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    (Original post by dappleddawndrawndauphin)
    I'm sorry you've had such a rough day. :console: Well done for getting to tesco though, it's so hard to get out of the house when you're feeling so low. What happened there, was it anxiety issues? Please don't cut :hugs: Is there anything else at all that you feel you could do - watch something maybe, or listen to music? I had a really productive day yesterday then spent all today in and out of bed again feeling fearful.
    People were all staring at me/laughing/commenting, some were following me and reporting into mics. I wanted to tell them I knew and they should stop but they had knives so just had to get out of there as quick as possible. I've got my music really loud but it's not helping. Tried watching a film yesterday and couldn't follow it at all.
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    (Original post by dappleddawndrawndauphin)
    That sucks How do you know they'll hospitalise you, have they threatened to? The fear of that can't be helping you in getting better. It's good that you've managed to resist the impulse to hurt yourself :hugs: Is there anything you can do to take your mind off things? Also, if you don't trust the psychiatrist you have, can you switch to someone else?
    Because I know what they're doing. They tick boxes for how much of a risk I am to myself, so I can't tell them anything. If they knew I was still self harming or still suicidal then I'd be in hospital, because they told me that. I don't have a specific psychiatrist, they just keep making appointments with me and I see a different eprson every single time. They don't give a **** about me really, it's all ridiculous. They're doing it because the police said they have to do something for me. I also hate how the police told them what happened to me without my consent. I hate people knowing, it makes me feel physically sick.

    Trhying to reisist. cant thoguh.
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    To anyone feeling like **** right now I recommend playing Infectonator: World Dominator. Minimum concentration required, maximum zombie carnage results.
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    (Original post by steffi.alexa)
    Hmm. I don't know how to phrase it though (to the teachers) and I'm not sure how the History department would take it, given that they're pushed for time as it is and I miss lessons because of clashes...

    Things have just been tense for a while. Pretty much my fault for withdrawing myself from everything... Maybe I'll send an email, but I don't want to annoy her.

    I really don''t want to take my antidepressant right now either...
    Are you able to work right now? You could certainly have a go at doing the work, but if you're genuinely feeling too bad right now (which would be totally understandable) then it's not a good idea to stress yourself out unnecessarily. Also, you may find the work less stressful to approach if you have deadlines you feel more able to meet. Honestly, I'm sure your teachers are going to be much more sympathetic than you realise. I always convince myself that the lecturers will give me a hard time over these things (probably because I think that's what I deserve) but they never do. Besides, you have a legitimate reason for this so to be honest, they *have* to make allowances.
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    (Original post by dappleddawndrawndauphin)
    Are you able to work right now? You could certainly have a go at doing the work, but if you're genuinely feeling too bad right now (which would be totally understandable) then it's not a good idea to stress yourself out unnecessarily. Also, you may find the work less stressful to approach if you have deadlines you feel more able to meet. Honestly, I'm sure your teachers are going to be much more sympathetic than you realise. I always convince myself that the lecturers will give me a hard time over these things (probably because I think that's what I deserve) but they never do. Besides, you have a legitimate reason for this so to be honest, they *have* to make allowances.
    No, I've been trying over the past 3-4 weeks, but I just can't. I might try later - I don't want to sleep tonight, so it'll be something to stare at.

    I don't know, there's one teacher I'm unsure about...

    And you deserve the extra time!
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    (Original post by Sabertooth)
    People were all staring at me/laughing/commenting, some were following me and reporting into mics. I wanted to tell them I knew and they should stop but they had knives so just had to get out of there as quick as possible. I've got my music really loud but it's not helping. Tried watching a film yesterday and couldn't follow it at all.
    :console: I always imagine people will be staring and laughing at me when I go out, but I guess they're probably not really - doesn't make it any easier though. Are you seeing anyone you can talk to about this stuff soon? Sorry the music's not helping. Is there anything you find can make you feel a little bit better, like a hot drink or something? Failing that, the internet is always a useful distraction

    (Original post by 35mm_)
    Because I know what they're doing. They tick boxes for how much of a risk I am to myself, so I can't tell them anything. If they knew I was still self harming or still suicidal then I'd be in hospital, because they told me that. I don't have a specific psychiatrist, they just keep making appointments with me and I see a different eprson every single time. They don't give a **** about me really, it's all ridiculous. They're doing it because the police said they have to do something for me. I also hate how the police told them what happened to me without my consent. I hate people knowing, it makes me feel physically sick.

    Trhying to reisist. cant thoguh
    Are you living at home with family? It sucks that the police can go behind your back like that, though they probably thought they were helping. If you really don't feel comfortable at that practice though, or if you'd rather have the same person every week, could you tell them that? Things might be easier if you had a regular psychiatrist you could trust to help you work through things. :hugs:
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    Okay, the friend has emailed back and it seems everything's okay.

