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    (Original post by kiss_me_now9)
    Was a hilarious night. I remembered why I loved - and hated - pole dancing, lol. (I did it once or twice on a night out in Canterbury and came home with similar bruises!) :o:
    bloody hell, how do you get bruises like that from pole dancing?





    does anyone else have a really hard time concentrating and following thoughts through? I've been trying to do an essay but I can't even get my head round the title and writing a plan not to mention actually starting it. Like everytime I try to think about it I lose where I was going with my thoughts and it's completely impossible to think up a decent answer. I can't really explain.
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    (Original post by Sabertooth)
    bloody hell, how do you get bruises like that from pole dancing?





    does anyone else have a really hard time concentrating and following thoughts through? I've been trying to do an essay but I can't even get my head round the title and writing a plan not to mention actually starting it. Like everytime I try to think about it I lose where I was going with my thoughts and it's completely impossible to think up a decent answer. I can't really explain.
    I know what you mean. It's the main reason I dropped out of uni the first time, but my meds make it easier for me...
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    (Original post by Nothos)
    I know what you mean. It's the main reason I dropped out of uni the first time, but my meds make it easier for me...
    You don't know anyway of fixing it do you? Other than meds which apparently I'm completely immune to.
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    (Original post by Sabertooth)
    You don't know anyway of fixing it do you? Other than meds which apparently I'm completely immune to.
    Sadly I don't. The only thing that helped was when I was manic. I could bash out a high marking essay in about two hours while manic.
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    (Original post by raisin.)
    ..
    OK, this is very annoying - I just wrote a lengthy reply only to have my computer crash and lose it all... grr. Let's see how much I can remember...

    I understand about the wasted-teenage-years thing. I obviously still have problems at the grand old age of 22 (though I was nothing like as proactive as you about getting help at 18!) and I remember my first thought at hitting my 20's was "argh! I'm getting old", but this was followed by a massive relief when I realised that the hideous self-consciousness, heartbreak and mood swings were finally getting better, which I had imagined would never happen. I don't want this to sound in any way patronising, but if it's any consolation very few people look back at their teenage years with tremendous fondness. I discovered that even my most well-adjusted uni friends from the most stable backgrounds had gone through periods of depression, self-harm, eating disorders etc at 14-18/19. I think those years have to be seen as a time to get through as best you can, hoping you learn something along the way.

    Out of my 10 close friends in the first year of uni 3 had either taken gap years or restarted uni and were 20 at the beginning. The age gap was in no way noticeable - in fact the only difference was that the people who had taken a year out coped better with the transition to uni. I remember when I'd worked myself up into a panic over the first year exams one of these friends calmed me down and explained how she had experienced so many issues with panic, perfectionism etc during the A levels, but had overcome them thanks to the experiences of travel and work on her gap year, which gave her a far greater sense of perspective. I've always envied her that!

    If you're still not sure in Sept, try applying for a combination of loud and quiet cities personally I prefer the quiet ones as Manchester and London are too much for me. York (where I am at the moment) is lovely, the city is really beautiful. I honestly think that you'd be fine with reapplying: all you need to do is explain in the PS why you feel the course and institution weren't right for you and what prompted your reapplication, I don't think they'll hold it against you. The improtant thing is that you have the three A grades, which is bound to stand you in good stead I know it may not feel this way now, but I have every confidence that things will turn out well for you :hugs:

    Yep I'm going back to the GP tomorrow I think... Apparently citalopram can be better for anxiety than fluoxetine so maybe I'll end up on that, who knows. Also going to sign up for CBT, though I hear the waiting lists are massive. At least I got out of bed this morning, so that's a plus!
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    (Original post by Sabertooth)
    does anyone else have a really hard time concentrating and following thoughts through? I've been trying to do an essay but I can't even get my head round the title and writing a plan not to mention actually starting it. Like everytime I try to think about it I lose where I was going with my thoughts and it's completely impossible to think up a decent answer. I can't really explain.
    I'm having this problem... What do you think is causing it for you? With me I feel it's a combination of the panic and the medication. I find it takes about half an hour of staring at the page before I can start taking in information at all. The only advice I can give is the advice I am sick to death of hearing: persevere. I know how hard this is as my concentration is shot to hell and to make matters worse my panic attacks and depression are most strongly linked to my academic performance so I'm finding it really hard at the moment and just want to give up.

