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    (Original post by Nothos)
    http://static.thestudentroom.co.uk/i...milies/cry.gif Why is everything so hard?
    Wish I knew the answer to that. What's wrong, want to talk about it? :console:
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    (Original post by dappleddawndrawndauphin)
    I'm guessing you put a lot of pressure on yourself regarding the work? Eating disorders, work stress and depression often come together: I was anorexic and depressed during GCSEs and A levels. I honestly think it's great that you've managed to see both the counsellor and the GP and are taking positive steps. I refused the medication and partially ignored the helpful advice for about seven years (for a variety of reasons), and remained in denial before and after my breakdown at 18. At 22 I am finally really trying to sort myself out. If you can get the help you need to feel better now, it will doubtless save you future anguish.

    I think certainly for the first four days and maybe for as long as the first week or two you may find the medication has more negative than positive effects - but after this time period it can really start lifting your mood. Have you got supportive family members around to look after you during the next week or so? Do you feel that the counselling is helping you? I know it's horrible when you go from loving school to fearing it :console: I feel guilty at the moment as well because the uni has tailored an MA course especially to suit me while I try to feel better and yet I am still finding it so hard to work and get anything done. This is where I think it helps to get past the denial and accept that you're not really feeling yourself at the moment and are entitled to the help that's being offered to you. Things will get easier, I know it's hard and that you probably feel like you should be getting better faster/immediately, but you absolutely have to give the medication and counselling time to work and in the meantime do everything you can to help yourself relax a bit. Have you tried Rescue Remedy from Holland and Barretts? Also muscular relaxation and breathing exercises can help.
    Thanks again. I hope you get better and it's greta that your uni's supporting you.

    My dad's being great about it, I think there might be a history of depression on his side so that would explain it, but my Mum is totally against me taking the medication, which doesn't help me. I'm still going to take it, even if I feel like rubbish right now.

    Yeah, I put huge pressure on myself academically, and most stuff in my head is normally linked to exams. But right now, I don't see the point. I'd love to be organised and studying again, but I just can't. I've also promised my Dad that I'll do no work whatsoever over the next week, so I guess I'm going to have to take it easy. I guess I'm just so... I dunno, anxious, about all of this is because I have no idea what's going on or how to deal with it, unlike my eating disorder.
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    I just had the most God awful nightmare. It wouldn't stop :cry: even when I knew I had to wake up And now I've been sleeping for 13 hours :sad:
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    (Original post by kiss_me_now9)
    I just had the most God awful nightmare. It wouldn't stop :cry: even when I knew I had to wake up And now I've been sleeping for 13 hours :sad:
    :hugs: Nightmares are horrible - but at least they're not real, eh?

    -

    In all honesty I feel awful today. I meant to reply to things the other day but i've just been so.. Ugh. I thought things were improving but in the last few days I seem to have just sunk again and I don't know why.

    I feel so lost and confused and I don't know what I'm doing. I feel unable to concentrate on anything or make any decisions, even though I know that I need to. I did something silly last night - I got with someone again with whom there's a mutual attraction but nothing would ever happen. I thought I could deal with it, but it makes me feel so.. Disposable. It would be okay if it was just a one-off thing, but it's hard when it carries on and you have to permanently suppress any tendency to develop emotions. I don't want to be this needy, over-emotional idiot but at the same time I don't want to be seen as some cold-hearted ****. I behave like one, in an attempt to appear carefree and 'normal' - but then i regret it because I'm not being myself and I just want to be liked for who I really am.

    Sorry. Essay. I'm just craving affection/attention/love lately but I know I couldn't handle it if I had it. Besides, I'm never going to find it in this state.

    I kept waking up last night feeling really anxious and I have so much work to do. I still have a massive appetite and can't stop eating, and my increased desire for sexy times doesn't appear to be fading.. I'm starting to wonder if these drugs are really worth it? I don't know.

