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    (Original post by dappleddawndrawndauphin)
    Yeah, parents often just don't get it... The sleeping pattern isn't your fault! Your mum will probably be better about the tablets once your body adjusts to them and you start seeing more beneficial effects and less side effects - my mum was.

    What are the main reasons you don't want to go back? Or is it a feeling you can't put into words? I have to admit coming back to uni, facing people and negotiating extensions with tutors was one of the hardest things I've done, but I promise it does start getting easier. I'm a bit torn about what advice to give as on the one hand the mental block about going back can get worse the longer you leave it, but on the other hand when you're feeling vulnerable - and especially when experiencing these side effects from medication - you do need a bit more time before throwing yourself back into things.
    I don't know. My parents just had another go at me about it.

    I just... Obviously I haven't done the work, which doesn't help but I just can't face the lessons, the sitting in a room for an hour, being asked questions. If I tell a teacher I don't know, they force it and try to get me to answer, even though recently I honestly don't know, because I just can't concentrate. I hate going in and handing in work, only to find out I haven't improved form the 5 other essays I've handed in... I just hate it all.

    I might go in and just not go to any lessons, but that'll mean showering, getting dressed, trying to sleep tonight, telling teachers later on why I didn't turn up... I just can't take it. I really don't want to exist right now.
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    (Original post by steffi.alexa)
    I don't know. My parents just had another go at me about it.

    I just... Obviously I haven't done the work, which doesn't help but I just can't face the lessons, the sitting in a room for an hour, being asked questions. If I tell a teacher I don't know, they force it and try to get me to answer, even though recently I honestly don't know, because I just can't concentrate. I hate going in and handing in work, only to find out I haven't improved form the 5 other essays I've handed in... I just hate it all.

    I might go in and just not go to any lessons, but that'll mean showering, getting dressed, trying to sleep tonight, telling teachers later on why I didn't turn up... I just can't take it. I really don't want to exist right now.
    If you're feeling that bad about it then maybe you should take another day or two off. They may not understand but you can tell your parents that you're still feeling very ill and literally just can't, and that you want to wait till you've had a chat with the doctor about the best course of action. Maybe talk to your dad first if he's more understanding about things and then ask him to help with your mum?
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    My Mum just came in and had a go at me about taking the pills and told me I had to school. I was already in tears before she walked in and told me to 'not do this in school', like I can help crying!

    I'm so fed up of all this. I hate everything I used to love and I hate myself... I just want to die right now, I can't take it any more.
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    (Original post by steffi.alexa)
    My Mum just came in and had a go at me about taking the pills and told me I had to school. I was already in tears before she walked in and told me to 'not do this in school', like I can help crying!

    I'm so fed up of all this. I hate everything I used to love and I hate myself... I just want to die right now, I can't take it any more.
    :jumphug:There should be someone to protect us from nagging/critical parents at times like this, even if they're just doing what they think is best. In the end she can't make you, and sadly she just doesn't understand what you're going through. I know how indescribably horrible it is to only get more pain from the things that used to give you pleasure, and the worst is that it usually feels like it will be that way forever... but you have to hang onto the fact that it won't. Things will get better, you will enjoy things again. 6 weeks ago I thought I would never experience happiness again but things have gradually changed - they will for you too :hugs: .
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    (Original post by dappleddawndrawndauphin)
    If you're feeling that bad about it then maybe you should take another day or two off. They may not understand but you can tell your parents that you're still feeling very ill and literally just can't, and that you want to wait till you've had a chat with the doctor about the best course of action. Maybe talk to your dad first if he's more understanding about things and then ask him to help with your mum?
    I have to go in, my parents have made up their mind and won't let me take any more time off. There is no way I'm going to lessons, no way. I can't deal with that. I might go and talk to the head of sixth form about it though...