    Have you got essay extensions? I've had about a month's extension on mine but am coming to the end of my limit and still getting nowhere. Also, where are you trying to get your work done? I find that all I want to do is stay in my room, but that's where I definitely can't work. The only way I get anything done is to force myself onto campus, where I least want to be, because there I'm not constantly fighting the temptation to log into TSR or go back to bed. I would definitely recommend getting out of your room to work. Good luck :hugs:
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    (Original post by dappleddawndrawndauphin)
    ...
    Argh no - I hate it when that happens!

    What you said didn't sound patronising at all. I completely understand where you're coming from, and I suppose I need to stop comparing my teenage years to everyone else around me. I certainly have learnt a lot from them (even if it feels like I've been going round in bloody circles since i was 12!) so I guess I can chalk it all up to experience. I think I definitely need to shake this idea that my life is going to be over at 20, haha.

    That's really reassuring to hear that quite a few people you knew took gap years/started at 20, too. I'm hoping a year and a half out will give me some much-needed perspective as well, but part of me is terrified that I'll just end up isolated at home watching Jeremy Kyle repeats. I'd like to think that I'd start university again feeling more.. normal, but I can't help worrying that I'm always going to feel disconnected/out of place where I am. I hope not.

    I think I will apply for a mixture, yeah - I'm definitely going to jet all over the place during the summer to see where takes my fancy! I've never been to York but it really appeals to me - is it friendly? I know the night life isn't amazing but I'm rather fond of tea shops etc. anyway. Plus Leeds is pretty close, isn't it? I just want somewhere where I can settle and be happy more than anything else. Thanks for the vote of confidence - I know my A levels are decent but they're not 'hard' subjects and I'm worried York etc. might look down on me because I only have one science and they usually like two for psychology. Ahh. I really do want to leave where I am now, but I'm scared of making the wrong decision again/not getting a place where I'd like, but I guess I just have to go for it. The idea of returning home and being treated like a child again doesn't exactly fill me with joy, but that's not a good enough reason to stay here really is it?

    Good luck with the GP tomorrow - I went back today actually! Yeah I've heard that citalopram can be good for anxiety (it's certainly shut that annoying niggling voice in my head up a bit) but it does tend to make it much worse at first (I had panic attacks, night sweats, weird dreams - the lot). So yeah, that may be worth a try but make sure you've got some support around you at first if you do. Obviously you might not get the same effects, but just in case. Signing up for CBT is a good idea - the waiting lists might be long but it's better to be waiting than not doing anything at all!

    Thank you very much for the rep by the way - it actually made my day (as silly as that sounds!). I was feeling really down so it's nice to hear that I'm not as useless as I sometimes think I am. Hope you're alright today! :hugs:
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    I am so angry right now.

    Leeds said that my GCSE grade prediction wasn't high enough - they want a B.

    I already have a C, and am well on track for a B, if not an A, so why haven't I been predicted it? That's three of my university choices written off before they even look at things like my P.S.!
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    (Original post by kiss_me_now9)
    I am so angry right now.

    Leeds said that my GCSE grade prediction wasn't high enough - they want a B.

    I already have a C, and am well on track for a B, if not an A, so why haven't I been predicted it? That's three of my university choices written off before they even look at things like my P.S.!
    Unis mess us all about at this time of the year with waiting etc. Im still waiting on Leeds...grr..

    It so strange being on a gap year with no job even though ive applied everywhere to all the suitable jobs. Looks like a lonely few months ahead living on the dole and watching tv and going walking. Just wish Sept would hurry up so i can go back to uni and start socialising with my age again
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    Hey guys how are you today?

