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    I'm done. :cry:
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    (Original post by kiss_me_now9)
    I'm done. :cry:
    :hugs: What happened?
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    (Original post by jonathan122)
    :hugs: What happened?
    I went out last night but got home at midnight, so not too late! First day back at college today... Didn't get to sleep til 5:30am, was woken up by my Dad at 6:45am - Had a screaming match with my parents until 8:45am when they finally left for work. I was incredibly pissed off and just couldn't be bothered any more... I contemplated ODing on various medicines that I found around the house (I can now tell you exactly how many painkillers we have, in what cupboard they're in, and what strength they are) but decided to have a shower first... Spent an hour in the shower and managed to wake up a bit and remember who I'd be hurting if I did kill myself :o: I've now mellowed a lot over the day and am feeling vaguely normal. :hugs:
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    :cry:
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    I really can't think of a single reason for being alive apart from that I'd hurt people too much if I killed myself. Every day I just lie in bed and do nothing, and wish I'd killed myself already because it's not like there's any real point in me being here. And all this is just the same crap I've written before, nothing changes. I've stopped reading emails from half of my friends, I'm just waiting for them to give up on me.
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    (Original post by Bossa Nova)
    :cry:
    ? :console:
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    (Original post by Bossa Nova)
    Exams. I know that I'm only doing AS but i'm so nervous for the exams I have on Thursday (four bloody exams) I have my parents expectations aswell as my own and my twin brother who I am constantly competing with. Ahh well. It's back to revision now....
    Exams are a *******. I recommend eating at frequent intervals - your brain needs food. My favourite revision foods are biscuits and sausages. :yep:
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    (Original post by kiss_me_now9)
    I went out last night but got home at midnight, so not too late! First day back at college today... Didn't get to sleep til 5:30am, was woken up by my Dad at 6:45am - Had a screaming match with my parents until 8:45am when they finally left for work. I was incredibly pissed off and just couldn't be bothered any more... I contemplated ODing on various medicines that I found around the house (I can now tell you exactly how many painkillers we have, in what cupboard they're in, and what strength they are) but decided to have a shower first... Spent an hour in the shower and managed to wake up a bit and remember who I'd be hurting if I did kill myself :o: I've now mellowed a lot over the day and am feeling vaguely normal. :hugs:
    Spoke too ******* soon, my mum and dad have just tagged teamed me in a massive barney which started out as "Why are you wearing your hoody indoors?" (Gee, because I'm COLD?! And you've never had a problem with it before) to her shouting at me for being a waste of space. Apparently getting up at half 2 in the afternoon is no excuse for not being able to get to sleep less than 12 hours later. **** this. I've locked myself in my room... Probably in my best interests.
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    I feel like the only choice I've got is between ruining everyone's lives now or ruining them later. There's no good option, where I get better and start being a human being again, there's only killing myself now or killing myself later. And I have to pick later because once you know you're going to destroy someone's life every day you let them carry on as normal becomes incredibly important even if they don't know it. I just have to keep on going as long as I can only I don't know how much longer that is.

    ******* hell I'm miserable today.
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    (Original post by superwolf)
    I feel like the only choice I've got is between ruining everyone's lives now or ruining them later. There's no good option, where I get better and start being a human being again, there's only killing myself now or killing myself later. And I have to pick later because once you know you're going to destroy someone's life every day you let them carry on as normal becomes incredibly important even if they don't know it. I just have to keep on going as long as I can only I don't know how much longer that is.

    ******* hell I'm miserable today.
    Kinda reminds me of something to do with the police I heard once...

    "When you're walking up to a front door, to knock on it and tell the parents inside that you've just come from the scene of an accident, you take every step so slowly just so you can put off the suffering a little longer." :o:
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    (Original post by superwolf)
    I feel like the only choice I've got is between ruining everyone's lives now or ruining them later. There's no good option, where I get better and start being a human being again, there's only killing myself now or killing myself later. And I have to pick later because once you know you're going to destroy someone's life every day you let them carry on as normal becomes incredibly important even if they don't know it. I just have to keep on going as long as I can only I don't know how much longer that is.

