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    Damn I've been incredibly depressed all weekend and this week. Stress, anxiety, busy schedule and a broken heart do not mix well.

    But I'm not one to moan about it, peservering is the only way forward I guess.

    But I do love sighing.
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    That's the thing, the experiences I know to do with university all involve how totally wasted this friend got or how sick that friend got in freshers and its all just like GAH... So many people don't enjoy university anyway and a lot of people say I am not missing out on much and that the hype dies down about a month into the course when you realise you need to work... My mate who went to Manchester Met still hasnt done any work!. You are right I havent got anything to lose. And I couldnt get into UCL anyway. lol. got a DDC and I am getting a BND in Travel this year after getting the BNC last year ( I guess because I couldnt find any work the summer after finishing A Levels so decided to study about travelling instead LOL ). That's what im doing atm
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    (Original post by Sabertooth)
    :five: I hate uni too. I have no friends, I can't do the work, it sucks all round.


    I just got back from 2 hours of lectures, I just sat and thought about how much work I should be doing and how I'm pretty sure they're going to either kick me out or force me to take a gap year if I haven't got my act together by next term. Damn. I'm totally ******.

    On the plus side I think for the first time ever the meds are actually having some kind of effect :eek: I'm still depressed as **** but other things are a fair bit better.
    I know how you feel, I hated the other course last year so much I don't know if I've still got that work ethic or if I'll ever get it back. I don't learn off lectures, they go too fast and its annoying, and all the extra reading they expect you to do is overwhelming. Its not even compulsory so I don't know why I'm bothering - the last thing I want is a ******* 9 - 5 office job in the city.
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    (Original post by Botticello)
    I know how you feel, I hated the other course last year so much I don't know if I've still got that work ethic or if I'll ever get it back. I don't learn off lectures, they go too fast and its annoying, and all the extra reading they expect you to do is overwhelming. Its not even compulsory so I don't know why I'm bothering - the last thing I want is a ******* 9 - 5 office job in the city.
    amen to rock climbing - i'm a climber too :yep: . I left uni so many times it's not funny. Also re: motivation, i totally know where you are coming from! When i left uni the first time I had like a nervous breakdown, so this time round i don't know what's wrong with me but i seemed to have lost my work ethic from highschool and i am a really really really lazy person now. It's partly cos i'm scared of having a mental breakdown and partly cos i hate uni so much (i think).

    Anyhow, nice to meet you - hope liverpool is treating you well
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    Hey guys, I'm sorry I haven't posted much for a while. Hope you're all doing ok. :hugs: :hugs: times a billion.
    I'm not doing too good atm. I am but I'm not... long story lol
    I feel like a lazy, awful, selfish [insert negative adjective here] atm. I missed college today. :sad:
    My mum wants me to move in with my dad because she 'can't stand to see me' the way I am.
    I feel awful for making my parents worry (the eating isn't going too well) but I still can't eat, not even for them. I feel like I'm going to fail my A levels. I haven't managed a full week since September.
    I feel, in short, like a complete waste of space. I'm too lazy. I need to sort out my life. Properly.

    I have to pass my exams. Everyone keeps saying I should just drop out of college to sort my head out but I'm fine now so I have no excuse not to pass and I will. I have to. So I have to get to lessons and become organised and become the person I want to be. I need to have good grades. I can't fail. Not again.

    I've agreed to let my psychiatrist refer me to the ED clinic even though I don't really see why I need to go. I said yes so my parents would stop worrying. They're still worrying so it didn't even work. I feel beyond awful for it.
    I also feel like I'd be wasting everyone's time if I went there. I'm not ill so I don't need to go. But according to everyone else I am and I'm in denial. But I think I'd know if I was ill!

    So yeah, that's my update. Going to stop being lazy and do some revision now.
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    (Original post by blue_shift86)
    amen to rock climbing - i'm a climber too :yep: . I left uni so many times it's not funny. Also re: motivation, i totally know where you are coming from! When i left uni the first time I had like a nervous breakdown, so this time round i don't know what's wrong with me but i seemed to have lost my work ethic from highschool and i am a really really really lazy person now. It's partly cos i'm scared of having a mental breakdown and partly cos i hate uni so much (i think).

    Anyhow, nice to meet you - hope liverpool is treating you well
    Thankyou, nice to meet you. I take mirtazipaine and it hasn't taken effect yet - liverpools alright, im just quite bored of it as im from sefton which is above liverpool. Its the public transport and walk I can't stick as well. Why anyone would choose to use it is beyond me.
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    Morning guys.

    Argh my tablets are actually bugging me so much, I've got citalopram which makes me feel sick, and diazepam which makes me sleepy And I'm not allowed to drive so I actually can't go out. grr.

    How is everyone?
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    (Original post by SuicidalLemming)
    Morning guys.

    Argh my tablets are actually bugging me so much, I've got citalopram which makes me feel sick, and diazepam which makes me sleepy And I'm not allowed to drive so I actually can't go out. grr.