    I'm going to stop moaning now. I feel awful but my body is still buzzing.
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    (Original post by raisin.)
    ..
    I'm really sorry that you're feeling bad again Extreme mood swings are one of the worst parts of all this - how're we supposed to make big decisions when one day we feel capable and the next day we feel crap again? It sucks to think you're recovering and then have another rubbish day... but I guess nothing's ever totally smooth sailing. On the bright side at least there are good days :console:

    I think it's totally understandable to be confused and crave affection at times when you're feeling low and vulnerable :hugs: Why do you have to suppress the development of emotions?

    I've got less than a week left of this essay extension and no concentration or essay so far. Over-eating's really annoying me too. I'm going to start getting more exercise to try to compensate I think - it's just finding the motivation! Have you developed tremors at all?? My hands shake quite badly now, it's disturbing. I think we have to give it another few weeks with the medication though... my GP said it could still all even out and 4 weeks = still early days. Feel better soon!
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    (Original post by raisin.)
    :hugs: Nightmares are horrible - but at least they're not real, eh?

    -

    In all honesty I feel awful today. I meant to reply to things the other day but i've just been so.. Ugh. I thought things were improving but in the last few days I seem to have just sunk again and I don't know why.

    I feel so lost and confused and I don't know what I'm doing. I feel unable to concentrate on anything or make any decisions, even though I know that I need to. I did something silly last night - I got with someone again with whom there's a mutual attraction but nothing would ever happen. I thought I could deal with it, but it makes me feel so.. Disposable. It would be okay if it was just a one-off thing, but it's hard when it carries on and you have to permanently suppress any tendency to develop emotions. I don't want to be this needy, over-emotional idiot but at the same time I don't want to be seen as some cold-hearted ****. I behave like one, in an attempt to appear carefree and 'normal' - but then i regret it because I'm not being myself and I just want to be liked for who I really am.

    Sorry. Essay. I'm just craving affection/attention/love lately but I know I couldn't handle it if I had it. Besides, I'm never going to find it in this state.

    I kept waking up last night feeling really anxious and I have so much work to do. I still have a massive appetite and can't stop eating, and my increased desire for sexy times doesn't appear to be fading.. I'm starting to wonder if these drugs are really worth it? I don't know.

    I'm going to stop moaning now. I feel awful but my body is still buzzing.
    Yep, they're foul things. Eurgh. I've spent most of the afternoon in a bit of a trance... When I have a really bad one like that, it takes me a few hours to actually *feel* again, all I can think about is the nightmare. Bah. I'm trying to tidy my room but it just seems so... pointless. It all gets messy again!

    Sorry you feel awful today :hugs: You sound a lot like me. One guy who I could make a go of it with... if I stopped ******* up and could get my self together long enough to actually care.
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    (Original post by dappleddawndrawndauphin)
    I'm really sorry that you're feeling bad again Extreme mood swings are one of the worst parts of all this - how're we supposed to make big decisions when one day we feel capable and the next day we feel crap again? It sucks to think you're recovering and then have another rubbish day... but I guess nothing's ever totally smooth sailing. On the bright side at least there are good days :console:

    I think it's totally understandable to be confused and crave affection at times when you're feeling low and vulnerable :hugs: Why do you have to suppress the development of emotions?

    I've got less than a week left of this essay extension and no concentration or essay so far. Over-eating's really annoying me too. I'm going to start getting more exercise to try to compensate I think - it's just finding the motivation! Have you developed tremors at all?? My hands shake quite badly now, it's disturbing. I think we have to give it another few weeks with the medication though... my GP said it could still all even out and 4 weeks = still early days. Feel better soon!
    Aw, thankyou :hugs: You're right though - at least there are good days. It's just really disheartening when you think things are fiiiinally starting to look up for good and then it all goes downhill again, y'know?