    ******* hell I'm miserable today.

    Hang in there superwolf :hugs:its clear that there is still hope for you as you don't want to take your life now, that is your subconscious telling you that things will change and get better.

    I'm feeling a bit pants today my self too, I can't stop thinking about the future...and how bleak it seems, life just seems like a never ending cycle of fear and sorrow...I had such a good time round my friends yesterday and I wish I could be as happy as that always, like I used to be but I just can't.... I just keep wishing I was dead. I keep panicing for no reason, I can feel my heart racing even when I'm just sitting down doing nothing, my appetite is non existant and I'm just so snappy at everyone, I just want to disappear.

    I told mum about my panic attack at the resturant the other day and she said she can't understand why I have them, its not like I'm under attack...that only seemed to make things worse...I wish I could just sleep forever. When will I get my release? I can't...I just can't do this. :cry:
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    (Original post by RachelOranges)
    Hang in there superwolf :hugs:its clear that there is still hope for you as you don't want to take your life now, that is your subconscious telling you that things will change and get better.

    I'm feeling a bit pants today my self too, I can't stop thinking about the future...and how bleak it seems, life just seems like a never ending cycle of fear and sorrow...I had such a good time round my friends yesterday and I wish I could be as happy as that always, like I used to be but I just can't.... I just keep wishing I was dead. I keep panicing for no reason, I can feel my heart racing even when I'm just sitting down doing nothing, my appetite is non existant and I'm just so snappy at everyone, I just want to disappear.

    I told mum about my panic attack at the resturant the other day and she said she can't understand why I have them, its not like I'm under attack...that only seemed to make things worse...I wish I could just sleep forever. When will I get my release? I can't...I just can't do this. :cry:
    Sorry you're having a bad day too. I always find that whenever I manage to have a good time I compensate by feeling even worse the next day. Maybe just cos it takes so much effort to be alright.

    Try not to let your family get to you, it's hard for people to understand that something that they take completely for granted like eating is actually a scary and complex issue for other people.

    If you keep pushing yourself to get better then obviously you're going to have the occasional setback like the other day, but it must be good for you in the long term.
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    I've never felt so alone in the entire of my life. I'd just like to share that with all of the people that would take pleasure in that, because they've won. Good for them. I feel like crap. I feel like I'm back where I was in year 7. So yes; awesome. It was just the nights sitting alone at home that I couldn't take before, but now sitting alone in all of my lessons is making me feel like crap too, and I may not be alone; but it's how I feel. For the past 2 years I have not gained one friend (through college). People told me in middle school that I should wait until highschool where people would be awesome, I spent 2 years in counselling there and was paid a visit by a Psychologist. Now that I'm in college I just feel even more appalled at myself. Apparently I'm now meant to look forward to university where I'll meet awesome people, but I tell you what... what if I'm meant to spend the whole of my life looking forward to something better which never comes around, because I just don't get it. It doesn't actually work.

    It feels nice that anyone might read this.

    Thanks.
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    I feel depressed.
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    (Original post by Laus)
    I feel depressed.
    :hugs:

    You are not alone.
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    (Original post by superwolf)
    Sorry you're having a bad day too. I always find that whenever I manage to have a good time I compensate by feeling even worse the next day. Maybe just cos it takes so much effort to be alright.

    Try not to let your family get to you, it's hard for people to understand that something that they take completely for granted like eating is actually a scary and complex issue for other people.

    If you keep pushing yourself to get better then obviously you're going to have the occasional setback like the other day, but it must be good for you in the long term.
    Yeah, I had this same issue with food before when I was younger and I managed to break free from the fear before so who's to say I can't do it again? I think this time I might need some professional guidance though because it seems that I'm back to square one and I just want to nip this thing in the bud and get on with my life. I feel so guilty because my mum has been through so much and she still manages to make it through the day with a smile on her face, she is one of the main reasons as to why I want to get better, she's such an amazing person, I wish I had her strength. *sigh* off to work now, I feel so lonely there everyone just ignores me because I'm a temp, but I've only got 4 days left and them I'm free :woo: . Hope you have a good day.