    (Original post by dappleddawndrawndauphin)
    :jumphug:There should be someone to protect us from nagging/critical parents at times like this, even if they're just doing what they think is best. In the end she can't make you, and sadly she just doesn't understand what you're going through. I know how indescribably horrible it is to only get more pain from the things that used to give you pleasure, and the worst is that it usually feels like it will be that way forever... but you have to hang onto the fact that it won't. Things will get better, you will enjoy things again. 6 weeks ago I thought I would never experience happiness again but things have gradually changed - they will for you too :hugs: .
    Thanks. I hope so, right now I just can't see that happening. Come to tomorrow morning, I'm pretty sure my eating disorder will be back in full, I'm having so many ED thoughts right now because I hate myself... I don't even care, at least it's a way out eventually.
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    (Original post by steffi.alexa)
    I have to go in, my parents have made up their mind and won't let me take any more time off. There is no way I'm going to lessons, no way. I can't deal with that. I might go and talk to the head of sixth form about it though...
    Thanks. I hope so, right now I just can't see that happening. Come to tomorrow morning, I'm pretty sure my eating disorder will be back in full, I'm having so many ED thoughts right now because I hate myself... I don't even care, at least it's a way out eventually.
    Talking to the 6th form head sounds like a good idea, he/she will doubtless have seen many students in the same position, will be sympathetic and can talk to you about options, which may decrease the stress you're feeling about college. Remember the SSRIs can make the depression and anxiety worse at first. When I first went on the tablets all I wanted to do was to drop out, curl up at home and never leave again (which for me is probably a fate worse than death tbh...) I couldn't imagine ever wanting to do anything again. But please do everything you can to look after yourself now, because if you start feeling better in a couple of weeks - which could happen - you'll thank yourself for it.
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    (Original post by dappleddawndrawndauphin)
    Talking to the 6th form head sounds like a good idea, he/she will doubtless have seen many students in the same position, will be sympathetic and can talk to you about options, which may decrease the stress you're feeling about college. Remember the SSRIs can make the depression and anxiety worse at first. When I first went on the tablets all I wanted to do was to drop out, curl up at home and never leave again (which for me is probably a fate worse than death tbh...) I couldn't imagine ever wanting to do anything again. But please do everything you can to look after yourself now, because if you start feeling better in a couple of weeks - which could happen - you'll thank yourself for it.
    Hmm. Back in October the head of sixth form did have a 'chat' with me, I was on what became known amongst my friends as 'suicide watch'. :rolleyes:

    I have so much work to do before tomorrow, but I honestly don't see the point.
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    (Original post by steffi.alexa)
    Hmm. Back in October the head of sixth form did have a 'chat' with me, I was on what became known amongst my friends as 'suicide watch'. :rolleyes:

    I have so much work to do before tomorrow, but I honestly don't see the point.
    I'm exactly the same, I've got 2 pieces of coursework that need to be in tomorrow (one needing to be written from scratch, the other needing a lot of adjusting) and I just can't summon up the mental strength to do it. I think the depression may be creeping back ever so slowly, which is crap considering I was put into remission a couple of weeks ago, typical of it come back when I'm at my busiest :rolleyes:. It's not like I don't have any motivation to do it either; they could be the difference of me getting into my firm uni and re-doing my last year of college, and I've been dreaming of going to uni for about 5 years now. All I've been doing today is looking at travel packs to South East Asia :o:

    Sorry, that turned out to be quite long. /rant.
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    Ditto to the work/back to school dilemma!
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    (Original post by Emsybean)
    I'm exactly the same, I've got 2 pieces of coursework that need to be in tomorrow (one needing to be written from scratch, the other needing a lot of adjusting) and I just can't summon up the mental strength to do it. I think the depression may be creeping back ever so slowly, which is crap considering I was put into remission a couple of weeks ago, typical of it come back when I'm at my busiest :rolleyes:. It's not like I don't have any motivation to do it either; they could be the difference of me getting into my firm uni and re-doing my last year of college, and I've been dreaming of going to uni for about 5 years now. All I've been doing today is looking at travel packs to South East Asia :o:

    Sorry, that turned out to be quite long. /rant.
    :hugs: I've been dreaming of uni for ages too, but now... Good luck with everything!