    How is everyone?
    Meh, my tablets are bugging me too, tbh :sad:

    However, I saw you're applying to Keele for Medicine, funny that, as I'm applying for mental health nursing, that'd be cool if we both ended up there
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    (Original post by Elements)
    :hugs: What's wrong?
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    (Original post by Nothos)
    Meh, my tablets are bugging me too, tbh :sad:

    However, I saw you're applying to Keele for Medicine, funny that, as I'm applying for mental health nursing, that'd be cool if we both ended up there
    Yay for keele :five:
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    (Original post by blue_shift86)
    [/B]

    this is so me rachel; you wouldn't believe how long i ponder about the point of human existence! i want to be a hermit on a mountain or in the middle of some desolate forest

    btw i finish this year and don't have anyone to go travelling with; do you think travelling alone is okay? i thought about meeting people off the internet and going with them because i dont reqlly have friends, but i'm not to sure sounds like a depressng, unreliable and possibly dangerous idea!
    Yeah I'm always talking about nature to others but not everyone gets it...I just don't understand how people can be surrounded by such beauty and never think twice about it. Nevermind.

    I don't think there isn anything wrong with travelling on your own. I would like to do a bit on my own and with friends. I think travelling on your own there is less stress, you can do what you want when you want and it can also give you an opportunity to get to know your self. Time alone is good especially when you want to make a fresh start. I'd say go for it. I'm too sure about going with people you've meet off the internet, can't always trust them and if you are going travelling to other countries if things go wrong it can end horribly. Just go with you gut instinct though. Are there any close family you could go with?
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    (Original post by diamonddust)
    Hey guys, I'm sorry I haven't posted much for a while. Hope you're all doing ok. :hugs: :hugs: times a billion.
    I'm not doing too good atm. I am but I'm not... long story lol
    I feel like a lazy, awful, selfish [insert negative adjective here] atm. I missed college today. :sad:
    My mum wants me to move in with my dad because she 'can't stand to see me' the way I am.
    I feel awful for making my parents worry (the eating isn't going too well) but I still can't eat, not even for them. I feel like I'm going to fail my A levels. I haven't managed a full week since September.
    I feel, in short, like a complete waste of space. I'm too lazy. I need to sort out my life. Properly.

    I have to pass my exams. Everyone keeps saying I should just drop out of college to sort my head out but I'm fine now so I have no excuse not to pass and I will. I have to. So I have to get to lessons and become organised and become the person I want to be. I need to have good grades. I can't fail. Not again.

    I've agreed to let my psychiatrist refer me to the ED clinic even though I don't really see why I need to go. I said yes so my parents would stop worrying. They're still worrying so it didn't even work. I feel beyond awful for it.
    I also feel like I'd be wasting everyone's time if I went there. I'm not ill so I don't need to go. But according to everyone else I am and I'm in denial. But I think I'd know if I was ill!

    So yeah, that's my update. Going to stop being lazy and do some revision now.
    Big :hugs: to you!
    I'm so sorry to hear that the eating still isn't going well and its good you have admitted that so possibly the ED clinic will owrk out for you, its better to nip these issues in the bud rather than to wait for them to get a whole lot worse and then do something about it. Its a lot harder to fix if its left for too long.
    As for feeling lazy, well your bound to not want to do any work or concentrate for long periods of time if you aren't eating properly so that is probably the main reason as to why you feel that why. I guess these negative feelings are due to the lack of nurtience you brain is recieveing. You want to change and feel better though don't you? You want your family to stop worrying I guess too, I know its hard ( been there myself) but you need to really take a long hard look at your situation and see how it is affecting your life and relationships with people and see what you can do to change it. The power is completely in your hands to turn you life around.
    As for your studies and college, you are dealing with A LOT is seems right now. Have you told your college about your situation? Maybe dropping of for a year in order to get better wouldn't be such a bad idea if things don't improve and start affecting your grades but the decission is yours at the end of the day, don't feel forced into staying at college because it is expected of you, do what you feel you need to do in order to be as happy and as healthy as you possibly can be, whatever that means. Dropping out doesn't mean you are a failure, not at all. Choosing to ignore you situation and doing what others expect you to do isn't always the best way to go about things.
    As for my food issues, they are better now, I'm managing to get three meals down me and keep them down but I still have a bit of a phoebia of eating out/meals at friends places, still get the butterflies and panicy about it. I've realised that my panic attacks are mainly due to my history of food issues so I've decided to see the doctor about it when I go back home to try and get help for my fears.

    I know you think that you aren't ill but usually the victim is the last to see what is happening to them. It can be a scary thing to admit, maybe the idea of having a lable smacked on you is something you want to avoid. ( I know it was for me, its taken me this long to decide to see a doctor but I WANT to be happy again, I WANT to be in control again.) Just give the ED clinic a go, its good to hear that you have agreed to go. It could be the best decission you could ever make. Good luck with it and big :hugs:
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    I read this: http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/suffolk/8385889.stm

    the world doesn't care about us Stupid ignorant people in the world. Poor girl - my heart goes out to her.

