If you met a girl at uni coz u had mutual friends back home, she made the effort, u went out as a group, u got interested, the she drops hints, then after a while ur the only one making the effort, and putting her 1st, whilst ur always treated like her last priority. a year goes by, and u went out here and there (not on a date). u ask her out once, she's busy but says she'd love 2, then u tell her u liked her to make things clear, she says she feels the same, but both agree they dont know each other well enough and decide to hang out. after that it's still u putting the communication effort, and feeling like she does like u, but her actions say ur low priority.. would it be wise to just stop, and wait for her to do the next move after all that? (wait for her to call u). "if u love something, let it free, if it comes back it's urs..if not it never was.." or would u say that persistence is important. im the type who likes things being mutual. and ppl who show u how they feel through action too
just a theoretical question
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one sided effort watch
- 06-08-2009 09:09
- 06-08-2009 10:23
A girl's advice or translation would be nice!
- 06-08-2009 10:57
My relationship was a lot like that and it made me feel very insecure because of it (doesn't feel great knowning you're doing everything to pretty much make the relationship work). Anyway, it was the reason we broke up (although I did want things to change and become more balanced - yet she didn't).
I'd strongly reccomend to just back off and let her come to you. By the sound of it you've made it clear you're interested and put in a lot of effort already - let her do the same. Believe me, you don't want it to be one-sided, it's just not a nice feeling from my own experience. Like you said, if she doesn't come to you then she probably doesn't care anywhere near as much as you do and that's never a good thing either.
- 06-08-2009 11:01
i cant quite work out if you guys are "together" or not? because if you're not you wont be her 1st priority. if you're just hanging out why should she put you 1st? she will have a lot of other people in her life too.
if you're in a relationship or you just want to do something about it then you need to tell her you expect more of an effort or walk away if you arent happy.
- 06-08-2009 12:42
thanks for that kai4321, i like ur advice,
Han 265: we hung out, practically dated once, i think? lol,, but since she said she liked me too, and we needed to get to know eachother more, i thought that maybe she'd not put everyone else first when i try to make an effort, and that's y we don't know eachother!. And maybe initiate a move once, instead of me, since i give her alot of space,,(weeks-or a month constantly).
- 06-08-2009 12:54
I get you, I'm in the same-ish situation. Not to put you first but she gives you the impression that she's interested by saying things/acting like it in person, then on intranets it feels like you have to make all the effort. Which seems like a contradiction really :/ but I agree.
- 06-08-2009 18:23
well i know that she asks about me, so she's not giving me the impression. i believe she likes me, dunno how much,, she's got a good personality, could be insecure enough to put some effort in. or she could be getting advice or something from the girl version thinkers of "the game" book! basically playing games that turn guys away rather than help anyone..
Any advice? girls??