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Is this girl worth a year and half of my life? Watch

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    Hi, ill try to make this as short as possible. Sorry it is a long story and will very much appreciate any feedback no matter how small.

    Last year i hooked up (kissy kissy not sucky sucky etc) with this girl who i was ridiculously into, she told me she was gonna break up with her bf at the time anyway and i stupidly jumped feet first in love with her. We both immediately regretted the kiss and emotional attachment knowing it was bad on her bf but because we had bottled up our feelings for each other for some time we couldnt help but stay in contact and meet up once in a while.

    Then all of a sudden she started pushing me away. I understood her dilema and tried my best to respect it but at the same time some other guy appeared on the scene. He was flirting with her ridiculously and on several occasions had tried to 'get something' off her. She just reassured me it was nothing and carried on fooling about (flirting with, dirty dancing etc) with this guy with no respect for her bf (who she was apparently soon to break up with) and me (who had pretty much accepted the fact he'd been led on and was doing his best to remain friends).

    One day i took her aside and explained best i could what she was doing was outright wrong. In response to this she got extremely drunk at a club and snuck into the mens restroom with the guy who had tried it with her in the past (i dont know how far they went but it seemed alittle further than kissing). I know this because i kicked the door in and punched him a few times, seeing her pantyless and a condom wrapper in the toilet basin. I was heartbroken and had no idea what to do.

    We spoke about it and she went on to say it was 'the drink', 'a spur of the moment' and she 'felt pressured'. After many talks she apologised but never gave me the full story. A month or two of awkwardness passed and she said she missed me and wanted to sort stuff out. Then i found out she was still speaking to restroom guy and was furious, i met up with her and confronted her about it and she promised never to speak to the guy again out of respect for her now Ex bf and me.

    A month passed and we met up again. This time we hooked up again (kissy kissy). I afterall was smitten for the girl and apparently she was for me. She was going to University literally days later and i was going into the world of work. Knowing she couldnt be fully trusted i explained to her our problem but am a fond believer that people can change. I wanted to give us a chance to build on her mistakes and grow from it. She seemed doubtful for a few minutes but after explaining how much i believed in it her doubts vanished.

    A month into her university life she started acting funny with me. I know its difficult to balance meeting new people with the rest of life and i wasnt going to say that i was a priority at all as far as her university career is concerned. Eventually i a few months in realied why. Pictures of her with other guys (dirty dancing, being intimately close to etc) sprung up on facebook almost every other night. I took the photos with a pinch of salt at first but soon cracked and confronted her about it. At which point which got very secretive with me and i found it even harder to meet up with her seeing as she never made clear when she was actually free. She justified the secretiveness as 'we're not together so it doesnt matter'. I was getting more and more down about it.

    Soon a friend was told by a mature student at her university he had slept with her. From that point we have had constant on and off arguements about her telling me the full story and she claims none of the alledged stories told are true. She said recently that she is unsure she wants to be with someone now. I found her to still be in contact with restroom guy and this was explained as 'he accidently text me and i made civil small talk with him'.

    I admit i have lashed out several times and have stupidly even resorted to threatening her with telling her dad (who would go ballistic at her if he found out the whole story, very orthodox religious reasons) to highlight the concequences of her actions. Yes i know thats cold hearted and stupid in every way but i feel like thats the only thing that gets through to her. Even when we talk about the possibility of an 'us' comes up she is still leaning to the fact she likes me but has no idea what she is doing/thinking/feeling. My threats cant make matters any better im sure but in my eyes its better to have the truth and be dissapointed than to wonder and wreck my brain.

    Thing is i dont trust the girl but am completely in love with her at the same time. Any ideas what on earth to do?

    PS. If you have read this through you def deserve a medal :]
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    It sounds to me like she can't have as deep feelings for you if she's constantly flirting and hooking up with other guys, and putting pictures of it up on Facebook where she knows you can and will see them - it's obvious that's going to hurt you. If she isn't prepared to be with you and only you, then I think it's best to stay away.
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    You've answered your own question really. Doesn't sound like the type of girl you really want to be getting in deeper with than you already are. You've said yourself you can't trust her and without trust there is no basis for a relationship. Would you really want to go out with a girl who is, realistically, in the end going to cheat on you with someone else or, at the very least, make you an insecure mess because you're watching her every move and thus are unable to actually enjoy going out with her. Sounds like a recipe for disaster. Safe yourself more heartache in the future and don't get involved. You'll only end up getting more hurt further down the line...
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    you're a freak

