Turn on thread page Beta
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    Feel free to post here if you ever feel the need to talk to people in a similar situation. The people here are well nice and talking can really help with depression.[/QUOTE]


    Hi, I'm fairly new here and am currently suffering with yet another bout of depression. I was first diagnosed 15 years ago and have been on diclofenac, prozac, citalopram (which was fantastic for about 2 and a half years when it suddenly stopped working) and am now back on prozac - 40mg a day.

    Trouble is, the prozac seems to be failing miserably and I'm feeling worse by the day. I'm waiting to have counselling again - to help with the constant arguments I have with myself...

    Does anyone else do this? I have the 'normal' voice arguing with the 'depressed' voice that tells me how crap I am. It's totally exhausting...

    And yes, I have terrible trouble sleeping - was even prescribed sleeping tabs on top. Don't think my GP quite knows what to do with me - the prozac is overstimulating me so I don't sleep, but it's clearly not being an effective anti-depressant as I keep bursting into tears!

    I have all kinds of things that I need to do, but just can't cope with right now. I used to make lists that I could tick off, but I can't even be bothered to do that now. I slept most of yesterday, although at one point when I woke, I slapped myself round the face - and didn't feel a thing. I feel constantly nauseous, have lost my appetite (first time that's happened - i'm usually an over-eater when low) and until today, hadn't washed or changed in 4 days. so some progress in that i smell a bit better today.

    Sorry if this is a bit rambling and daft, but I just really needed to get it out - feel like such a burden on all my friends, even though the majority of them are there for me. Must be such a drag to have to put up with someone who can't stop crying and whines all the time

    Thanks if you took the time to read this. Any words of advice or support would be gratefully received - when you're feeling this **** it's good to know you're not suffering alone...
    Offline

    14
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by pilchard_the_cat)
    Trouble is, the prozac seems to be failing miserably and I'm feeling worse by the day. I'm waiting to have counselling again - to help with the constant arguments I have with myself...
    that's a good step to start the counselling again, it's a real achievement, especially if you struggle to do basic things throughout the day.
    Whenever you hear yourself saying you're crap and you can't do anything, remember that you're doing something that a lot of people can't bring themselves to.

    And yes, I have terrible trouble sleeping - was even prescribed sleeping tabs on top. Don't think my GP quite knows what to do with me - the prozac is overstimulating me so I don't sleep, but it's clearly not being an effective anti-depressant as I keep bursting into tears!
    have you spoken to your gp about the prozac not working? asking to see a psychiatrist might help as they have a more comprehensive knowledge of which anti depressants work for which things.

    I have all kinds of things that I need to do, but just can't cope with right now. I used to make lists that I could tick off, but I can't even be bothered to do that now. I slept most of yesterday, although at one point when I woke, I slapped myself round the face - and didn't feel a thing. I feel constantly nauseous, have lost my appetite (first time that's happened - i'm usually an over-eater when low) and until today, hadn't washed or changed in 4 days. so some progress in that i smell a bit better today.
    as much as it feels like you're just doing something you 'should' do, getting washed and dressed is something to be proud of atm so well done on that. I know the feeling of just not being bothered. yesterday I had so much to do and I just sat on my laptop all day, occassionally refreshing tsr and facebook, playing cake mania and watching ****** tv. it wasn't until about 10pm I realised I had wasted the whole day.

    Sorry if this is a bit rambling and daft, but I just really needed to get it out - feel like such a burden on all my friends, even though the majority of them are there for me. Must be such a drag to have to put up with someone who can't stop crying and whines all the time
    I can't guarantee this but I think we all feel like that from time to time. You just have to remember that they love you and they care for you and they want to support you. If someone you loved was suffering i'm sure you'd want to do anything you could to help, right?

