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    (Original post by steffi.alexa)
    Thanks.

    I guess I've always hated 'wasting' my time (not doing work), so the fact that I've spent all day in the dark watching telly shopping makes me feel really lazy, but I can't seem to do anything else. I'm so tired, but I can't sleep.
    I completely understand what you mean. Trying to struggle though A2 year right now, and despite the fact that I've got a **** load of work to do I basically just sat here all day doing nothing. And ditto about the sleep; I get about 2 hours a night, if that, and my CPN will not allow me to have sleeping pills! grr. yet she'll dose me up on anti-depressants like there's no tomorrow.
    Just a quick question to anyone on citalopram: does it give you really vivid, life-like dreams? They seem to get more and more so each night!
    Are you taking it at nighttime? When I switched taking it to the morning during breakfast I found that those kinda dream disappeared pretty quickly.
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    (Original post by 35mm_)
    I completely understand what you mean. Trying to struggle though A2 year right now, and despite the fact that I've got a **** load of work to do I basically just sat here all day doing nothing. And ditto about the sleep; I get about 2 hours a night, if that, and my CPN will not allow me to have sleeping pills! grr. yet she'll dose me up on anti-depressants like there's no tomorrow.

    Are you taking it at nighttime? When I switched taking it to the morning during breakfast I found that those kinda dream disappeared pretty quickly.
    Well hopefully we'll both make it through A2. At least it finishes earlier than normal, and then we have a nice long summer! I get more sleep than that thankfully, but only since I switched to taking them in the evening. Haha, take them in the mornings, can't sleep, take them in the evenings, slightly better sleep but weird dreams! Oh well, one of the dreams was kind of funny anyway. Hmm, I am in a good mood right now, I should get on and try and tidy my room before it passes!
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    (Original post by 35mm_)
    Sigh. Collapsed at school this week DUE TO LACK OF FOOD/EXHAUSTION, and my school interpreted it as an overdose, and now I have another 'suicide attempt' down on my records, despite the fact that paramedics didn't find trace of pill intake.

    I'm going through one of those days where everything seems pointless.
    :console: You feeling alright now? I reckon medical records are mostly just works of fiction anyway. According to mine I'm an 'occasional alcoholic'. :mmm:
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    (Original post by superwolf)
    :console: You feeling alright now? I reckon medical records are mostly just works of fiction anyway. According to mine I'm an 'occasional alcoholic'. :mmm:
    I'm alright, thanks. And yeah, but I'm hoping to apply for a teaching course which requires a medical check up for 'fitness to teach' and I'm pretty sure all this self harm/apparent suicide attempts will completely rule me out.

    Does anybody have a Home Treatment team? I've been forced to have one (it was literally that or hospitalisation), and they come round every single day to my much annoyance.

    I just want out of this outpatient stuff. I can handle it on my own, but the police are kinda forcing me to get all this 'help' in preparation for court etc.

    Ah, I'm moaning now. How're you?
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    (Original post by 35mm_)
    I'm alright, thanks. And yeah, but I'm hoping to apply for a teaching course which requires a medical check up for 'fitness to teach' and I'm pretty sure all this self harm/apparent suicide attempts will completely rule me out.

    Does anybody have a Home Treatment team? I've been forced to have one (it was literally that or hospitalisation), and they come round every single day to my much annoyance.

    I just want out of this outpatient stuff. I can handle it on my own, but the police are kinda forcing me to get all this 'help' in preparation for court etc.

    Ah, I'm moaning now. How're you?
    That's a bit rubbish. But they won't be able to see your actual medical records, so if you can just convince the doctor that you're well enough then it might still work out ok.

    I had some people called the crisis team coming round every day for a while last semester. They managed to make me cry every single ******* time. Maybe if you explain to them that you're not finding it helpful they'll at least come round less often. Or if you just wait it out eventually they'll get bored and leave you alone.

    I'm not too bad, up visiting my family so feeling a little exhausted having to be around people so much of the time. I'd got very used to just staying in my room not speaking to anybody...
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    (Original post by 35mm_)
    I'm alright, thanks. And yeah, but I'm hoping to apply for a teaching course which requires a medical check up for 'fitness to teach' and I'm pretty sure all this self harm/apparent suicide attempts will completely rule me out.

