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    (Original post by Malsy)
    i am just so tired of it all and i am going to continue to wallow in self-pity; no one can help me, i need a miracle and i'm not going to get one thus im a lost cause.
    I'm sorry to be harsh but as long as you consider yourself a lost cause you are. You're right, nobody can do anything for you because you won't let them.

    If you want to get better you need to open yourself up to the idea that it's possible and really try. It's not going to just happen on its own. I know you've been to the doctor and had a bad experience, so organise to see another doctor, ask for a counsellor, even really opening up on here may be beneficial to you.
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    (Original post by death.drop)
    I'm sorry to be harsh but as long as you consider yourself a lost cause you are. You're right, nobody can do anything for you because you won't let them.

    If you want to get better you need to open yourself up to the idea that it's possible and really try. It's not going to just happen on its own. I know you've been to the doctor and had a bad experience, so organise to see another doctor, ask for a counsellor, even really opening up on here may be beneficial to you.
    I'm going to second that, as hard as it is you really need to believe that you can get through this. You can always PM any of us to get things off your chest, just talking over things will probably make you feel better :hugs:
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    I got called up for missing three weeks today, but I spoke to my tutor and she was actually lovely about everything, she sent an email to all my teachers explaining that I have a medical reason for not being there, and everyones been so nice since Never really expected this, and it's actually been a huge relief to talk to someone about it so that college doesn't seem like a huge hassle..

    Serious depression is something that people never seem to talk about, and I don't see why, if you had a broken leg or something people would be understanding, so why should it be any different because it's a mental illness.

    Yeah I'm on an up day tbh, I'll feel like **** tomorrow I bet now :p: but Malsy, I do advise talking to someone whether that be your head of sixth form, a good friend or a counsellor... I know our college has a counsellor that you can go and see, maybe that might be the first step to get talking about it?

    :hugs: to everyone.
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    (Original post by Sabertooth)
    It's not my family, they already know what a freak I am. It's my friend's family. Who'll probably tell him to stop talking to me and will think really bad stuff about me but I won't be able to escape as we're staying there a week.

    I play the sport at uni yeah, that's the problem, when I get kicked out, which I'm fairly sure is going to happen, I won't be able to play anymore. I made no friends there, they all think I'm a weirdo and I always sit by myself on the minibus to the grounds, usually trying my hardest not to cry whilst all these people talk about what great nights out they had and who they're living with next year.

    I have 3 essays due, have been granted an extension on 2 for over christmas but I know I'm not going to be able to do them, that's why I'm going to get kicked out.

    I know what you mean about looking about and just trying to appreciate the simple things but tbh I can't. All my dreams have been snatched from me, I'm going to get kicked out and there's just no point in anything.



    I will but thanks. Are you ok?
    Ahh I understand you concern. The very thought of staying round someone elses freaks the hell out of me right now. I used to love sleepovers...now I just can't bear thinking about them with the way I am. I'm sure that your friends parents won't judge you. Do they know your situation at the moment? People are more openminded these days about mental health issues.
    For me I'm just worried about the friends I have had for ages, seeing a change in me. How their parents will feel about that, that I'm weak or something...I tend to care a lot about what others think but at the end of the day I have to remember that only I know how I'm feeling so I shouldn't care about how others see me. I they take it badly then they aren't worth the bother really...

    As for Uni, you can't set your self up to be kicked out. Like I was saying to superwolf, if you believe something will happen so ademently then it will happen ( self fulfilling prophecy). Just take each day as it come, do your best and even if you don't get the grades you want with your course work as long as you are demonstrating to your lecturers that you want to be here and are trying, despite your current situation then they will have no reason to kick you out and are bound to be more understanding. I hope all goes well for you, just stick at it.
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    you're not being harsh at all death drop; i know no one can help me but myself which is why i don't bother with getting outside help from counsellors as they cannot give me what i want. if i am going to get better i need to help myself but instead i sit and wait and hope like an inert idiot.

