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Should I finish it? watch

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    Going into my final year now on a 2:1, but mentally very drained out. Recently, lost a best friend due to suicide at university, and many of my other mates have graduated. Out of those that remain, I am not close to any of them. More to the point they give me a very hard time, because I am having trouble integrating since my mates death as I associate the place with him. They dont seem very supportive and seem to be very self absorved.
    Really hating it and at uni my mental health deteriates as a result.

    My degree is very hard as it is a very rigourous subject, and I feel that when I am at university I have a hard time focusing. Rather, during term time I have to come back home a lot to regain my focus. I dont know how I am still able to get a 2:1 given my year. Truth to be told, it is likely I may just graduate with a 2:2 due to my unhappiness. Without doing my final year, I can see myself being burned out and overwhelmed and so I am unsure on whether I should transfer back home or see it out.

    What do you think I should do?
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    Well surely you must accept that having a degree is better than not having one.
    So if possible you shud try and finish.
    It is one year, which is a small time in the context of your whole life.
    My heartfelt advice is to break it down and not think of it as a whole year. Please just think of getting thru the next week. When thats done try and get your head down and get thru the next week. Ad Nauseum
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    Why not just defer the year? Take a breather, etc.
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    (Original post by Adam'kay)
    Well surely you must accept that having a degree is better than not having one.
    So if possible you shud try and finish.
    It is one year, which is a small time in the context of your whole life.
    My heartfelt advice is to break it down and not think of it as a whole year. Please just think of getting thru the next week. When thats done try and get your head down and get thru the next week. Ad Nauseum
    Thanks for your insight.

    Yeah I guess I could see it that way, I guess what it is, is the sense of loneliness that comes with the experience. Like, I really feel it up there.

    Over here when I am at home, if I am down, I have my family, or very close friends to fall back on, to talk to. I feel I can't do the same up there, simply because I don't have any close friends up there anymore. This in turn has an affect on me academically.
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    (Original post by Hylean)
    Why not just defer the year? Take a breather, etc.
    I took a year out the year before, so it wont go down too well with my parents. Too many gap years will look negatively on my CV especially if I end up with a 2:2. Also, I just know deep down inside that if I do take a year out again, I know I wont go back.

    I am 23 atm.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I took a year out the year before, so it wont go down too well with my parents. Too many gap years will look negatively on my CV especially if I end up with a 2:2. Also, I just know deep down inside that if I do take a year out again, I know I wont go back.

    I am 23 atm.
    Nyah, your choice. I'd take the year out personally and try and get some persective, etc for the entire thing.
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    (Original post by Hylean)
    Nyah, your choice. I'd take the year out personally and try and get some persective, etc for the entire thing.
    I wont lie to you but I am just confused atm.

    Is it too late for me to transfer?
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    Google Aegrotat degree.
    Honestly OP, what you said about being alone 'up there' scares me a bit..
    You could join an online community to get you thru the year? Combine this with taking up a hobby to take your mind off things?? There are loads of specialist forums that are like families lol.
    I personally wud try and do the year, but make big allowances etc etc and take it one week at a time
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I wont lie to you but I am just confused atm.

    Is it too late for me to transfer?
    Transfer?! You can't up sticks and leave in your final year, mate.

    Your choices are: defer, leave, finish.

    I'd pick the first one as it gives you a year to get your head straight. Leaving is a bad idea all round. Finishing is okay, but I feel you need a rest and time to get over your mate's death. Put it this way, you've a better chance getting that 2:1 with the deferred year.
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    (Original post by Hylean)
    Transfer?! You can't up sticks and leave in your final year, mate.

    Your choices are: defer, leave, finish.

    I'd pick the first one as it gives you a year to get your head straight. Leaving is a bad idea all round. Finishing is okay, but I feel you need a rest and time to get over your mate's death. Put it this way, you've a better chance getting that 2:1 with the deferred year.
    I've changed my mind I think I agree with the nancy boy.
    Could you arrange a gap type year and work/live abroad somewhere hot for 6 months???
    That shud set you straight
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    (Original post by Adam'kay)
    Google Aegrotat degree.
    Honestly OP, what you said about being alone 'up there' scares me a bit..
    You could join an online community to get you thru the year? Combine this with taking up a hobby to take your mind off things?? There are loads of specialist forums that are like families lol.
    I personally wud try and do the year, but make big allowances etc etc and take it one week at a time
    Aquaintances are easy to come by, but good quality friendships are not. I could of course go out there and make a whole new bunch of mates, but then there is the issue of investing time into it, a luxary I wont have in my final year. And even then its complicated, because there is the trust/loyalty issue that needs to be addressed.

    My best mate and I we were friends since first year, for 3 years and we were really really good mates. So it was a blow to me. Like compare to I don't know your brother/sister dying - same sorta ****.

    Of course with my family around, everything is unconditional and I wouldn't have this problem irrespective of my social network at any one time.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Aquaintances are easy to come by, but good quality friendships are not. I could of course go out there and make a whole new bunch of mates, but then there is the issue of investing time into it, a luxary I wont have in my final year. And even then its complicated, because there is the trust/loyalty issue that needs to be addressed.