    Couldn't get to sleep last night so was very cranky today...managed to drop a bottle of medince at work placement today and spilt it all over the floor...I'm hopeless...I just don't want to touch anything now. My pharmacist was dead nice about it but I just hate myself for it ( ok so it wasn't entirely my fault but I still feel stupid). I just feel like I'm in the way, I have that feeling in general actually, when I'm walking in public I have this whole "sorry I'm alive" attitude, I'm paranoid that everyone hates me as much as I do. I know I keep saying I will see the doctor but because I don't know what the doctors are like round here I'm just scared that they will judge me. I guess I'm just going to have to sort myself out. My faith has been getting me through each day but now I feel like not even God loves me. I just feel like...like I shouldn't be here, I get times where I just don't want to be around people because I don't want to burden them with my presence...anyone else feel like that from time to time? :cry:
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    (Original post by RachelOranges)
    Hey guys how are you today?

    Couldn't get to sleep last night so was very cranky today...managed to drop a bottle of medince at work placement today and spilt it all over the floor...I'm hopeless...I just don't want to touch anything now. My pharmacist was dead nice about it but I just hate myself for it ( ok so it wasn't entirely my fault but I still feel stupid). I just feel like I'm in the way, I have that feeling in general actually, when I'm walking in public I have this whole "sorry I'm alive" attitude, I'm paranoid that everyone hates me as much as I do. I know I keep saying I will see the doctor but because I don't know what the doctors are like round here I'm just scared that they will judge me. I guess I'm just going to have to sort myself out. My faith has been getting me through each day but now I feel like not even God loves me. I just feel like...like I shouldn't be here, I get times where I just don't want to be around people because I don't want to burden them with my presence...anyone else feel like that from time to time? :cry:
    Yeah, that pretty much sounds like me in a lot of ways. Hope you feel better :hugs:
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    why do i evenn bother

    sick of it
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    (Original post by RachelOranges)
    Hey guys how are you today?

    Couldn't get to sleep last night so was very cranky today...managed to drop a bottle of medince at work placement today and spilt it all over the floor...I'm hopeless...I just don't want to touch anything now. My pharmacist was dead nice about it but I just hate myself for it ( ok so it wasn't entirely my fault but I still feel stupid). I just feel like I'm in the way, I have that feeling in general actually, when I'm walking in public I have this whole "sorry I'm alive" attitude, I'm paranoid that everyone hates me as much as I do. I know I keep saying I will see the doctor but because I don't know what the doctors are like round here I'm just scared that they will judge me. I guess I'm just going to have to sort myself out. My faith has been getting me through each day but now I feel like not even God loves me. I just feel like...like I shouldn't be here, I get times where I just don't want to be around people because I don't want to burden them with my presence...anyone else feel like that from time to time? :cry:
    :hugs: I'm sorry you had a bit of a rubbish day yesterday, it does sound as though it wasn't your fault though and at least your pharmacist was lovely about it! I know what you mean about the feeling of being 'in the way' - I seem to get that around everyone sometimes, even my family/friends. It's been particularly difficult at uni because obviously everyone's quite 'new', so when I'm feeling low I tend to just hide away so that I don't have to bother them with how I am. You really shouldn't be scared of doctors judging you - just think how many people they've seen before! I've had awful experiences in the past, but the doctor/counsellor I am seeing now are both pretty decent. Don't get me wrong - my doctor's a typical bloke and I do sometimes feel as though he is judging me a little but that's probably just paranoia. The bottom line is, he listens and takes me seriously enough to sort my medication out and do the best thing for me so it's definitely worth it.

    I'm glad you have your faith. I'm not remotely religious but in a way I am sort of.. spiritual, and it helps sometimes. I hope today is a little better x
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    (Original post by RachelOranges)
    Hey guys how are you today?

