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    urgh moan

    someone kill me now. pls come and kill me. with a big knife, whatever.
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    im sobbing like a baby. i feel so sad right now. i said in another thread that cancer is worsse than depression but i swear to god id give anything to have cancer right now than this depression. and i have a feeling if i make it til im 50 il have cancer then making my life all the more ****** up and tragic. how on earth can a life be ruined so badly and so much that u see the potential but its all faded and gpne

    im crumbling and im hsving thoughts about dying and wanting to die whenevev i dwell about thingsn and so where the hell is this going to take me
    the thoughts keep coming i want to die but i cant do it but i so want to as i cant live like tihs anymore
    omg help me pls i cnt do this i just vcnt lvie anymore
    iv got snot and tears everywhr nd im in a right state i cant do it
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    Back at Uni. Took me ages to get to sleep last night, the nerves were playing up a bit but I managed to eat something which is good. I'd forgotten just how lonely it is being here. Trying to keep postitive about this term though.

    I hope everyone is ok.
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    i feel nothing. im just a waste. ive ruined everything me my life. whats the point. ruin.
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    (Original post by Malsy)
    i feel nothing. im just a waste. ive ruined everything me my life. whats the point. ruin.
    I feel completely ****** over. My head hurts and I can't think clearly. I hear whispers in my ear, but nobody is here. It's like suffering from schizoprenia. only in reverse.
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    (Original post by Malsy)
    im sobbing like a baby. i feel so sad right now. i said in another thread that cancer is worsse than depression but i swear to god id give anything to have cancer right now than this depression. and i have a feeling if i make it til im 50 il have cancer then making my life all the more ****** up and tragic. how on earth can a life be ruined so badly and so much that u see the potential but its all faded and gpne

    im crumbling and im hsving thoughts about dying and wanting to die whenevev i dwell about thingsn and so where the hell is this going to take me
    the thoughts keep coming i want to die but i cant do it but i so want to as i cant live like tihs anymore
    omg help me pls i cnt do this i just vcnt lvie anymore
    iv got snot and tears everywhr nd im in a right state i cant do it
    :hugs: I can completely relate to what you are feeling right now. I can't stop thinking about when I'm going to do, everything just seems to much but you have to try and preoccupy your self with positive things to get those thoughts out of your head, whether it be reading a good book or watching film. Don't let the bad feelings and fears defeat you.
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    (Original post by KiraMayz)
    I feel completely ****** over. My head hurts and I can't think clearly. I hear whispers in my ear, but nobody is here. It's like suffering from schizoprenia. only in reverse.
    How long has it been going on for?
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    Hello everyone,

    quite recently I believe I've been going through something of a depressive phase. I was wondering if anyone has found themselves pushing away those that they love or using them as a scapegoat for their problems?

    I've been in and out of what I think is depression since the beginning of December. It all seemed to start after I went out one night, got absolutely ******** and flirted with another girl - my recollection is hazy, but I believe we may have kissed for a second or two, but I can't be sure. Anyway, I'm in an incredibly loving and supportive relationship with my girlfriend back home, up until this incident I travelled home to see her every weekend and was as happy as ever. However, the thought of me possibly being unfaithful caused me to put so much guilt and pain upon myself - I was open and honest to her about what happened and she was fine with it and forgave me and accepted that I made a mistake but just to move on and forget about it, but still I beat myself up so badly about it that I see now that I slid into a cycle of depression. Sometimes I do see the total irrelavance of it and feel better, but it's still a cycle I find hard to beat - the guilt fuels the depression, the depression adds even more fuel to the feelings of guilt an so forth. I know I shouldn't feel so bad - relationships are stronger for coming through adversities such as these, but it's hard to envisage at the moment.

    It's been on and off ever since, some days better than others. I'm seein my GP tommorow and I'm hoping he'll put me on some form of CBT: it's not my problems that are getting me in such a state, but the way in which I visualise and contextualise them. I've looked into cognitive self help and can definately see a difference, but its a hard process.

