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    (Original post by 35mm_)
    You're not pathetic. What's up?

    I just returned from a walk and it, unusually, depressed me
    I just don't know what the **** is wrong with me... I can concentrate some of the time and I'm capable of getting onto campus now (if I force myself) yet here I am, feeling sorry for myself and dwelling on the past, playing games I don't even like and refreshing TSR and facebook for hours on end instead of writing the essay that really needs to be done.
    It's at times like this I realise I am just a lazy **** who doesn't deserve the help I've been given

    I'm sorry the walk depressed you - was it for any particular reason? Well done for getting out though, that's more than I've managed today.
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    (Original post by dappleddawndrawndauphin)
    I just don't know what the **** is wrong with me... I can concentrate some of the time and I'm capable of getting onto campus now (if I force myself) yet here I am, feeling sorry for myself and dwelling on the past, playing games I don't even like and refreshing TSR and facebook for hours on end instead of writing the essay that really needs to be done.
    It's at times like this I realise I am just a lazy **** who doesn't deserve the help I've been given
    I've been doing the exact same as you all day. I wish I could give you some advice, but I think 'motivation' is something which comes and goes, and you can't really force it, unfortunately.
    I'm sorry the walk depressed you - was it for any particular reason? Well done for getting out though, that's more than I've managed today.
    Just kept thinking things over, and I thought I saw him a couple of times, but it was just my paranoia striking again.
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    (Original post by dappleddawndrawndauphin)
    I just don't know what the **** is wrong with me... I can concentrate some of the time and I'm capable of getting onto campus now (if I force myself) yet here I am, feeling sorry for myself and dwelling on the past, playing games I don't even like and refreshing TSR and facebook for hours on end instead of writing the essay that really needs to be done.
    It's at times like this I realise I am just a lazy **** who doesn't deserve the help I've been given

    I'm sorry the walk depressed you - was it for any particular reason? Well done for getting out though, that's more than I've managed today.

    :O same. english essay for monday.
    Ditto to the last point, 35mm well done.
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    I'll do your english essay if you do my history coursework for me? :p:
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    (Original post by CherryCherryBoomBoom)
    Yeah, true. It's just I've always really wanted a boyfriend since I was 14. And while I did have one for a while when I was 16, that's over now and it feels like I've been a singleton forever :sigh:. I mean, I try to put it out of my mind, as I know it's not the most important thing in the world, but it does kinda suck seeing couples around all the time, especially the ones my age and younger, who've been together for years. :sigh:

    Anyway, I'm feeling OK. I have overdue Media coursework which I haven't quite completed yet , I just haven't felt like it to be honest, but I know I have to get it done eventually. I have been resting a little bit this week due to it being study leave for mock exams, I did some revision but not much :o: , but it's only mocks and I've been tired. I feel tempted to bunk school next week, it's just so tiring, but then I guess I can't be doing that forever anyway :o:

    Anyway, nuff about me, how are RachelOranges?
    Ahh yeah I've been longing for one for ages too, I did have one when I was 13 if that even counts but a I was actually even more miserable than when I was single. I spent the whole time being paranoid that he was cheating on me and that I didn't deserve him. I use that as a lesson to myself to remind myself that I need to sort out my confidence problems before I can be with someone. I can't be with someone and keep expecting them to cheat on me, its not healthy. I understand what you mean though, especially when seeing other couples and wishing you had that but then we have our whole lives to fall in and out of love. Whats the rush, play the field haha.

    I'm not too bad thanks, still very tired for some reason. I feel so lazy I've been watching films and sleeping...I just can't keep awake ( at least its undisterbed sleep now ) . :hugs:
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    (Original post by dappleddawndrawndauphin)
    Yeah I think low self-assertiveness must often go hand-in-hand with low self-esteem and anxiety. I'm trying to break a bad habit of letting more assertive people decide things for me then getting annoyed and blaming them in my head afterwards, even though I didn't express my own desires at the time.


    That's great, well done I'm so glad you had a nice GP, that makes all the difference. They never gave me a blood test, thinking of bringing that up at my appointment on Tuesday. How're you feeling today?