    I didn't mean I have to suppress emotions in general.. I meant in relation to the guy I got with. We see each other occasionally and sort of have a 'thing' but it's completely casual and non-emotional. Usually, I just wouldn't get involved but we are really, really attracted to each other and when I'm feeling okay, it sort of just happens. I always feel bad afterwards though, because I'm really not 'that' sort of girl - completely the opposite, in fact. I always switch off my emotional side when I'm in that situation, and I just get carried away being 'carefree' I guess. I really shouldn't have got involved in the first place though because I'm not very good at dealing with it. I feel so guilty/disgusting and I honestly wish we could just be 'friends' but given the situation, I don't think that'll ever happen.

    Ahh I know how you feel about the essay, and I know it's rich coming from me but.. Try not to panic! That only makes it worse, usually. I don't know about you but I get this feeling of dread whenever i try to force myself to do work and then I just end up switching off. Perhaps try little bits at a time? make yourself work for half an hour if that's all you can manage, and then reward yourself with a cup of tea and some good music. Sounds silly but it helps me/calms me down sometimes.

    I haven't had tremors - no! That sounds awful, are you alright? Yeah the GP's probably right but if it gets bad, I'd go back and say something. I saw mine again on Monday and he might up my dose when I go back in just over two weeks which I am not looking foward to but.. if it helps! Good luck with the essay etc. and I hope you feel better soon. :hugs:
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    (Original post by steffi.alexa)
    Thanks again. I hope you get better and it's greta that your uni's supporting you.

    My dad's being great about it, I think there might be a history of depression on his side so that would explain it, but my Mum is totally against me taking the medication, which doesn't help me. I'm still going to take it, even if I feel like rubbish right now.

    Yeah, I put huge pressure on myself academically, and most stuff in my head is normally linked to exams. But right now, I don't see the point. I'd love to be organised and studying again, but I just can't. I've also promised my Dad that I'll do no work whatsoever over the next week, so I guess I'm going to have to take it easy. I guess I'm just so... I dunno, anxious, about all of this is because I have no idea what's going on or how to deal with it, unlike my eating disorder.
    Thanks. The uni's actually been really good, though I keep expecting them to run out of patience to be honest...

    Mothers often seem to feel that way - why doesn't she want you to take it? My mum was actually the main reason I didn't get the medical help suggested to me in the past. It's great that your dad's been so supportive though.

    I was the same with exams - I internalised my mum's thinking that nothing less than 100% was good enough. It's a risky way to be though as you can burn up under your own pressure. It's really scary when you don't feel in control of your own state of mind but I think that's part of feeling low... Maybe make a list of manageable & productive non-academic tasks to improve your mood, like exercising, reading, cooking a meal, or taking a bath. Then you can tick them off as you achieve them and turn feeling better into your current goal rather than the work. Remind yourself that this is completely justifiable because you need to feel better in order to work anyway. Best of luck with it all and hope you feel better
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    How does anyone carry on taking antidepressants? They're horrible, although it's different from how I've been feeling, it's only not worse because I haven't got the energy to think. I've also started having loads of panic attacks (just had one) for no reason. I'm really not finding it easy to stop the paranoid thoughts I tend to get around medication. Sorry, I just wanted to let this all out.
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    (Original post by dappleddawndrawndauphin)
    Thanks. The uni's actually been really good, though I keep expecting them to run out of patience to be honest...

    Mothers often seem to feel that way - why doesn't she want you to take it? My mum was actually the main reason I didn't get the medical help suggested to me in the past. It's great that your dad's been so supportive though.

    I was the same with exams - I internalised my mum's thinking that nothing less than 100% was good enough. It's a risky way to be though as you can burn up under your own pressure. It's really scary when you don't feel in control of your own state of mind but I think that's part of feeling low... Maybe make a list of manageable & productive non-academic tasks to improve your mood, like exercising, reading, cooking a meal, or taking a bath. Then you can tick them off as you achieve them and turn feeling better into your current goal rather than the work. Remind yourself that this is completely justifiable because you need to feel better in order to work anyway. Best of luck with it all and hope you feel better
    Thanks, good luck with your essay!

