anon please as my bf often checks out this site to see my pearls of wisdom haha...anyway, this problem sounds really trivial but I'd appreciate people's advice because, although it is trivial, it affects our relationship in a serious way..
Ok, basically, me and my boyfriend are very happy together, but he suffers from depression and anxiety related problems. When he's feeling down he's very vulnerable to picking out negatives in our relationship, blowing it all out of proportion until he convinces himself that he doesnt love me. One of these things that he picks on is that we have no passion or affection etc (we have plenty of each when he's feeling ok!).
Sooo he's the rock. the hard place is my friend who also suffers from anxiety!! Basically her and her boyfriend are incredibly (i cant emphasise that enough!!) lovely dovey and touchy feely ALL the time. We were having dinner together last night and my friend sat on his lap the whole night, they kept breaking off from conversation (at the dinner table!!) to canoodle eachother and whisper things to eachother...they'd even just interrupt me or my bf when we were saying something to them to have a little kissy "moment" to themselves!! Which I actually find quite rude, but anyway..
SO this is the problem its causing...my boyfriend is comparing us to them and thinking that we don't have anything "special" like that...last night after spending the evening with them he had a little panic (which i knew he would) about us not getting on very well...honestly, we've just had an amazing holiday together and came home so in love, so i promise you thats not true!! So the obvious solution would be to explain to my friend that I would appreciate them to cool it a bit when we're around, but given that my friend also has anxiety this will make her reaaaaally upset about me judging her or feeling like i don't want to be friends with her or that she's bad friend or something.
Like I said, its so trivial sounding!! But we're all adults, its just the fact that they both suffer from anxiety that such a trivial situation is escalated and i have no way of dealing with it!!
What do I do people? Should i risk upsetting my friend by asking her to tone it down when we're around so my bf can relax...or should i keep quiet so my friend doesnt get upset, but resulting in my bf probably getting stressed every time we see them?
Thanks guys xx
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caught between a rock and a hard place watch
- Thread Starter
- 05-08-2009 21:40
- 05-08-2009 23:24
i think you should tell her to tone it down, too much pda is annoying for everyone not just you, and i'm sure everyone around, is feeling uncomfortable too, and if you dont say anything, you and your bf will end up drifting apart, be open with everyone, and it should work out
- 06-08-2009 01:16
Is he being treated for anxiety/depression? If you think he's bad enough, send him the doctor, they'll probabaly refer him to something appropriate.
Also check Amazon, theres a million and one books on the subject that might help him work through some of his problems. In the mean time I'd knock spending so much time with your friend and her boyfriend at the same time on the head for a bit. Try seeing your friend when theres no boyfriends at all, then at least you dont have to see her less and you dont have to say anything.