    Hi Rachel, how are you doing today? I had a good day today - went to Nandos again! There were arrogant business people sitting next to me though and they really put me off finance. They were having a business meeting in nandos, over lunch :eek:

    What you doing after uni? i'm open to suggestions Please help somebody!
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    (Original post by RachelOranges)
    Are there any close family you could go with?
    i don't think so...they're all older than me. and they are all cliquey indians! the worst sort of people to hang around with :eek: I will try going alone. Any advice on how i should plan it? Like should i just book a flight to oz, now? or is it best to do it with a travel company? i hear BA have a round the world flight offer thing?

    Any advice would be good because i've never travelled alone:O
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    (Original post by blue_shift86)
    i don't think so...they're all older than me. and they are all cliquey indians! the worst sort of people to hang around with :eek: I will try going alone. Any advice on how i should plan it? Like should i just book a flight to oz, now? or is it best to do it with a travel company? i hear BA have a round the world flight offer thing?

    Any advice would be good because i've never travelled alone:O
    Neither have I, undoubtably it may seem like a scary experience, especially as its your first time. I think maybe try out one country first and see how that goes, you don't want to just straight into the deep water with this. Try one country you've always wanted to go and then take it from there, if you're enjoying yourself then book the BA around the world deal ( sounds really good). No doubt you'll gain a real sense of independence and achievement! After doing that you can do anything.
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    (Original post by RachelOranges)
    Neither have I, undoubtably it may seem like a scary experience, especially as its your first time. I think maybe try out one country first and see how that goes, you don't want to just straight into the deep water with this. Try one country you've always wanted to go and then take it from there, if you're enjoying yourself then book the BA around the world deal ( sounds really good). No doubt you'll gain a real sense of independence and achievement! After doing that you can do anything.
    i want to go all out travelling - get away from parents! so i think i'll take a risk and go full out. Also, like what do i do if i get a job offer? I've applied for a few jobs and i've got an interview on weds next week. I don't want the job this year, but next. If i get the offer do i ask them if i can defer it? if they say "no" do i just decline the job?

    blue
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    (Original post by blue_shift86)
    I read this: http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/suffolk/8385889.stm

    the world doesn't care about us Stupid ignorant people in the world. Poor girl - my heart goes out to her.

    Hi Rachel, how are you doing today? I had a good day today - went to Nandos again! There were arrogant business people sitting next to me though and they really put me off finance. They were having a business meeting in nandos, over lunch :eek:

    What you doing after uni? i'm open to suggestions Please help somebody!
    Just saw this. I'm pretty good at the moment thanks, getting back on my feet since the minor relaps which is good. Had a really good time last night with some new found friends, even got chatting to a really nice guy ( something I've never had the confidence to do before). I'm still petrified about the idea of committing to a relationship though, but I'm trying to deal with things one at a time, first the anxiety/food issues and then the commitment issues. I have exams in two weeks time which I'm still only half heartedly attempting revision at but its a start. Don't worry about the business men, they shouldn't put you off.
    Wow after Uni...haven't really thought that far ahead really...probably travelling like you I guess and just having some time out, away from the hustle and bustle of life.
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    (Original post by blue_shift86)
    i want to go all out travelling - get away from parents! so i think i'll take a risk and go full out. Also, like what do i do if i get a job offer? I've applied for a few jobs and i've got an interview on weds next week. I don't want the job this year, but next. If i get the offer do i ask them if i can defer it? if they say "no" do i just decline the job?

    blue
    I can understand that you would like to get away from your parents but at the same time don't completely cut them off. I have very controlling, strict parents but at the end of the day I know they love me and want the best for me and they believe that it involves trying to control every aspect of my life in order to prevent me from getting hurt.
    Let them know you appreciate all they have done for you but that you need some time out or your own to become your own person.

    As for the job situation, I have no idea really...there is no harm in asking them if they could save the place for you but I'm not sure they will be so willing to do it. If there is a start date specified in the contract then I doubt they will save the space but ask anyway.
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    :cry:

    everything is horrible. I'm sick of everything. I can't do uni, I can't do a job, I can't do life. I can't even explain...the pills seem to be working a bit but I'm really confused I still feel like killing myself, probably more than ever even without the constant encouragement. Going to class at uni just makes me feel even worse, I can't take notes as I can't concentrate and anyway I doubt I'll still be here next term so what's the point. The thought of failing though, it's awful, this really was my last chance and I've ****** it up. My CPN offered to find me somewhere to live when I drop out, like she already knows I'm going to fail. Everything I try I **** up. I'm mediocre at everything...sport, academia, life. I'm tired of being the mediocre weirdo freak who everyone avoids in case they catch rabies. I just want to be normal.
 
 
 
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