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    (Original post by Yas89)
    I hate GPs - i once went to ask about something personal that had been worrying me for years and she basically dismissed it straight away and refused to believe me, was quite annoying, though perhaps it gave me some perspective. Still when I go to a GP i expect some kind of consideration/understanding of a patients complaints. Im a dental student and i would hate to think id be like that when i become a dentist
    Just like every profession there are good people and morons (see my post on the previous page for my experience with them). The thing is to not let one encounter with a moron put you off, it's the NHS so you often have to really be persistent to get what you want/need, couldn't you ask to see a different doctor?
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    (Original post by kiss_me_now9)
    I hate my 'friends' :cry:
    whats up?
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    (Original post by Sabertooth)
    I've not had that, it doesn't sound good at all. If I was you I'd go tomorrow because that isn't a common reaction as far as I've read/know so the sooner you get off the better. Good luck.
    I might just wait it out until Monday, I want to spend all day sleeping today! Except I can't, every time I lie down I feel even worse than I do now... I thought the side effects had worn off, but they've only been replaced by yet more nausea and just feeling really rough...

    ... damn, I hope my teachers don't yell at me for not having done any work (most was due in last Friday)... And I really hope my parents let me take some more time off school, I can not go to school like this. I also can't drive in case a have a weird twitchy-thingy and crash the car, so my driving instructor won't be happy either.

    I just want to crawl into bed and stay there...
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    Hi, sorry I keep coming on here and whining. But you know what? I really don't want to exist right now. I really, really can't stand it :cry: I'm scared to even move from my desk in case I self harm or try to kill myself. I guess a part of me wants to live, but I don't want to exist...

    God I sound like such a drama queen...
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    (Original post by steffi.alexa)
    Thing is, most of the time I can't seem to find the source of why I feel like this. Today has been a roller coaster, that's for sure.

    It's the ignorance that gets to me. Even though, even with my eating disorder, I still haven't fully accepted that it was ever serious (despite my counsellor saying that someone who had the same side effects as me had to be hospitalised soon after... I was barely underweight... And the fact that I did get quite underweight and hence looked and felt awful). I guess the media doesn't help me with that, have to be on the verge of death according to them. http://static.thestudentroom.co.uk/i...s/rolleyes.gif

    I just wish people knew how horrible it is, how it controls you and it's not the sufferer's fault, how it makes you wish you were dead rather than going through one more day of that... Thankfully, recovery makes life good again. Nothing beats going to a restaurant and not having eating disorded thoughts. http://static.thestudentroom.co.uk/i...milies/yep.gif

    I guess I'll probably never accept that I have it bad enough, but I will accept the help. I don't know why, but I sometimes feel like I'm just imagining it, for whatever reason. But then, when I'm in the middle of a down points, I want to die more than I did with my eating disorder, so... But life will get better, in the end it always does.

    I'm sorry for writing another essay! I think it's time I go to sleep or email some of my teachers apologising for the fact that I won't have done any of their work by next week...
    Eating disorders and depression are a terrible thing to try to deal with; sadly most people are very ill informed about psychological issues. I sometimes feel like I'm imagining it all too. I think that's one of the difficulties with working through emotional/psychological pain as opposed to physical: because it's all in our minds/emotions we feel that we've created it ourselves, when in fact external factors probably contribute almost as much as in a physical illness.

    Responding to your more recent posts: I'm so sorry you're going through such nasty side effects, it sounds horrible :hugs: How long have you been on the citalopram now? I would *definitely* go back and discuss it with the GP, especially if the all-body twitching continues as that sounds quite extreme. If it's still bad he/she might lower the dose or consider switching you to another SSRI. Side effects are to be expected but they need to be ones that you can live with :hugs:

    Your teachers won't get mad. If by some chance they do, refer them to GP/counsellor/a college authority who knows what you're going through - but I would think they've already been informed that they need to cut you some slack as you're having a difficult time at the moment.
    Thanks for the tip about the internet blocking software by the way, it's helped
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    (Original post by dappleddawndrawndauphin)
    Thanks for the tip about the internet blocking software by the way, it's helped
    Haha, well at least someone has managed to get off the internet, that's all I do at the moment.

