Turn on thread page Beta
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    Anon or delete please.

    About a month ago, a close friend told me that she was raped. I totally believed her and tried to be as supportive as I could. It was clear that she needed help so I encouraged her to speak to someone older, whom she trusted. She chose our maths teacher, a lovely, caring woman who promised not to say anything to anybody until my friend was ready.

    Two weeks ago, my friend confessed to me that she's been lying about the whole thing. I was stunned as she'd put on an Oscar-winning performance!

    After the shock had worn off, I told her that she really needed to get in contact with the maths teacher, to tell her that she'd lied. I know this teacher really well and know that she'd be worried sick about my friend, so it's only right that she should know the truth.

    My friend is adamant that she won't say anything to this teacher and, knowing how strong-willed my friend is, she won't change her mind in the near future.

    My question is, do you think that it would be completely out of order for me to tell this teacher myself? I just feel that she should know the truth so that the burden of the situation if taken off her. Afterall, if she is never told the told the truth, she'll always believe that my friend was raped. I know that, ideally, my friend should be the one to tell her but this is almost an impossibility. I've tried everything.

    What do you think?
    Offline

    19
    ReputationRep:
    It's possible that she's lying now. That the reality of it all hit her again after she told people, and she didn't like how it made everything more real.

    I honestly don't think there's much you can do. In a few months/years the real truth might come out. Whether she's lying or not, your friend doesn't sound all that stable.
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    Tell the teacher.
    Offline

    15
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Anon or delete please.

    About a month ago, a close friend told me that she was raped. I totally believed her and tried to be as supportive as I could. It was clear that she needed help so I encouraged her to speak to someone older, whom she trusted. She chose our maths teacher, a lovely, caring woman who promised not to say anything to anybody until my friend was ready.

    Two weeks ago, my friend confessed to me that she's been lying about the whole thing. I was stunned as she'd put on an Oscar-winning performance!

    After the shock had worn off, I told her that she really needed to get in contact with the maths teacher, to tell her that she'd lied. I know this teacher really well and know that she'd be worried sick about my friend, so it's only right that she should know the truth.

    My friend is adamant that she won't say anything to this teacher and, knowing how strong-willed my friend is, she won't change her mind in the near future.

    My question is, do you think that it would be completely out of order for me to tell this teacher myself? I just feel that she should know the truth so that the burden of the situation if taken off her. Afterall, if she is never told the told the truth, she'll always believe that my friend was raped. I know that, ideally, my friend should be the one to tell her but this is almost an impossibility. I've tried everything.

    What do you think?
    IMO you should tell the teacher as she may take it further which would then release a whole load of mess that can't be easily fixed. Also, I htink you need to have a word with your friemd about getting her priorities straight. (OR, indeed, find ouyt what drove er to do such a thing.)
    Offline

    19
    ReputationRep:
    I'd ditch that freak of a friend.
    • #2
    #2

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Anon or delete please.

    About a month ago, a close friend told me that she was raped. I totally believed her and tried to be as supportive as I could. It was clear that she needed help so I encouraged her to speak to someone older, whom she trusted. She chose our maths teacher, a lovely, caring woman who promised not to say anything to anybody until my friend was ready.

    Two weeks ago, my friend confessed to me that she's been lying about the whole thing. I was stunned as she'd put on an Oscar-winning performance!

    After the shock had worn off, I told her that she really needed to get in contact with the maths teacher, to tell her that she'd lied. I know this teacher really well and know that she'd be worried sick about my friend, so it's only right that she should know the truth.

    My friend is adamant that she won't say anything to this teacher and, knowing how strong-willed my friend is, she won't change her mind in the near future.

    My question is, do you think that it would be completely out of order for me to tell this teacher myself? I just feel that she should know the truth so that the burden of the situation if taken off her. Afterall, if she is never told the told the truth, she'll always believe that my friend was raped. I know that, ideally, my friend should be the one to tell her but this is almost an impossibility. I've tried everything.

    What do you think?
    Which city did this happen in btw? Because weirdly enough I think I know the story you are on about, if not it is incredibly similar dates wise etc.
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    I think you should talk to your friend again and find out why she lied because thats a pretty sick thing to do. Try and make her see that she has to tell the teacher the truth (thats if she even knows what the truth is) and if she refuses then tell the teacher yourself. You dont owe her any favours after she lied to you.
    Offline

    11
    ReputationRep:
    I would go to the teacher and tell them that your friend told you that they were lying (not "she was lying" but "she told me she was lying." ) Your teacher should really continue to help out your friend after that in case it really is true or in case it's a lie but she lied for an underlying reason. I doubt the teacher will just stop caring because you've told her that.

    I wouldn't stop being friends with this person either. I have been friends with compulsive liars and I truly think there's an underlying reason for it.
    Offline

    14
    ReputationRep:
    She might have actually been raped and is trying to cover it up.
    Offline

    4
    ReputationRep:
    I think you should tell the teacher. Arrange to meet up, if possible, rather than blurting it out over the phone. Ask her to pretend that you haven't said anything to her, if that would make you feel more comfortable.
    I know how awkward you must be feeling as I've been in a similar situation before, but you can't let this problem worsen.
    Please tell your teacher
    Offline

    1
    ReputationRep:
    I actually second what the first repondent said - if her reactions seemed very genuine to begin with, and there is no clear motive for lying, then its definitely possible that she's struggling to cope with a real assault and using denial instead.
    Offline

    2
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Sakura-Chan)
    It's possible that she's lying now. That the reality of it all hit her again after she told people, and she didn't like how it made everything more real.