    My best mate and I we were friends since first year, for 3 years and we were really really good mates. So it was a blow to me. Like compare to I don't know your brother/sister dying - same sorta ****.

    Of course with my family around, everything is unconditional and I wouldn't have this problem irrespective of my social network at any one time.
    Were/Are you angry with him?
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    (Original post by Hylean)
    Transfer?! You can't up sticks and leave in your final year, mate.

    Your choices are: defer, leave, finish.

    I'd pick the first one as it gives you a year to get your head straight. Leaving is a bad idea all round. Finishing is okay, but I feel you need a rest and time to get over your mate's death. Put it this way, you've a better chance getting that 2:1 with the deferred year.
    There is a catch though with the deferred year:

    a) I graduate when I am older. Meaning I will have to do a **** job/or be unemployed and either way will get a lot of **** from my family.

    b) When I do return I will know nobody on my course, and its one of those degree where knowing people helps due to the technical nature of the assignments.

    c) My current set of "friends", will also be graduated by then. Meaning that I will have to start from scratch.

    Yeah, transferring is definently a fools hope. Unless I go back a year, no more funding. I guess the only reason why it was an attractive prospect is purely down to my support structure here, it has really had a positive affect on my mental health. I am not worrying about the same **** as I do at uni for example.
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    (Original post by hayyleyy)
    I know its an awful situation to be in, but wouldn't finishing your degree be the best option? Set a precedent in your life of facing your problems instead of running away, but do this with the help of facilities at your university like councillors and maybe talk to a tutor etc. There's help there if you look for it, but running away won't help anything and you'll be left with no degree and two wasted years, which might possibly add to your depression.

    All the best.
    You know, it was mad.

    I had to see a therapist at university, because it ****** with my head so much especially when things were getting tough with my degree.

    When I came back home after my third year, the first thing my Dad said to me was "Anon, you look you have been in a warzone" to which I jokingly replied "Thank **** I am out of there, I think that I have been fighting the Germans for a year". It was terrible and it took ages for me to get back to normal socially.

    Incidently, everytime I return home for my holidays, I would feel paranoid (I get nit picked on over there because I am a Londoner, so by default they think I am arrogant) by thinking that people were judging me for my clothing and mannerisms, whilst being pretty depressed by the whole incident of coming to terms of the loss of my best mate. It was a bad state, and takes me ages to get out of this mind set everytime I am back. Once I do get over it through some TLC, I find that some of my best nights have been back home as its allowed me to move on....that and being surrounded by positive/likeminded/ambitious people helps a lot!

    My depression is definently situational in that respect. My department at university like me a lot, and are doing their best to support me for example but there is only so much they can do. They can't get the degree for me. If it wasn't for my department I would have definently dropped out by now for sure.

    Worse case scienario is if I discontinue my studies now I leave with a diploma, which no use to anyone and definently not a true reflection of my ability. So yeah will be ashame.
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    (Original post by Adam'kay)
    Were/Are you angry with him?
    Not so much angry, he had his reasons. Saying that, I do often ask myself "why" he did it. I mean I think he could have turned **** around. It does yeah upset me for example when something significant happens to me in my life and now that he is not here I can't share my experiences with him. Especially if that one thing was related to him in some shape of form.

    For example: we both needed orthodontics work done for example, mine happened this summer after waiting absolutely ages, and it sucks I can't share the story with him; as this was something we spoke about when he was alive. Just small things like that. At uni it would normally be going out there meeting girls etc, got lucky a few times last year - can't share it with him.
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    like u, i had a baad 2nd year, bad health etc, and trouble with studying, so i did an industrial year, i worked hard on my health, and got life experience. i came back to my third year a strong and matured person, and it was very easy to handle all the problems. it might be a good idea to do one! goodluck, pm me if u need more advice
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    OP, have you decided what to do yet?
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    There is a catch though with the deferred year:

    a) I graduate when I am older. Meaning I will have to do a **** job/or be unemployed and either way will get a lot of **** from my family.

    b) When I do return I will know nobody on my course, and its one of those degree where knowing people helps due to the technical nature of the assignments.

    c) My current set of "friends", will also be graduated by then. Meaning that I will have to start from scratch.

    Yeah, transferring is definently a fools hope. Unless I go back a year, no more funding. I guess the only reason why it was an attractive prospect is purely down to my support structure here, it has really had a positive affect on my mental health. I am not worrying about the same **** as I do at uni for example.
    Being a year older when you graduate won't make a difference. A break will do you good. I think you'd rather return to uni knowing you'll be able to achieve better due to having a clearer mind, rather than the opposite.
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    (Original post by Adam'kay)
    OP, have you decided what to do yet?
    Nope. Hard decision, because I reckon I wont come back if I leave.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Nope. Hard decision, because I reckon I wont come back if I leave.
    This is a cheesy expression..But do you have a 'gut instinct'?
    Like does one option 'feel' like the best option?

    (Personally I think you shud try and finish the year now)
 
 
 
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