    Eating disorders and depression are a terrible thing to try to deal with; sadly most people are very ill informed about psychological issues. I sometimes feel like I'm imagining it all too. I think that's one of the difficulties with working through emotional/psychological pain as opposed to physical: because it's all in our minds/emotions we feel that we've created it ourselves, when in fact external factors probably contribute almost as much as in a physical illness.
    Yeah, I guess, but I still feel like I'm some massive drama queen that's making it all up. I know that's completely illogical, but since when was an eating disorder ever logical anyway? I guess I feel like a fraud because I wasn't hospitalised because I didn't lose that much weight/I haven't tried killing myself yet. I know it's stupid to judge mental health by that, especially given that that's not the way I view other people's mental health problems, but I am stupid.

    Responding to your more recent posts: I'm so sorry you're going through such nasty side effects, it sounds horrible :hugs: How long have you been on the citalopram now? I would *definitely* go back and discuss it with the GP, especially if the all-body twitching continues as that sounds quite extreme. If it's still bad he/she might lower the dose or consider switching you to another SSRI. Side effects are to be expected but they need to be ones that you can live with :hugs:
    Yeah, I need to talk to my GP. They booked me in for Monday anyway. I started taking it I think 9 days ago, so not long. The twitching has been so bad today though.

    Your teachers won't get mad. If by some chance they do, refer them to GP/counsellor/a college authority who knows what you're going through - but I would think they've already been informed that they need to cut you some slack as you're having a difficult time at the moment.
    Well, I hope my teachers understand but the thought of going back to school right now literally has me in tears - I don't want to face the 'real world', I don't even like leaving my room.

    Edit: thanks for the rep. You're such a nice person, thanks for taking the time to respond to my seemingly never-ending posts :hugs:
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    I'm ******* pissed off. I read my notes today and there are so many ******* lies. I had a terrible day yesterday, where my mood just changed and I found myself on top of a carpark having to be dragged away from the edges of the roof by a very freaked out friend.
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    Sorry to keep posting, I'll probably end up deleting most of these in the morning. :erm:

    I feel like I'm in the middle of a breakdown. When I went to the GP about the depression, he said that he wasn't too concerned about my self harming as it's only scratching... Thanks, GP, I just started self harming again after weeks of managing not too... It's taking everything I have not to reach for the various sharp objects around me/take things I shouldn't.

    I feel so isolated and alone, I literally have no one I can turn to right now. I hate myself so much. I don't deserve to get into uni, let alone feel happy
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    (Original post by steffi.alexa)
    Haha, well at least someone has managed to get off the internet, that's all I do at the moment.
    Weeeeeeell... I'm actually cheating k9 right now... :o: but it's still an improvement. I wouldn't beat yourself up about it at the moment though, must be pretty difficult focusing on anything when the side effects are so bad :console:
    Yeah, I guess, but I still feel like I'm some massive drama queen that's making it all up. I know that's completely illogical, but since when was an eating disorder ever logical anyway? I guess I feel like a fraud because I wasn't hospitalised because I didn't lose that much weight/I haven't tried killing myself yet. I know it's stupid to judge mental health by that, especially given that that's not the way I view other people's mental health problems, but I am stupid.
    You're not stupid. I feel that way a lot too. I know people in much more difficult positions than me, my dad struggles with bipolar disorder, and my friends get pissed off/jealous because I get extensions, etc - so I start feeling guilty as though I'm putting on an act to get "special treatment". I wonder if this is more common than we think? Guilt is quite a big part of depression after all. But yeah, I know where you're coming from. I remember feeling I wasn't a "proper" anorexic because I hadn't been hospitalised - I had the bizarre sensation of feeling guilty for not being "anorexic enough"! I suppose the difficulty is finding a balance in how you perceive yourself: on the one hand, you need to be compassionate towards yourself by reaching an understanding that you're having difficulties that you need help with. But you also have to work on believing that these are problems that you can and will overcome with time. I know all too well that this is easier said than done and there will be good days and bad days, but you can do it :hugs:

    Yeah, I need to talk to my GP. They booked me in for Monday anyway. I started taking it I think 9 days ago, so not long. The twitching has been so bad today though.
    It's perfectly possible that the twitching will go away once you're body has adjusted to the citalopram but I think it's good that you're going to the GP, and don't hesitate to express your concerns to them - if by Monday it's still this bad, they may need to make a change.