    Thanks if you took the time to read this. Any words of advice or support would be gratefully received - when you're feeling this **** it's good to know you're not suffering alone...
    you're not alone.
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by death.drop)
    you're not alone.
    Thanks so much for that death.drop. I've tried to read your reply about 4 times and each time i end up in tears! It means a lot to know that everyone feels like this - it's good to be reminded that i'm not alone in this - depression is probably the loneliest illness in the world, and god do i feel lonely right now! I hate feeling like this

    My GP insists that I stay on the prozac for now - he changed me back to that about 5 months ago when the citalopram stopped working. since then, things have got progressively worse... doesn't help that i've dated a couple of guys who turned out to be utter w*****s and left me feeling even more crap about myself. **** happens I guess.

    Getting out of bed was a huge achievement today! I even managed to get my ass to tesco to pick up my prescription. am i allowed to stop feeling guilty about not wanting to do anything else today? lol

    and you're right - I would want to be there for any of my friends going through this - I know that's the illness talking, but i haven't exactly got my rational head on at the moment! :rolleyes:

    thanks again x
    Offline

    14
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by pilchard_the_cat)
    thanks again x
    that's alright, we're all here to help each other

    once you start counselling you could ask your counsellor to refer you to a psychiatrist regarding the medication, that's what mine's doing because he says doctors are often a little clueless about what's actually out there.

    congrats on the tesco trip, you can stop feeling guilty now :p:
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by death.drop)
    that's alright, we're all here to help each other

    once you start counselling you could ask your counsellor to refer you to a psychiatrist regarding the medication, that's what mine's doing because he says doctors are often a little clueless about what's actually out there.

    congrats on the tesco trip, you can stop feeling guilty now :p:
    you're a lovely :yep: +rep

    think i'm just having a spectacularly bad day today - keep randomly bursting into tears (although I am having a few periods of clarity this afternoon, thanks to TSR!)

    My GP has admitted that it's all 'trial and error' - was wondering if I should ask to see the mental health practioner I saw 3 years ago - he was the one who bumped the citalopram up to 40mg/day. I just wish it still worked! I hadn't felt so well and 'normal' in 12 years as when the citalopram was working.

    At some point I've got to get packed to go to center parcs tomorrow - just can't be f***** at the moment! maybe in the morning... lol
    Offline

    16
    ReputationRep:
    ..
    Offline

    1
    ReputationRep:
    Have fun at centre parcs pilchard

    Consider discussing mirtazapine with your doctor. I was on it for two weeks and it pulled me right out of my depression. However, I had quite adverse side effects from it (which are extremely rare!). I did love the stuff and even though I was only on it for a couple of weeks, it made a huge difference. It's well know for pulling people out of the deepest, darkest depression. I love the stuff. hah.





    I'm having a bad day today I've only just pulled my arse from my bed and have spent the majority of today sleeping. I feel like I need to get out of the house, but my friends are all busy.
    Offline

    20
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by pilchard_the_cat)
    And yes, I have terrible trouble sleeping - was even prescribed sleeping tabs on top. Don't think my GP quite knows what to do with me - the prozac is overstimulating me so I don't sleep, but it's clearly not being an effective anti-depressant as I keep bursting into tears!
    This is probably really obvious and you've probably already done it but I'll mention it just in case; when are you taking the prozac? Some antidepressants can be quite stimulating so you should take them in the morning rather than before bed to help you get to sleep. You probably already are though....just a thought :o:

    Melting Snow's suggestion of mirtazapine is a good idea too, I took 7 or 8 different antidepressants before mirtazapine which is the only one which had any effect for a few months. Especially if you feel you're only getting worse on prozac.

