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    Anon because person in question might see this and apologies as this might be long. Me and this guy have been friends for a year. When we became friends he was a in a long term relationship. Over time, we became good friends where he would discuss any relationship problems with me so like that, we got really close.

    Around January though, he was drunk and ended up admitting that he was 'falling' for me on the phone. I was quite taken aback and told him it's unfair for him to say that when he's got a girlfriend. I think that made him feel guilty and he told me he wouldn't speak to me anymore because it'd be too hard for him and wanted to give 100% to his relationship. I respected this decision and gave him his space. But after like 2/3 weeks, he emailed me saying he was a prat and that he just wanted to continue being friends and he wouldn't put me in an uncomfortable position again. So then we sort of went into this phrase where we just pretended nothing happened and went back to how we were.

    For some reason, since he admitted he had a thing for me, it initiated this 'liking' in me for him but I never acted on it and just went with it. So more time passed and I found my feelings get stronger for no apparent reason so I decided it'd be best to sort of phase him out and then it'd just be like we drifted apart. I managed to not speak to him for like two months and just made excuses like too much work, etc. This isn't a problem because we live quite far so we hardly see each other anyway and have no mutual friends. (mainly keep in touch online and by phone).

    I missed him during this time and thought I'd see how he was doing and stuff so I got back in touch after a while. I found out that he'd broken up with his gf in this period. He suggested we get together and though, I did like and care for him, I knew I didn't want anything more because I just don't trust him - which sounds awful but to be fair, he told me he liked me while he was still with a gf that he apparently 'loved' and I know that him and her were much closer than me and him before they started going out. Besides that, as a friend I also know a lot of things about him that as a girlfriend would just bother me loads. So I told him we should just cut ties because I felt guilty everytime we spoke knowing he wanted to be with me. (he told me not to worry but I insisted so he told me he'd respect whatever decision I made)

    I've been trying to do this for about 3 months now but I find that about after two weeks I really begin to miss him and so just end up getting in touch. When I do talk to him, I regret it because he still hints at us getting together and I feel like I'm leading him on just by talking to him - although I don't do anything to suggest anything. Then, again, I decide maybe it's best not to talk but after some time, I find myself talking to him again because I miss him as a friend. I really want to break out of this cycle but it's just hard because I feel like every time I start talking to him again, he might feel like I've changed my mind and he's always really nice and welcoming (makes me feel like even more of a b*tch). I hate ignoring him and I regret talking to him. How can I cut him out once and for all without getting back in touch again out of curiosity / concern / care?
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    If you're really sure that you don't want to be with him - and if there's a slither of a doubt in your mind that you might, then there'll be trouble - cut him off. Completely. Stay strong with what you intend to and don't fall back.

    To be honest, if you're sure you don't want a relationship with this guy. Why not tell him that very clearly and continue be friends?

    Like you, I definitely won't be able to trust a guy who did what he did with you when he was in a long-term relationship
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    tl;dr
    Sorry I just reaf the gist of it and it seems that it is best to stay friends. Why have a troubled partnership when you can have a stress-free friendship.
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    Firstly, careful. Even though you're anon, seems like there's quite a bit of detail in there. If the person goes on here, it's likely they'll realise it's about them. Just need to read your post now...

    EDIT: Seems as though every time you eventually talk again, he reads it as an opportunity. Also seems you really just see him as a friend - if he can't settle for that, then you will have to cut him out. It'll all end up unnecessarily frustrating, for you both. Tell him in person.
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    (Original post by falls_whisper)
    If you're really sure that you don't want to be with him - and if there's a slither of a doubt in your mind that you might, then there'll be trouble - cut him off. Completely. Stay strong with what you intend to and don't fall back.

    To be honest, if you're sure you don't want a relationship with this guy. Why not tell him that very clearly and continue be friends?

    Like you, I definitely won't be able to trust a guy who did what he did with you when he was in a long-term relationship
    I've tried to remain friends but it's very lop-sided. I can't even act like a normal friend anymore because I end up second guessing myself.. like i think if i wanna text him late at night (i do that with other friends), he might think something more of it so I don't.
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    (Original post by Francis Y)
    Firstly, careful. Even though you're anon, seems like there's quite a bit of detail in there. If the person goes on here, it's likely they'll realise it's about them. Just need to read your post now...

    EDIT: Seems as though every time you eventually talk again, he reads it as an opportunity. Also seems you really just see him as a friend - if he can't settle for that, then you will have to cut him out. It'll all end up unnecessarily frustrating, for you both. Tell him in person.
    this.
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    bump.
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    Give the impression that you're hiding your own feelings from yourself, tbh.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I've tried to remain friends but it's very lop-sided. I can't even act like a normal friend anymore because I end up second guessing myself.. like i think if i wanna text him late at night (i do that with other friends), he might think something more of it so I don't.

    im sure if he knew how you were really feeling he'd be grateful of the friendship....


    completely cutting someone out/ being cut out from someones life when you still care about them is heart breaking.... :/ tread wisely
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Give the impression that you're hiding your own feelings from yourself, tbh.
    I do get what u'r saying. I do like him - just not enough to put him AND me through the messiness of trying to be more. It's just kinder to back out now completely. I just keep having this stupid 'relapse'. IT's not like I can't manage a day without talking to him.. it's more like after a while, I just lose the control I try to practice.

    ps; on a different note, why the anon? (just curious)
 
 
 
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