Does this apply to anybody?
I will summarise. The general jist of my issue is that I am finding the transition from working class suburbia to the 'bubble' of lucrative jobs, networking with middle class people, and the whole city/graduate 'lifestyle' very difficult indeed.
I don't just mean standard working class. I lived in near poverty when I was being raised. My upbringing was culturally and economically working class.
I'm not just talking about those people who had culturally middle class parents who had a rough time when you were being raised. I'm talking about a hard upbringing in material poverty.
Anyway, I'm at a good university and I've nearly graduate. I have a very valuable degree and being realistic I have the opportunity for a very good career.
I have one more year of studying left and I keep having to come home and then go back to university. It's like I'm handling two completely different environments when I do this.
My mates at home and my mates at university are completely different, enjoy completely different types of humour and we talk about different things. It is as if I have two faces to myself and neither one is the real me. I still have fun with my friends and love them all despite this, however. It's just that the whole 'two lifestyles' thing can be extremely stressful, and I feel like I haven't got a true me or a true 'home'.
I can't really explain what I'm feeling, but it has all just built up and I feel argh.
Anybody in a similar situation?
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- Thread Starter
- 06-08-2009 00:54
- 06-08-2009 01:08
Hi OP, I haven't been through exactly what you have, but I understand what you mean. I've come from a modest middle-class family living in the north, and going to University was quite a change. There are quite a few "richer" families and a lot of people talked about private school, and I'm also the first person out of my family to go to University. My parents came from a very very poor family, so they've never had the "luxury" of going to University. I know your situation is a lot more extreme though, because it affects how you see yourself, almost living separate "lives". My boyfriend is going to Durham this year, and he comes from a working class family, the first person in his family to go to University, so I expect he'll feel the same as you. All I can say OP, is to enjoy your time with your two different groups of friends; it's not that you're not acting like the "real you", it's just that you have to adapt to talk to different kinds of people.
- 06-08-2009 01:14
What is it you find uncomfortable/difficult about getting used to? The fact you can't be yourself?
- 06-08-2009 01:20
Yep similar thing with me, takes a little while to switch from one life to other but i soon get into it, i actually quite like it, it's my double life
- 06-08-2009 01:24
I can't really see the problem here. Sure your friends from childhood are more likely to be.....errr not as cultured as your Uni mates, neither were mine and thats were a lot of my old friendships kind of ended. I was never like most of them and was into nerdy stuff so we just kind of drifted apart, but now years later i can speak to them normally as they've matured somewhat - dame I don't even no what point I'm making but yeh lol don't worry about it.
- 06-08-2009 01:24
I can relate to this in some ways - not with friends but with family.
I was brought up in a very middle class environment (although this didn't really dawn on me until I was much older as I spent most of my life outside of the UK)....but when I used to go and visit my grandparents and cousins it was like going into another world that was familiar but to which I didn't quite belong. My grandparents had a very hard life and were poor working class people who scrimped and saved to get themselves somewhere decent in life (the stories about my granddad's childhood are so Dickensian it makes me cry).
When I go into that environment I do sometimes feel like a fish out of water, and I know my cousins think I'm standoffish because I find it incredibly difficult to make conversation with them as we are not on the same wavelength at all...they literally discuss the price of meat, and as a vegetarian I don't find I have a lot to contribute
Things aren't as awkward with my nana because she sees all the differences (me having money, an excellent education etc etc) just as successes for for me and therefore for the family and she's so proud...but it still always makes me laugh how my mum reverts to putting on a regional accent to make my nana feel more comfortable.
I think in your situation OP, you should see that both 'faces' are the real you, and the older you get the more faces you'll acquire, and this is a positive thing because it makes you stronger, more versatile and with a greater appreciation of life. Personality can't be static, everyone's character is fluid and you shouldn't beat yourself up for being someone interesting who bridges two divides rather than a boring sod who only knows one way of being.
And of course, you should be proud of yourself for being successful.
- 06-08-2009 01:28
I could of wrote that, its exactly how I feel!