    My parents don't think like that, my parents don't mind as long as I do well enough to not look back and regret not trying, so I have no idea where I picked up this 'Must get 100% attitude' (actually, may have rubbed off in primary school from a girl that now also has an eating disorder and places huge pressure academically on herself....).

    My Mum doesn't want me to take it because she thinks it's addictive/will only make things worse/is the beginning of the end.

    I'll try to give that a go, but my concentration is shot... Trying to read one page of a book would be an accomplishment. But I think taking a bath may be a little too dangerous right now, with the thoughts that I keep having.

    Thanks again, I'm going to try and take your advice on board (and maybe get out of my pyjamas :dry:).
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    (Original post by steffi.alexa)
    How does anyone carry on taking antidepressants? They're horrible, although it's different from how I've been feeling, it's only not worse because I haven't got the energy to think. I've also started having loads of panic attacks (just had one) for no reason. I'm really not finding it easy to stop the paranoid thoughts I tend to get around medication. Sorry, I just wanted to let this all out.
    I would probably have another chat with your GP about it if you're feeling anxious - make sure your progress with the medication is being carefully monitored. What form are your panic attacks taking exactly, and did you ever experience them before going on the tablets? I'm still unsure as to how I feel about the antidepressants but I know it's quite common to feel bad when first taking them... That's why you really need to be in a caring environment for the first week or two I think. I felt so anxious and restless in the first week of taking fluoxetine that I literally didn't sleep and had disturbing thoughts about self-harm, etc which is actually highly unusual for me. (If this happens, *definitely* go see your doctor).
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    (Original post by dappleddawndrawndauphin)
    I would probably have another chat with your GP about it if you're feeling anxious - make sure your progress with the medication is being carefully monitored. What form are your panic attacks taking exactly, and did you ever experience them before going on the tablets? I'm still unsure as to how I feel about the antidepressants but I know it's quite common to feel bad when first taking them... That's why you really need to be in a caring environment for the first week or two I think. I felt so anxious and restless in the first week of taking fluoxetine that I literally didn't sleep and had disturbing thoughts about self-harm, etc which is actually highly unusual for me. (If this happens, *definitely* go see your doctor).
    I'm seeing them again the Monday after next, so if I'm still like this I'll bring it up. I have had a few panic attacks before, but normally 2 or 3 during exam season, and they normally have a reason! I just get really panicky, dizzy, breathless etc... I've had at least one or two a day since I started taking citalopram, which is annoying. Apart from the last one (which was just really random), they've all centred around minor things in school, which is why I haven't gone in (that and I can barely sleep).

    My Dad's being great about it all, which is good because he's home all the time now because he's recovering from an op. He even makes sure that I'm eating, which is good because without his almost constant reminders I probably wouldn't have eaten at all yesterday.

    Yeah, my thoughts about self-harm have really increased, but I haven't acted any of them out and my self harm has always just been scratching and stuff, which isn't as dangerous as other stuff thankfully!
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    (Original post by raisin.)
    ..
    I know what you mean - that's how I've been feeling the last couple of days when my mood suddenly plummeted again (though that may have a lot to do with stupid hormones). But I'm sure things will take an upward turn again :hugs:

    I have a friend who is in roughly the same position - she's feeling depressed at the moment and ending up getting together with guys she has little/no emotional connection with, etc then feeling bad about it. You're not disgusting, you're just having a rough time :console: Personally I think we should take all our feelings of guilt and low self-worth, bundle them up and give them a good hard kick... Wish I could take my own advice there

    Yep, dread and switching off sounds about right. & avoidance. It's awful because when I get into my research and am not feeling so rubbish about myself I truly love it more than anything - and yet I'll do anything to avoid facing the fear of getting stuck in Plus my concentration is just not good right now. My family thinks I'm being lazy. cuh, just because I spend half my day with the internet and tv :rolleyes:


    Thanks :hugs: Does the GP want to up your dose because you're still feeling low? The shaky hands are kind of embarrassing and make me clumsy... it was happening yesterday when I was on campus but not today though, so maybe it's an anxiety thing - I've just never had it before. Hope you feel better soon too!
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    god
    things are bad
    just want to cry forever
    im not even at home:cry:
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    (Original post by steffi.alexa)
    I'm seeing them again the Monday after next, so if I'm still like this I'll bring it up. I have had a few panic attacks before, but normally 2 or 3 during exam season, and they normally have a reason! I just get really panicky, dizzy, breathless etc... I've had at least one or two a day since I started taking citalopram, which is annoying. Apart from the last one (which was just really random), they've all centred around minor things in school, which is why I haven't gone in (that and I can barely sleep).

    My Dad's being great about it all, which is good because he's home all the time now because he's recovering from an op. He even makes sure that I'm eating, which is good because without his almost constant reminders I probably wouldn't have eaten at all yesterday.

    Yeah, my thoughts about self-harm have really increased, but I haven't acted any of them out and my self harm has always just been scratching and stuff, which isn't as dangerous as other stuff thankfully!
    Fair enough. If you start feeling much worse or more out of control though, don't hesitate to make an earlier emergency check up. I hate panic attacks. The glorious irony about antidepressants (as with a lot of medication) is that they can temporarily worsen the conditions of depression or panic that you're taking them for as part of the initial side effects. I had to take 2 weeks off uni and go home when I first went on them - if you have to take a bit of time off college don't beat yourself up about it. Most people find the panicky side effects ease up after a little while though, and I'm pretty sure citalopram is used as a medication for panic disorder quite frequently, so hopefully it shouldn't have this effect for too long.

    Hope your dad's recovering nicely from his op and it's great that he's around to take care of you for a little while. I'm glad you're not acting on the self-harm thoughts and I hope they calm down soon.
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    i dont know who to turn to
    :nothing:
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    (Original post by Malsy)
    god
    things are bad
    just want to cry forever
    im not even at homehttp://static.thestudentroom.co.uk/i...milies/cry.gif
    Want to talk about it? :hugs:
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    (Original post by dappleddawndrawndauphin)
    Fair enough. If you start feeling much worse or more out of control though, don't hesitate to make an earlier emergency check up. I hate panic attacks. The glorious irony about antidepressants (as with a lot of medication) is that they can temporarily worsen the conditions of depression or panic that you're taking them for as part of the initial side effects. I had to take 2 weeks off uni and go home when I first went on them - if you have to take a bit of time off college don't beat yourself up about it. Most people find the panicky side effects ease up after a little while though, and I'm pretty sure citalopram is used as a medication for panic disorder quite frequently, so hopefully it shouldn't have this effect for too long.

    Hope your dad's recovering nicely from his op and it's great that he's around to take care of you for a little while. I'm glad you're not acting on the self-harm thoughts and I hope they calm down soon.
    Thanks. You seem to be answering every one's questions and worries and I know you've helped reassure me. :hugs:

    Yeah, I find it quite ironic that it's used to treat panic disorders! It's strange, since starting on this, I range from feeling how I've been feeling for a while to being normal to being really quite happy. The happiness doesn't last long, but I guess it's nice to have some sunshine.

    Back in October, the head of sixth form briefly asked if I wanted to take a year out, and come back next September. I must admit, I'm quite tempted right now, but I know I'll feel even worse when my friends are going off to uni and I'm sitting in my room in the dark watching endless day time TV (which has occupied a lot of my time in the past 2 days...).
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    i just want to be normaql but im prevented from doing everything i want cos of everything

    ive been kicked out and its not what i need

    i just want to die

    or hide in a nunnery
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    (Original post by Malsy)
    i just want to be normaql but im prevented from doing everything i want cos of everything

    ive been kicked out and its not what i need

    i just want to die

    or hide in a nunnery
    Oh hun :hugs:

    Where are you atm? Any friends you can stay with for a while? Did something happen?
 
 
 
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