    Well, I hope my teachers understand but the thought of going back to school right now literally has me in tears - I don't want to face the 'real world', I don't even like leaving my room.
    EDIT: just realised I didn't reply to this bit... oops! I don't want to either, and it's incredibly hard. I say give yourself a break at the moment because what's going on with the citalopram is going to be making everything worse right now. Tell yourself that once the side effects have calmed down, you will face that fear. It will still be hard, but it will get easier as you force your way through it (this is what I am currently in the process of trying to do). You'll have days where you manage it and days when you don't, but that's ok too.

    Edit: thanks for the rep. You're such a nice person, thanks for taking the time to respond to my seemingly never-ending posts http://static.thestudentroom.co.uk/i...ilies/hugs.gif

    Ha, wish I felt like a nice person ... thanks though, and you're more than welcome - I wish I had more helpful advice to give but I think sometimes it helps just to know there's somewhere you can write about these things - that's certainly why I value this forum!
    Sorry about the length :o:
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    (Original post by steffi.alexa)
    Sorry to keep posting, I'll probably end up deleting most of these in the morning. http://static.thestudentroom.co.uk/i...milies/erm.gif

    I feel like I'm in the middle of a breakdown. When I went to the GP about the depression, he said that he wasn't too concerned about my self harming as it's only scratching... Thanks, GP, I just started self harming again after weeks of managing not too... It's taking everything I have not to reach for the various sharp objects around me/take things I shouldn't.

    I feel so isolated and alone, I literally have no one I can turn to right now. I hate myself so much. I don't deserve to get into uni, let alone feel happy
    Hmm, I think your GP put his foot in his mouth a bit there Whenever my counsellor says something to me like "You're doing really well, you're definitely improving" she always follows it up with something like "Of course I'm not trying to claim that you're better and everything's resolved, but it's really positive that you're taking these steps". Otherwise you can feel like your problems are being dismissed as too minor to worry about and that can increase your senses of guilt and self-loathing. Any form of self-harm is damaging, and self-harm comes in a myriad forms. I had some impulses to self-harm properly during the first 2 weeks of fluoxetine despite never having had these feelings before (I am squeamish, etc). I'm an emotional self-harmer, I just have a voice in my head that constantly puts me down and makes me feel like **** about myself. You do deserve university and to be happy: from what I've seen of your posts you are clearly a highly intelligent and compassionate person. You're not feeling well at the moment and so it's harder than usual to see yourself clearly :hugs:
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    (Original post by dappleddawndrawndauphin)
    Hmm, I think your GP put his foot in his mouth a bit there Whenever my counsellor says something to me like "You're doing really well, you're definitely improving" she always follows it up with something like "Of course I'm not trying to claim that you're better and everything's resolved, but it's really positive that you're taking these steps". Otherwise you can feel like your problems are being dismissed as too minor to worry about and that can increase your senses of guilt and self-loathing. Any form of self-harm is damaging, and self-harm comes in a myriad forms. I had some impulses to self-harm properly during the first 2 weeks of fluoxetine despite never having had these feelings before (I am squeamish, etc). I'm an emotional self-harmer, I just have a voice in my head that constantly puts me down and makes me feel like **** about myself. You do deserve university and to be happy: from what I've seen of your posts you are clearly a highly intelligent and compassionate person. You're not feeling well at the moment and so it's harder than usual to see yourself clearly :hugs:
    Thanks. I'm squeamish too.

    I just... :cry:
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    (Original post by 35mm_)
    I'm ******* pissed off. I read my notes today and there are so many ******* lies. I had a terrible day yesterday, where my mood just changed and I found myself on top of a carpark having to be dragged away from the edges of the roof by a very freaked out friend.
    What notes do you mean? I'm really sorry you had such a **** day :hugs: I'm glad your friend was there to help. How are you feeling today?
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    spent about 90% of the day in bed with mp3 player up loud. I forced myself to go to tesco having completely run out of food, but wish I hadn't gone, it was awful. I'm feeling so bad now and the urge to cut is enormous. I'm so scared again.
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    (Original post by Sabertooth)
    spent about 90% of the day in bed with mp3 player up loud. I forced myself to go to tesco having completely run out of food, but wish I hadn't gone, it was awful. I'm feeling so bad now and the urge to cut is enormous. I'm so scared again.
    I'm sorry you've had such a rough day. :console: Well done for getting to tesco though, it's so hard to get out of the house when you're feeling so low. What happened there, was it anxiety issues? Please don't cut :hugs: Is there anything else at all that you feel you could do - watch something maybe, or listen to music? I had a really productive day yesterday then spent all today in and out of bed again feeling fearful.
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    Anyone reckon it's worth emailing my teachers saying that I'm sorry but that I'll be unable to complete the essays they've set me in time for next week? I think they've been told now about everything, but... I'm getting stressed about it on top of everything else.