    Couldn't get to sleep last night so was very cranky today...managed to drop a bottle of medince at work placement today and spilt it all over the floor...I'm hopeless...I just don't want to touch anything now. My pharmacist was dead nice about it but I just hate myself for it ( ok so it wasn't entirely my fault but I still feel stupid). I just feel like I'm in the way, I have that feeling in general actually, when I'm walking in public I have this whole "sorry I'm alive" attitude, I'm paranoid that everyone hates me as much as I do. I know I keep saying I will see the doctor but because I don't know what the doctors are like round here I'm just scared that they will judge me. I guess I'm just going to have to sort myself out. My faith has been getting me through each day but now I feel like not even God loves me. I just feel like...like I shouldn't be here, I get times where I just don't want to be around people because I don't want to burden them with my presence...anyone else feel like that from time to time? http://static.thestudentroom.co.uk/i...milies/cry.gif
    So familiar it's untrue. It's stupid that I feel that way even with my friends/flatmates banging on my door telling me they want to see me. I just lay in my bed crying, trying to get up , hoping that they'll get tired and go away, but so pleased that they came. :rolleyes:
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    I'm not quite sure why I'm posting this publicly on TSR, but I certainly wasn't going to ask my doctor. :awesome:

    Is it normal for medication (citalopram, specifically) to err.. increase your desire for sexy time? I know that (negative) sexual side effects are common, but I'm actually finding quite the opposite and it's slightly odd. I'm not sure whether it's the medication specifically, or whether it's just a result of me feeling less low than I have in ages. Someone reassure me I'm not strange, please! :ninja:
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    (Original post by raisin.)
    I'm not quite sure why I'm posting this publicly on TSR, but I certainly wasn't going to ask my doctor. :awesome:

    Is it normal for medication (citalopram, specifically) to err.. increase your desire for sexy time? I know that (negative) sexual side effects are common, but I'm actually finding quite the opposite and it's slightly odd. I'm not sure whether it's the medication specifically, or whether it's just a result of me feeling less low than I have in ages. Someone reassure me I'm not strange, please! :ninja:
    Yeah I've heard of that happening sometimes, from what I've read you're right it could be either the medication or just that you're not feeling so bad anymore. Enjoy it!
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    (Original post by raisin.)
    ..
    The going round in circles thing strikes a chord for me actually - every time I think I've overcome these stress/perfectionism/depression issues they come back, it gets v. frustrating But as I said before, you're clearly doing all the right things about getting help and that should make all the difference in the world. Ha, I remember when 20 seemed like some far away terrifying adult age I think it's usual to feel that way about it beforehand, but in actual fact very little really changes except, as I said before, the mood swings aren't quite as bad! I turned 22 a few weeks ago but was distracted from my usual argh-I'm-a-year-older syndrome by a letter from the bank saying they wouldn't postpone my career development loan repayments and the fact I had to travel back up to uni... not the best birthday ever, I spent it in floods of tears :o:

    I know what you mean. One of the reasons I ended up throwing myself straight into the MA without a break was because if I'd stayed home for a year I'd probably have ended up watching tv all day and being driven crazy by my mother rather than spending the year productively... I think the key is to make concrete plans about what you want to achieve during that year. What are you considering doing? Perhaps you could get a job for half of it and then use the money to travel for a while? I would love to have done that! Working out where to apply to uni in your fresh application will also give you a sense of purpose

    I can definitely relate to the fear of feeling out of place: I've had issues from primary school onwards with that. I think a lot of it ties into the anxiety. I have been through phases where I felt more at home/like I fitted in though, always at a point where I managed to connect with a group of people and become part of a friendship group. Achieving that has always been a huge struggle for me as I am naturally shy, antisocial and socially anxious - it took me six months at university before I felt alright about leaving my room to go to the kitchen in case I ran into people, etc. But by the end of the first year I had a lovely group of friends, and that's when I stopped feeling disconnected I think. It does happen eventually, even when you don't believe it will Also sometimes you're just in the wrong place and it's not your fault but makes you unhappy, like my friend who was lonely and miserable at Exeter but had a lovely time when she switched to UEA.

