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    (Original post by Malsy)
    i didnt want today to be a repeat of yesterday but i honestly feel like im going to be crying again soon
    anyway ive posted enough sorry for all this
    just wanna die:cry: though
    :hugs: If posting here makes you feel better, keep doing it, I find it helps me so much when I feel like that. Please go to your doctor's, they could really help you.

    Remember that things do improve and when they do you'll be able to look back on now and be glad that you survived it. :console: If you need to cry, cry. If you need to post on here, post on here. I'm going to be up for quite a while (probably until at least midnight), so I can send you :jumphug: if you want.
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    (Original post by dappleddawndrawndauphin)
    It's definitely not fun... I found I was better when I just didn't go home for the holidays (especially as family life in my house can be pretty hectic to say the least). My family got quite peeved though. Where do you feel safest, home or uni?

    I'm not sure as I can't actually remember when it started :o: But I have had similar problems occasionally pre-fluoxetine, so I'm still debating whether it's worth getting checked out or not.

    I hate insomnia :hugs: I always think life must be so much easier for people who always sleep well - sometimes I can't quite stop myself from disliking them for it :o: I'm really sorry you had such a bad night. What kinds of sinister thoughts were you having?
    I think I feel safest at home but there is more peace/less arguments at Uni as I spend a lot of time on my own( isn't fun when I have to deal with aruguments at home)

    Yeah best to get it checked out if it doens't get any better.

    Oh gosh the insomnia is horrid. Worst thing about it is that I used to be such a heavy sleeper, I really used to enjoy sleeping but now even thats been taken away from me it seems.

    I'm trying hard to keep positive/rational about things but today I just kept thinking "cut, cut" and that it would be wonderful if I could overdose on sleeping pills.
    I don't want to socalise anymore, we have a ball coming up and I'm only going because my friend is and I don't want to regret not going when I feel better. I'm sick of my course, I feel so trapped, like I can't follow my dreams, I feel like I can't live my own life and if I'm living life for other people then what is the point in living at all? I can't stop seeing the negative about everything, even the simplest of things, I just expect the worse to happen, I don't hope for anything good anymore, I don't want to be disappointed or hurt anymore.
    Sorry to waffle, you probably don't need this right now.

    I've found the courage to book an appointment with the doctor for Thursday...kind of regret it now as I don't know who this new doctor is and I'm scared they will judge me. I don't feel comfortable sharing this with a professional...makes things vary final. I prefer "thinking" that I'm depressed/anxious, the idea of having it confirmed scares me:eek3:

    How are things with you apart from the unexplained rash?
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    thanks steffi. just you quoting me really touches me and i appreciate it fully. i just dont want to picj myself up and go out and join society cos if i do id feel like such a fraud you know.
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    (Original post by RachelOranges)
    I think I feel safest at home but there is more peace/less arguments at Uni as I spend a lot of time on my own( isn't fun when I have to deal with aruguments at home)

    Yeah best to get it checked out if it doens't get any better.

    Oh gosh the insomnia is horrid. Worst thing about it is that I used to be such a heavy sleeper, I really used to enjoy sleeping but now even thats been taken away from me it seems.

    I'm trying hard to keep positive/rational about things but today I just kept thinking "cut, cut" and that it would be wonderful if I could overdose on sleeping pills.
    I don't want to socalise anymore, we have a ball coming up and I'm only going because my friend is and I don't want to regret not going when I feel better. I'm sick of my course, I feel so trapped, like I can't follow my dreams, I feel like I can't live my own life and if I'm living life for other people then what is the point in living at all? I can't stop seeing the negative about everything, even the simplest of things, I just expect the worse to happen, I don't hope for anything good anymore, I don't want to be disappointed or hurt anymore.
    Sorry to waffle, you probably don't need this right now.

