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    (Original post by el1iot)
    I feel extremely stuck right now and it's horrible. I can't deal with it. I have just realised I've basically written out my life story, like anyone would care or even take the time to read this post, but I had to do it, so it's out there. I can't bottle this up anymore otherwise I'm just going to explode.
    Well, you're wrong. I cared and took the time to read it. :hugs:

    I can really relate to a lot of the things you've said/been through, and whilst I understand how terrible it feels right now, I don't think it's unsolvable. Obviously everything that happened when you were younger affected you a lot at the time, and not dealing with it or working through it properly is probably largely to blame for how you feel now. I'm really sorry you've had such a rubbish time of it but as the saying goes.. You can't go back in time and change things; you can only go forward.

    What's your relationship with your Mum like now? Are you close to any of your family at all? I'm guessing you probably have a lot of resentment and anger towards her/them (and rightly so) but I think in order to get through this fully, you need to at least have some sort of discussion/closure about it all. What you were put through is horribly unfair and I'm not condoning your Mum's behaviour at all, but it definitely sounds as though she was going through a lot too. Perhaps she didn't know how to handle the situation? Maybe she realised she'd messed up once and felt terrible so thought you'd be better off without her?

    Obviously I don't know your entire situation but I've had a lot of stuff happen in my family life in the past which has affected me for years, and I only really started to be able to move on and feel better in myself when I opened up about it all and began to talk about it/understand it. If you can't talk to your family, then I'd really recommend finding someone else to talk to. You mentioned you tried counselling before and it didn't work for you - it was the same for me, but I've recently tried again and I'm finding it really beneficial this time. The point is, you can't suppress stuff and bottle it up because ultimately it will come out and **** you up in the end (like now).

    If you've been on medication before and found that it worked, could you not go back to your GP and see if you can go back on it? It sounds as though the one you saw before wasn't particularly clued up on depression because from what I know, most tend to keep you on meds for at least six months and strongly advise against coming off it as soon as you start to feel better. Going back on medication (though not a miracle cure) would probably help you to deal with the symptoms you have at the moment that sound pretty severe. If you get these under control, you'd be in a better situation to actually deal with the root of all of it and get yourself out of it once and for all. If you don't feel comfortable going back to your original GP, you can always ask to see another one. My old GP was awful, but my university health centre have been surprisingly decent.

    Please don't let your depression/anxiety make you drop out of university. I'm in a similar position at the moment, but I'm unhappy here in general. The fact that you've had good times and have made some good friends shows that all isn't lost and whilst it feels bad now, it can be fixed. One of the worst things you can do is to isolate yourself, even though that's all you feel like doing. Is there anyone at university that you could confide in? I appreciate that's probably a really scary/embarrassing thought, but people in general are surprisingly supportive and understanding in these sorts of situations.

    I'll stop now 'cause this has turned into a bit of a mammoth essay, but I just wanted to let you know that you're not alone, there is a light at the end of the tunnel and people do and will care. I'm a stranger and I read all of what you wrote (even though I should technically be at the library right now..) so I'm sure there's someone close to you who will be just as willing to listen and help. If you ever need a chat then feel free to PM me because as I said, I do relate, but I really hope things get better for you soon.

    (P.S. Don't give up hope - I nearly did, but I started medication and counselling together a few weeks ago and it's working bloody wonders. I'm still nowhere close to perfect but the point is, things can get better when you least expect it! You have to really want it, though.)
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    (Original post by el1iot)
    What is more of a concern to me is how I'm going to deal with my course and whether I will be able to cope or not. I just feel like I could really do with some good quality time off from everything and take a year out to recover and seek help and get better so that I can start enjoying life again. I'm getting all worked up about a decision that I need to make and I can't decide. I really want to talk to somebody who I trust and will understand but I can't do it because I don't want people at university to hear me on the phone. I would feel comfortable with talking to my Mum about it but I'm worried how she would react and I don't know if I can trust anyone anymore.
    I'll keep this short after my last post.