    I honestly don't think there's much you can do. In a few months/years the real truth might come out. Whether she's lying or not, your friend doesn't sound all that stable.
    ^^^This^^^

    100% agree ...
    Offline

    11
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by chloemo14)
    I actually second what the first repondent said - if her reactions seemed very genuine to begin with, and there is no clear motive for lying, then its definitely possible that she's struggling to cope with a real assault and using denial instead.
    Yeah. Or she could just want want it all to go away and not to have to think about it any more. It might seem better to her to be thought of as a liar than to have people force her to deal with what's happened.

    And if it was a lie, that's not the kind of lie people just tell for no reason and go to so much trouble to make it seem plausible. I'd say she needs help either way.
    Offline

    2
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by RightSaidJames)
    She might have actually been raped and is trying to cover it up.
    This, sadly.
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by Sakura-Chan)
    It's possible that she's lying now. That the reality of it all hit her again after she told people, and she didn't like how it made everything more real.

    I honestly don't think there's much you can do. In a few months/years the real truth might come out. Whether she's lying or not, your friend doesn't sound all that stable.
    TBH, I've been thinking this, but the more I've talked it over with her, the more I've seen holes in her original story and am now pretty sure that she was lying to begin with.

    I've also found out that the alleged rapist was actually on holiday when it supposedly took place - (he's a friend of a friend, which made the initial situation seem even worse)

    She also seems genuinely sorry for what she's said, but refuses to speak to the teacher.
    Offline

    2
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Anon or delete please.

    About a month ago, a close friend told me that she was raped. I totally believed her and tried to be as supportive as I could. It was clear that she needed help so I encouraged her to speak to someone older, whom she trusted. She chose our maths teacher, a lovely, caring woman who promised not to say anything to anybody until my friend was ready.

    Two weeks ago, my friend confessed to me that she's been lying about the whole thing. I was stunned as she'd put on an Oscar-winning performance!

    After the shock had worn off, I told her that she really needed to get in contact with the maths teacher, to tell her that she'd lied. I know this teacher really well and know that she'd be worried sick about my friend, so it's only right that she should know the truth.

    My friend is adamant that she won't say anything to this teacher and, knowing how strong-willed my friend is, she won't change her mind in the near future.

    My question is, do you think that it would be completely out of order for me to tell this teacher myself? I just feel that she should know the truth so that the burden of the situation if taken off her. Afterall, if she is never told the told the truth, she'll always believe that my friend was raped. I know that, ideally, my friend should be the one to tell her but this is almost an impossibility. I've tried everything.

    What do you think?
    Why would anyone lie about something like that? Are you sure she's not lying about this too : /
    Talk to her about it and tell her to tell your maths teacher she lied.
    Offline

    11
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    TBH, I've been thinking this, but the more I've talked it over with her, the more I've seen holes in her original story and am now pretty sure that she was lying to begin with.

    I've also found out that the alleged rapist was actually on holiday when it supposedly took place - (he's a friend of a friend, which made the initial situation seem even worse)

    She also seems genuinely sorry for what she's said, but refuses to speak to the teacher.
    Ugh . I would definitely tell the teacher.

    (Original post by Sakura-Chan)
    No, REAL RAPE is any time that a man or woman is forced into sex when they don't consent. You don't have to be ambushed at home by someone breaking into your house for it to be real, or because you're a wallflower with perfect grades it makes you any more of a victim that needs to be taken notice of. Even if like you said, it was meant to be 'funny' imo it really wasn't.
    ^ ditto.

    MOST rapists are not strangers.
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    Tell the teacher. Report the friend to the police, she could do it again and end up getting some poor guy locked up for a crime he didn't commit.
    Offline

    15
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by SH777)
    Tell the teacher. Report the friend to the police, she could do it again and end up getting some poor guy locked up for a crime he didn't commit.
    The police would do abosultely nothing - they have no power to do anything in this situation.
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Prudy)
    The police would do abosultely nothing - they have no power to do anything in this situation.
    They do if she's accused someone of rape and this girl knows she innocent.
 
 
 
Reply
Submit reply
Turn on thread page Beta
TSR Support Team

We have a brilliant team of more than 60 Support Team members looking after discussions on The Student Room, helping to make it a fun, safe and useful place to hang out.

Updated: August 8, 2009
Poll
How are you feeling in the run-up to Results Day 2018?

The Student Room, Get Revising and Marked by Teachers are trading names of The Student Room Group Ltd.

Register Number: 04666380 (England and Wales), VAT No. 806 8067 22 Registered Office: International House, Queens Road, Brighton, BN1 3XE

Write a reply...
Reply
Hide
Reputation gems: You get these gems as you gain rep from other members for making good contributions and giving helpful advice.