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    I met this girl fleetingly a few months ago and bumped into her again last week.

    I was speaking to her for ages, about pretty much everything. Music, books, politics, sex, you know. Everything that matters. After a few really long conversations I asked her where she was going to university, assuming she was 17/18. I'm 18 but I'm taking another year in college for medical/personal reasons. They're not important.

    She's not even finished her GCSEs yet, and isn't 16 for the best part of a year.

    As you'd imagine I was shocked but she talked me down a bit. She's been with lads my age before, and even brought them back to the house and her parents didn't mind. They're not dodgy parents, she's very intelligent and mature and lives in a really nice area, they're just 'progressive'.

    I've sort of taken a step back but I don't know what to do. She's incredibly mature and makes me feel like a child sometimes, and I consulted with one of our mutual friends and she said on paper it was perfect, apart from the age thing. It's not as if I sought her out for her age, it's just an unlucky kick in the face.

    Am I in the right to take a step back? Part of me is doubting it.
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    Yes, you are. She could blackmail the life out of you given the chance - you have no idea.

    Seriously, in prison people will pass your ass around like a peace-pipe. It aint worth it.
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    Well, be with her and don't have sex?

    Or, wait until she's 16 and if you are both available and interested, start a relationship?

    Or alternatively, back away for good. But if you really like her, you could wait I guess.
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    Personally I think it's fine. It's not like you're one of those weird guys who goes to all the teeny parties trying to get on 15 year olds, there's an obvious connection between you so go for it.
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    I think it's only natural to want to put some distance between you after finding this out. What I cant figure out is if you 2 have been in a sexual relationship, because in that case, she has been immature in neglecting to tell you her age beforehand.
    If not then there's no reason why you 2 can't go out and wait a while before things get physical. Lots of people start having sex before 16 so it's not a huge deal if you know each other well and trust each other. Though it doesnt sound as if you do yet.
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    There's no need to wait for something like her becoming 'legal'. That is only in place for 40year olds going after 16 year old girls. The authorities don't care if you're like 18.
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    Unless this is all an elaborate plan for her to imprison you or something then I'm sure it's fine if you do have sex. Although, why can't you just wait - what's this rush? I'm confused since you're not even together so it would take a bit of time to even get to that stage.
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    #1

    Sexual relationship? Nah, nothing of the sort. I've not even 'been out' with her or anything, she was with friends of mine and we started talking about a song.

    It's, what 9-10 months until she's 16. I'm going to be moving away in 12. There's being with somebody and not having sex but I'm not sure going into it I could honestly say that it wouldn't happen. It'd be nearly a year, I like to think I have pretty good self-control but in a relationship I'm pretty spur of the moment.

    Re: the legal thing I hit Wikipedia. It'd be statutory rape because she can't give her consent. I know people who've been put on sex offenders registers for similar things, albeit with bigger age difference.

    Funnily enough my best mate is Estonian and the age of consent there is 14. She keeps asking me what my problem is and was telling about her 22 year old boyfriend while she was 15 that nobody batted an eyelid about.
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    (Original post by kai4321)
    Unless this is all an elaborate plan for her to imprison you or something then I'm sure it's fine if you do have sex. Although, why can't you just wait - what's this rush? I'm confused since you're not even together so it would take a bit of time to even get to that stage.
    It'd take a while but imagine being with somebody for however long, getting that close, reaching that point and then not being able to.
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    I generally only find women at least 20 years older than me sexually attractive so...
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    As far as I'm aware, there's no law against you having a relationship. So why don't you just do that, but not have sex with her?
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    I'm sorry, but Nathan Barley came to mind when I read this.

    "Thank **** you're not underage!"
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    (Original post by sulpicia)
    I generally only find women at least 20 years older than me sexually attractive so...
    Again, funnily enough, I've only ever been with a girl who wasn't older than me once.

    When I was in the alcoholic blur that closely followed my GCSEs my girlfriend was 19 and had a car. Which was a major advantage. I saw the ways of the slightly older woman, since then it's always been like a year older than me.