    If you'd feel comfortable talking to your Mum, then do it. If you're worried about other people hearing (I have this problem too) then go for a walk or something.. Wrap up and sit on a bench somewhere. If you feel like taking time out is something you really need to do then that's perfectly acceptable, but you need to be honest with yourself/people around you. I was terrified of telling my Mum that I was considering the same, but she was surprisingly supportive. At the end of the day, your parents do ultimately want what's best for you - no matter what's gone on in the past. I used to have a really rocky relationship with my Mum, but actually talking to her/involving her in my problems over the last year or so has really helped and has improved our relationship significantly. We're closer than ever now. If it's what you feel you need to do then do it - but don't go through it alone.
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    (Original post by el1iot)
    Thanks for your time, I really appreciate it. I have tried aluminium chloride deodrants and they haven't really seemed to work that well, although I guess I could give it another go. As for counselling, I'm not sure, I feel really alienated at the moment, but maybe your right in that it's worth a try. I'm not registered with any Doctors round here at the moment, so I should probably do that. I just find it very difficult to motivate myself to get round to doing stuff like that.

    What is more of a concern to me is how I'm going to deal with my course and whether I will be able to cope or not. I just feel like I could really do with some good quality time off from everything and take a year out to recover and seek help and get better so that I can start enjoying life again. I'm getting all worked up about a decision that I need to make and I can't decide. I really want to talk to somebody who I trust and will understand but I can't do it because I don't want people at university to hear me on the phone. I would feel comfortable with talking to my Mum about it but I'm worried how she would react and I don't know if I can trust anyone anymore.
    Ahh yeah I've registered my self but I'm just really reluctant to actually go and make an appointment. The receptionist doesn't make it any eaiser either sort of get to door, see her and head back to halls again lol.

    I was considering dropping out my self, I've managed to survive so far but I know that my issues and lack of motivation have put me at a disadvantage.

    I think in your cause you need to do what is best for you. If you think you will benefit from some time out and getting things sorted out then maybe dropping out is what you need to do. It doesn't mean you are a "failure" just that you are taking some control back in your life. If things are so bad that you can do any work then maybe it would be better to clear your head and come back when you are in the right frame of mind. After all Uni isn't cheep.

    I'm going to see how this year goes and if I do well I'll stick at it, if not then I think I'm going to need to get away somewhere a do a lot of reassessing of my life etc.

    Have a talk with your mum so she knows your intentions and just tell her that you need her support no matter what you decide. Let her know how you are feeling. Honesty is best when it comes to making big decissions like this.
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    Thanks everyone for your support, it's nice to know that I can finally get the opinions of people who actually know what it's like. I think I'm going to contact my mum and ask her to take me up to my GP back home to go back on meds because it will help me get the motivation to sort out my problems. If after that I still feel that it's too much for me then I will consider taking some time out of uni to sort things out.
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    (Original post by el1iot)
    Thanks everyone for your support, it's nice to know that I can finally get the opinions of people who actually know what it's like. I think I'm going to contact my mum and ask her to take me up to my GP back home to go back on meds because it will help me get the motivation to sort out my problems. If after that I still feel that it's too much for me then I will consider taking some time out of uni to sort things out.
    Sounds like a good idea let us know how it goes and good luck :hugs:
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    (Original post by RachelOranges)
    How are you all today?

    Suffering a bit of low selfesteem today. Well I say a bit...
    I know I sound selfish etc. but I just feel really rubbishy today, well since Wednesday really, feel like I'm going to throw up when I look in the mirror, and I feel like I've put on a stone in 3 days. I really want to see someone about this whole self image/anxiety business but I'm worried that my case isn't sever enough for me to see anyone about it.
    I through I was past the teenage phase of lack of self worth :rolleyes:, whats worse is I have work placement next week and it takes all my strength to not break down when I'm out in public, I feel that everyone is watching me. The anxiety is really starting to affect me at work, I keep dropping things/miss reading lables etc. which is bad when dealing with drugs.
    PM me if you want to talk :jumphug:

    Take care
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    (Original post by mathperson)
    PM me if you want to talk :jumphug:

    Take care
    Thanks, just sent you a PM. hope you are ok :hugs:
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    ******* ****. My best friend keeps acting like an ******** in lots of minor ways which add up to him just being a massive **** this week. A lot of the time it feels like people only actually care about you when it's not inconvenient for them. You'd think he could at least have asked me if I was feeling ok, seeing as I was in ******* hospital only a couple of days ago.

