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    Anonymous because this is a slightly pathetic thread :o:

    About a year ago I started talking to this guy on TSR (A) who lives quite close to my University and we got on really well, spending hours talking about everything and really getting to know each other. Although meeting up properly was discussed he has a few self-esteem issues that put him off doing so, but he made it clear that he really wanted to as soon as possible. By about December I was starting to see him as more than a friend, but figured until he agreed to see me there was no point dwelling on it or telling him.

    We stayed in contact up until February when I got into a relationship with someone at University (B), which kind of put a strain on our friendship because he took issue with the guy I was seeing. Although I put it down to him worrying about losing me at first, after a month or two of awkward conversation and the occasional snide comment on his part we seemed to be arguing a lot.

    It all came to a head one night in May when I'd be drinking and called A asking what his problem was and that a real friend would be supportive of my relationship etc. After dodging the question he eventually blurted out that he'd developed feelings for me and was kicking himself for not having the confidence to meet up sooner. I never told B about this, mainly because nothing was going to come of it, but also because I wasn't really sure how I felt about his admission.

    Fast forward to now, the relationship with B ended in July after we both agreed it wasn't working, though I fear part of the reason for that on my side is that I was always comparing him to A. I'm still in contact with A and we're pretty much back to where we were in the beginning, chatting daily, but won't be meeting up until I'm back at Uni (possibly!). He keeps talking about us getting together, and how he no longer considers himself available since I told him my own feelings.

    Whilst I do care about him a lot, and would jump at the chance for us to be together, I don't want to say I'm unavailable and then end up waiting another year before we meet. But at the same time I'm not sure I'll find anyone else who 'gets me', so would it be better to avoid getting into a meaningless relationship and potentially screwing up our friendship a second time round?
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    so you strained your real life relationship because of an internet guy you have never met?
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    So go meet up, then?
    Surely you must have a weekend free. Go stay in a travel lodge near to where he lives for a weekend and meet up in the day.
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    Why not meet up? You can't live *that* far away (presumably) so if it's that important why wait another two months until uni? Those are two months you will never get back kiddo!

    Seriously though, meet him, it could rock.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Anonymous because this is a slightly pathetic thread :o:

    About a year ago I started talking to this guy on TSR (A) who lives quite close to my University and we got on really well, spending hours talking about everything and really getting to know each other. Although meeting up properly was discussed he has a few self-esteem issues that put him off doing so, but he made it clear that he really wanted to as soon as possible. By about December I was starting to see him as more than a friend, but figured until he agreed to see me there was no point dwelling on it or telling him.

    We stayed in contact up until February when I got into a relationship with someone at University (B), which kind of put a strain on our friendship because he took issue with the guy I was seeing. Although I put it down to him worrying about losing me at first, after a month or two of awkward conversation and the occasional snide comment on his part we seemed to be arguing a lot.

    It all came to a head one night in May when I'd be drinking and called A asking what his problem was and that a real friend would be supportive of my relationship etc. After dodging the question he eventually blurted out that he'd developed feelings for me and was kicking himself for not having the confidence to meet up sooner. I never told B about this, mainly because nothing was going to come of it, but also because I wasn't really sure how I felt about his admission.

    Fast forward to now, the relationship with B ended in July after we both agreed it wasn't working, though I fear part of the reason for that on my side is that I was always comparing him to A. I'm still in contact with A and we're pretty much back to where we were in the beginning, chatting daily, but won't be meeting up until I'm back at Uni (possibly!). He keeps talking about us getting together, and how he no longer considers himself available since I told him my own feelings.

    Whilst I do care about him a lot, and would jump at the chance for us to be together, I don't want to say I'm unavailable and then end up waiting another year before we meet. But at the same time I'm not sure I'll find anyone else who 'gets me', so would it be better to avoid getting into a meaningless relationship and potentially screwing up our friendship a second time round?
    Ohhh I feel for you. That's a tough one. I'm in a similar situation, except coming in contact with the guy is really not an option at this time.

    So here's what I'd do if I were in your situation.

    First, talk to him. Tell him you want to get together as well, but you don't want to be waiting forever. Tell him gently. Give him a slight ultimatum. It maybe the only thing that gets him to really think about it, and if he thinks about it, one would assume that he may act upon it.
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    Just ask him to meet up with you and if it works out well - congrats!
    If not, move on.

    But be save meet in a public place - no back alleys
    Let your friends know where you are
    Don't take any sweets from him
    And don't smell his napkin if he asks you to.
    Bleh de blah!

    Have fun
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    It isn't me who's finding it difficult to meet up. I would be there in a shot without any problems if he asked, but he's still got these confidence issues. I don't really get it because I know what he looks like, how he sounds, I've seen the embarassing FB photos. It's a strange situation to be in.

    The suggestion of an ultimatum is one I've considered, but I don't want to push him or make it a total 'all or nothing' situation, so phrasing it is going to be difficult!

    And to metropolis, I'm not sure the relationship was strained because of him, but I do think he was perhaps a factor in making me not give all that I could have to the relationship. I know it's absolutely ridiculous really, but feelings aren't exactly chosen.
 
 
 
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