    Anyway, thats the background, but recently I have noticed that I've been pushing my girlfirend away recently. Sometimes I feel the guilt and feel like i've been unfaithful and don't deserve her, almost like she would be better off without me. Other times I try to find flaws in our relationship and use them as excuses for feeling so low. She has noticed a difference in me and it's bringing her down too. However, I know that there are not fundamental problems and that it's my depressive thoughts driving the unease. But somehow I can't seem to give them the slip: I get caught in a cycle of thinking about breaking it up, which makes me think I don't love her anymore, that we've come to the end of road etc. I know these are not my true feelings yet for some reason I'm giving them far more significance and consideration than is neccessary. I want to stay with her, and I know that close relationships are vital during depression. However, there's a little nagging voice telling me that something is wrong and I would be better without her.

    Has anyone else ever experienced this? I'd be interested to hear from anybody who has been through similar or from any couples where one or the other has been through depression.

    cheers.
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    i slept
    it seemed the most sensible thing to do but i hate feeling like this day in day out i ******* hate myself and im *****
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    (Original post by alex345)
    Hello everyone,
    Spoiler:
    Show


    quite recently I believe I've been going through something of a depressive phase. I was wondering if anyone has found themselves pushing away those that they love or using them as a scapegoat for their problems?

    I've been in and out of what I think is depression since the beginning of December. It all seemed to start after I went out one night, got absolutely ******** and flirted with another girl - my recollection is hazy, but I believe we may have kissed for a second or two, but I can't be sure. Anyway, I'm in an incredibly loving and supportive relationship with my girlfriend back home, up until this incident I travelled home to see her every weekend and was as happy as ever. However, the thought of me possibly being unfaithful caused me to put so much guilt and pain upon myself - I was open and honest to her about what happened and she was fine with it and forgave me and accepted that I made a mistake but just to move on and forget about it, but still I beat myself up so badly about it that I see now that I slid into a cycle of depression. Sometimes I do see the total irrelavance of it and feel better, but it's still a cycle I find hard to beat - the guilt fuels the depression, the depression adds even more fuel to the feelings of guilt an so forth. I know I shouldn't feel so bad - relationships are stronger for coming through adversities such as these, but it's hard to envisage at the moment.

    It's been on and off ever since, some days better than others. I'm seein my GP tommorow and I'm hoping he'll put me on some form of CBT: it's not my problems that are getting me in such a state, but the way in which I visualise and contextualise them. I've looked into cognitive self help and can definately see a difference, but its a hard process.

    Anyway, thats the background, but recently I have noticed that I've been pushing my girlfirend away recently. Sometimes I feel the guilt and feel like i've been unfaithful and don't deserve her, almost like she would be better off without me. Other times I try to find flaws in our relationship and use them as excuses for feeling so low. She has noticed a difference in me and it's bringing her down too. However, I know that there are not fundamental problems and that it's my depressive thoughts driving the unease. But somehow I can't seem to give them the slip: I get caught in a cycle of thinking about breaking it up, which makes me think I don't love her anymore, that we've come to the end of road etc. I know these are not my true feelings yet for some reason I'm giving them far more significance and consideration than is neccessary. I want to stay with her, and I know that close relationships are vital during depression. However, there's a little nagging voice telling me that something is wrong and I would be better without her.

    Has anyone else ever experienced this? I'd be interested to hear from anybody who has been through similar or from any couples where one or the other has been through depression.


