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Unreasonable to ask him to quit? Watch

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    (Original post by shorty.loves.angels)
    He had one on the third day while he was put golfing with his friends. Now he's back to smoking

    Oh well, could be worse, he could smoke 40 a day.
    Oh dear Well the good thing is he quit for three days which shows he must be thinking about it. Quitting was the best thing I have ever done, the best piece of advice i ever got was that once you have quit allow yourself a couple of slip ups, having one when drunk or stressed doesnt mean your back to smoking, just means you've been naughty!

    Hope he gets there eventually!
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    I wouldn't say it's unreasonable to ask him. But as a smoker myself, I know that just saying "it's really bad for you, gives you cancer" etc. won't work as it's just stating the obvious. And on the whole, us smokers understand the risks and accept them.

    So tell him you don't like it, and ask if he would mind stopping. Just remember not to TELL him to stop, and don't state the obvious risks as he'll understand them already. And tell him that you'll support him and understand that quitting won't be easy for him
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    No I don't think it's fair for you to ask him to quit, especially as you knew before.

    When I started going out with my boyfriend I smoked (which he knew as we knew each other previously) and had done for two years or so, wasn't ever a heavy smoker though. He hates smoking so I said to him (without him having asked me to quit) that I wouldn't smoke infront of him and wouldn't smoke before I went to see him so he wouldn't have the secondhand effects or the smell etc. After about a year there were a few occasions when I did smoke infront of him (mainly at parties) with his permission each time but now I go months and months between cigarettes so it's not an issue.
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    It's not unreasonable to ask but it is unreasonable to expect.
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    (Original post by Irrelevance)
    Asking and accepting whatever decision they make is fine.

    Asking, getting the answer you didn't want and then trying to make them quit isn't fine.


    This.
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    (Original post by a_t)
    You are a **** OP, if a girl tried to make me quit before we started dating I'd run a hundred miles from the control freak
    it's a tricky situation though - she's not a fan of smoking but if she likes the guy, she can't not get with him because he smokes. But he was smoking first... ahhh i've been in that dilemma before. Really liked the guy so I put up with him smoking, just requested that he don't do it around me and it kinda worked.
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    Bring it up passively if it gets serious sit him down and say like look you dont mind him smoking but your worried about the health side affects as you love him.
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    i wouldnt get involved with someone who smoked to begin with so asking them to quit wouldnt even come up. its something i cant stand and find very unattractive.
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    I don't think it's necessarily unreasonable, but even if he tries he probably won't quit because he has to want to do it for himself. People will generally stop when they're ready, if ever.
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    I told my bf that he had to stop smoking of I wouldn't go out with him. This was the first day we got together!! He did it too, looking back I would have refused if I was him, but we were 14 at the time...
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    (Original post by Antonia87)
    Thats so foolish. She didnt HAVE to go out with him did she. She chose to, despite his smoking habit. She cant then stomp around and demand he quits for her and then bugger off if he says no.
    You think she should stay in a relationship she doesn't like for the sake of consistency ?
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    I made it clear to my boyf...but then when we got together he said he'd given up [he got back into it when he went to America for 10weeks]. Whilst he was out there he promised he'd quit when he got back...and he didn't. So yeah, I hauled him up on not keeping his promises.

    To be honest, if that hadn't been the situation, I'm not sure how I would have dealt with it. Probably made him make a choice [which tbh, I did anyway]. He says it's emotional blackmail, I simply said it was giving him a choice - if you can't stand it, you'll break up with him because it's not fair on you. At the end of the day, it's a question of which is more important to him. I know its addictive, but it can be stopped with enough will power.

    My grandfather smoked 40 a day, every day for over 40 years. My grandma got diagnosed with cancer or the nose and throat which the doctors blamed on my grandfather's smoking. He threw away his cigarettes when they got home from the doctors....he never smoked a single one again.
    It can be done. But, it also shows that he was 40 years and over 584,000 cigarettes too late, because it killed my grandma. He never forgave himself.
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    (Original post by ttx)
    You think she should stay in a relationship she doesn't like for the sake of consistency ?
    Lol this is ridiculous though, going to such extremes because someone smokes, because he smokes its suddenly a bad relationship that doesn't have redeeming qualities? And she isn't even his gf just some female friend with a crush atm
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    OP, people like you piss me off. What a control freak.
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    (Original post by That_Girl!)
    I told my bf that he had to stop smoking of I wouldn't go out with him. This was the first day we got together!! He did it too, looking back I would have refused if I was him, but we were 14 at the time...
    You were lucky and your bf was probably "love struck" or desperate for a girl. :rolleyes:

    I'd run away if a girl made that sort of a condition on a first date.
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    Personally, I would quit smoking over a girl, but the people who are worth doing that for would respect my individual choice in the first place, so, you wouldn't be good enough, lol. I suspect many smokers are the same. Hopefully this guy is, too.
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    yeah it is unreasonable to ask him to quit if you've not been seeing each other long
    if you've been seeing each other for ages the most you can do is suggest it really because at the end of the day someone's decision to quit has to be there's.
    if you try and force someone to quit or it's mainly your decision and they go along with it,it could end with resentment on their part or them smoking secretly and a whole bunch of lies starting.

    if you don't like him smoking and you think you'd probably end up dumping him anyway,you might as well end it now because it seems like you imagine there would be no future anyway.

    it's either support him with whatever decision he makes or accept that he smokes and get over it really.

    (my boyfriend smokes,i'm not exactly keen on it,but it's his life and i'm not going to control him)
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    Fair enough OP, you're not saying you're 'forcing' him or nagging him. I hate women who do that, think they know best and guys don't know what they're doing. Like they don't know the risks or anything, treating them like kids. Did you tell him you didn't like it when you started seeing him?
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    (Original post by a_t)
    You are a **** OP, if a girl tried to make me quit before we started dating I'd run a hundred miles from the control freak
    guess its a good thing i'll never be dating you then
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    I made mine quit. He's happy about it too!
 
 
 
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