    Also, asking your GP to refer you to a psychiatrist is good, GPs in my experience really don't have much idea what they're doing with mental health.
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by melting_snow)
    Have fun at centre parcs pilchard

    Consider discussing mirtazapine with your doctor. I was on it for two weeks and it pulled me right out of my depression. However, I had quite adverse side effects from it (which are extremely rare!). I did love the stuff and even though I was only on it for a couple of weeks, it made a huge difference. It's well know for pulling people out of the deepest, darkest depression. I love the stuff. hah.
    thanks for the suggestion - will ask him next time i see him, even though he's told me 3 times he doesn't want to change it again - already on 40mg... I've never heard of mirtazapine - is it something you only take for a short period?

    sorry to hear you're having a bad day too *hugs* in sympathy I'd like to get out of the house too, but everyone's busy having bf's /gf's and other stuff! I spent most of yesterday sleeping - must have been what my body needed. Have spent most of today on here (so some improvement )
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Sabertooth)
    This is probably really obvious and you've probably already done it but I'll mention it just in case; when are you taking the prozac? Some antidepressants can be quite stimulating so you should take them in the morning rather than before bed to help you get to sleep. You probably already are though....just a thought :o:

    Melting Snow's suggestion of mirtazapine is a good idea too, I took 7 or 8 different antidepressants before mirtazapine which is the only one which had any effect for a few months. Especially if you feel you're only getting worse on prozac.

    Also, asking your GP to refer you to a psychiatrist is good, GPs in my experience really don't have much idea what they're doing with mental health.
    Thanks sabertooth - yeah i always take it in the morning and at first it did give me more energy which the doc thought was a good thing. He only put me back on it cos i'd been on it for a few years before stopping, having a relapse and being put on citalopram. My GP told me that they can only 'guess' and that it's all just 'trial and error' about finding the right drugs. I'll definitely ask him about the psych and mirtazapine next time. thankies
    Offline

    1
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by pilchard_the_cat)
    thanks for the suggestion - will ask him next time i see him, even though he's told me 3 times he doesn't want to change it again - already on 40mg... I've never heard of mirtazapine - is it something you only take for a short period?

    sorry to hear you're having a bad day too *hugs* in sympathy I'd like to get out of the house too, but everyone's busy having bf's /gf's and other stuff! I spent most of yesterday sleeping - must have been what my body needed. Have spent most of today on here (so some improvement )

    No, you can take mirtazapine for as long as you want. Another med I thought was extremely helpful was venlafaxine. I think I'm gonna ask my doc about that again, because I'm also on prozac at the mo and it's doing nothing, and i hate not being able to sleep at night. The insomnia part of it sucks. I was on venlafaxine for about 9 months and it made a world of difference to my depression, which is why I came off it, because I felt better. The bad thing about it is the withdrawals. The withdrawals are horrible :eek3: But they're worth it, to feel better.

    I hear you on the gf/bf thing. My best friend has been with her bf for 6 months now and she just doesn't have time for me anymore. Every time I suggest going out somewhere she cant, because she's with him. I'm actually starting to resent him for it, even though I've only met the guy three times or so. It feelsl ike I'm wasting my time having friends -- all the do is screw you over. It seems I'm forgetting what a real friend is.
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by melting_snow)
    No, you can take mirtazapine for as long as you want. Another med I thought was extremely helpful was venlafaxine. I think I'm gonna ask my doc about that again, because I'm also on prozac at the mo and it's doing nothing, and i hate not being able to sleep at night. The insomnia part of it sucks. I was on venlafaxine for about 9 months and it made a world of difference to my depression, which is why I came off it, because I felt better. The bad thing about it is the withdrawals. The withdrawals are horrible :eek3: But they're worth it, to feel better.

    I hear you on the gf/bf thing. My best friend has been with her bf for 6 months now and she just doesn't have time for me anymore. Every time I suggest going out somewhere she cant, because she's with him. I'm actually starting to resent him for it, even though I've only met the guy three times or so. It feelsl ike I'm wasting my time having friends -- all the do is screw you over. It seems I'm forgetting what a real friend is.
    Are the withdrawals anything like those with citalopram? nausea, dizziness and general fatigue? cos they were really nasty :eek: I definitely agree though - the side effects always outweigh feeling like this.