    Another thing that doesn't help is that I recently had a falling out with a good friend, and was okay up until today. She started posting on here and honestly she's such a lovely girl and although I think we've made up, I haven't seen or spoken to her since that, so things are still tense. It makes me feel like an even worse person to have fallen out with her, regardless of the cause.

    I just feel like a failure and an idiot for constantly posting on here, but I'm worried that if I don't get this out then...

    Sabertooth: :hugs:
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    (Original post by steffi.alexa)
    Anyone reckon it's worth emailing my teachers saying that I'm sorry but that I'll be unable to complete the essays they've set me in time for next week? I think they've been told now about everything, but... I'm getting stressed about it on top of everything else.

    Another thing that doesn't help is that I recently had a falling out with a good friend, and was okay up until today. She started posting on here and honestly she's such a lovely girl and although I think we've made up, I haven't seen or spoken to her since that, so things are still tense. It makes me feel like an even worse person to have fallen out with her, regardless of the cause.

    I just feel like a failure and an idiot for constantly posting on here, but I'm worried that if I don't get this out then...

    Sabertooth: http://static.thestudentroom.co.uk/i...ilies/hugs.gif
    Absolutely. While the work has to be faced at some point, right now probably isn't that time, and the stress of impending deadlines won't help you get better. My lecturer just gave me another lengthy extension and it has helped me try to keep going and control the panic and negativity. Send them an email just saying that you're still feeling unwell and you're sorry but you don't think you'll be able to meet those deadlines.

    If you think you've made up you probably have, and are just negatively analysing it :console: what happened? Maybe just send her a friendly text or something if you feel up to it? & remember any falling out takes 2 people to instigate
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    (Original post by dappleddawndrawndauphin)
    What notes do you mean? I'm really sorry you had such a **** day :hugs: I'm glad your friend was there to help. How are you feeling today?
    Psychiatrist's notes. They just twist everything I say, to make me sound even more ****** up than I already am. They have this silly 'risk assessment' for everytime they see me and I can never tell them anything or they'll hospitalise me. It's really stupid. I'm still feeling really bad, I'm trying not to hurt myself but it's so hard right now.

    Sorry for moaning again.
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    (Original post by Sabertooth)
    spent about 90% of the day in bed with mp3 player up loud. I forced myself to go to tesco having completely run out of food, but wish I hadn't gone, it was awful. I'm feeling so bad now and the urge to cut is enormous. I'm so scared again.
    Fear not. I am sending you this angry kitty by first class post, it will attack any kind of evil on sight.

    http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_RhoiX9HEM_...t1-300x316.jpg

    Angry kitty makes everything better.
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    (Original post by dappleddawndrawndauphin)
    Absolutely. While the work has to be faced at some point, right now probably isn't that time, and the stress of impending deadlines won't help you get better. My lecturer just gave me another lengthy extension and it has helped me try to keep going and control the panic and negativity. Send them an email just saying that you're still feeling unwell and you're sorry but you don't think you'll be able to meet those deadlines.

    If you think you've made up you probably have, and are just negatively analysing it :console: what happened? Maybe just send her a friendly text or something if you feel up to it? & remember any falling out takes 2 people to instigate
    Hmm. I don't know how to phrase it though (to the teachers) and I'm not sure how the History department would take it, given that they're pushed for time as it is and I miss lessons because of clashes...

    Things have just been tense for a while. Pretty much my fault for withdrawing myself from everything... Maybe I'll send an email, but I don't want to annoy her.

    I really don't want to take my antidepressant right now either...
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    (Original post by 35mm_)
    Psychiatrist's notes. They just twist everything I say, to make me sound even more ****** up than I already am. They have this silly 'risk assessment' for everytime they see me and I can never tell them anything or they'll hospitalise me. It's really stupid. I'm still feeling really bad, I'm trying not to hurt myself but it's so hard right now.

    Sorry for moaning again.
    That sucks How do you know they'll hospitalise you, have they threatened to? The fear of that can't be helping you in getting better. It's good that you've managed to resist the impulse to hurt yourself :hugs: Is there anything you can do to take your mind off things? Also, if you don't trust the psychiatrist you have, can you switch to someone else?
 
 
 
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