    I have the odd productive day but because of the fear and sleeping issues I still have far too many days when I get no work done, and still have some mental block over writing this essay. I guess I'm in a better place than I was a month or two ago though, and like you say any progress is better than none... thanks. I do hate insomnia and fear though.
    Yeah I've had far too many blood tests in my life time though lol.
    I'm in a better mood today thanks, but still stupidly tired even though I didn't get up till 12pm.... I've just been lying in bed watching films ( I did do a bit of work too). I just wish I had the energy to start revision. I really need to get cracking with that as exams are soon...but I'm just so sleepy and unmotivated, can't take ProPlus or anything like that because the last time I did it made my anxiety worse and the insomnia.
    I think its worth getting a blood test done just to rule out any other conditions which can cause depression/anxiety ( been learning about them at Uni actually...I'm hoping its not diabetis or hyperhtyroidism )
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    (Original post by 35mm_)
    I'll do your english essay if you do my history coursework for me? :p:

    never done history(properly) in my life, sorry:p:
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    (Original post by 35mm_)
    I've been doing the exact same as you all day. I wish I could give you some advice, but I think 'motivation' is something which comes and goes, and you can't really force it, unfortunately.

    Just kept thinking things over, and I thought I saw him a couple of times, but it was just my paranoia striking again.
    Yeah, mine seems to be going more than coming recently though... Presumably though people often have to do things even when not feeling motivated - I think I lack willpower the fear of "failure" doesn't help though.

    I think if we could turn our brains off at will every so often life would be easier, cos thinking things through so often seems to make matters worse. Who did you think you saw?
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    (Original post by dappleddawndrawndauphin)
    Yeah, mine seems to be going more than coming recently though... Presumably though people often have to do things even when not feeling motivated - I think I lack willpower the fear of "failure" doesn't help though.

    I think if we could turn our brains off at will every so often life would be easier, cos thinking things through so often seems to make matters worse. Who did you think you saw?
    Me too, but only drugs work for me in order to do that, unfortunately. I thought I saw my dad, but every man I see in the streets kinda morphs into him right now. I become completely paralysed and have to wait for the actual person to blur back into my vision before I accept that it's not him, and carry on walking. Ugh.
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    (Original post by RachelOranges)
    Yeah I've had far too many blood tests in my life time though lol.
    I'm in a better mood today thanks, but still stupidly tired even though I didn't get up till 12pm.... I've just been lying in bed watching films ( I did do a bit of work too). I just wish I had the energy to start revision. I really need to get cracking with that as exams are soon...but I'm just so sleepy and unmotivated, can't take ProPlus or anything like that because the last time I did it made my anxiety worse and the insomnia.
    I think its worth getting a blood test done just to rule out any other conditions which can cause depression/anxiety ( been learning about them at Uni actually...I'm hoping its not diabetis or hyperhtyroidism )
    So have I actually, but mainly just cos I used to get anaemic a lot. I'm glad you're feeling a bit better today. Sorry it's been an energyless day & I'm sure you haven't got anything serious, there'd probably be other more obvious symptoms as well if you did :hugs:

    I'm having one of those days too... I got up at 3pm (even though I wasn't actually asleep - I only get a couple of hours a night yet I stay in bed for so long). I know exactly how you feel, I need to get on with these wretched essays but am so tired and demotivated. I get really frustrated about the caffeine thing: tea and Pro Plus (and my friends from undergrad who aren't around anymore ) were how I got through times like this before - admittedly caffeine's always made my anxiety a bit worse, but since I've been on fluoxetine it actually makes me feel really ill and jitter/shake so I've had to stay well away from it. Well done for getting some work done today though, that's better than nothing
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    (Original post by 35mm_)
    Me too, but only drugs work for me in order to do that, unfortunately. I thought I saw my dad, but every man I see in the streets kinda morphs into him right now. I become completely paralysed and have to wait for the actual person to blur back into my vision before I accept that it's not him, and carry on walking. Ugh.
    Yeah I'm yet to find a way. Closest I get is hiding under the covers and watching mindless TV.

    That sounds awful :hugs: Have you had problems with your dad then? - although if you don't want to talk about it I completely understand.
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    (Original post by dappleddawndrawndauphin)
    Yeah I'm yet to find a way. Closest I get is hiding under the covers and watching mindless TV.