    I'm really sorry to hear that your friend isn't giving you much attention - try not to take it personally though - remember, when you're low you're hardly at your most rational and she's wrapped up in being loved-up. I certainly found out (and learned a hard lesson) who my true friends are - only one of my friends has personally suffered from depression and he's been brilliant - we've been there for each other over the years. The majority try hard, but as they can't understand, they try to cheer me up and then I feel like I'm being a burden cos all i do is cry all over them. two people who i thought were friends have distanced themselves from me and that hurt like hell.

    You're not wasting your time having friends - real friends will be there for you through thick and thin and still want to know you when you're ill as well as when you're 'well' Have you told your friend how you feel? Ask her if you can get together for some 'girly' time - if she really can't make time for you, i'd concentrate on the people who will

    As for the sleep, my doc gave me Phenergan - i ended up taking 3x the dose the other night cos i was so desperate to sleep. He thinks cos i'm on 40mg of prozac it's over-stimulating me (which i've probably already said ) but clearly, even that's not enough - so it's no sleep or feel even WORSE than i do now I'll be thinking of you and all my fellow insomniacs when i'm lying awake at 3am :yep:

    Depression truly sucks - I hate it when you realise that you've sunk back down and have to make that painful and (at the moment) impossible journey back to 'wellness' this is my *counts* 5th or 6th serious bout (serious enough for me to be signed off work) and i told my gp that i just couldn't do it again (recover) but being on here and talking to others who 'get it' has really helped to lift my mood today. *hugs* thanks
    Offline

    16
    ReputationRep:
    I am currently obsessed with my PS, it's consuming me, lol! But writing it and seeing progress (even though most of it is *****) is keeping my mood up really high so I'll carry on, lol
    Offline

    14
    ReputationRep:
    I'm having serious issues with webber. I don't know what's wrong with me. I love the guy and I've always been quite attracted to him but I've lost all sex drive lately.

    I used to be the kind of girl who wouldn't have sex for 2 days and would honestly think it had been a week or 2. Now I just don't care. I do it, and it's enjoyable but it's not like it should be. I never really really want to and I rarely think it was amazing.
    and I've started to hate kissing. I feel trapped and I hate the feel of lips against mine.
    and whenever I orgasm I feel disgusting like I just want to get away.
    the other day we had sex and I started crying afterward, I said it was because i was in pain (I'm allergic to jizz) but it wasn't, I just felt young and helpless.

    it's like i've taken a step backwards to how I was right after the abuse started. I don't know if it's because webber is a more similar build to jake than shane or joe but it's horrible. I want to want to be close to him, and essentially I like the idea but once I get there I feel like i'm on the verge of tears.

    on second thoughts while writing this i've realised it's got a lot worse since my hospital appointment. I hate that he's ruined so much for me. I can't even enjoy being close to someone i'm in love with, surely the most natural thing in the world because he's toyed with me so much.

    Apparently the night before last when I was drunk I said I was going to go and see him as well, and I don't know why. I feel so messed up.

    I've said this all before a hundred times and it never changes. I don't feel human any more I just feel like a punching bag. I'm so comfortable with being used and beaten i can't even accept love.

    grrrrr. I just want things to get better.
    Offline

    1
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by pilchard_the_cat)
    Are the withdrawals anything like those with citalopram? nausea, dizziness and general fatigue? cos they were really nasty :eek: I definitely agree though - the side effects always outweigh feeling like this.
    They were AWFUL :eek3: Yep, sounds the same as citalopram and pretty much the same as escitalopram. I could barely move from the sofa I felt so sick when I was withdrawing from venlafaxine. It also gave me these "brain shock" things, which would feel like a bolt of electricity shooting through my body/head. Urghhh... Bad times!