    Aww, I remember so well the crushing anxiety about UCAS applications... I was convinced my GCSE's weren't good enough, my A levels wouldn't be considered "hard" enough, was told that Durham and places wouldn't even consider you without 6A*s, etcetc, and ended up sure that I'd get 6 rejections - in the end I got all my offers (even though I ended up having a breakdown and missing my grades :o:) I think we get ourselves too worked up over the whole thing, and that's where TSR can be unhelpful as well because it gives SUCH an unrealistic impression of the average set of grades for applicants. You have AAA and are therefore more than qualified :hugs: Maybe ring the admissions people if you want to be sure? York's nightlife is indeed only so-so but that's only going to be a problem if you're a big clubber. Leeds is an easy and relatively cheap train journey away, people are always going there for gigs and nights out. The pubs are pretty cool and the city is historic, gorgeous and full of lovely little places to discover, plus yes it's very friendly (yes I do feel moronic for having been wanting to leave :o: ). If you want to find out anything specific you're always welcome to PM!

    I'm glad that the medication's working well for you You're welcome for the rep, thanks for returning it too :hugs: & of course you're not a useless person - you're doing everything in your power to feel better about things and are clearly a thoughtful and caring person for taking the time to be so considerate towards others even though you're not in a happy place yourself at the moment

    Sorry about the tremendous lengthiness :eek:
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    (Original post by dappleddawndrawndauphin)
    I'm having this problem... What do you think is causing it for you? With me I feel it's a combination of the panic and the medication. I find it takes about half an hour of staring at the page before I can start taking in information at all. The only advice I can give is the advice I am sick to death of hearing: persevere. I know how hard this is as my concentration is shot to hell and to make matters worse my panic attacks and depression are most strongly linked to my academic performance so I'm finding it really hard at the moment and just want to give up.

    Have you got essay extensions? I've had about a month's extension on mine but am coming to the end of my limit and still getting nowhere. Also, where are you trying to get your work done? I find that all I want to do is stay in my room, but that's where I definitely can't work. The only way I get anything done is to force myself onto campus, where I least want to be, because there I'm not constantly fighting the temptation to log into TSR or go back to bed. I would definitely recommend getting out of your room to work. Good luck :hugs:
    I really have no idea what's causing it, but given yours and nothos' responses I feel a little less like a total freak.

    The problem I'm having is that it doesn't seem to matter how much I persevere I can't make sense of pretty much anything that requires thinking in any depth. I've been trying to do one essay and one seminar question but it doesn't seem to matter how many times I try to rearrange the wording or write what it means or anything I really have no idea. The thoughts just won't come together. I spent 45minutes this morning trying to start the essay, I ended up putting the title in bold, writing my name in the header then crying in bed.

    I can't go to the library, it gets really packed and I hate being around people, the only place I feel at all safe is my room and even then it's only some of the time.

    I wanted to start a thread in h&r just now about something that's bothering me, but I couldn't work out how to put even that into words.

    Do words on paper go blurry for you?
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    (Original post by Sabertooth)
    I really have no idea what's causing it, but given yours and nothos' responses I feel a little less like a total freak.
    The problem I'm having is that it doesn't seem to matter how much I persevere I can't make sense of pretty much anything that requires thinking in any depth. I've been trying to do one essay and one seminar question but it doesn't seem to matter how many times I try to rearrange the wording or write what it means or anything I really have no idea. The thoughts just won't come together. I spent 45minutes this morning trying to start the essay, I ended up putting the title in bold, writing my name in the header then crying in bed.
    I can't go to the library, it gets really packed and I hate being around people, the only place I feel at all safe is my room and even then it's only some of the time.
    I wanted to start a thread in h&r just now about something that's bothering me, but I couldn't work out how to put even that into words.
    Do words on paper go blurry for you?
    I often find that the words go blurry when I lose focus, yeah - I've sometimes wondered if it's something wrong with my eyes! You're not a freak. I can relate to where you're coming from though, having these problems can make me feel very hopeless and isolated. Do you have any sense of panic, anxiety or fear that feels like it's getting between you and the words on the page, or do you feel that you can't make yourself genuinely care about what it says? Or is it just a lack of concentration that you can't explain at all? If you feel tensed up, out of control or panicky when you try to work it might be worth looking up relaxation classes at your uni or getting a relaxation tape. It's not like a miracle cure or anything but I have found that it's made things ever so slightly easier for me. What medication are you on at the moment, can it affect concentration?