    That sounds awful :hugs: Have you had problems with your dad then? - although if you don't want to talk about it I completely understand.
    Yeah, might as well say it because it's only online but the police stuff is involving him. Sexual abuse from 5 to 15 (ish). Trying to move on, but it's hard. He's currently on bail so I find it hard to leave the house.
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    (Original post by dappleddawndrawndauphin)
    So have I actually, but mainly just cos I used to get anaemic a lot. I'm glad you're feeling a bit better today. Sorry it's been an energyless day & I'm sure you haven't got anything serious, there'd probably be other more obvious symptoms as well if you did :hugs:

    I'm having one of those days too... I got up at 3pm (even though I wasn't actually asleep - I only get a couple of hours a night yet I stay in bed for so long). I know exactly how you feel, I need to get on with these wretched essays but am so tired and demotivated. I get really frustrated about the caffeine thing: tea and Pro Plus (and my friends from undergrad who aren't around anymore ) were how I got through times like this before - admittedly caffeine's always made my anxiety a bit worse, but since I've been on fluoxetine it actually makes me feel really ill and jitter/shake Well done for getting some work done today though, that's better than nothing
    Ah yeah I get jittery from caffeine and alcohol so they are a no go. Find it hard explaining to some friends especially where alcohol is involved, not everyone is as understanding but I'd rather not end the night in tears on the toilet wishing I was dead and shivering in bed lol.
    Yeah I only did the work because I went to the library with a friend. I know I shouldn't rely on others to motivate me but I only ever feel motivated to work when I'm with my friend because she is so hard working. Essays are the worst to do when you have no energy/will power :hugs: good luck with it, I'd better go now and try and get some sleep. I don't want to waste tomorrow sleeping, weekends are the only time I have to do work properly as my timetable can be very hectic (9-5pm :O )

    Take care and hope you get some sleep :hugs:
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    (Original post by 35mm_)
    Yeah, might as well say it because it's only online but the police stuff is involving him. Sexual abuse from 5 to 15 (ish). Trying to move on, but it's hard. He's currently on bail so I find it hard to leave the house.
    I'm really sorry, I can't imagine how hard it is to live with that. :jumphug: It must be very difficult to move on from but I believe you'll get there. You seem like a genuinely good person who cares about others which is impressive in itself after what you've been through. Has counselling helped at all? How old are you now and how long has it been since you last saw him? Again, don't answer if you don't want to :hugs:
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    (Original post by dappleddawndrawndauphin)
    I'm really sorry, I can't imagine how hard it is to live with that. :jumphug: It must be very difficult to move on from but I believe you'll get there. You seem like a genuinely good person who cares about others which is impressive in itself after what you've been through. Has counselling helped at all? How old are you now and how long has it been since you last saw him? Again, don't answer if you don't want to :hugs:
    I'm 17 now, 18 this month. I haven't seen him for about 6 months in person. Haven't had proper counselling yet, I've got an appointment for Monday and Friday with a psychologist, so maybe that'll help a tiny bit.

    Thanks :hugs:
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    (Original post by RachelOranges)
    Ah yeah I get jittery from caffeine and alcohol so they are a no go. Find it hard explaining to some friends especially where alcohol is involved, not everyone is as understanding but I'd rather not end the night in tears on the toilet wishing I was dead and shivering in bed lol.

    Yeah I only did the work because I went to the library with a friend. I know I shouldn't rely on others to motivate me but I only ever feel motivated to work when I'm with my friend because she is so hard working. Essays are the worst to do when you have no energy/will power http://static.thestudentroom.co.uk/i...ilies/hugs.gif good luck with it, I'd better go now and try and get some sleep. I don't want to waste tomorrow sleeping, weekends are the only time I have to do work properly as my timetable can be very hectic (9-5pm :O )

    Take care and hope you get some sleep http://static.thestudentroom.co.uk/i...ilies/hugs.gif
    Fair enough Yeah caffeine and alcohol can be awful when you're feeling anxious/depressed anyway... Last time I got totally hammered (a long time ago now!) I was in floods of tears for hours about my family and stuff while my friend (bless her) tried to comfort me. :o:

    I know I'm the same, I feel awful for not being able to self-motivate but I swear the only reason I got to the library last year was because I'd go with my friends... I'm just useless at forcing myself through the tiredness and mental blocks on my own. Wow, that is a hectic timetable :eek: Really hope sleep and working goes well for you :hugs:
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    (Original post by 35mm_)
    I'm 17 now, 18 this month. I haven't seen him for about 6 months in person. Haven't had proper counselling yet, I've got an appointment for Monday and Friday with a psychologist, so maybe that'll help a tiny bit.

