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Why is it shameful to be anti social?

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Sometimes i like to go for a drive/walk by myself, just to clear my head and think..
I think thats why people love to lie-in in the mornings also, just relaxing/thinking to yourself!

I do usually enjoy the company of others, but when its for too long, its best to chill out by yourself and clear your head!

I think its shameful as people tend to think loners are not alone by choice, hence they must be bad people.. this usually isnt the case, some of the cruelest/worst people have loads of so called 'friends' or hangers on.

I have many friends, and about 4 close ones but prefer to be with small groups of my friends at a time and not to talk in large circles (like we do at lunchtime)

Reply 21

9MmBulletz

rajandkwameali

why should they socialise with them? why go along to please somebody's ego? :confused:

nobody owes anybody else their time.

we don't owe anyone anything, but to be honest if you live a life of isolation, then you won't be too happy. You can pretend that people around ypu are immature and so on, but you're running away from the truth. Life is to live. No point sitting around wasting away your life not talking to anyone.

Reply 22

blondyx

I admit it! im anti social!.. admitting it is the first stage to recovery :-)

Reply 23

Purple Rain

Because we as humans are social beings...our civilisation is fundamentally based on communication, and our race is perpetuated by relationships.

It's not 'normal' (I speak in a statistical sense) to not enjoy the company of others.

Reply 24

avalanche

D3M!

My fault i'll explain better.

The OP argues that people shoudln't neccaerily be ashamed or bothered about a lack of a social life , maybe even implying that it's something they should pride or be accepting of.

I was trying to make the point that it's reasonable for anyone to be ashamed of anything worthwhile unless it is difficult to obtain , like money for example . Money is worthwhile but because so many have difficulty in obtaining it , the shame associated with a lack of money is negated. It's like everyone having bad haircuts.

Unless the OP is relying on the idea that a social life isn't wortwhile , which IMO isn't true . I don't see how if faced with the choice between a healthy social life and a life of isolation ,a reasonable person would choose isolation. Of course having a social life isn't an on the spot choice we can make , it's more of a commitment.

I mean some people find it hard to get friends and socialise they can get stuck in a rut so to speak for years. Ive not had friends I can go clubbing with for 6 years cause everyone around me has their own groups and Ive not had the guts to ask them in fear of looking like a loser. I am ashamed but I don't know why.

Reply 25

screenager2004

Because shame is a social emotion you spong!

Reply 26

D3M!

avalanche

I don't think the shame lies in not having the social life but in the fact you haven't plucked up the courage to try , in your words " I've not had the guts" . I mean if you had tried and failed then you'd know it was out of your hands to an extent but not even trying is where the shame originates from I think.

It's not like your a 60 yr old homeless man who feeds birds all day . There's always the opportunity before you , even if the opportunity is not particularly likely to bring you success but you have to act on the principle that it exists. It's a win/win situation for you IMO.

Reply 27

rajandkwameali

9MmBulletz

i was just responding to the point that persons would think an anti-social person is arrogant. The fact is you make warm to you and earn the right to associate with them. whether a person wants to hang out with somebody else is out of anybody else's control.

and life is what you make it, everything is relative, happiness is relative. some people want to be loners, if they're not hurting anybody, who is to say they cannot? i guess you're right, it's immaturity at the heart of this social life is good thing.

Reply 28

rajandkwameali

avalanche

nothing ventured, nothing gained. :yes:

Reply 29

sil3nt_cha0s

Lefty Leo

Because "shame" is what "society" thinks? If you're anti society, then you're going to be "shamed". :unsure:

http://www.thestudentroom.co.uk/showthread.php?p=20488131#post20488131

Reply 30

Anonymous #1

Wikipedia

the term antisocial denotes a disregard for society's norms and rules, not social inhibition.

I HATE it when people get this wrong.

Anyway, being a "loner" myself, I feel I'm more qualified than most people here to explain why this is. We're a social species by nature, and extroverts have always outnumbered introverts, which is why unsociable people have generally been looked down upon. I have no trouble with the way I am, but society always will, seeing as how I'm part of an outgroup most of the time. Conformity is important, and those who don't fit the mould are always likely to be misunderstood and ridiculed. That's just how society operates.

Reply 31

evantej

I think if you are a girl then there is even more pressure to be sociable since the connotations of loneliness are a lot more damaging than if you are man, which results in a lot of girls having mutually beneficial but ultimately pointless relationships.

I would class myself as asocial but this works both for and against me. I find small talk mindless, especially when apathy drives it, and I will often deliberately avoid participating socially as my personality is intimidating in some aspects; to remain aloof will hide a lot of the negative traits! On the other hand, I find alienating myself is preferential since most people are rather shallow, and I am dismayed by our cultures fear of intelligence (particularly from women). However, when I do open up I almost always surprise people – in a good way.

I think the following excerpt highlights the major difference between people:

“'I certainly envy my Argentine friend, my room mate. He is a handsome, aristocratic man, absolutely effete. Women would love him. When I leave the apartment, do you know what he does? He gets up out of bed, pulls out a small electric iron and an ironing board, takes his pants and begins to press them. As he presses them he imagine how he will come out of the building so impeccably dressed, how he will walk down Fifth Avenue, how somewhere he will spy a beautiful woman, follow the scent of her perfume for many blocks, follow her into crowded elevators, almost touching her. The woman will be wearing a veil and a fur around her neck. Her dress will outline her figure.

'After following her thus through the shops, he will finally speak to her. She will see his handsome face smiling at her and the chivalrous way he has of carrying himself. They will go off together and sit having tea somewhere, then go to the hotel where she is staying. She will invite him to come up with her. They will get into the room and then pull down the shades and lie in the darkness making love.

'As he presses his pants carefully, meticulously, my friend imagines how he will make love to this woman – and it excites him. He knows how he will grip her. He likes to push his penis in from behind and raise the woman's legs, and then get her to turn just a little so that he can see it moving in and out. He likes the woman to squeeze the base of his penis at the same time; her fingers press harder than the mouth of her sex, and that excites him. She will touch his balls as he moves, and he will touch her clitoris, because that gives her a double pleasure. He will make her gasp and shake from head to foot and beg for more.

'By the time he has envisioned all this standing there, half naked, pressing his pants, my friend has a hard on. It is all he wants. He puts away the pants, the iron and the ironing board, and he gets into bed again, lying back and smoking, thinking over this scene until each detail of it is perfect and a drop of semen appears at the head of his penis, which he strokes while he lies smoking and dreaming of pursuing other women.

'I envy him because he can get so much excitement from thinking all this. He questions me. He wants to know how my women are made, how they behave...'”.

Reply 32

mamooshka

We need to find a healthy balance between alone-time and social time, which fits our personalities and lifestyles :smile:

I think that shame is contrived from assuming that the person in question doesn't engage in any remotely interesting activities whatsoever...you think of a couch potato, and think unemployed...uninteresting...undignified...and so on. It's ignorant to assume you know the ins&outs of a person judging by the quality of their "social life", which often entails drinking and dancing.

I don't really know what I'm trying to say here. I'm tired :o:

Reply 33

richcitrus

there's a huge leap between being anti-social and preferring your own company.
i think young people generally are much less inclined to do things alone.
i'm not anti-social, or so i think, and i don't think my friends believe that, but at the same time i'm much more open to the idea of doing things alone than they are and i don't have a problem with not seeing or speaking to other people for days at a time. just makes those days with friends and loved ones even more special.