    I've found the courage to book an appointment with the doctor for Thursday...kind of regret it now as I don't know who this new doctor is and I'm scared they will judge me. I don't feel comfortable sharing this with a professional...makes things vary final. I prefer "thinking" that I'm depressed/anxious, the idea of having it confirmed scares me:eek3:

    How are things with you apart from the unexplained rash?
    :hugs: It's great that you have an appointment with your GP. They're not going to judge you, they're professionals and understand. It does make it a bit more final but it also means that you can start getting some help. It starts to get a bit better when you know you have help and that soon things should pick up.

    There is a point in living, you can soon start doing what you want, as soon as you feel ready. Life is flexible and you can always find ways around things, you can't if you're dead. there is light and things will get better. :console:
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    (Original post by Malsy)
    thanks steffi. just you quoting me really touches me and i appreciate it fully. i just dont want to picj myself up and go out and join society cos if i do id feel like such a fraud you know.
    I know, I find I get a little lift when someone here quotes me, which is why I always try to respond to posts quickly. You're not a fraud, you're clearly not well and I'm sure other people can see that. If you don't feel ready to join society just yet, don't force it, ease yourself in gently. It's not easy but it gets easier (I'm not having a panic attack about school tomorrow for example).

    I think you really need a counsellor or something to talk to as well, they can offer some great advice and just talking to them can really lift a load off you and make things bearable again. Plus, I hate to think of you going through all this on your own.
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    just had to stop myself breaking down as sister walked into room
    i cant bare the pain though and the sadness=[
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    (Original post by Malsy)
    i didnt want today to be a repeat of yesterday but i honestly feel like im going to be crying again soon
    anyway ive posted enough sorry for all this
    just wanna die:cry: though
    Malsy, so sorry to hear you are struggling. What's on your mind? What is so bad/unfixable that you feel the only way out would be death? :hugs:

    (Original post by steffi.alexa)
    It's great that you have an appointment with your GP. They're not going to judge you, they're professionals and understand. It does make it a bit more final but it also means that you can start getting some help. It starts to get a bit better when you know you have help and that soon things should pick up.

    There is a point in living, you can soon start doing what you want, as soon as you feel ready. Life is flexible and you can always find ways around things, you can't if you're dead. there is light and things will get better.
    Yeah I just hope that I can get the help I need, I don't want to go on meds though, I think that therapy/CBT would be better for me to try first. I just want to get out of this hole. I have no reason to be sad, things are going great ( minus the course I'm on) and I don't know why things from my past are just starting to effect me now.
    I want to do my parents proud but at the same time I want to be my own person. They've scared me so much that I'm afraid of doing things on my own terms.

    How are you today? :hugs:
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    (Original post by Malsy)
    just had to stop myself breaking down as sister walked into room
    i cant bare the pain though and the sadness=[
    :jumphug: You really need someone you can be open and honest about this with. Have you thought any more about going to your GP's?
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    (Original post by RachelOranges)
    Yeah I just hope that I can get the help I need, I don't want to go on meds though, I think that therapy/CBT would be better for me to try first. I just want to get out of this hole. I have no reason to be sad, things are going great ( minus the course I'm on) and I don't know why things from my past are just starting to effect me now.
    I want to do my parents proud but at the same time I want to be my own person. They've scared me so much that I'm afraid of doing things on my own terms.

    How are you today? :hugs:
    My GP went straight for meds because I already see the school counsellor and didn't want to have to miss loads of school to travel an hour to see people (I live in the middle of nowhere).

    Hopefully with seeing someone about your depression you can start to let go of that fear a bit?

    I'm just really tired now, the lack of sleep is catching up with me. Haven't cried/thought about self harm or suicide in about 3 hours though, which I think is a record. :rolleyes:
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    (Original post by steffi.alexa)
    My GP went straight for meds because I already see the school counsellor and didn't want to have to miss loads of school to travel an hour to see people (I live in the middle of nowhere).

    Hopefully with seeing someone about your depression you can start to let go of that fear a bit?