    -

    On the other things, I'm half a toilet roll down from tears, but I'm not crying any more. I still feel down, but I'm not crying and the urge to hurt myself has subsided a lot. I think Radio 4 helped a lot haha. I still can't face the thought of school though.

    And I still haven't taken my pill, I know I should but I can't seem to calm my head down enough to do so.
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    (Original post by steffi.alexa)
    Okay, the friend has emailed back and it seems everything's okay.

    -

    On the other things, I'm half a toilet roll down from tears, but I'm not crying any more. I still feel down, but I'm not crying and the urge to hurt myself has subsided a lot. I think Radio 4 helped a lot haha. I still can't face the thought of school though.

    And I still haven't taken my pill, I know I should but I can't seem to calm my head down enough to do so.
    Glad the situation with your friend is resolved and that you're feeling a bit better haha, what was on radio 4? Joni Mitchell and dvds have got me through today. I need to have a productive day tomorrow though, I should really make myself go onto campus

    How long have you been off school? I'm sure they'll understand that you need a bit of a break.

    What time do you usually take it? I have days when I wonder if I should come off it completely... It's so hard to tell whether it's helping or hindering.
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    (Original post by dappleddawndrawndauphin)
    Glad the situation with your friend is resolved and that you're feeling a bit better haha, what was on radio 4? Joni Mitchell and dvds have got me through today. I need to have a productive day tomorrow though, I should really make myself go onto campus

    How long have you been off school? I'm sure they'll understand that you need a bit of a break.

    What time do you usually take it? I have days when I wonder if I should come off it completely... It's so hard to tell whether it's helping or hindering.
    I have no idea what's on, it's just calmed me down, Radio 4 always has that effect on me. My parents think I'm crazy being an 18 year old that tunes in to it, but given that I don't like most of the Radio 1 music and don't always want to listen to classical music... That, and listening to talking doesn't give my mind much chance to wander.

    Thankfully, it's half term (how I'm going to miss them!), so I've only taken 2 days off, but I'll probably definitely take Monday off too...

    I normally take it between 6:30pm and 8pm, but I've taken it now (almost chocked on it though :rolleyes:). I guess it's going to help soon and if not there are always new ones that our doctors may think we should try?

    -

    I still have marks on my arms and hand from my self harming earlier... I really wish the doctor hadn't said what he did - I have strong long nails haha! I also have bite marks on my finger from a panic attack a few hours ago when I was trying to calm myself down. Needless to say it didn't really work. It's too small step from scratching and biting to cutting.
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    (Original post by steffi.alexa)
    I have no idea what's on, it's just calmed me down, Radio 4 always has that effect on me. My parents think I'm crazy being an 18 year old that tunes in to it, but given that I don't like most of the Radio 1 music and don't always want to listen to classical music... That, and listening to talking doesn't give my mind much chance to wander.

    Thankfully, it's half term (how I'm going to miss them!), so I've only taken 2 days off, but I'll probably definitely take Monday off too...

    I normally take it between 6:30pm and 8pm, but I've taken it now (almost chocked on it though :rolleyes:). I guess it's going to help soon and if not there are always new ones that our doctors may think we should try?

    -

    I still have marks on my arms and hand from my self harming earlier... I really wish the doctor hadn't said what he did - I have strong long nails haha! I also have bite marks on my finger from a panic attack a few hours ago when I was trying to calm myself down. Needless to say it didn't really work. It's too small step from scratching and biting to cutting.
    radio 4 calms u down? You should try classic fm - that kicks butt!
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    (Original post by blue_shift86)
    radio 4 calms u down? You should try classic fm - that kicks butt!
    The adverts annoy me :o: and when I hear music, I start to daydream and, well think. Radio 4 is some nice background noise, and I don't end up thinking too much. I don't know why, but the talking just seems to do it.
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    (Original post by steffi.alexa)
    The adverts annoy me :o: and when I hear music, I start to daydream and, well think. Radio 4 is some nice background noise, and I don't end up thinking too much. I don't know why, but the talking just seems to do it.
    Ah yes, age old problem of adverts - they piss me off too! So i listen to songs for ages and when ads come i turn the radio off!!!!! Terrible - i hate adverts!
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    (Original post by steffi.alexa)
    I have no idea what's on, it's just calmed me down, Radio 4 always has that effect on me. My parents think I'm crazy being an 18 year old that tunes in to it, but given that I don't like most of the Radio 1 music and don't always want to listen to classical music... That, and listening to talking doesn't give my mind much chance to wander.

    Thankfully, it's half term (how I'm going to miss them!), so I've only taken 2 days off, but I'll probably definitely take Monday off too...

    I normally take it between 6:30pm and 8pm, but I've taken it now (almost chocked on it though http://static.thestudentroom.co.uk/i...s/rolleyes.gif). I guess it's going to help soon and if not there are always new ones that our doctors may think we should try?