    I'm really sorry to hear that your friend isn't giving you much attention - try not to take it personally though - remember, when you're low you're hardly at your most rational and she's wrapped up in being loved-up. I certainly found out (and learned a hard lesson) who my true friends are - only one of my friends has personally suffered from depression and he's been brilliant - we've been there for each other over the years. The majority try hard, but as they can't understand, they try to cheer me up and then I feel like I'm being a burden cos all i do is cry all over them. two people who i thought were friends have distanced themselves from me and that hurt like hell.
    It sucks. Not only does she not want anything to do with me, she also abandonded me on tuesday night when we went round town for someone I hate. She then had the nerve to phone me the next day to brag about how good her night was, when I ended up catching the 11.30 bus home.
    We used to be SUCH good friends. It's just a shame she doesn't care anymore. It just goes to show you cant trust the people you think you trust the most.
    My other friend (I wrote abut this a couple of pages back), I met her online on this website called BUS. She became my best friend, we used to go out together and stay at each others houses etc. I hadn't seen her for over a year and she wasn;t replyin to my texts/fb messages, so I text her asking her what was going on because Id like to know where I stand. She text back the next day saying that its "a bus thing" and she "doesn't want to be associated with anything bus related". I was gutted. Again, another friend I thought I could trust but it turned out I couldnt.
    Also, I was quite close to my cousin. I realised, however, that our relationship was one sided - it was always me texting her or going to her house, never the other way round. So I stopped texting/going up there. I haven't heard from her for a month now.
    I'm glad you have a friend who understands you It's always nice to have friends around who understand you and love you unconditionally. It would be ace if there were more people like that in the world. It kind of sucks whne people abandon you because your a fruit loop :eek3: :woo:

    You're not wasting your time having friends - real friends will be there for you through thick and thin and still want to know you when you're ill as well as when you're 'well' Have you told your friend how you feel? Ask her if you can get together for some 'girly' time - if she really can't make time for you, i'd concentrate on the people who will
    I text her earlier to ask if she wanted to go see a college friend who has recently moved to whitby. I asked if she wanted to go on tuesday. She rang me asking if she could come to my house mon/tues/wed to get some of her stuff, not answering my question at all. She prob to busy with the boyf. I wouldnt be surprised if she fetched him here to collect her stuff with her :mad: :o:

    As for the sleep, my doc gave me Phenergan - i ended up taking 3x the dose the other night cos i was so desperate to sleep. He thinks cos i'm on 40mg of prozac it's over-stimulating me (which i've probably already said ) but clearly, even that's not enough - so it's no sleep or feel even WORSE than i do now I'll be thinking of you and all my fellow insomniacs when i'm lying awake at 3am :yep:
    Hahaha I will be thinking of you also! That's one of the good things about mirtazapine - you take it before bed, and about an hour or so later you are OUT. And you dn't wake up once during the night, hurrah!

    Depression truly sucks - I hate it when you realise that you've sunk back down and have to make that painful and (at the moment) impossible journey back to 'wellness' this is my *counts* 5th or 6th serious bout (serious enough for me to be signed off work) and i told my gp that i just couldn't do it again (recover) but being on here and talking to others who 'get it' has really helped to lift my mood today. *hugs* thanks
    Have your employees been supportive? Mine were fairly crap.

    I hope you;re okay
    Offline

    1
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by death.drop)
    I'm having serious issues with webber. I don't know what's wrong with me. I love the guy and I've always been quite attracted to him but I've lost all sex drive lately.

    I used to be the kind of girl who wouldn't have sex for 2 days and would honestly think it had been a week or 2. Now I just don't care. I do it, and it's enjoyable but it's not like it should be. I never really really want to and I rarely think it was amazing.
    and I've started to hate kissing. I feel trapped and I hate the feel of lips against mine.
    and whenever I orgasm I feel disgusting like I just want to get away.
    the other day we had sex and I started crying afterward, I said it was because i was in pain (I'm allergic to jizz) but it wasn't, I just felt young and helpless.

    it's like i've taken a step backwards to how I was right after the abuse started. I don't know if it's because webber is a more similar build to jake than shane or joe but it's horrible. I want to want to be close to him, and essentially I like the idea but once I get there I feel like i'm on the verge of tears.

    on second thoughts while writing this i've realised it's got a lot worse since my hospital appointment. I hate that he's ruined so much for me. I can't even enjoy being close to someone i'm in love with, surely the most natural thing in the world because he's toyed with me so much.

