Hey there! Sign in to join this conversationNew here? Join for free
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    I would really appreciate some opinions on my situation from guys and girls as I'm not sure what to do.

    I have been with my boyfriend for a couple of months, although I have been seeing him since september when we met at uni as it took us a long time to actually get where we are now due to complications, but we got there in the end. I love him very much but at the minute I feel like I'm losing him.

    He lives far from me while were not at uni and as a result I have only managed to see him once all summer. That was a few weeks ago when I went to stay with him, first time I met his friends and family and I really had such an amazing time. But for the past few weeks since I came back he has to put NO effort in whatsoever. I mean zero. I am not a clingy girl, however I do expect some sort of contact, even just one text message at night before bed. I understand he is busy, he has a 9-5 job at the minute, but one phone called every couple of days Im sure could be squeezed in. He would go 3-4 days at a time and I still wont hear from him and I eventually ring and give up waiting but I hate doing all the chasing. So anyway a few days a go was the final straw, I text him on the saturday night, no reply. I rang him on sunday afternoon before work, no answer, again around 8 on my break, no answer and by monday he still hadnt returned by calls. And I knew his phone was fine etc he just wasnt bothering his ass. I talked to my friend and she said I should really so something as what is the point in an LDR with zero communication. I tried talking to him about it before and he just says he is busy alot but will try to contact me more, and nothing changes.

    So I text him on monday saying something along the lines of 'You know how I feel about you, but at the minute I dont feel like I have a boyfriend. I think we should just leave things until we see each other in a couple of weeks back at uni' He replied right away (so I know he is quite capable of replying, answering or using his phone if he wanted to). Instead of him saying, Im sorry I haven't spoken to you much lately Im just busy and stressed about exams but Ill be able to give you more time in a couple of weeks when exams are over, everything will be fine thenm he replied saying 'Fine, sorry Im ****, have fun whatever you are doing and Ill see you in a couple of weeks. Love you so much' I mean wtf?! So we text a bit basically with him trying to see where I am coming from, and him just making excuses saying I know he cares and he would give me the time if he could. Which is stupid because no one is so busy the don't have 30 seconds in 3 days to send a text. So he ended it by saying 'You've obviously made up your mind, hope you have a good rest of summer now you dont have me hanging over you all the time' I replied saying that he knows this is not what I want I know he is busy but I just wanted him to make a little time for me. No reply. I don't know whether that last comment sounded hurt that I had suggested all this, or whether it means thats what he wants?

    That was on monday. He hasnt contacted me since and I have, on advice of friends, not tried to contact him. I dont know what to think or do. I know he is extremely stressed about his resits that he has to pass or he will get kicked out of uni, so that may explain it but even so if I was stressed I wouldn't get on like that to him. If he even just told me thats all it was and asked for a little time but its the way he has gone about it. When he had exams in the summer he was very moody and took it out on me then but its not fair to just refuse to talk to me everyday, what is the point in the relationship. Just to clarify it got much in the past few weeks as exams got closer etc but even at the start he wasnt the best communicator in the world, but at least he'd ring every other day to see how I was etc. What should I do. I can ether just do nothing, hope that he contacts me when his exams are over and then I'll be over at uni at the end of august and we can sort it out then. But I want him to really understand how upset this has made me, and actually apologise for it. If I just let things go back to normal when we get back to uni, is that not just like me saying well you can ignore me most of the summer and make no effort and then just pick up were we left off when were back at uni. Ugh!!!! I know he loves me and I don't wanna lose him but I just wish he would stop being such an ass, this is horrible for me not knowing how he feels about things. I had all sorts of horrible ideas popping in my head, like if he was seeing someone else. I guess I just have to trust him and believe that its nothing to do with that. Is he genuinely just thinking that he can't deal with this right now so he'll just ignore it. I'm pretty sure he knows rightly that as soon as we get back to uni that everything will be fine, which I don't like to admit but if I see him I'll want to be with him. I'm not interested in anyone else. Sorry this has been so long but tried to get the full story out there!
    Offline

    2
    ReputationRep:
    Sounds like he's pretty secure in the relationship and you got a little needy (despite you saying at the start you weren't that kind of girl).