    cheers.
    did you feel your thought patterns weren't right before this happened? Or is it a new development?
    You haven't mentioned anything about other problems you've dealt with badly or other times you feel your thought processes have stopped you moving forward with your life so I'm drawing the conclusion that this is the only time? If so then perhaps you have reached a point where you're just conflicted about what you want.
    would you say you feel depressed a significant amount of the time? even when you're not thinking about your relationship? were you feeling depressed before this incident? You just haven't mentioned any negative thoughts about anything except the relationship.
    Your doctor will probably refer you to a counsellor, where you can talk a bit more about how you're feeling they'll decide whether you need the CBT or not, probably after a few sessions.
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    Nope, this is totally new to me, I've never once considered anything such as this before. I've never been depressed before, however I definately have issues in my past that may be related to this and the feelings of guilt: my parent's divorce, for a start, combined with other not so pleasant things growing up. There are many things I feel negative about the moment that I didn't give a second thought to before - University, what I want to do with my future, money worries, exams etc. Two months ago I wouldn't let any of this get to me - now I get into a muddle over the smallest problem. I'm totally lacking in self confidence, I'm not sleeping well and I flitter between overeating or not eating at all. I also find it very hard to concentrate on anything for anymore than 10 minutes or so.

    I would say that yes, I do feel depressed a significant amount of time. It's not severe to the extent of thoughts of self harming, but just things that I used to enjoy hold little appeal now: in essence, I'm just not 'me'.

    It's not just bad thoughts about my relationship, its affecting all aspects of my life. I've only had such thoughts since noticing signs of depression; before they've never occured.
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    i havent been the real me for 4 yrs now and counting. dont ever see me being the real me again:sad:
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    (Original post by Malsy)
    im sobbing like a baby. i feel so sad right now. i said in another thread that cancer is worsse than depression
    I posted on that thread a while ago. I said they are "both as bad as each other, but i've had depression and I wouldn't wish it on anyone!"

    That pretty much sums it up . Depression is a pain in the arse and sometimes I think death would be better because at least you die at the end. Depression is torturous - it affects you for a long long time almost to the point where you wish you were dead to being alive

    :console: malsy
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    (Original post by Malsy)
    i havent been the real me for 4 yrs now and counting. dont ever see me being the real me again:sad:
    Any idea what triggered it? I've not been me since oct 2005 (about 4.5 years) - rougly the same time as you :eek: That year must be jynxed.
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    yes thats how i feel some days i literally cannot cope with what im going through and i wish to be dead. seriously. i honestly want to die in some way and soon - i can't kill myself so just pls make me ill or something urgh who thinks these things?something is wrong in my head...i srsly want to just cry and die rathyer than living the way i am not being the real me and just hating myself. i hjate it it is literally mind-killing.
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    i am not going to school tomorrow
    mother won't be happy
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    (Original post by Malsy)
    yes thats how i feel some days i literally cannot cope with what im going through and i wish to be dead. seriously. i honestly want to die in some way and soon - i can't kill myself so just pls make me ill or something urgh who thinks these things?something is wrong in my head...i srsly want to just cry and die rathyer than living the way i am not being the real me and just hating myself. i hjate it it is literally mind-killing.
    you should go travelling in the summer. I am doing BUNAC (summer camp usa) and it's given me something to look forward to. I hate my life so much and everytime I feel low i think of america. eg last week i had a major panic attack/wanting to be dead episode that i just slept for 3 days (no work), and on saturday i went swimming and then thought of camp usa. I HATE my uni life so much - i have no friends :cry:
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    (Original post by Malsy)
    i am not going to school tomorrow
    mother won't be happy
    School? How old are you? I always assumed you were in university.
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    Sleeping is brilliant. but tragic at the smae time when it's the only thing you have to do to avoid self-destructuion


    i'm in year 13 --a school not college but yeah


    i just want to die blue shift i cant take everyday life anymore.
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    (Original post by Malsy)
    Sleeping is brilliant. but tragic at the smae time when it's the only thing you have to do to avoid self-destructuion


    i'm in year 13 --a school not college but yeah


    i just want to die blue shift i cant take everyday life anymore.
    Wait till u get to uni hun - it gets a whole lot worse! In fact I advise you against going to it because school made you explode - uni made me explode so i'd hate to think how you would react to it! (not meant to be offensive here)

    I hate uni - cant wait till june - the perpetual nightmare will be over!

    Also are you going to a state comprehensive? I went to a state comprehensive school in London - it was great. State compers ftw:cool:
 
 
 
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