    And I have to go home next week and pretend to my family that I'm ok, when I'm really really not.
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    (Original post by raisin.)
    Well, you're wrong. I cared and took the time to read it. :hugs:

    I can really relate to a lot of the things you've said/been through, and whilst I understand how terrible it feels right now, I don't think it's unsolvable. Obviously everything that happened when you were younger affected you a lot at the time, and not dealing with it or working through it properly is probably largely to blame for how you feel now. I'm really sorry you've had such a rubbish time of it but as the saying goes.. You can't go back in time and change things; you can only go forward.

    What's your relationship with your Mum like now? Are you close to any of your family at all? I'm guessing you probably have a lot of resentment and anger towards her/them (and rightly so) but I think in order to get through this fully, you need to at least have some sort of discussion/closure about it all. What you were put through is horribly unfair and I'm not condoning your Mum's behaviour at all, but it definitely sounds as though she was going through a lot too. Perhaps she didn't know how to handle the situation? Maybe she realised she'd messed up once and felt terrible so thought you'd be better off without her?

    Obviously I don't know your entire situation but I've had a lot of stuff happen in my family life in the past which has affected me for years, and I only really started to be able to move on and feel better in myself when I opened up about it all and began to talk about it/understand it. If you can't talk to your family, then I'd really recommend finding someone else to talk to. You mentioned you tried counselling before and it didn't work for you - it was the same for me, but I've recently tried again and I'm finding it really beneficial this time. The point is, you can't suppress stuff and bottle it up because ultimately it will come out and **** you up in the end (like now).

    If you've been on medication before and found that it worked, could you not go back to your GP and see if you can go back on it? It sounds as though the one you saw before wasn't particularly clued up on depression because from what I know, most tend to keep you on meds for at least six months and strongly advise against coming off it as soon as you start to feel better. Going back on medication (though not a miracle cure) would probably help you to deal with the symptoms you have at the moment that sound pretty severe. If you get these under control, you'd be in a better situation to actually deal with the root of all of it and get yourself out of it once and for all. If you don't feel comfortable going back to your original GP, you can always ask to see another one. My old GP was awful, but my university health centre have been surprisingly decent.

    Please don't let your depression/anxiety make you drop out of university. I'm in a similar position at the moment, but I'm unhappy here in general. The fact that you've had good times and have made some good friends shows that all isn't lost and whilst it feels bad now, it can be fixed. One of the worst things you can do is to isolate yourself, even though that's all you feel like doing. Is there anyone at university that you could confide in? I appreciate that's probably a really scary/embarrassing thought, but people in general are surprisingly supportive and understanding in these sorts of situations.

    I'll stop now 'cause this has turned into a bit of a mammoth essay, but I just wanted to let you know that you're not alone, there is a light at the end of the tunnel and people do and will care. I'm a stranger and I read all of what you wrote (even though I should technically be at the library right now..) so I'm sure there's someone close to you who will be just as willing to listen and help. If you ever need a chat then feel free to PM me because as I said, I do relate, but I really hope things get better for you soon.

    (P.S. Don't give up hope - I nearly did, but I started medication and counselling together a few weeks ago and it's working bloody wonders. I'm still nowhere close to perfect but the point is, things can get better when you least expect it! You have to really want it, though.)
    This post made me by the way, tis good to hear that you are doing well. You are right about not leaving Uni because of anxiety, I also suffer from it but the only way to beat it is to tackle it head on right?
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    (Original post by superwolf)
    ******* ****. My best friend keeps acting like an ******** in lots of minor ways which add up to him just being a massive **** this week. A lot of the time it feels like people only actually care about you when it's not inconvenient for them. You'd think he could at least have asked me if I was feeling ok, seeing as I was in ******* hospital only a couple of days ago.

    And I have to go home next week and pretend to my family that I'm ok, when I'm really really not.
    I'm not exactly in a position to give advice at the moment being in my current mood, however I hope everything is ok, do you mind me asking what you were in hospital for?
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    (Original post by superwolf)
    ******* ****. My best friend keeps acting like an ******** in lots of minor ways which add up to him just being a massive **** this week. A lot of the time it feels like people only actually care about you when it's not inconvenient for them. You'd think he could at least have asked me if I was feeling ok, seeing as I was in ******* hospital only a couple of days ago.

