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    (Original post by blue_shift86)
    Awesome Rach . I'm feeling a bit sad cos a person from here who i had on msn said i'm not a nice person and deleted and blocked me . Guess me and private school people will just never understand each other.

    I have a spanish exam later which i've not revised for!!! (and it actually counts!)

    i'm so going to screw up
    Que tengas suerte.
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    I feel ******* terrible. Just saw the psychologist from the crisis team, and she didn't seem convinced that I should have therapy because I'm not ready for it, but I'll probably get put on a massive waiting list anyway. Feels like everyone's lying to me, even though they're trying to help me, one person will say one thing then the next day another will come along and say something completely different. And they all keep asking me what I think would help but how am I supposed to answer them when I feel like nothing's going to help and the only thing I want is to die.
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    (Original post by superwolf)
    I feel ******* terrible. Just saw the psychologist from the crisis team, and she didn't seem convinced that I should have therapy because I'm not ready for it, but I'll probably get put on a massive waiting list anyway. Feels like everyone's lying to me, even though they're trying to help me, one person will say one thing then the next day another will come along and say something completely different. And they all keep asking me what I think would help but how am I supposed to answer them when I feel like nothing's going to help and the only thing I want is to die.
    i gave up on the nhs. The way i am dealing with it is by going online and telling some random people from here on msn (that helps a lot:O), and also just kill the time online whilst listening to music - that makes me feel much better

    P.S. I want a job where i am in the summer 12 months...or hot/warm 12 months...i.e. in the northern winter, i want to go work in the southern hemisphere, then come back in the northern hemisphere during our summer....anyone know of such a job? - what a dream, hehe
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    (Original post by blue_shift86)
    i gave up on the nhs. The way i am dealing with it is by going online and telling some random people from here on msn (that helps a lot:O), and also just kill the time online whilst listening to music - that makes me feel much better

    P.S. I want a job where i am in the summer 12 months...or hot/warm 12 months...i.e. in the northern winter, i want to go work in the southern hemisphere, then come back in the northern hemisphere during our summer....anyone know of such a job? - what a dream, hehe
    Why don't you live on the equator, then you'd be toasty all year round. That or become a migratory bird.
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    (Original post by superwolf)
    Why don't you live on the equator, then you'd be toasty all year round. That or become a migratory bird.
    too much rain....don't think i didn't think of that! Hope your depression is better today?
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    (Original post by blue_shift86)
    too much rain....don't think i didn't think of that! Hope your depression is better today?
    Well how about the desert then? One of those places where it rains about once every 50 years.

    Depression is rubbish today. Just spent an hour crying in front of the psychologist, and in half an hour I've got to go to the doctor's, where I'll probably start crying again.

    You ok?
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    (Original post by blue_shift86)
    Awesome Rach . I'm feeling a bit sad cos a person from here who i had on msn said i'm not a nice person and deleted and blocked me . Guess me and private school people will just never understand each other.

    I have a spanish exam later which i've not revised for!!! (and it actually counts!)

    i'm so going to screw up
    Hmmm I've come to realise that there are a lot of pompous meanies on this site...don't worry, you seem like a nice person to me don't give people like that another thought...

    Oohh Spanish exam! Hope all goes well, like I keep saying, break it up and learn bits at a time. I've got another exam tomorrow which includes LATIN! :eek:

    Yeah I'm not too bad today...a bit stressed though, trying to sort out housing for next year, I really want to share with my Pharmacy palls but I also what to share with my flate mate, only my flat mate whats to act now and get a flat but I'm not too sure...there will only be three of us in the flat ( including her boyfriend) and if they are out/go home for the week I'll be all on my own in this dump....what if I have a panic attack? I know I shouldn't be dependent of other people but it will be my first house on my own with less security ( people here are really rough and the area is sooo scary at night).
    We are going to view the house on Thursday, I just hope I'm strong enough to servive it, last thing I want is to be freaking out and breaking down everytime my flat mates go away. *sigh*
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    I just got back from the doctor's and she mentioned something about hospitalisation. Scary scary thought.
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    (Original post by superwolf)
    I just got back from the doctor's and she mentioned something about hospitalisation. Scary scary thought.


    *hugs*, just focus on getting better superwolf, no matter what that may involve. Hope you are ok.
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    (Original post by RachelOranges)
    .there will only be three of us in the flat ( including her boyfriend) and if they are out/go home for the week I'll be all on my own in this dump....what if I have a panic attack? I know
    Don't stay with a couple! :eek: it's the most annoying thing ever. They will always hang out with each other and be coupley and it is totally going to suck. I was going to two friends and they became a couple after i signed the contract and it was crap to live with them for that bit because they were so into each other.

    Spanish was hard - i think i failed
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    (Original post by blue_shift86)
    Don't stay with a couple! :eek: it's the most annoying thing ever. They will always hang out with each other and be coupley and it is totally going to suck. I was going to two friends and they became a couple after i signed the contract and it was crap to live with them for that bit because they were so into each other.

