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    there's been a number incidents similar to this.

    Basically tonight my mum was outside in the garden drinking with my dad. She always seems to get aggressive when she drinks. We usually have tea at around 6 but it was around 7 and I hadn't eaten for a while, I was absolutely starving. I went outside to ask if she would start tea. She disregarded me and I went back inside.

    At 7:30 I went back outside and said that I was going to start doing tea. She got really angry with me saying I should leave it and that she was going to come in a minute. She came into the kitchen where I was doing tea and told me to "piss off", I then ignored her and carried on then she told me to "f*** off" and got very angry for telling me to "leave her alone". I just walked out of the room.

    After when we ate tea she was in a right mood with me and ignored me. I was concerned because she has really low self esteem and she gets really depressed when me or dad get into conflict with her. She went outside into the garden I came over to her and asked if she wanted to talk. She ignored me. Then proclaimed that she was going to kill herself and she felt like she was "on call". It sounds exaggerated, but shes got into situations like this before from what my dad has done and I ve had to calm her down I ve been afraid to leave her incase she actually does kill herself.

    She pretty much half ignored me until I fully apologised for being in the wrong. as i "demanded" my tea, I was high selfish according to her.

    Am I in the wrong? It really upsets me when she gets into situations like this and its pretty often, I have to calm her down and I feel like if I leave her she is going to injure herself.
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    It sounds like your mum needs to seek some professional help. You could try talking to a teacher at school (if you are still at school that is) or maybe going to the doctors and explaining it. Otherwise, you could try the NHS helpline? It sounds like she's suffering with depression or something else psychological. Neither of you are in the wrong, it's just an unfortunate situation that you need to work to sort out, otherwise it could end horribly.
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    I don't think you're in the wrong at all. In fact I really sympathise with you with unreasonable parents etc. You seem to have handled it very well-asking her if she wanted to talk about it.

    I really feel for you and I think all you can try and do is be a support to her. How about you surprise her with a bunch of flowers?

    You're not being selfish at all and don't think that you are for a second
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    Do yourself beans on toast next time.
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    Depends really. If I had been at work all day and was relaxing in the garden, and my kid came out and told me to make them some tea I would be pissed off with them too!

    Whats the point in poking fingers about who is in the right and who is in the wrong.
    Instead you should be asking what you could have done to prevent the situation escalating, and what you are going to do now to help everyone move on from the situation and become more harmonious.
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    You handled this very well .
    She tried to kill herself before?
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    She's totally in the wrong, but next time, just do yourself something so it doesn't escalate.
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    wait till shes sober and tell her that she gets aggressive when she's drunk, and explain all of this

    she's your mum after all so she'll listen
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    She is obviously the one in the wrong - not you. You didn't do anything wrong.

    If she does it again then you have to give her a bit of a punch - its the only way she will learn.
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    you are always in the wrong when mums are concerned

    but seriously, shes in the wrong i think and she should seek help if shes often like this
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    No, you're not in the wrong at all - she was highly unreasonable. I don't know how you put with it, to be honest. She need professional help without a doubt.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    there's been a number incidents similar to this.

    Basically tonight my mum was outside in the garden drinking with my dad. She always seems to get aggressive when she drinks. We usually have tea at around 6 but it was around 7 and I hadn't eaten for a while, I was absolutely starving. I went outside to ask if she would start tea. She disregarded me and I went back inside.

    At 7:30 I went back outside and said that I was going to start doing tea. She got really angry with me saying I should leave it and that she was going to come in a minute. She came into the kitchen where I was doing tea and told me to "piss off", I then ignored her and carried on then she told me to "f*** off" and got very angry for telling me to "leave her alone". I just walked out of the room.

    After when we ate tea she was in a right mood with me and ignored me. I was concerned because she has really low self esteem and she gets really depressed when me or dad get into conflict with her. She went outside into the garden I came over to her and asked if she wanted to talk. She ignored me. Then proclaimed that she was going to kill herself and she felt like she was "on call". It sounds exaggerated, but shes got into situations like this before from what my dad has done and I ve had to calm her down I ve been afraid to leave her incase she actually does kill herself.

    She pretty much half ignored me until I fully apologised for being in the wrong. as i "demanded" my tea, I was high selfish according to her.

    Am I in the wrong? It really upsets me when she gets into situations like this and its pretty often, I have to calm her down and I feel like if I leave her she is going to injure herself.
    Wrong: you didn't cook for yourself.

    Right (majorly): Your mum emotionally blackmailed you saying she'll kill herself. Over cooking. That's horrible and sad for a mother, even teenager to say.
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    • Thread Starter
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    Just to elaborate, im almost 19 and im going into my second year of uni.
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    I would of made my own food. But she has a thing where she cooks for us and we have a sit down meal. If I would of cooked she would have gone absolutely nuts.
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    (Original post by Fake Plastic Trees)
    wait till shes sober and tell her that she gets aggressive when she's drunk, and explain all of this

    she's your mum after all so she'll listen

    I have to agree.. you should try to speak to her when she's sober and explain that you weren't trying to demand tea, just that you thought you'd be helping if you made a start. Maybe even try to make it seem like you were letting her relax, try to make it a reasonable situation and hopefully she will understand and be able to talk to you about it.

    If there's something serious that's underlying you should consider suggesting that she goes to the doctor about it. A lot of people suffer from mental health problems, many don't even realise.

    Hopefully you will have the sort of relationship with your mum whereby she will be understanding of the position you are in and realise that you really do just want to help her and make sure everything is ok.

    Hope things work out for you.
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    Well obviously she was in the wrong but just make yourself a snack next time.
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    Would your mum have reacted this way if she hadn't been drinking? If this is a common problem and the alcohol isn't to blame you need to speak to your dad about getting professional help for you mum. I would be annoyed if someone asked me when I was started to cook dinner because you could have just got on with it or made yourself a snack, however once you started making tea that should have been the end of it.

    Alcohol does funny things to people, maybe there is some stress in her life she needs support with or someone impartial to talk to.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I would of made my own food. But she has a thing where she cooks for us and we have a sit down meal. If I would of cooked she would have gone absolutely nuts.
    Ohhh! Hmm, ok. Jeez, you definitely weren't in the wrong then.
    She needs to get help clearly, but as you know what she's like when she's been drinking, maybe next time, don't even confront her, just do the bits she allows you to help with and maybe go out to the garden or wherever and say 'mum, I've peeled the vegetables/sliced the chicken so they're ready for when you want to make tea. Let me know if there's anything else I can do'. And just keep being patient. :yy:
    I don't know how you can get her to get help though. Would she be open to the idea if you suggested it while she was sober? Could you maybe talk to your dad?
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    The thing is i really want her to get help, ive encouraged her but she never does anything. I ve tried to get her on volunteering and she said she would do it, but then she backed out saying she wouldnt need it. I dont really have any ideas how to make her want to get help...
 
 
 
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