    and SL, i've not been to school this week yet and im most likely going to take tomorrow off and so my teachers are not going to be happy and it's just like ffs but :sad:
    i'm glad things are ok for you atm SL regarding school etc
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    Ahhh today has been difficult....very diffucult...
    Last night I went to bed shivering ( not because I was cold). I haven't had the shivers for ages so why start up again now? Woke up feeling crap, had to force breakfast down, felt sick for the majority of the morning but had to be in lectures as I have exams soon...I just wanted to disappear, to just be on my own.
    Am now shivering again and extremely tired but I have a mock exam tomorrow and NEED to revise my latin...why am I shivering? Has anyone else had this? I can just feel my self trembling and get paranoid when people look at me ...scared they will notice. I just want to rewind back to the summer when I was unbelieveably happy. Probably the happiest I have been in a long time, the happiest this year anyway.
    I keep trying to have a positive attitude but the physical symptoms just wont go away...I don't understand it, having the physical symptons makes me depressed/distressed/desperate for a way out. I can't carry on living a life constantly shivering/feeling sick/tired/weak/dizzy...no matter how positive I am I still feel horrible. I'm just so scared of these feelings.
    Whats worse is someone really wants to "be with me"/ get to know me...I don't know how to deal with it. I've told him I have too many issues but he is so damn determined to grt to know me and I just don't want that. I just want to be on my own!!!! I can't let anyone be with me, love me like this. As soon as they get to know the real me they will run a mile. I don't want anyone else to see me at my worse, its hard enough putting my family through it.
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    (Original post by Malsy)
    you're not being harsh at all death drop; i know no one can help me but myself which is why i don't bother with getting outside help from counsellors as they cannot give me what i want. if i am going to get better i need to help myself but instead i sit and wait and hope like an inert idiot.
    nonono, I don't mean nobody can help you - just that you have to let them help you! Seeing a counsellor is a really good idea for most people (especially when, like you, you're having serious issues of self worth) it's just that you have to go in to it with an open mind, feeling like it could potentially help you. You don't have to go through this all alone, reaching out for help is usually the first step to people getting 'better', you just have to be receptive to the help.
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    no it's what i feel dd. i feel no-one can help me or give me what i want.
    thanks though i have reached out a few times but daft things have always gotten in the way such as losing my phone after ringing the counsellor etc.
    :sigh:
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    (Original post by Malsy)
    you're not being harsh at all death drop; i know no one can help me but myself which is why i don't bother with getting outside help from counsellors as they cannot give me what i want. if i am going to get better i need to help myself but instead i sit and wait and hope like an inert idiot.

    and SL, i've not been to school this week yet and im most likely going to take tomorrow off and so my teachers are not going to be happy and it's just like ffs but :sad:
    i'm glad things are ok for you atm SL regarding school etc
    :hugs: to you Malsy. Even though you are the only person who can get you out of your situation getting outside help to help yourself can be beneficial for sure. Even if its just to make sense of things. Counselling helped me make sense of things, I know what I need to do now...its just doing it that is the up hill battle. Like SL said, it might be a good idea to talk to someone, a problem shared as they say.
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    argh i'm sick to death and webber and his bloody job. I never get to sodding see him, and then when he wants to do something without me in his free time I get really angry even though I have no right to - I don't want there to be nothing in his life but me and his job but when we only get 2 nights a week together I hate for him to use one up going to play skittles - I know he'll be late home (like he is tonight) and I know when he gets in he'll be drunk. I hate his drunk kisses, they take me right back to all the abuse. ******* alcohol on a sloppy mouth all over you it's disgusting. I'm going to start drinking now I think, in the hopes i'll be too drunk to care when he gets in.
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    (Original post by death.drop)
    argh i'm sick to death and webber and his bloody job. I never get to sodding see him, and then when he wants to do something without me in his free time I get really angry even though I have no right to - I don't want there to be nothing in his life but me and his job but when we only get 2 nights a week together I hate for him to use one up going to play skittles - I know he'll be late home (like he is tonight) and I know when he gets in he'll be drunk. I hate his drunk kisses, they take me right back to all the abuse. ******* alcohol on a sloppy mouth all over you it's disgusting. I'm going to start drinking now I think, in the hopes i'll be too drunk to care when he gets in.
    No alcohol is not the answer, it will only make you feel worse, that horrible low when becoming sober :cry:

    Stay strong, have you tried talking to him about how the coming home late and the drunkeness is affecting you, bringing back horrible memories ?( must be awful for you!).
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    (Original post by RachelOranges)
    No alcohol is not the answer, it will only make you feel worse, that horrible low when becoming sober :cry:

    Stay strong, have you tried talking to him about how the coming home late and the drunkeness is affecting you, bringing back horrible memories ?( must be awful for you!).
    well he didn't come in and start drunkenly kissing me......He came in and broke up with me.
    weirdest breakup ever. He said he had wanted to cheat on me (and didn't) but he thinks we should break up, then when I agreed he started crying and saying how he loves me and wants me to be the person he comes home to...

    I knew that having another relationship was just a dumb idea.
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    (Original post by death.drop)
    well he didn't come in and start drunkenly kissing me......He came in and broke up with me.
    weirdest breakup ever. He said he had wanted to cheat on me (and didn't) but he thinks we should break up, then when I agreed he started crying and saying how he loves me and wants me to be the person he comes home to...