    (Original post by grape:))
    I've never felt so alone in the entire of my life. I'd just like to share that with all of the people that would take pleasure in that, because they've won. Good for them. I feel like crap. I feel like I'm back where I was in year 7. So yes; awesome. It was just the nights sitting alone at home that I couldn't take before, but now sitting alone in all of my lessons is making me feel like crap too, and I may not be alone; but it's how I feel. For the past 2 years I have not gained one friend (through college). People told me in middle school that I should wait until highschool where people would be awesome, I spent 2 years in counselling there and was paid a visit by a Psychologist. Now that I'm in college I just feel even more appalled at myself. Apparently I'm now meant to look forward to university where I'll meet awesome people, but I tell you what... what if I'm meant to spend the whole of my life looking forward to something better which never comes around, because I just don't get it. It doesn't actually work.

    It feels nice that anyone might read this.

    Thanks.
    :hugs: sorry that you are having such a lame time at the moment. Looking back, even though I did have good times and friends, secondary school and college was HELL . I only really made proper friends in the last year but I'm glad because I now have the best friend ever. Like you I felt so lonely, all the people I seemed to be making friends with and trusting just left me/ hurt me really badly and I was finding it so hard to trust again. I only really found my best friend when I'd given up looking ...if that makes sense. I gave up on being so desperate to have friends and then we just connected. Funny thing is I know her since year 7 but the fact that all my other friends were leaving me actually benifited me because otherwise we would never have had the chance to get to know each other properly.

    Please take my word for it when I say that Uni is the best opportunity to make friends! It really is, it just seems so different there. I thought I would never make friends, I'm so socially awkward when it comes to meeting new people but I've managed to make a group of really good friends and I'm sure you will too. Its just about finding the strength to approach people you can see your self being friends with and taking it from there. Don't worry, you aren't alone
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    (Original post by grape:))
    I've never felt so alone in the entire of my life. I'd just like to share that with all of the people that would take pleasure in that, because they've won. Good for them. I feel like crap. I feel like I'm back where I was in year 7. So yes; awesome. It was just the nights sitting alone at home that I couldn't take before, but now sitting alone in all of my lessons is making me feel like crap too, and I may not be alone; but it's how I feel. For the past 2 years I have not gained one friend (through college). People told me in middle school that I should wait until highschool where people would be awesome, I spent 2 years in counselling there and was paid a visit by a Psychologist. Now that I'm in college I just feel even more appalled at myself. Apparently I'm now meant to look forward to university where I'll meet awesome people, but I tell you what... what if I'm meant to spend the whole of my life looking forward to something better which never comes around, because I just don't get it. It doesn't actually work.

    It feels nice that anyone might read this.

    Thanks.
    Oh Gemma! Your welcome to come and sit with me and chloe in biologyif you want? although I think thats the only lesson we've got together. Seriously if your feeling down and lonely at college I'll give you my mobile number and you can text me and I'll come sit with you and talk to you, I think you're lovely, I don't like seeing you like this
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    (Original post by Laus)
    I feel depressed.
    :console: How are things going?
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    Hey guys, I haven't been on TSR in what feels like ages, hope you haven't forgotten me.
    How are you all? :hugs:

    I could have a rant but I don't think it's fair to post here when I haven't posted and helped anyone else in so long.

    I missed you guys so I'm back.
    RachelOranges, I'm so sorry I haven't replied to your PM (that is if you did PM me back, haven't checked :hugs:, is uni going ok?)
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    I hate being alone in the house. It always makes me think now would be a good time to do it.

    I think not eating is giving me even less energy than usual, which is good, it makes it easier just to lie in bed and do nothing. I'm trying to exist as little as possible. Does that make sense to anyone?
 
 
 
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