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On the one day I needed him... watch

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    Please keep as anon due to first line.

    So tomorrow is the anniversary of me been sexually assaulted/raped, whatever you want to call it, it happened when I was 14 (now 19).

    Although I am generally fine on this day I really need TLC and can sometimes have panic attacks. About three months ago I told my BF this may be a bad day, and he promised he would make sure he is definitely seeing me tomorrow to distract me and look after me in general because I'll be feeling awful.

    Now some of his friends are moving to London in a week, and they've decided to go to the pub for a leaving thing... tomorrow night. Hes made it clear hes going, has said he will see up until seven when he needs to leave, but its eight-ten that I'm most likely to be upset. Friends are now busy and my parents are away, I now feel really unsupported, I am completely understanding that some of his close friends are moving, but I feel really let down. I am invited to go, I too know them, but I am worried I will have a panic attack or get upset, and I don't want to do this in the pub for my own sake or to spoil anyones evening, particularly my boyfriends.

    Any suggestions what to do? I wasn't worried about tomorrow as had my boyfriend but now I am worrying and really don't want to be by myself but not be selfish either!
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    Ask him to stay with you for at least a little while, if not the whole day. If that fails you could try and ask some friends to keep you company for the day, or even family.
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    go and get drunk with them. youll have company and itll take your mind off it.
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    I would go with him, if you try and have a good time with him and his friends at the pub that'll probably do a good job of distracting you.

    Keep your chin up!
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    Go with him?
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    Ask to see if you can go with him?
    It would help imo.
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    I think you should tell him that 8.10 is the worst time for you and you'd like it if he could be there. At the end of the day, hes not a mind reader and may not realise how upsetting this will be for you. He can always go out for drinks later on in the night, I don't think you should feel too guilty about ruining his fun. I'm sure hed rather that you were okay.

    Hope your day is alright
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    Go with him / tell him how you feel.
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    Really sorry to hear that, we're here for you :grouphugs: :grouphugs:
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    (Original post by SoundDevastation)
    go and get drunk with them. youll have company and itll take your mind off it.
    yeah I just dont want him every 5minutes feeling like he keeps needing to ask me if I am ok, and if i cry i dont want to cause a fuss, its not an evening for me, and getting drunk if more likely to make me emotional and even worse, tried that before!

    I sorta went silent when he told me, I think he knows I feel let down, I just went short with him, hes tried making it up saying he'll be there until eightish, and was like I'm hardly ever gonna see them again, but atm he has plans to go stay with them for a good few weeks in the not too distant future, and has another week with them before they leave. I don't think he really gets it, that or even worse he just isnt that bothered
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Please keep as anon due to first line.

    So tomorrow is the anniversary of me been sexually assaulted/raped, whatever you want to call it, it happened when I was 14 (now 19).

    Although I am generally fine on this day I really need TLC and can sometimes have panic attacks. About three months ago I told my BF this may be a bad day, and he promised he would make sure he is definitely seeing me tomorrow to distract me and look after me in general because I'll be feeling awful.

    Now some of his friends are moving to London in a week, and they've decided to go to the pub for a leaving thing... tomorrow night. Hes made it clear hes going, has said he will see up until seven when he needs to leave, but its eight-ten that I'm most likely to be upset. Friends are now busy and my parents are away, I now feel really unsupported, I am completely understanding that some of his close friends are moving, but I feel really let down. I am invited to go, I too know them, but I am worried I will have a panic attack or get upset, and I don't want to do this in the pub for my own sake or to spoil anyones evening, particularly my boyfriends.

    Any suggestions what to do? I wasn't worried about tomorrow as had my boyfriend but now I am worrying and really don't want to be by myself but not be selfish either!
    No offence but it sounds like your planning the time to be upset. Maybe think positive? :confused:
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    #2

    I'm not meaning this in an offensive way at all but... your attitude to what happened doesn't seem to be helping. Seems like you've sort of admitted defeat without trying. I know what happened is horrible, but it seems like you're actually expecting to remember every ****** detail, expecting panic attacks, expecting all these bad feelings. Perhaps if you don't put so much emphasis on how bad it will be, it might not turn out as bad as you think? This attitude definately helped me in situations very similar to yours. Of course your boyfriend should be there to support you, but if he needs to see off his mates why not go with him? Distraction is always useful, and you never know you may even have fun.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I'm not meaning this in an offensive way at all but... your attitude to what happened doesn't seem to be helping. Seems like you've sort of admitted defeat without trying. I know what happened is horrible, but it seems like you're actually expecting to remember every ****** detail, expecting panic attacks, expecting all these bad feelings. Perhaps if you don't put so much emphasis on how bad it will be, it might not turn out as bad as you think? This attitude definitely helped me in situations very similar to yours. Of course your boyfriend should be there to support you, but if he needs to see off his mates why not go with him? Distraction is always useful, and you never know you may even have fun.
    Firstly no need to ******, getting a little extreme thanks. My attitude is perfectly realistic, I am not being negative, I am just trying to give myself the best possible situation to be in, judging from previous years experience and previous panic attacks. I am positive about it, and am not 'expecting to remember every ****** detail' thankyou, but at the same time you can only be so positive and then accept I am likely to feel not 100%. In some ways I accept its healthy to get upset about it than keep it bottled up. What would be the point in that? Obviously I try very hard not to, but its not exaclty a nice thing.
    I have put no emphasis on how bad it would be, I am making sure if I do feel bad support is there.
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    Bros before hos.
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    Can't you just explain to him properly, and ask him to go at 9 or whatever, if you're that anti-going with him.