    And I have to go home next week and pretend to my family that I'm ok, when I'm really really not.
    :hugs: you were in hospital? ( Sorry for the late reaction, haven't been on here for the past few days). Hope things are better for you now. I think it will be good for you to have your family around to support you, I miss mine a lot of the time, being away from Uni. Sometims I just want my mums hugs lol
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    (Original post by el1iot)
    I'm not exactly in a position to give advice at the moment being in my current mood, however I hope everything is ok, do you mind me asking what you were in hospital for?
    I started on some new antidepressants and had a bad reaction to them, I felt really dizzy/shaky/faint for a week and could hardly get out of bed, then I saw my doctor and she sent me into hospital because my heartrate was over 150 bpm. I was only there overnight, but I've just had a really horrible couple of weeks, I still don't feel 100% alright and I just could have done without my friend being such a ******* ******** today.
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    (Original post by RachelOranges)
    :hugs: you were in hospital? ( Sorry for the late reaction, haven't been on here for the past few days). Hope things are better for you now. I think it will be good for you to have your family around to support you, I miss mine a lot of the time, being away from Uni. Sometims I just want my mums hugs lol
    I don't know, I love my sister more than anything but I just don't want to see her. I used to know that I'd always feel better when she was around but now I end up thinking about suicide even when I'm with her and that scares me so much. Seeing her just reminds me how I might end up completely destroying her life one day. And I can't stand the thought of telling mys family how bad things are, but it's so hard being around them and having to act as if I'm ok.
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    (Original post by superwolf)
    I don't know, I love my sister more than anything but I just don't want to see her. I used to know that I'd always feel better when she was around but now I end up thinking about suicide even when I'm with her and that scares me so much. Seeing her just reminds me how I might end up completely destroying her life one day. And I can't stand the thought of telling mys family how bad things are, but it's so hard being around them and having to act as if I'm ok.
    Yeah I know what you mean, I had a talk with my sister and she said that she hates hearing about what I'm going through and how up set I am at uni sometimes. I don't like to scare her or my parents about these things but it is hard trying to keep up a front. Its strange how even the things you once enjoyed doing now aren't that enjoyable, I think that is the scariest thing ( like when I went out to the Uni bar and just spent the majority of the night trying to control my heart rate and wishing that everthing would come to an end).
    I know its easier said than done but spend time with her, just going for a walk or playing on the XBox ( whatever equivilant you have at home). It might make things easier. I love spending time with my sister but she doesn't seem to have time for me anymore which sucks a lot as she does make me laugh :yep: ( and so does your sig by the way!)
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    (Original post by RachelOranges)
    This post made me by the way, tis good to hear that you are doing well. You are right about not leaving Uni because of anxiety, I also suffer from it but the only way to beat it is to tackle it head on right?
    Aw, thank you. I'm glad! This may be the 'depression society' but I'm trying my best to be positive when I can.

    Yeah, I definitely think tackling it head on is the best way. I'm seriously considering leaving still, but I know I'd still feel similar even if it wasn't for all my personal issues. I'm definitely taking some time to plot things out first though! Hope you're alright today. :hugs:
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    (Original post by raisin.)
    Aw, thank you. I'm glad! This may be the 'depression society' but I'm trying my best to be positive when I can.

    Yeah, I definitely think tackling it head on is the best way. I'm seriously considering leaving still, but I know I'd still feel similar even if it wasn't for all my personal issues. I'm definitely taking some time to plot things out first though! Hope you're alright today. :hugs:

    Yeah I'm ok thanks, after letting off a bit of steam lol. I just need to look after myself a bit more, get more sleep/excercise and eat well, three things that students are notoriously lack.
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    (Original post by RachelOranges)
    Yeah I'm ok thanks, after letting off a bit of steam lol. I just need to look after myself a bit more, get more sleep/excercise and eat well, three things that students are notoriously lack.
    Agreed, I'm just far too lazy at times.
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    Went out last night... Ended up in a strip club (Saturday nights it's just a nightclub though) and ended up coming home with these lovely bruises:


    Guess who feels like a tard?!
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    (Original post by kiss_me_now9)
    Went out last night... Ended up in a strip club (Saturday nights it's just a nightclub though) and ended up coming home with these lovely bruises:


    Guess who feels like a tard?!
    Ouch, must have been a good night though??
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    (Original post by el1iot)
    Ouch, must have been a good night though??
    Was a hilarious night. I remembered why I loved - and hated - pole dancing, lol. (I did it once or twice on a night out in Canterbury and came home with similar bruises!) :o:
 
 
 
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