    Spanish was hard - i think i failed
    Ahh yeah I was thinking it would be quite lonely too living with a couple. Even though I like my own personal space I just don't want to feel on the periphery all the time. Don't know how to break it to them though to be honest, said I would share with them already and they want to find a place asap.... why do I ways aim to please others and never think about my self and my personal needs until its too late...ggrrr hope this doesn't cause tension/agruments :cry: I just don't need that at the moment.

    Don't worry about the test, at least it is out of the way ( I messed mine up yesterday). Don't dwell on it just treat your self to a movie or something, thats what I did yesterday to take my mind off things, I felt a whole lot better afterwards. There is nothing more you can do, at least you'll be able to see your weaknesses and work on them. :yep:
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    (Original post by Malsy)
    :hugs: What's wrong?
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    things are just so bad i am trying to get the physical strength to carry on but i just cant cope i feel like my bodys breaking down
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    (Original post by Malsy)
    things are just so bad i am trying to get the physical strength to carry on but i just cant cope i feel like my bodys breaking down
    I'm in a similar situation

    I hope things improve for you. If you haven't already seen a doctor, make sure you do; cos it can make a difference. Are you taking any medication at the moment?
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    No im not i just want to die some days. i dont want to go through what im going through it's just not fair
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    (Original post by Malsy)
    No im not i just want to die some days. i dont want to go through what im going through it's just not fair
    Aww Malsy i'm really sorry to hear you're feeling like that :hugs:. Please please go to a doctor, the medication they give you will help you a lot, you need to try everything you can to get better.

    PM if you ever need to talk
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    Well here goes my first post on here

    Basically, I am confused as to what to do with my life, I am 17, have just under 2 years of college to complete and I'm living with my mother and brother (the only relatives I have in this country). I am asking you for suggestions and guidence.

    Now to the main point, I've gone/going through a lot of rough experiences as a child mainly due to my mother but lately (past few months) these problems have started having an undesired effect on me, especially my anger, it's getting to the point were I can get furious from just hearing her voice.

    - I have also been suffering from depression for 4 years.
    - My appetite has improven from 1 meal a day to a max of 2, I'm still working on it.
    - Insomnia is getting me down a lot too and even when I do manage to get to sleep, I never feel replenished when I wake up. I've been taking pills to aid sleeping for a few months but I dread them, they induce nightmares which wake me up, I fall asleep again and more nightmares wake me up later.

    As an example of why I feel so unease and confused at home I will show 2 examples, probaly the worst ones for me I can think of right now.

    1. I was in the process of killing myself, wrist bleeding & blade at hand, my mum came home and her response was "go on, do it, I should be calling the hospital, one with a mental institution".

    2. I was 7 years old, visiting family in Moscow, when I was nearly raped by my older brother (no intercourse, just oral), luckily my grandmother stopped it getting further but I have no idea if she ever told my parents because none of them have ever talked to me about it and now she is dead so I can't ask her anything.

    The thing is, I still love my mother, she can be the perfect mother but her inconsitence, her blanking me, lying to me and just trying to have an argument with me at all possible times, I've had to beg her to not start an argument.

    So yeah, I'm just really confused and would also love to hear of similar stories.

    Thank you if you took the time to read.
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    (Original post by RachelOranges)
    Ahh yeah I was thinking it would be quite lonely too living with a couple. Even though I like my own personal space I just don't want to feel on the periphery all the time. Don't know how to break it to them though to be honest, said I would share with them already and they want to find a place asap.... why do I ways aim to please others and never think about my self and my personal needs until its too late...ggrrr hope this doesn't cause tension/agruments :cry: I just don't need that at the moment.

    Don't worry about the test, at least it is out of the way ( I messed mine up yesterday). Don't dwell on it just treat your self to a movie or something, thats what I did yesterday to take my mind off things, I felt a whole lot better afterwards. There is nothing more you can do, at least you'll be able to see your weaknesses and work on them. :yep:
    i don't like going to movies alone . Being a loner sucks.

    As for them, tell them you feel uncomfortable living with a couple because you'd feel like the third wheel and would feel lonely and depressing seeing you two together. I'm sure they'd totally understand. If they are decent people they would. And remember, it's not too late until the contract is signed. Even then, i found someone else to take my place so i got out of a messy contract, hehe.
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    (Original post by blue_shift86)
    i don't like going to movies alone . Being a loner sucks.

    As for them, tell them you feel uncomfortable living with a couple because you'd feel like the third wheel and would feel lonely and depressing seeing you two together. I'm sure they'd totally understand. If they are decent people they would. And remember, it's not too late until the contract is signed. Even then, i found someone else to take my place so i got out of a messy contract, hehe.
    Have you got any DVDs you could rent? Have with you to watch?

    Yeah they are really nice people, my flat made my birthday really special, she's been so kind to me and understanding when I have my attacks, I just don't want to feel like I'm slapping them in the face. We'll see how the flat looks fon Thursday and hopefully I'll find someone else that I can share with by then...there must be SOMEONE...I hate feeling like a third wheel, I've had so many years of that...its no fun.
 
 
 
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