    Does anybody have a Home Treatment team? I've been forced to have one (it was literally that or hospitalisation), and they come round every single day to my much annoyance.

    I just want out of this outpatient stuff. I can handle it on my own, but the police are kinda forcing me to get all this 'help' in preparation for court etc.

    Ah, I'm moaning now. How're you?
    I have a home treatment team, and to be honest, having experienced both hospitalisation and HT, I'd rather take a visit once or twice a week (it'll eventually reach that point) than being in hospital.
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    (Original post by superwolf)
    That's a bit rubbish. But they won't be able to see your actual medical records, so if you can just convince the doctor that you're well enough then it might still work out ok.

    I had some people called the crisis team coming round every day for a while last semester. They managed to make me cry every single ******* time. Maybe if you explain to them that you're not finding it helpful they'll at least come round less often. Or if you just wait it out eventually they'll get bored and leave you alone.

    I'm not too bad, up visiting my family so feeling a little exhausted having to be around people so much of the time. I'd got very used to just staying in my room not speaking to anybody...
    Ah, yeah. I reckon 'home treatment' is just an alternative term for 'crisis team'. I've tried explaining it to them, but they're blackmailing me, because I'm **** scared of being hospitalised. All they can ever do is say 'how are you feeling today'. I reply 'fine' and they say 'anything you want to talk about?'. I say 'no' and then they go on their way.
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    (Original post by 35mm_)
    Ah, yeah. I reckon 'home treatment' is just an alternative term for 'crisis team'. I've tried explaining it to them, but they're blackmailing me, because I'm **** scared of being hospitalised. All they can ever do is say 'how are you feeling today'. I reply 'fine' and they say 'anything you want to talk about?'. I say 'no' and then they go on their way.
    Oh well. I recommend embracing the pointlessness of the situation. Try seeing just how long you can extend all those lovely awkward silences. Or ask them what the point of them actually coming round is then look completely incredulous as they try and explain. Although you'll just end up being labelled as having an attitude problem...
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    Ha. Today's awkward silences were the worst. They ended up breaking it by asking if I watched any soaps. Mmm, yes.
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    (Original post by dappleddawndrawndauphin)
    ...
    Ohh going back on the pill's probably a good idea then. Personally, it made me even more loony but I know it's helpful for lots of people.

    I know it's not really my 'fault' as such, but I just feel silly. I've been feeling really low again today, and used. The guy in question is usually pretty talkative, but not today. I know I shouldn't let it affect/bother me because I knew what the situation was from the beginning, but I think I underestimated how much things like this can actually influence my mood/thoughts about myself. I think I definitely need to be more careful, hmm. Thank you for understanding though. :hugs:

    That book looks really good actually! I hope it's useful for you. I feel the same about 'self-help' in general (which I attribute a lot to my mum, too) but she actually bought me this http://www.amazon.co.uk/Shoot-Damn-D.../dp/0747572410 for Christmas. It's technically not a 'self-help' book, but it was her way of saying 'look, I understand and I want you to know you're not alone' and it really helped. I'd recommend it.

    Yeah I've been on them for just over four weeks now. I think I'm over the initial side effects, and I think what might be happening is that I'm adjusting to them. I was warned that I might go through hell initially, improve, and then go back down again if it wasn't a high enough dose. I don't really want it increased because I couldn't bare to have even MORE side effects, but at the same time I really do want to feel better. About your tremors - it wouldn't surprise me if it was the caffeine! I know that caffeine/alcohol etc. can really interfere with drugs - I don't think it's *that* common (well, for caffeine) but it does definitely happen. How has it been today?

    I did go out in the end and I actually had a really good time. Had a giggle and spent time with people who were more normal (to me, anyway) and it did make me feel better temporarily. I'm supposed to be going to another party tonight but I don't think I will because the people going are rather cliquey and I still have all my work to do. Hope yours is going okay/you've made some progress, but try not to panic if not.
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    (Original post by steffi.alexa)
    Thanks.

    I guess I've always hated 'wasting' my time (not doing work), so the fact that I've spent all day in the dark watching telly shopping makes me feel really lazy, but I can't seem to do anything else. I'm so tired, but I can't sleep.

    No, I got ACCC at AS, dropped two of the Cs to pick up History. I have no idea why I have offers to be honest, but I guess I'm glad I have another chance at it.

