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Staying relaxed & maintaining erections watch

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    In a nutshell: I have problems getting and staying hard during sex, and it's really damaging my confidence. I know it's not physical (blood pressure/diabetes, got checked for both), and that it's just to do with relaxing, but I can't seem to stop thinking about it during sex... it's a horrible vicious cycle which I need to break somehow. I can only get hard and mantain the erection with minimal problems in the morning when I'm most randy.

    Does anyone have any tips on how to stay relaxed during sex and how to keep my mind off this? I have no clue what to do. I would seriously appreciate some help... anything from personal experiences, to suggestions, to links to websites...
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    well i can only say what you probably know and that is don't think about it and suddenly you will realise that your fully up! ......otherwise viagra....
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Does anyone have any tips on how to stay relaxed during sex and how to keep my mind off this?

    Are you new to sex? Have you just recently lost your virginity? It's generally more common when you just start out.

    The reason you can't stay hard is probably because you are worrying about not staying hard. It's a psychological thing. Are you heavily drinking before sex? Alcohol can also stop you from getting an erection..

    All i can say to you is - You will really just have to go with the flow of things. Let your mind drift off and think about the person you are with and how you're enjoying it. Once you can do that, i'm sure things will be ok from then on. It's just getting over the initial first bit. You'll be fine and once you do, i doubt you'll ever worry about it again. Make your worried thoughts into positive ones and forget about trying to get hard, it will happen naturally.

    On a totally different note - are you sure you are attracted to women? Is it purely just nerves?
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    (Original post by Jinxy)
    Are you new to sex? Have you just recently lost your virginity? It's generally more common when you just start out.

    The reason you can't stay hard is probably because you are worrying about not staying hard. It's a psychological thing. Are you heavily drinking before sex? Alcohol can also stop you from getting an erection..

    All i can say to you is - You will really just have to go with the flow of things. Let your mind drift off and think about the person you are with and how you're enjoying it. Once you can do that, i'm sure things will be ok from then on. It's just getting over the initial first bit. You'll be fine and once you do, i doubt you'll ever worry about it again. Make your worried thoughts into positive ones and forget about trying to get hard, it will happen naturally.

    On a totally different note - are you sure you are attracted to women? Is it purely just nerves?
    I'm actually attracted to guys so my problem hasn't stopped me from having sex (if you see what I mean :redface:), and I've been very sexually active over the past year. It just sucks cause guys would like think they can reciprocate, and although they apparently believe me when I explain my problem to them, they could still think I'm being polite and lying :/

    Thanks for the response, though, and I'll take your advice on board
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I'm actually attracted to guys so my problem hasn't stopped me from having sex (if you see what I mean :redface:), and I've been very sexually active over the past year. It just sucks cause guys would like think they can reciprocate, and although they apparently believe me when I explain my problem to them, they could still think I'm being polite and lying :/

    Thanks for the response, though, and I'll take your advice on board
    Oh - so you're gay are you and this is happening with guys not women?? I'm sure they'd understand surely that you find them attractive your just going through a phase of this??
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    (Original post by Jinxy)
    Oh - so you're gay are you and this is happening with guys not women?? I'm sure they'd understand surely that you find them attractive your just going through a phase of this??
    Yep, I'm gay, happens with guys. The most recent guy I was with told me he understood and that it was okay; he even made jokes about it. I don't mind the joke but I don't think most guys realise how embarrassing it can be... I know it happens to all guys, but it happens to me a lot...

    (as an aside, the guy is a really important person to me as well, which made it all the more embarrassing for me - but I won't go into details)
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Yep, I'm gay, happens with guys. The most recent guy I was with told me he understood and that it was okay; he even made jokes about it. I don't mind the joke but I don't think most guys realise how embarrassing it can be... I know it happens to all guys, but it happens to me a lot...

    (as an aside, the guy is a really important person to me as well, which made it all the more embarrassing for me - but I won't go into details)
    Well like i said above you warm up with him spend a lot of time with foreplay. How do you feel about oral? Does that help you keep it? When is it that you lose your erection can I ask?
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    (Original post by Jinxy)
    Well like i said above you warm up with him spend a lot of time with foreplay. How do you feel about oral? Does that help you keep it? When is it that you lose your erection can I ask?
    Hmmm that's the thing, there was a lot of foreplay. Admittedly it was really unexpected as I had no idea he wanted to do anything physical that day (I'm bad at picking up hints. Even after he told me I looked good and insisted we chat while sitting on his bed, I still didn't expect it... haha)

    He didn't try oral but it wouldn't have worked anyway - oral rarely does much for me to be honest. I lose my erection as soon as the thought enters my head - ANYTHING to do with it really... from 'looks like I'm getting hard' to 'hmmm, I hope he's not bothered about it'. Bleh :frown:
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    you obviously know the solution to this: don't think about it, but now you're in a vicious circle...
    try some mental training: very graphcally imagine how you get an erection, and your prtner stares at it (or whatever akes you nervous) and you keep it. do this often. until you're sure it's not prblem anymore and won't happen again. i you have a discouragin expirence, don't let that stop you. you just have to mak sure you believe that it can happen right as you picture it in your head. obviously this is a lon way if you already feelvery unconfident.
    in the next step you use a similar image, you get an errectio, something occus, you lose it, smile and get it up again.
    you have toworkhard on truly believing it, obviously. but worth a try.
 
 
 
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