    Believe me, I know how hard it is with the library thing. Have you tried looking round campus to see if there's anywhere you feel you can work? I know it won't be what you feel like doing right now... I feel unsafe and hideously self-conscious in the library (even though I love being surrounded by books) because of all the people. I remember the one thing that saved me at undergrad was when I discovered that if you asked at the library desk, you could get these little private rooms within the library called carrels. You could see if they have anything like that where you are? One of the things I'm finding so hard about my postgrad uni is that there aren't any private study rooms this year. But seriously, I think staying in your room, while incredibly tempting, is quite a dodgy move. I know one of the reasons I feel safe in my room is because I know when the work feels beyond me and I get overwhelmed I can escape by either going back to bed or putting a dvd on, rather than pushing through. Plus I get more down from not getting fresh air. Sometimes you have to force yourself to push through the pain and get out there. Trust me when I say I know this isn't easy though: I still spend half my mornings unable to make myself get out of bed and face the world. Hope things get easier for you
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    (Original post by dappleddawndrawndauphin)
    I often find that the words go blurry when I lose focus, yeah - I've sometimes wondered if it's something wrong with my eyes! You're not a freak. I can relate to where you're coming from though, having these problems can make me feel very hopeless and isolated. Do you have any sense of panic, anxiety or fear that feels like it's getting between you and the words on the page, or do you feel that you can't make yourself genuinely care about what it says? Or is it just a lack of concentration that you can't explain at all? If you feel tensed up, out of control or panicky when you try to work it might be worth looking up relaxation classes at your uni or getting a relaxation tape. It's not like a miracle cure or anything but I have found that it's made things ever so slightly easier for me. What medication are you on at the moment, can it affect concentration?

    Believe me, I know how hard it is with the library thing. Have you tried looking round campus to see if there's anywhere you feel you can work? I know it won't be what you feel like doing right now... I feel unsafe and hideously self-conscious in the library (even though I love being surrounded by books) because of all the people. I remember the one thing that saved me at undergrad was when I discovered that if you asked at the library desk, you could get these little private rooms within the library called carrels. You could see if they have anything like that where you are? One of the things I'm finding so hard about my postgrad uni is that there aren't any private study rooms this year. But seriously, I think staying in your room, while incredibly tempting, is quite a dodgy move. I know one of the reasons I feel safe in my room is because I know when the work feels beyond me and I get overwhelmed I can escape by either going back to bed or putting a dvd on, rather than pushing through. Plus I get more down from not getting fresh air. Sometimes you have to force yourself to push through the pain and get out there. Trust me when I say I know this isn't easy though: I still spend half my mornings unable to make myself get out of bed and face the world. Hope things get easier for you
    Yeah it's not really panic, maybe a fair amount of anxiety but mostly I just can't concentrate at all and I have no idea why, well sometimes I can explain it but I think on those occasions it's the fact I couldn't do it leading to other things stopping me. Yes...that doesn't really make sense :p:. You're right it might possibly be the medication I'm on but there are various reasons I have to keep taking it. I tried loads of relaxation techniques last year and tbh there didn't really help. I'm not really a relaxation kind of person, if I go to the gym or play sports it's much more relaxing for me - though I did those things and they're not helping either.

    The private rooms in the library sound like a good idea, I'll enquire about those. Thanks! Although I'm having a really hard time in lectures and seminars following them and stuff. ergh, I really don't know why I'm even here anymore.

    And yeah I know what you mean about them mornings. Had a 10am lecture today...didn't happen.
 
 
 
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