    The strange thing is you know he's busy. He's balancing a job, a LDR, revision and resits as well as all the stress that comes with it yet you still want more from him. If I was in his position, even though you're not exactly close to me, I'd feel pretty suffocated. The last thing I'd want is more stress from somebody who's supposed to be understanding.

    No replies over the course of 72 hours doesn't automatically mean he's going missing or going off you. Unfortunately, you didn't quite see that.

    P.S Holy ****, that was quite a lot to read. Questions marks would have been nice. :sigh:
    Offline

    10
    ReputationRep:
    No replies over the course of 72 hours doesn't automatically mean he's going missing or going off you. Unfortunately, you didn't quite see that.
    It only takes a second to send a text to your partner to let them know your alive- like she said, no one is that busy. A long distance relationship without regular contact is never going to work. I think you're best without this relationship, OP. Worrying about him when he doesn't reply is never healthy.
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    wow essay,

    you are being to needy, give him a break and talk to him when you see him
    Offline

    2
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Atrixa)
    It only takes a second to send a text to your partner to let them know your alive- like she said, no one is that busy.
    I'm assuming he felt pretty comfortable in the relationship. After all, he introduced her to his friends and panicked as soon as she started laying down the ultimatum-esque texts.
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    too much to read
    Offline

    1
    ReputationRep:
    If your texts messages are anything like your forum posts, it probably takes him a couple of days to read them.




    Seriously, though - I don't think you're being all that naive, though maybe a bit insecure. My friend's gf lives in another country, and he was getting really paranoid about her lack of contact, but she genuinely was just really busy and stressed about other stuff. It all worked out fne in the end
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    Wow, that was long!

    He's probably sleeping with some other girl and uses you for fun during uni. The other possibility is that he is very busy (which you don't think is true).
    Offline

    15
    ReputationRep:
    I'm not saying its your fault, although you could have done more.
    Offline

    1
    ReputationRep:
    God, save this soul.

    You're being naive. There is no excuse for what he is doing, and I bet he doesn't say anything because he's partying to hard. Get over him and enjoy the rest of the summer.
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Irrelevance)
    Sounds like he's pretty secure in the relationship and you got a little needy (despite you saying at the start you weren't that kind of girl).

    The strange thing is you know he's busy. He's balancing a job, a LDR, revision and resits as well as all the stress that comes with it yet you still want more from him. If I was in his position, even though you're not exactly close to me, I'd feel pretty suffocated. The last thing I'd want is more stress from somebody who's supposed to be understanding.

    No replies over the course of 72 hours doesn't automatically mean he's going missing or going off you. Unfortunately, you didn't quite see that.

    P.S Holy ****, that was quite a lot to read. Questions marks would have been nice. :sigh:
    yes but a reply every few days is the least anyone would expect surely? i mean i understand the guy has all these to balance, but what's the point in being in a relationship if they don't talk? i don't think he sounds secure in the relationship, i think it sounds like he's taking it for granted. surely communicating with your other half your stress and worries would be better than trying to deal with it by yourself? she's not asking for much, just to be a part of his life. Nothing wrong with that. They're not even seeing each other over summer, i'd hardly call her clingy
    Offline

    15
    ReputationRep:
    I've come out of this not really knowing what to think. His replies are a little weird. And I don't think it's too much to expect some communication. BUt then again it could be perfectly possible to be busy enough and need enough space to sort things out, especially if hes the kind of person that needs his space.
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    Ok Ok sorry for the long post guys but once I started it all just came pouring out and there was no way to stop it!

    I sort of thought this might happen, girls thinking that I have a right to be annoyed and guys thinking Im being needy. But come on guys, it is not possible for a person to be THAT busy for days at a time to not have 30 seconds free, what about a text before bed, when you wake, there is loads of time minutes in the day. And I really don't think its fair to say I was being needy because I left him 5 days once to see how long it would take him and I STILL had to contact him. I don't think Im asking much. Plus if he had explained this to me properly instead of doing what he did I'd have been fine with it.
    Offline

    2
    ReputationRep:
    I don't blame you for being annoyed, but was it really wise to lie in the text? (From what you have said on here, you saying you don't want a bf right now is not true).
    I do agree that he could at least text back though, its an easy thing to do.
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Spanghew)
    If your texts messages are anything like your forum posts, it probably takes him a couple of days to read them.