    Apparently the night before last when I was drunk I said I was going to go and see him as well, and I don't know why. I feel so messed up.

    I've said this all before a hundred times and it never changes. I don't feel human any more I just feel like a punching bag. I'm so comfortable with being used and beaten i can't even accept love.

    grrrrr. I just want things to get better.

    That sounds awful I'm sorry you feel so terrible.
    I hate to say this, but maybe therapy would help? Not sure if you're already going down that route or have already tried it. Also, there's a good website for abuse survivors. My old penpal used it a lot and found it helpful. it's http://www.aftersilence.com
    Could you try speaking to your boyf about it?
    Offline

    14
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by melting_snow)
    That sounds awful I'm sorry you feel so terrible.
    I hate to say this, but maybe therapy would help? Not sure if you're already going down that route or have already tried it. Also, there's a good website for abuse survivors. My old penpal used it a lot and found it helpful. it's http://www.aftersilence.com
    Could you try speaking to your boyf about it?
    I've been in counselling for a few months now and it's going a lot better than when i've tried it before but still not having any real effect.

    I've spoken to him about some of it but it's hard to say to your partner that you can't stand kissing him, sex is a bit 'meh' and the times he thinks he's done really well and made you come it was actually the last thing you wanted.

    thanks for the site though, i'll take a look.
    Offline

    14
    ReputationRep:
    hope this helps someone a little

    I cannot believe that the purpose of life is to be "happy." I think the purpose of life is to be useful, to be responsible, to be honorable, to be compassionate. It is, above all, to matter, to count, to stand for something, to have made some difference that you lived at all."
    ~ Leo C. Rosten

    I think that sums up everyone in this thread.
    Offline

    1
    ReputationRep:
    Stick with the counselling for a bit longer It will eventually make a difference.

    I know what you mean about trying to talk to your boyfriend. Would it make any difference if you were to tell him that you were a bit funny about sex/kissing before you do either? That way you can take it a bit slower, at a pace that yo ufeel more comfortable with.

    The site is http://www.aftersilence.org btw
    Offline

    14
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by melting_snow)
    Stick with the counselling for a bit longer It will eventually make a difference.

    I know what you mean about trying to talk to your boyfriend. Would it make any difference if you were to tell him that you were a bit funny about sex/kissing before you do either? That way you can take it a bit slower, at a pace that yo ufeel more comfortable with.

    The site is http://www.aftersilence.org btw
    It forwarded me thanks

    I just don't know how to approach it. it's such a tricky subject. plus we've been having sex practically every day for the last 2 months and kissing since before we even got together. he'd know that the change has happened since my hospital appointment and I just can't talk to him in any great depth about what happened because it upsets him so much and I struggle to talk about it without crying.

    I don't know if you would have read my post the other week but basically jake (the guy who abused me) put all sorts of things in me and it's ruined my skin, so a lot of things (particularly semen) touching me is incredibly painful. that's what I found out at my hospital appointment. It's really since then that i've gone off things so much.

    thanks for your help though, that site looks really useful.
 
 
 
Turn on thread page Beta
TSR Support Team

We have a brilliant team of more than 60 Support Team members looking after discussions on The Student Room, helping to make it a fun, safe and useful place to hang out.

Updated: October 22, 2010
The home of Results and Clearing

1,107

people online now

1,567,000

students helped last year
Poll
A-level students - how do you feel about your results?

The Student Room, Get Revising and Marked by Teachers are trading names of The Student Room Group Ltd.

Register Number: 04666380 (England and Wales), VAT No. 806 8067 22 Registered Office: International House, Queens Road, Brighton, BN1 3XE

Write a reply...
Reply
Hide
Reputation gems: You get these gems as you gain rep from other members for making good contributions and giving helpful advice.