    -

    I still have marks on my arms and hand from my self harming earlier... I really wish the doctor hadn't said what he did - I have strong long nails haha! I also have bite marks on my finger from a panic attack a few hours ago when I was trying to calm myself down. Needless to say it didn't really work. It's too small step from scratching and biting to cutting.
    Not sure why I'm still up and downloading music... Trust me to get my daily energy high at 2am :rolleyes: I haven't listened to the radio in years actually, I find the constant adverts too annoying! I use dvds for the whole not-listening-to-my-thoughts thing.

    2 or 3 days off is nothing to worry about, seriously - don't get too stressed about it Is there someone who can give you copies of the work you missed later so you don't feel as bad about it? Actually I missed about 20% of college just for my low self-esteem and anxiety issues :o: Yay for half term, that's what I say. At uni you usually get reading week which is kind of similar!

    That's true. I took mine late today as well - probably why I'm now randomly buzzing and restless.

    :hugs: Where cutting's concerned - my friend tells me that once you start it is very, very hard to stop, so do everything you can to resist those urges. Also hopefully the impulses to self harm through scratching will hopefully diminish as the effects of the medication even out a bit.
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    Feel completely pathetic, I'm actually scared to go to sleep. Keep having nightmares where people are chasing me or attacking me. My mind ******* hates me. And I'm almost out of sleeping pills.
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    (Original post by dappleddawndrawndauphin)
    Not sure why I'm still up and downloading music... Trust me to get my daily energy high at 2am :rolleyes: I haven't listened to the radio in years actually, I find the constant adverts too annoying! I use dvds for the whole not-listening-to-my-thoughts thing.

    2 or 3 days off is nothing to worry about, seriously - don't get too stressed about it Is there someone who can give you copies of the work you missed later so you don't feel as bad about it? Actually I missed about 20% of college just for my low self-esteem and anxiety issues :o: Yay for half term, that's what I say. At uni you usually get reading week which is kind of similar!

    That's true. I took mine late today as well - probably why I'm now randomly buzzing and restless.

    :hugs: Where cutting's concerned - my friend tells me that once you start it is very, very hard to stop, so do everything you can to resist those urges. Also hopefully the impulses to self harm through scratching will hopefully diminish as the effects of the medication even out a bit.
    I didn't get to sleep until past 2am either. I'm developing a nice little phobia of sleeping at night time. :rolleyes:

    I'm just worried about missing so many history lessons, I always have a lesson each day, sometimes 2, so 2 days can be the equivalent of a week of teaching. I have to self-teach about a 1/3 of the AS course anyway because of clashes, so when I'm feeling better, I'll just do that.

    I have cut before, years ago but I haven't since. I think it was mainly down to the whole blood and scars thing haha, not a fan.
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    (Original post by steffi.alexa)
    Again, sorry for taking so long to reply. I'm feeling really rough right now and really not with it, so this may not make sense/be very good.

    Okay, right...

    Is that you're only reason you don't want to be a pharmacist? If so, don't worry about that! Not every single pharmacist makes a mistake and is it's something you enjoy, then surely you can override that fear? TBH, I have never heard or read of any pharmacist accidentally killing someone, so it must be pretty rare! If that's not the only reason then think about what else you'd like to pursue. Is it loosely related to what you're doing/in the science field? If yes, then maybe have a chat with your uni about the possibility of changing to a slightly different course or think about whether or not your A levels are suitable for what you want to do. If they're not there are always intensive A levels and other routes into things.

    People always hide the part of themselves that's struggling/not coping/not good, just remember that and enjoy your good qualities.

    I might add to this in the morning as no doubt I've written rubbish/gibberish, but I don't think I can continue to think and type, just too much for my poor little brain! :p:
    Thanks

    Well to be honest I'm not really passionate about pharmacy anyway, not as passionate as my class mates anyway. There are aspects of it where are interesting but I don't really find in amazing on a whole. I just did it because my parents wanted me to ( so many arguments over it) they kind of scared me into it, making me feel that if I chose anything else I would end up poor and homeless ( no wonder I suffer from anxiety, I've been scared into things :rolleyes: ).
    For a long time I just didn't know which direction I wanted my life to go in, having my parents decide everything for me I never really made my own decissions and now that I'm not living with them I think thats what sparked off the panic attacks because I finally had to think for my self and actually think about my future. I'm getting better at making decissions now and I don't resent my parents because I know they want to protect me and help me to avoid making misakes, but I think that because they have wrapped me in cotton wool I've started getting anxious etc.