    Seriously, though - I don't think you're being all that naive, though maybe a bit insecure. My friend's gf lives in another country, and he was getting really paranoid about her lack of contact, but she genuinely was just really busy and stressed about other stuff. It all worked out fne in the end
    lol
    He's probably just distracted right now. give him time and if he comes around he comes around. if not, well you cant make someone love you
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by twizzle)
    yes but a reply every few days is the least anyone would expect surely? i mean i understand the guy has all these to balance, but what's the point in being in a relationship if they don't talk? i don't think he sounds secure in the relationship, i think it sounds like he's taking it for granted. surely communicating with your other half your stress and worries would be better than trying to deal with it by yourself? she's not asking for much, just to be a part of his life. Nothing wrong with that. They're not even seeing each other over summer, i'd hardly call her clingy
    Not everyone treats a relationship so seriously, especially when you are at uni. For a lot of people, it's just a bit of fun. The people who treat it like their life end up getting disappointed.
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by carlosb)
    God, save this soul.

    You're being naive. There is no excuse for what he is doing, and I bet he doesn't say anything because he's partying to hard. Get over him and enjoy the rest of the summer.
    I really don't think thats true, he works monday-friday 9-5 and doesn't do anything on those nights except get dinner, see mates for an hour, revision then bed. And at the weekend he is trying to cram revision in too, his exams are very soon and he HAS to pass all 3 or he will be kicked off his course.

    And as to the guy who says hes probably seeing some other girl, this of course crossed by mind but I have to trust him, I really doubt with his week that he'd have time. And if he was surely he would just have ended it properly ages ago knowing we would probably be sleeping together when we got back anyway. That way he could fool around with this other girl guilt free.
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    Poor you

    I can see where you're coming from and why you would want to contact him and get an apology etc etc, but in my opinion now that you've said 'Let's leave it for a bit', you need to do just that. If you do anything else you'll be messing him about a bit, giving him mixed signals and stressing him out during resits/his job etc etc.

    Try and enjoy the rest of your summer, have fun and don't think about him too much. He might use that time to realise he needs to make more of an effort. Have a serious talk about it when you get back to uni and let him know that you were upset by him ignoring you and if it's going to work he needs to make more of an effort.

    Whatever you do, don't drop the taking a break thing and call him. Contacting him again would be a really bad idea because, he obviously cares a lot about you despite his lack of communication and if he has felt that you're being clingy then you going 'We need to take a break' and then 'Now I want to talk, why haven't you apologised?' after you asked him not to contact you is probably just going to annoy him.

    Hope it works out.
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I really don't think thats true, he works monday-friday 9-5 and doesn't do anything on those nights except get dinner, see mates for an hour, revision then bed. And at the weekend he is trying to cram revision in too, his exams are very soon and he HAS to pass all 3 or he will be kicked off his course.

    And as to the guy who says hes probably seeing some other girl, this of course crossed by mind but I have to trust him, I really doubt with his week that he'd have time. And if he was surely he would just have ended it properly ages ago knowing we would probably be sleeping together when we got back anyway. That way he could fool around with this other girl guilt free.
    Why would he do that? This way, he gets a girl when he at home and you when he is at uni.
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by Psycho0101)
    Not everyone treats a relationship so seriously, especially when you are at uni. For a lot of people, it's just a bit of fun. The people who treat it like their life end up getting disappointed.
    Hes not one of these people. He told his best mates mum (who he has known since he was little and is very close to) that he was falling in love with me. (she told me this not him) and he talks about the future all the time, our holidays next summer, his cousins wedding were going to in the spring etc. This is why it confuses me so much, why would you not want to contact someone your supposed to love?
 
 
 
Reply
Submit reply
TSR Support Team

We have a brilliant team of more than 60 Support Team members looking after discussions on The Student Room, helping to make it a fun, safe and useful place to hang out.

Updated: August 6, 2009
  • See more of what you like on The Student Room

    You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

  • Poll
    Have you ever participated in a Secret Santa?
  • See more of what you like on The Student Room

    You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

  • The Student Room, Get Revising and Marked by Teachers are trading names of The Student Room Group Ltd.

    Register Number: 04666380 (England and Wales), VAT No. 806 8067 22 Registered Office: International House, Queens Road, Brighton, BN1 3XE

    Quick reply
    Reputation gems: You get these gems as you gain rep from other members for making good contributions and giving helpful advice.