    ps. where is my medal
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    I know how your feeling, you hate the fact you love her and wish you didn't, you wish you didn't care and regret everything that happens with her but at the same time you can't wait to see her again. Actually that might just be me.
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    I'm so proud I read through all that! Anyways, I reckon she's just playing you and (maybe) doesn't have the 'deep' feelings towards you that you think she has? My advice is to cut all contact with her and to gradually get over her. She's not worth it.
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    You're obsessive and clingy, and I don't think she really does want to be with you. She's probably keeping things from you BECAUSE you're so obsessed with her. And yes, I read the whole thing.
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    Find sum1 else who is deserving of you. It'll be hard but when you look back in the future, you'll realise how she wasn't as 'great' as you thought she was.
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    IMO the girl sounds like a mess,
    if you cant trust her now then a relationship will never work
    not the easiest but try and start a fresh
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    That's what you get for being Captain save a hoe. Besides from what I read you're not actually with her. So let it go.
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    a5d: its in the post dude... promise ;]

    samthevet123: yeah its that exactly man. Iv been through the whole 'blame myself' period and all thankfully my mates helped me see through that crap.

    Cheers for all the feedback btw guys. Great you can tolerate reading that mini novel of mine.
    • #1
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    You sound like someone i know... and someone i was with.

    Tbh i would just say leave her. Dont talk to her anymore. If she does love you and you are to be together she will realise you not being there or contacting her. If she doesnt really care... well then she desnt love you and you are wasting your time. I would say just meet up once and explain this.
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    I never thought i would ever say this but, your a wasteman, leave the girl she seems like a royal **** up. theres millions of nice mentally healthy girls out their, why this ****?

    /thread imo
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    Based on your thread title - **** no
    After reading what you wrote - **** no

    yet another pussy beggar who thinks that, just because he likes a girl she has to reciprocate AND cannot have feelngs for others.

    You misplayed EVERY street imo.

    However - congratulations on presenting such a long essay in an easy to read format. :top2:

    also:
    (Original post by DaneCook)
    That's what you get for being Captain save a hoe. Besides from what I read you're not actually with her. So let it go.
    chapeau to you as well :top2:
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    I would say she sounds like a whore so in answer to the original question, it's gotta be a resounding 'no'.
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    Sounds like a difficult one, i myself have been in an on off relationship with a guy for five years, we;ve broken up found ourselves in relationships with other people and then cheated on them with each other, then got back together etc etc. We're just on the verge of getting back together again after he has decided he just wants to be with me and the distance and other factors that played a part in us not being together shouldn't be an issue any more.

    I can see where you're coming from getting upset when you see her with others and the fact that she has cheated in the past and you're not sure if you can trust her. It's about time she told you exactly how she feels about you. If she just thinks you're a hot guy who is good to hook up with now and again then it's worth forgetting about her or just trying not to have contact for a while and see how the dust settles. If she admits she has deep feelings for you it might be worth trying to make a go of things. But to be frank it sounds like she's a bit of a loose cannon and either needs to get the fooling around and having fun out of her system (many people can be like this in first year at uni then end up calming down and settling down with one guy for the rest of uni). or she might never change and always be like that.

    The guy I'm with has cheated on two of his girlfriends with me and i have cheated on one boyfriend with him. I have a tiny fear in the back of my mind that he might do that to me, but i very much doubt it as he's only ever cheated on any one with me and i;ve only cheated on someone once and that was with him.

    My situation probably doesn't sounds too much like yours but i can understand how you are feeling because i've kind of been through the same thing and so has my boyfriend.
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    Although I have to admit, you need to stop freaking out at her as well. You're not with her so it's really none of your business what she gets up to.
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    1. Cliffs required

    2. No she isn't
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    She is not worth it. I read it all and I don't know what else to say, its heartache and for what, a bit of 'kissy kissy'? You deserve so, so much more. Don't let yourself be pushed around.x
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    There have been periods where i just havent spoke to her for long periods of time, weeks, at one point a whole month and abit, sometimes out of frustration for the scenario and other times because iv had other more important things going on. On almost all occasions she has got in contact with me first :\
 
 
 
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