    As for my friend, I was talking to her about how I feel I'm going off the rails and she says that she doesn't think I am. But its just hard when I hear about her never really drinking and being a good girl, doing her work, not really partying getting up to no good. Then I look at myself, especially last term, I was going out all the time, getting drunk on several occations...it made me feel bad. I know she isn't judging me but I just feel bad because she is so good. I don't want to make an excuse for myself but I think that because my parents were no longer around to shelter me from that sort of life style ( and I had never been partying before/got drunk) it was my time to experiment.

    I'm not an excessive drinker anymore as it makes my anxiety worse, but I still do things I shouldn't ( like watch a lot of tv when I have course work to do or make out with this guy, by the way its only him, no one else and I do like him. We haven't gone far but I still feel bad )

    Anyway enough waffling, if only I could type this much of my coursework lol.

    How are things with you?:hugs: thanks for the responses, they've been helpful....think I might need somemore counselling...its just finding the guts to get down to the blooming surgery.
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    (Original post by blue_shift86)
    radio 4 calms u down? You should try classic fm - that kicks butt!
    Love both of those stations! Unfortunately Medway is so crap it doesn't even have reception for Radio 4 so its Classic FM all the way for me
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    (Original post by RachelOranges)
    Thanks

    Well to be honest I'm not really passionate about pharmacy anyway, not as passionate as my class mates anyway. There are aspects of it where are interesting but I don't really find in amazing on a whole. I just did it because my parents wanted me to ( so many arguments over it) they kind of scared me into it, making me feel that if I chose anything else I would end up poor and homeless ( no wonder I suffer from anxiety, I've been scared into things :rolleyes: ).
    For a long time I just didn't know which direction I wanted my life to go in, having my parents decide everything for me I never really made my own decissions and now that I'm not living with them I think thats what sparked off the panic attacks because I finally had to think for my self and actually think about my future. I'm getting better at making decissions now and I don't resent my parents because I know they want to protect me and help me to avoid making misakes, but I think that because they have wrapped me in cotton wool I've started getting anxious etc.

    As for my friend, I was talking to her about how I feel I'm going off the rails and she says that she doesn't think I am. But its just hard when I hear about her never really drinking and being a good girl, doing her work, not really partying getting up to no good. Then I look at myself, especially last term, I was going out all the time, getting drunk on several occations...it made me feel bad. I know she isn't judging me but I just feel bad because she is so good. I don't want to make an excuse for myself but I think that because my parents were no longer around to shelter me from that sort of life style ( and I had never been partying before/got drunk) it was my time to experiment.

    I'm not an excessive drinker anymore as it makes my anxiety worse, but I still do things I shouldn't ( like watch a lot of tv when I have course work to do or make out with this guy, by the way its only him, no one else and I do like him. We haven't gone far but I still feel bad )

    Anyway enough waffling, if only I could type this much of my coursework lol.

    How are things with you?:hugs: thanks for the responses, they've been helpful....think I might need somemore counselling...its just finding the guts to get down to the blooming surgery.
    I'm not sure if anyone ever really knows what they want to do in uni, for a job etc, just from looking at my friends and family, but if you're not happy there are ways to change what you're doing to something you prefer.

    I thought students had to go out and get drunk? :p: It doesn't make you a bad person! Surely it's better to experiment now, when you have no one else to worry about, than when you have a mortgage to pay and people dependant on you? And the other 'bad things' you mention just seem to be normal things that everyone does, nobody's perfect, that'd be creepy.

    Why not phone up when you're feeling okay and book an appointment, that way you'll feel obliged to go?

    Things with me are varied. I can't keep up with my emotions any more haha.
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    (Original post by RachelOranges)
    Love both of those stations! Unfortunately Medway is so crap it doesn't even have reception for Radio 4 so its Classic FM all the way for me
    you can always listen to bbc radio 4 on iplayer or directly from their website
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    (Original post by steffi.alexa)
    I have no idea what's on, it's just calmed me down, Radio 4 always has that effect on me. My parents think I'm crazy being an 18 year old that tunes in to it, but given that I don't like most of the Radio 1 music and don't always want to listen to classical music... That, and listening to talking doesn't give my mind much chance to wander.

    Thankfully, it's half term (how I'm going to miss them!), so I've only taken 2 days off, but I'll probably definitely take Monday off too...

    I normally take it between 6:30pm and 8pm, but I've taken it now (almost chocked on it though :rolleyes:). I guess it's going to help soon and if not there are always new ones that our doctors may think we should try?

    -

    I still have marks on my arms and hand from my self harming earlier... I really wish the doctor hadn't said what he did - I have strong long nails haha! I also have bite marks on my finger from a panic attack a few hours ago when I was trying to calm myself down. Needless to say it didn't really work. It's too small step from scratching and biting to cutting.
    As the above said, please, please do everything you can to resist self harming. Once you start, it will start to take over, could easily go from scratching to cutting. Its so addictive as well, if I could turn back time and resist starting, believe me I would.
 
 
 
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