    I'm just really tired now, the lack of sleep is catching up with me. Haven't cried/thought about self harm or suicide in about 3 hours though, which I think is a record. :rolleyes:
    Yeah with my busy timetable I doubt I will be able to get time off to see someone...besides this isn't my perminant address as I go home for holidays etc. so I don't know how I'm going to sort it out if I do get a counsellor/therapist.

    I'm so incredibly tired too but I need to finish this coursework, its annoying because it takes practially all night for me to type anything, the night before it got to 3am before I could get anything written... I haven't had a good nights sleep since...who knows. Its obviously making matters worse with me. I feel so bad because when I hear my flat mates laughing and having fun I just want to scream at them for being happy when I'm not. Its not their fault but I just feel so isolated from them, like they don't want me here, I'm only good for doing the cleaning, I just get so paranoid that they hate me or thing I'm bland/boring. I'm sure they do think that though because they only think I'm fun when I've had a drink....Oh well I won't be living here much longer anyway so whats it to me what they think of me.

    How is it going with the school counsellor? Good? I wish our old school had a counsellor. Instead it was us 6th formers who counselled the lower school, but what about us? Surely we needed someone to vent to as well lol
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    (Original post by RachelOranges)
    Yeah with my busy timetable I doubt I will be able to get time off to see someone...besides this isn't my perminant address as I go home for holidays etc. so I don't know how I'm going to sort it out if I do get a counsellor/therapist.

    I'm so incredibly tired too but I need to finish this coursework, its annoying because it takes practially all night for me to type anything, the night before it got to 3am before I could get anything written... I haven't had a good nights sleep since...who knows. Its obviously making matters worse with me. I feel so bad because when I hear my flat mates laughing and having fun I just want to scream at them for being happy when I'm not. Its not their fault but I just feel so isolated from them, like they don't want me here, I'm only good for doing the cleaning, I just get so paranoid that they hate me or thing I'm bland/boring. I'm sure they do think that though because they only think I'm fun when I've had a drink....Oh well I won't be living here much longer anyway so whats it to me what they think of me.

    How is it going with the school counsellor? Good? I wish our old school had a counsellor. Instead it was us 6th formers who counselled the lower school, but what about us? Surely we needed someone to vent to as well lol
    With the ED clinic, I got to chose when I saw them, so it might be something similar to that, which should make it easier.

    I have coursework (and a load of catch up work ) that I should be doing right now, but I just can't. Good luck with your's!

    I'm sure they don't think that! Things will start to improve and then you can start joining in with them without having to force yourself to.

    Yeah, things are going great. My school is really big on mental health, for various reasons, which I'm so glad about! :lolwut: That sounds like a stupid system.

    -

    I'm soooo tired I just want to sleep and sleep and sleep, but I know I won't be able to.
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    4 hours of uni tomorrow Don't want to go, today I only had an hour but that was awful. I never want to go back but I need this degree, I've ****** about so much I have to do it. Also seeing gp tomorrow, I hate doctors, I don't even know why I'm seeing her, she just told me to book another appointment when I went for a repeat prescription before
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    (Original post by steffi.alexa)
    With the ED clinic, I got to chose when I saw them, so it might be something similar to that, which should make it easier.

    I have coursework (and a load of catch up work ) that I should be doing right now, but I just can't. Good luck with your's!

    I'm sure they don't think that! Things will start to improve and then you can start joining in with them without having to force yourself to.

    Yeah, things are going great. My school is really big on mental health, for various reasons, which I'm so glad about! :lolwut: That sounds like a stupid system.

    -

    I'm soooo tired I just want to sleep and sleep and sleep, but I know I won't be able to.
    Yeah hopefully things will be flexible if I do get therapy/counselling.
    I feel like I've wasted so much time and have so much catching up to do Horrible feeling, but I'm too tired to do anything. I might try and take a nap now, hopefully I'll be able to and then feel like I've got a bit more energy to do some work. I hate leaving things to the last minute.