    Yeah, it's really tough to not email my head of sixth form and ask to take a year out right now, but I'll just try to get to a place where I actually feel okay about going into school...



    Thanks. No, I haven't been to my GP because it's only been 5 days so far. It's just annoying because they come and go, so I can feel okay one minute and then the next they all come back.

    I'd try not to bombard myself with heavy workloads, but I'm taking History in a year, so I have a fair bit of work from that. I never seem to have a day off from History work, much as I love it it can be stressful sometimes I guess. That, and the fact that I can't get above a B in my coursework is really getting me down because I want to get a good grade because I have no idea how the exams will go. So yeah, whether I like it or not, the History workload is never going to stop. Although I could do a lot more work than I currently am. Okay, my target for today is to tidy my room and sort out my textbooks etc, so that I can actually study this week.

    -

    Just a quick question to anyone on citalopram: does it give you really vivid, life-like dreams? They seem to get more and more so each night!
    Yeah its good to set yourself small achievable targets each day that way you will fall on top of things and feel a lot better about things
    At least you are doing something you are passionate about, just keep at it. If you keep getting the symptoms then see your GP if they don't get any better. :hugs:

    I know that lack of motivation can be really frustrating, I can't seem to bring myself to finish off my course work at the moment, I was down at the library with a friend and just wasted the time, I can't seem to find the passion anymore. Then again this week has been really stressful so I guess I'm just taking a break.
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    (Original post by RachelOranges)
    Yeah its good to set yourself small achievable targets each day that way you will fall on top of things and feel a lot better about things
    At least you are doing something you are passionate about, just keep at it. If you keep getting the symptoms then see your GP if they don't get any better. :hugs:

    I know that lack of motivation can be really frustrating, I can't seem to bring myself to finish off my course work at the moment, I was down at the library with a friend and just wasted the time, I can't seem to find the passion anymore. Then again this week has been really stressful so I guess I'm just taking a break.
    Thanks, yeah I will mention it to my GP if they haven't started getting better when I see them. It's the weird involuntary movements that are annoying me most right now, but they should subside later on.

    Yeah I love History, I think... I don't know, I'm not really passionate about anything at the moment. Good luck with your work and enjoy your break!
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    (Original post by steffi.alexa)
    Thanks, yeah I will mention it to my GP if they haven't started getting better when I see them. It's the weird involuntary movements that are annoying me most right now, but they should subside later on.

    Yeah I love History, I think... I don't know, I'm not really passionate about anything at the moment. Good luck with your work and enjoy your break!
    What kind of weird involuntary movements, is it like a whole body tremor? Hope it stops soon, that must be very frustrating! I've been getting shaky hands, it's making me rather hilariously clumsy.

    Try not to worry too much about not feeling passionate at the moment. I spent a month (2 weeks prior to being put on antidepressants and during the first 2 weeks of taking them) literally unable to remember any of the reasons I've ever loved my subject (or anything in life, really) despite the fact that I was committed enough to take out a £12, 000 bank loan to study for a Masters... If it makes you feel any better though, I'm finding that, probably thanks to medication, counselling and self help, my enjoyment for things is slowly coming back to me, and I'm sure the same will happen for you. Even though things are still *very* up and down at the moment, I'll have little experiences like the other day when I managed to go on a walk and really notice and appreciate the beauty of the skyline - just recovering small pleasures like that can be really encouraging. Keep reminding yourself that these things will come back to you :hugs: & in the meantime, best of luck with everything
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    I've actually managed to follow thoughts through a little today. I'm quite impressed with myself. I'd be more so were it not for totally freaking out in the supermarket and hiding in the toilets trying to calm down earlier.
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    (Original post by dappleddawndrawndauphin)
    What kind of weird involuntary movements, is it like a whole body tremor? Hope it stops soon, that must be very frustrating! I've been getting shaky hands, it's making me rather hilariously clumsy.

    Try not to worry too much about not feeling passionate at the moment. I spent a month (2 weeks prior to being put on antidepressants and during the first 2 weeks of taking them) literally unable to remember any of the reasons I've ever loved my subject (or anything in life, really) despite the fact that I was committed enough to take out a £12, 000 bank loan to study for a Masters... If it makes you feel any better though, I'm finding that, probably thanks to medication, counselling and self help, my enjoyment for things is slowly coming back to me, and I'm sure the same will happen for you. Even though things are still *very* up and down at the moment, I'll have little experiences like the other day when I managed to go on a walk and really notice and appreciate the beauty of the skyline - just recovering small pleasures like that can be really encouraging. Keep reminding yourself that these things will come back to you :hugs: & in the meantime, best of luck with everything
    Thanks, and you!