    Hence how weird I find all this.
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    Some girls are more mature than others. I've never been with anyone who wasn't 23-24, though, which is odd because I'm not the oldest looking person. If you're only 18 yourself, it's not too bad, but I'd still stay away until she's 16.
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    Just be in a relationship but don't have sex, if you do have sex while she is under 16 it is statutory rape because she's underage no matter how up for it she is. Whether charges would be brought is another issue but if i were you i'd do the right thing and wait until she's 16. The age gap shouldn't be a problem and as you said, she's mature for her age so will probably fit in with your mates etc. Relationships can be successful without sex, especially in the early stages, I reckon because of her age, she'll want to take things pretty slowly anyway so waiting a few months shouldn't be an issue if you really like her. You can only give it a go and if it doesn't work out then you've not lost anything.
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    (Original post by cabbaman98)
    There's no need to wait for something like her becoming 'legal'. That is only in place for 40year olds going after 16 year old girls. The authorities don't care if you're like 18.
    Ever heard of statutory rape?
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    (Original post by sulpicia)
    I generally only find women at least 20 years older than me sexually attractive so...
    a bit off topic. but what school did you go to may I ask?
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    Don't have sex with her until she is legal. Don't even put yourself in a position where she could claim you did (e.g. alone in a house together). People in your position have been put on the sex offenders register, and remember you don't have to be convicted of anything to go on it. That could ruin your life. If she is worth it, she will understand and wait as well.

    EDIT: For example in Hollyoaks, Justin claimed that Becca had had sex with him when he was 15, which was untrue, after a bad break up. She lost her job, went to prison, and was KILLED.
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    (Original post by paddyman4)
    Don't have sex with her until she is legal. Don't even put yourself in a position where she could claim you did (e.g. alone in a house together). People in your position have been put on the sex offenders register, and remember you don't have to be convicted of anything to go on it. That could ruin your life. If she is worth it, she will understand and wait as well.

    EDIT: For example in Hollyoaks, Justin claimed that Becca had had sex with him when he was 15, which was untrue, after a bad break up. She lost her job, went to prison, and was KILLED.
    Bit extreme, but it is true!!
    Be careful!

    ok it's not true, it's Hollyoaks but you get me.
    • #2
    #2

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I met this girl fleetingly a few months ago and bumped into her again last week.

    I was speaking to her for ages, about pretty much everything. Music, books, politics, sex, you know. Everything that matters. After a few really long conversations I asked her where she was going to university, assuming she was 17/18. I'm 18 but I'm taking another year in college for medical/personal reasons. They're not important.

    She's not even finished her GCSEs yet, and isn't 16 for the best part of a year.

    As you'd imagine I was shocked but she talked me down a bit. She's been with lads my age before, and even brought them back to the house and her parents didn't mind. They're not dodgy parents, she's very intelligent and mature and lives in a really nice area, they're just 'progressive'.

    I've sort of taken a step back but I don't know what to do. She's incredibly mature and makes me feel like a child sometimes, and I consulted with one of our mutual friends and she said on paper it was perfect, apart from the age thing. It's not as if I sought her out for her age, it's just an unlucky kick in the face.

    Am I in the right to take a step back? Part of me is doubting it.
    I'd say that a relationship between you two is fine: as long as there's no sexual activity between the two of you, there are no laws being broken.
    I'm 18 myself, and my ex is 15 (and not 16 for another 8 months yet; by which time I'd already have turned 19)
    We both have/had strong self control, and agreed that nothing would happen sexually until she was 16, and we were both okay with that.

    There seems to be a good connection between you two; go for it...

    Though, the only hesitant factor would be about it becoming a long distance relationship in the future, depending on how far away you move for University this could break the relationship, however if you had a strong relationship, it perhaps wouldn't ruin the relationship between you two.

    I'd say go for it, just be sure to keep self control and avoid situations where things could heat up a bit too much
 
 
 
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