    Thanks for listening, good luck with the course work and try to relax, take a nice long shower and listen to some relaxing music, might help to calm your mind down and get a few hours sleep. :hugs:
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    (Original post by Sabertooth)
    4 hours of uni tomorrow Don't want to go, today I only had an hour but that was awful. I never want to go back but I need this degree, I've ****** about so much I have to do it. Also seeing gp tomorrow, I hate doctors, I don't even know why I'm seeing her, she just told me to book another appointment when I went for a repeat prescription before
    I had 7 hours today :cry: ( 5 of which were chemistry...the worst subject ever, was almost in tears). I was hell, I was so tired due to lack of sleep and I just don't see the point of doing the course anymore, I'm only here for my parents.

    Good luck with the appointment tomorrow, I know the feeling, I've booked an appointment on Thursday, I'm so scared...I don't know what to expect. I guess we must try to keep positive about it though after all it is in our best interest to seek help, otherwise how do we expect to get better? :hugs:
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    (Original post by RachelOranges)
    Yeah hopefully things will be flexible if I do get therapy/counselling.
    I feel like I've wasted so much time and have so much catching up to do Horrible feeling, but I'm too tired to do anything. I might try and take a nap now, hopefully I'll be able to and then feel like I've got a bit more energy to do some work. I hate leaving things to the last minute.

    Thanks for listening, good luck with the course work and try to relax, take a nice long shower and listen to some relaxing music, might help to calm your mind down and get a few hours sleep. :hugs:
    Yeah, I have loads to catch up on and hate leaving it too...

    Haha, I tried to have a nice relaxing shower yesterday, but the hot water hadn't switched on that day, so that didn't quite work out. I think I'm just going to have to lie in bed for hours until I fall asleep...
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    (Original post by RachelOranges)
    I had 7 hours today :cry: ( 5 of which were chemistry...the worst subject ever, was almost in tears). I was hell, I was so tired due to lack of sleep and I just don't see the point of doing the course anymore, I'm only here for my parents.

    Good luck with the appointment tomorrow, I know the feeling, I've booked an appointment on Thursday, I'm so scared...I don't know what to expect. I guess we must try to keep positive about it though after all it is in our best interest to seek help, otherwise how do we expect to get better? :hugs:
    I've been seeing doctors/psychiatrists for nearly 3 years, I don't expect to ever get better.

    good luck at your appointment, hopefully it actually works for you.
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    (Original post by Sabertooth)
    I've been seeing doctors/psychiatrists for nearly 3 years, I don't expect to ever get better.

    good luck at your appointment, hopefully it actually works for you.
    :hugs:
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    ak school reunion
    i hate me my life and i ******* hate myself i cant do anything i want to do cos id feel like such a paranoid fraud ******* hate it im disgusting and i hate myself
    im going to my docs tomorrow but im not telling the reason for my depression as no one takes it seriously and realise how deeply its affected my life but yeah i shall hopefully be going as i dont have lessons till the afternoon but im going to be annoyed as its the fourth visit now.
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    (Original post by Malsy)
    ak school reunion
    i hate me my life and i ******* hate myself i cant do anything i want to do cos id feel like such a paranoid fraud ******* hate it im disgusting and i hate myself
    im going to my docs tomorrow but im not telling the reason for my depression as no one takes it seriously and realise how deeply its affected my life but yeah i shall hopefully be going as i dont have lessons till the afternoon but im going to be annoyed as its the fourth visit now.
    :hugs: They should see how bad this is, if they don't you have some rubbish doctors. Just go and push it until they understand that you are not happy.

    Try not to hate yourself, if you can't just focus on something else maybe try watching TV or listening to the radio until you forget whatever negative thoughts you're having.

    I'm sure the doctor's will take it seriously, but if you're worried they've never asked me the cause of mine (not that I know), I think it's such a complicated things that it can't be caused by just one thing. :console:

    -

    I'm going to have to force myself to go to sleep now before I keel over. Good luck with your sleeping guys! :jumphug:
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    goodnight steffi dear thanks
    i have realised i am actually only going into school for my parents sake now and to please and quiet them up like
    :/
 
 
 
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