    I knew that having another relationship was just a dumb idea.
    Hmmm thats probably really confusing. Well obviously being in a relationship felt right for you at the time. Do you still really want to be with him? He can't keep confusing you like that, it doesn't seem very fair.
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    (Original post by RachelOranges)
    Hmmm thats probably really confusing. Well obviously being in a relationship felt right for you at the time. Do you still really want to be with him? He can't keep confusing you like that, it doesn't seem very fair.
    I don't know if it did feel right tbh, we were moving in together as friends and then we slept together, and then we decided that since we already said "I love you" all the time and that we were now having sex and living together we should couple up.

    I do love him, but I find it really hard to accept that he might love me, and that he may actually want to be with me - which has only got harder now. I want to stay with him, but I want things to be different and I don't know how to change them.

    Today has been so strange, he's been acting like nothing ever happened; talking about christmas and moving out. I'm so confused. I told him he needs to decide what he wants and he just said "I know" and then tried to kiss me and carried on talking about where we're going for christmas.
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    (Original post by death.drop)
    I don't know if it did feel right tbh, we were moving in together as friends and then we slept together, and then we decided that since we already said "I love you" all the time and that we were now having sex and living together we should couple up.

    I do love him, but I find it really hard to accept that he might love me, and that he may actually want to be with me - which has only got harder now. I want to stay with him, but I want things to be different and I don't know how to change them.

    Today has been so strange, he's been acting like nothing ever happened; talking about christmas and moving out. I'm so confused. I told him he needs to decide what he wants and he just said "I know" and then tried to kiss me and carried on talking about where we're going for christmas.
    I can completely relate to that...which is why I tend to push everyone away. I just can't and wont accept it...you know...
    He absolutely needs to be straight with you though I think, its nice to have some stability.

    Things are really tough at the moment for me...just been feeling physically rubbish, can't stop shaking, it gets worse in the evenings...the physical problems just make me emotional and scared, I just want to break out of my body, I feel so trapped inside it, I hate it. I hate me, I hate the fact that this guy is so into me and wants to get to know me...why is everying so hard all of a sudden?
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    (Original post by RachelOranges)
    Things are really tough at the moment for me...just been feeling physically rubbish, can't stop shaking, it gets worse in the evenings...the physical problems just make me emotional and scared, I just want to break out of my body, I feel so trapped inside it, I hate it. I hate me, I hate the fact that this guy is so into me and wants to get to know me...why is everying so hard all of a sudden?
    do you think the physical problems could be related to your meds? have you spoken to a doctor about them?
    Know the feeling of being trapped by your body, it's like half the time it's working against me. :rolleyes:
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    i have a headache :cry: I went to a job interview today for actuarial science and it was so boring. . I didn't really get along with any of the people, didn't like the sound of the job description, so much so that even if i get the offer i might say "**** it". I don't know what i want to do with my life...

    i don't like uni, and can't seem to find anything in the real world that i like doing . Anyone in a similar boat?

    what a crap day
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    (Original post by blue_shift86)
    i have a headache :cry: I went to a job interview today for actuarial science and it was so boring. . I didn't really get along with any of the people, didn't like the sound of the job description, so much so that even if i get the offer i might say "**** it". I don't know what i want to do with my life...

    i don't like uni, and can't seem to find anything in the real world that i like doing . Anyone in a similar boat?

    what a crap day
    Yeah mate, I hate uni. I really loathe it. But then there isn't anything else I could do so I'm forced to stay here, still...only 1.5years left.


    Have you ever been on that website (sorry I can't remember the name) for school leavers where you fill out a questionnaire and it matches you up with jobs you might enjoy?
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    (Original post by Sabertooth)
    Yeah mate, I hate uni. I really loathe it. But then there isn't anything else I could do so I'm forced to stay here, still...only 1.5years left.


    Have you ever been on that website (sorry I can't remember the name) for school leavers where you fill out a questionnaire and it matches you up with jobs you might enjoy?
    no never! sounds amazing though...if you remember it, do pm me it plz! i'd love to take that quiz. Sounds like a lifesaver
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    (Original post by death.drop)
    do you think the physical problems could be related to your meds? have you spoken to a doctor about them?
    Know the feeling of being trapped by your body, it's like half the time it's working against me. :rolleyes:
    Thats the thing I'm not on any meds...I haven't drastically changed my diet or lifestyle or anything ( well maybe just the addition of alcohol to my life but not every single night). I'm too scared of being put on meds, even though I'm trainning to be a pharmacist I just loath drugs, only a last resort thing for me. I just wish I could live independently of my body then I'd be a lot happier. I never seem to enjoy eating anymore...its such a chore...but I really really want to enjoy it again. I'm going home next week and will be seeing the doctor about this, hopefully the new year will be promising, I really don't want to live like this any longer, its so scary and lonely. I want to tell my friends but am afraid they will judge me, see me differently or think I'm weak.
 
 
 
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