem (that is more difficult than you may think), search for solutions, find ways to permute what you have found out, then train, train, train. People don't change in one day. It's a process, it is an active process which you CAN control. By change I don't mean changing who you are, but changing what you don't like about you- don't abandon believes, but ask them, doubt them, deal with yourself.

    Based on your post, you seem very nice to me. But that's just one impression of thousands you can/could/may give.


    And P.S.: University is not school. And so are the people. You may not rule out that you just haven't found the right friends for you.
    Thanks for the thoughtful post.

    I have tried talking to my parents but they don't really think much about it. They keep going on how life was harder for them when they were children etc. (even though they did not suffer the misfortune of having no friends, so often what they say isn't really relevant). In fact for some reason my parents keep criticising me all the time, comparing me to others. One of the worst things I dread is when they go to parents evening/ or get my report card. I always do well in terms of grade wise, but teachers always mention that I'm too quiet and should participate more. After that happens my parents go on a long rant saying how I'll fail in exams if I don't participate in class (in short, I get a telling off, with lots of shouting). I try to participate but I'm a bit shy (plus I don't really feel the need to ask the teacher for help much).

    I'm not great at small talk really. I do try and initiate conversations but it's difficult for me as I'm so shy at school. I don't really know why I'm shy, I've always thought it's probably just something to do with genetics. I don't really obsess over academics though, I just want to do well enough to get into uni and study medicine. That's really the main motive. I like reading books and watching documentaries but actually being forced to study the A level or GCSE curriculum, I find boring and tiresome. Perhaps part of the reason is because I'm not particularly happy at school when I'm being taught it.

    I'm actually not that interested in watching sport, just playing it. I don't follow football for example but I do like playing it.

    I have actually practised in the mirror to try and overcome my shyness in school. At school for some reason seems worse than outside of school or home. Practising with the mirror didn't really work as you may of guessed though.

    I'm worried about uni, as I honestly don't really think it will be any different from school. People don't magically change when they go to uni (or I don't think they do). Most people will be able to make friends at any school. I'm slightly pessimistic about things changing at uni at the moment. That's why I really want to change myself, perhaps appear more likeable to others at uni. I feel as if uni is my last chance. I don't think I could stand being as miserable as I am at the moment for 5 more years.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Thanks for the thoughtful post.

    I have tried talking to my parents but they don't really think much about it. They keep going on how life was harder for them when they were children etc. (even though they did not suffer the misfortune of having no friends, so often what they say isn't really relevant). In fact for some reason my parents keep criticising me all the time, comparing me to others. One of the worst things I dread is when they go to parents evening/ or get my report card. I always do well in terms of grade wise, but teachers always mention that I'm too quiet and should participate more. After that happens my parents go on a long rant saying how I'll fail in exams if I don't participate in class (in short, I get a telling off, with lots of shouting). I try to participate but I'm a bit shy (plus I don't really feel the need to ask the teacher for help much).
    This is exactly like me. Ever since primary till about year 11, this always happened to me.

    As for the rest, I think Uni'll be different - there are alot more people to get on with, so many people with different age groups and different interests.

    I can guarantee you that they'll be many people just like you. I'm similar to you but I just didn't keep in contact with my friends so I could theoretically say I luckily have one friend.. until recently.
    • #7
    #7

    meh, semi-reminds me of myself, although I'm (not in an over-confident way) quite popular and liked by people, I never seem to build a friendship that is really that active beyond Term Time, never really realised this till University.

    I 'distanced' myself away from some of my old friends as I've matured beyond what we once used to do (sadly silly Gang Violence type stuff), so I actually have no real friends currently that I've known longer than 2 or 3 years, quite pathetic really lol.

    School/College holidays I just used to waste them away, but recently I've noticed everyone else seems to be constantly speaking to their friends, going out with them, going on holidays etc, where as my 'good' friends that are there in term time seem to barely talk to me over holidays lol.

    Its got to the point where I've actually just slept away all my summer with like 14 hour sleeps and sitting on the internet, lol.

    I know someone will reply and say 'get a hobby' or something, but I've done all that, but it really doesn't help.

    Wonder why I seem to attract part-time friends, lol.
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    You actually sound really lovely! Is there something you're not telling us?! :hmmm:

    Anyway, I think if you carry on being yourself but are a bit more open-minded to the drink thing (at least during the first few weeks) you'll be fine at Uni. I think you've just been unlucky.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    meh, semi-reminds me of myself, although I'm (not in an over-confident way) quite popular and liked by people, I never seem to build a friendship that is really that active beyond Term Time, never really realised this till University.

    I 'distanced' myself away from some of my old friends as I've matured beyond what we once used to do (sadly silly Gang Violence type stuff), so I actually have no real friends currently that I've known longer than 2 or 3 years, quite pathetic really lol.

    School/College holidays I just used to waste them away, but recently I've noticed everyone else seems to be constantly speaking to their friends, going out with them, going on holidays etc, where as my 'good' friends that are there in term time seem to barely talk to me over holidays lol.

    Its got to the point where I've actually just slept away all my summer with like 14 hour sleeps and sitting on the internet, lol.

    I know someone will reply and say 'get a hobby' or something, but I've done all that, but it really doesn't help.

    Wonder why I seem to attract part-time friends, lol.
    Isn't that normal? :ninja:

    Anyway, I think you need to make more effort to contact people. even if you personally have done nothing, you can still make a conversation with others and may find you start getting invited along to things.
    • #7
    #7

    (Original post by EskimoJo)
    Isn't that normal? :ninja:

    Anyway, I think you need to make more effort to contact people. even if you personally have done nothing, you can still make a conversation with others and may find you start getting invited along to things.
    Should have wrote that I do actually contact them regularly just to see how they are and stuff, I always say 'we should do this', they'll agree but it never happens. Its never reciprocated though, so it always feels pretty ****** to be making the effort all the time.
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    (Original post by Colonel Brusnahan)
    Probably because your posts are way too long.
    :ditto: :yes:
 
 
 
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