    It seems to just be my arms and head... It must look REALLY weird haha. I've been having shaky hands too, but they seem to either have calmed down or are just worse when I'm in school.
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    (Original post by Sabertooth)
    I've actually managed to follow thoughts through a little today. I'm quite impressed with myself. I'd be more so were it not for totally freaking out in the supermarket and hiding in the toilets trying to calm down earlier.
    It's great that your thoughts were clearer today, that's really positive
    Sadly I've done no work today but I did read quite a lot of my CBT self-help book, and did some of the exercises - actually I think it's helping. Going to try to be productive tomorrow!

    I thought I was the only person who hid in toilets... I find when I'm at the library or on campus somewhere and feel panicky I quite often end up using a toilet cubicle as a place to regain composure and privacy for a few minutes :o:
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    (Original post by dappleddawndrawndauphin)
    It's great that your thoughts were clearer today, that's really positive
    Sadly I've done no work today but I did read quite a lot of my CBT self-help book, and did some of the exercises - actually I think it's helping. Going to try to be productive tomorrow!

    I thought I was the only person who hid in toilets... I find when I'm at the library or on campus somewhere and feel panicky I quite often end up using a toilet cubicle as a place to regain composure and privacy for a few minutes :o:
    I do that too...:o:
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    So do I :shock: it does help you to regain composure when you know no-one else can look at you :o:
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    Managed to convince HT over the phone that they don't need to come round today. Also mentioned about wanting to come off medication, and they said they'd talk to the doctor on Monday.

    I took zopiclone last night to make me sleep, and MY GOD, I had the scariest hallucinations I've ever had.
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    (Original post by Emsybean)
    So do I http://static.thestudentroom.co.uk/i...lies/shock.gif it does help you to regain composure when you know no-one else can look at you http://static.thestudentroom.co.uk/images/smilies/o.gif
    Wow, clearly this toilet hiding is actually pretty common - that's exactly why I do it too. Oddly enough that reassures me...

    (Original post by raisin.)
    ..
    I think it depends on the type of pill you take; like antidepressants different ones seem to suit different people.

    I'm sorry you feel that way about the guy-situation :hugs: Even if you can't help seeing it as a mistake, remember it's one that everybody makes at one point or another and a very natural thing to do - I think if anything it's better than becoming a person who isolates themselves completely and can't reach out to others. If it really makes you feel bad about yourself though might be something worth trying to avoid in the future?

    It's pretty interesting actually; there are bits I can't help finding amusing, like the mantra "May I be happy. May I be free from suffering", but I've found some useful clarifications of why I punish myself the way I do, and how to change my negative thought processes. I think it's helping. Mothers eh - what do they have against us getting help? It's great that your mum got you the book about depression though - it looks useful, might have to get hold of that.

    Ah ok. Well maybe it's just a temporary blip If you do have to up the medication though I'm sure the side effects won't be on anything like the same level as when you first go on them. Actually I (stupidly I know) took 40mg two days last week when I felt desperately bad and didn't find I got any extra side effects...

    It's so great that you managed to go out and enjoy yourself Such a positive step. I think that just proves that it can pay off forcing ourselves to do things we don't feel like... gives me hope! On that note I'm forcing myself to take a walk while there's still "sunshine" and then going to try to actually work Fingers crossed.

    (Original post by 35mm_)
    Managed to convince HT over the phone that they don't need to come round today. Also mentioned about wanting to come off medication, and they said they'd talk to the doctor on Monday.

    I took zopiclone last night to make me sleep, and MY GOD, I had the scariest hallucinations I've ever had.
    I have zopiclone - took it once, NEVER AGAIN. Not only did I not sleep, it made me feel like crap the next day, had this awful bitter taste in my mouth and was walking around like a zombie (well, more so than usual :p: ) I didn't get hallucinations but I felt pretty bizarre. Are you feeling ok today? Glad you managed to get a break from the health team
 
 
 
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