    I think going with him is probably the best plan though. If you feel that bad, you can just leave, and it will probably help take your mind off it.
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    I know it must be awful what happened but you can't let it make things worse for you. It's now got potential to damage your relationship. You're clearly important to your boyfriend but you need to understand his friends are important to him too and one of them are leaving.

    You say your family are away and your friends aren't available, yet you seem to accept that so much more readily than your boyfirend being busy.

    For your own sake try to put this in the past and not let it control you, you cant control your boyfriend down to the time he has to be there, its unfair on him. Go to the pub with him and your friends and let them distract you.
    • #2
    #2

    (Original post by davidac)
    Do you have any idea how ******* mental you sound? Tell you what love, on this 'anniversary' night, put the saddest, most tear-jerking music on you can possibly think of, lock yourself away in a dark, candle-lit room, set your alarm for 8.10, then wrap yourself up in a giant clump of cotton wool. Then when the alarm sounds, start crying and screaming hysterically until you're taken to a psychiatric hospital and sectioned. Just to show this rapist dude that he really has got under your skin. That you still remember the exact time and date of the assault, even though the time and date themselves were quite arbitrary and incidental. That you basically count down the days and months till this exact moment, and that when this moment arrives, you try to make it as dark and horrible as possible, turning it over in your mind until you've made yourself upset enough to cry. It's probably what he wants, and by the sound of things, it's what you want as well.
    Thanks, i think you just kinda explained my point way better than i could! And OP, sorry if i offended you, you seem on the defensive! :dontknow:
    • #3
    #3

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Please keep as anon due to first line.

    So tomorrow is the anniversary of me been sexually assaulted/raped, whatever you want to call it, it happened when I was 14 (now 19).

    Although I am generally fine on this day I really need TLC and can sometimes have panic attacks. About three months ago I told my BF this may be a bad day, and he promised he would make sure he is definitely seeing me tomorrow to distract me and look after me in general because I'll be feeling awful.

    Now some of his friends are moving to London in a week, and they've decided to go to the pub for a leaving thing... tomorrow night. Hes made it clear hes going, has said he will see up until seven when he needs to leave, but its eight-ten that I'm most likely to be upset. Friends are now busy and my parents are away, I now feel really unsupported, I am completely understanding that some of his close friends are moving, but I feel really let down. I am invited to go, I too know them, but I am worried I will have a panic attack or get upset, and I don't want to do this in the pub for my own sake or to spoil anyones evening, particularly my boyfriends.

    Any suggestions what to do? I wasn't worried about tomorrow as had my boyfriend but now I am worrying and really don't want to be by myself but not be selfish either!
    Go with him, I COMPLETELY understand how you feel, I went out partying on my dads birthday (having forgotten it was his bday) and I was raped so imagine how both of us feel on his birthday.

    I would go out and be distracted, eventually you'll learn to associate that day not with BAD feelings, (and not likely happy) but with CALM feelings. Possibly, thats how it is for me anyway
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Go with him, I COMPLETELY understand how you feel, I went out partying on my dads birthday (having forgotten it was his bday) and I was raped so imagine how both of us feel on his birthday.

    I would go out and be distracted, eventually you'll learn to associate that day not with BAD feelings, (and not likely happy) but with CALM feelings. Possibly, thats how it is for me anyway
    I agree with this. OP I'm really sorry about what happened to you, but I think you have to stop letting the memory/event have such a hold over you. Go out, have the best time you can and hopefully it will take you a step closer to completely conquering the panic attacks that you associate with this time.
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    (Original post by parpirate)
    For how many years do you plan to 'celebrate' this anniversary? Would it not be better to go out with your boyfriends mates who are celebrating leaving and concentrate your emotion on them?
    thats harsh
    its not fair for anyone to comment as they cant really understand what is going on.
    i'm sure "celebrating" the anniversary is involuntary
    anniversaries bring back the past
    whether its the anniversary of a death, horrible incident or something good like a relationship. it still brings back the past
    its going to be a difficult night whatever happens
    so the best thing to do is what feels most comfortable.
 
 
 
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