    (Original post by 35mm_)
    Ditto to the work/back to school dilemma!
    It's odd, isn't it, how you can love school one minute (I used to be a right geek) and dread it the next? :hugs:
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    (Original post by steffi.alexa)
    Hmm. Back in October the head of sixth form did have a 'chat' with me, I was on what became known amongst my friends as 'suicide watch'. :rolleyes:

    I have so much work to do before tomorrow, but I honestly don't see the point.
    You can do it, don't let things get the better of you :yep: just break it down into small goals. It took me all night but I didi manage to finish one of my work goals and I'm so happy about that. When you break things down, things seem more managable and you feel proud everytime you achieve something, no matter how small it is.

    How are you feeling today everyone?
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    (Original post by RachelOranges)
    You can do it, don't let things get the better of you :yep: just break it down into small goals. It took me all night but I didi manage to finish one of my work goals and I'm so happy about that. When you break things down, things seem more managable and you feel proud everytime you achieve something, no matter how small it is.

    How are you feeling today everyone?
    Thanks for the rep. I'm not even sure I want to try any more. I know I can't go to lessons tomorrow, and that's just playing on my mind over and over.

    I feel even worse now, I feel like such a hypocrite. Eating Disorders Awareness Week starts tomorrow and 1) I haven't finished all the stuff I wanted to do for it in my school and 2) I know I'm on the verge of relapsing but I don't care. I do not react well to stress, that's for sure.
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    (Original post by steffi.alexa)
    Thanks for the rep. I'm not even sure I want to try any more. I know I can't go to lessons tomorrow, and that's just playing on my mind over and over.
    Thanks for the rep too.

    Thats how you are feeling today but tomorrow you may wake up and feel different, thats the good thing about a new day, it can initiate a new attitude. It wont be long until you have finished with the year, you'll be suprised at how fast it goes.
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    (Original post by RachelOranges)
    Thanks for the rep too.

    Thats how you are feeling today but tomorrow you may wake up and feel different, thats the good thing about a new day, it can initiate a new attitude. It wont be long until you have finished with the year, you'll be suprised at how fast it goes.
    I'm not so sure. I guess I'll be grateful later for the fact that I'm a wimp and so unlikely to do anything about feeling suicidal, but right now...
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    The debate* was wearing me out. Once you've posed that question, it won't go away. I think many people kill themselves simply to stop the debate about whether they will or they won't.

    How very true, sadly.

    *whether life is worth living.
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    (Original post by 35mm_)
    The debate* was wearing me out. Once you've posed that question, it won't go away. I think many people kill themselves simply to stop the debate about whether they will or they won't.

    How very true, sadly.

    *whether life is worth living.
    :hugs:

    Life is worth living, just sometimes it doesn't feel that way.
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    (Original post by 35mm_)
    The debate* was wearing me out. Once you've posed that question, it won't go away. I think many people kill themselves simply to stop the debate about whether they will or they won't.

    How very true, sadly.

    *whether life is worth living.
    Yeah I know.

    I'm just sick of EVERYTHING right now. I don't know where I belong, I get settled at Uni then I think about going home and it doesnt seem like home, I get panic attacks about going home. And then when I'm at home the same happens about going to Uni. How am I going to survive when I out on my own...?
    I hate waking up every morning to a new day and find out that I'm still the same mess I was yesterday....

    Sorry...didn't mean to explode
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    (Original post by steffi.alexa)
    :hugs:

    Life is worth living, just sometimes it doesn't feel that way.
    I'm trying to remember that. :o:
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    (Original post by RachelOranges)
    Yeah I know.

    I'm just sick of EVERYTHING right now. I don't know where I belong, I get settled at Uni then I think about going home and it doesnt seem like home, I get panic attacks about going home. And then when I'm at home the same happens about going to Uni. How am I going to survive when I out on my own...?
    I hate waking up every morning to a new day and find out that I'm still the same mess I was yesterday....

    Sorry...didn't mean to explode
    :console:

    Panic attacks are horrible things.
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    (Original post by 35mm_)
    I'm trying to remember that. :o:
    I tell myself it everyday. And I try to remember that I have friends who are supportive and care, but it has been hard recently. Mind you, watching The Mummy Returns yesterday helped a bit, now that's something to live for haha.
 
 
 
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