    Thanks http://static.thestudentroom.co.uk/i...ilies/hugs.gif
    I know you've been finding things really difficult but I've got to say I think you must be a strong person to have kept going this long without even having proper counselling to deal with things :hugs: I'm glad that you've got an appointment coming up though, I hope it's useful - you need and deserve some help to get past something like that. I seem to remember you worrying in earlier posts that the problems you've suffered with because of your past will stop you having the future you want. It may not feel that way now but 17/18 is still really early days and you have so much time ahead of you, you'll get there :hugs:
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    (Original post by Sabertooth)
    I emailed the mental health woman on like tuesday saying I'm not going to any classes right now and she told me email the people concerned and would it be a good idea to temporarily withdraw. So I think that's the only option really. :/

    And tbh I really don't think I'll be feeling any better by next january - on wednesday I met with my keyworker and she was filling in some questionnaire, she asked what my goals were I said for voices to stop, and she goes "maybe we should think of something more achievable" and ended up writing something like have more control over them. :'( No one has any hope that everything will be fine any time soon.


    How's the game? Still feeling spaced out?
    Hi Saber,

    I don't know if you do any sports, but general advise to everyone: Make time for physical exercise - the more the merrier. I have taken up swimming lessons and restarted climbing after a 3 month break of being in a cycle of depression (one of those lows).

    I can't bare university any longer. I've gone out of my way to make time for sports because it makes me feel better. I climb on fridays and swim on saturday. It makes me feel refreshed so much so that I come home with a fresh mind after a crap week. Apparently it releases some endorphins or something like that!

    Anyhow enough of my typing - I hope everyone is having a good sunday - chill people :cool:
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    (Original post by dappleddawndrawndauphin)
    How're things going? Hope the new medication is causing you less difficulty than the citalopram. Is your mum being more understanding about it now then, or are things still difficult? When I hear my mum's voice on the phone now I actually feel physically sick It's weird.
    I saw a 3rd doctor on Friday who told me to stop taking the antidepressants but did refer me to some depression thing. Hopefully that'll help. I just feel quite ill now, even though the doctor said coming off them straight away shouldn't have any effects because I'd only been on them for 5 days (but I'd been on that family of them for almost 3 weeks, so would that make a difference?).

    My Mum's being a lot better now, and my Dad's being brilliant about it, so he just tells her to stop it if she starts off on one of her rants. She really is her mother's daughter TBH :rolleyes: Your Mum should get better about it after a while, I think they just need time to adjust to it.

    -

    So I left work early yesterday because I felt so rough and I can't go in today to make up the time because I feel just as rough (but I can't sleep, so I'm on the computer, probably making myself feel worse).

    Also, my parents had a chat with me yesterday/Friday (can't remember) about me always staying in my room, I think that might be what tipped my Mum to believe the doctors. They said they'd been talking about it for a few months now about how I barely ever talk to them/leave my room... It's not that I don't like them, I just feel more comfortable in my room... I don't know. I still don't think I'm depressed.... My parents are also forcing me to start exercise again, risky business whilst I'm still losing weight, but... If that helps I guess it's okay.

    I also feel I can't trust my counsellor any more, my Mum keeps saying stuff about her 'enjoying the drama' and making things out to be worse than they are... I've been a bit iffy with her for a while, she lost quite a bit of my trust last year and on Friday she wouldn't shut up about how 'unhealthy' the environment I'm in in school is. I can't help that a lot of my friends have mental health problems, but there is no bloody way I'm ditching them - they're the only reason I'm still here right now to be totally honest and they're people I can trust, which I really need because I have quite a few trust issues... But I know how long it can take to be referred to the depression etc stuff - I had to wait 6 weeks to see the eating disorder people and I don't think I can go 6 weeks without talking to a counsellor etc about everything...

    Okay, I'm rambling now.
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    (Original post by blue_shift86)
    Hi Saber,

    I don't know if you do any sports, but general advise to everyone: Make time for physical exercise - the more the merrier. I have taken up swimming lessons and restarted climbing after a 3 month break of being in a cycle of depression (one of those lows).

    I can't bare university any longer. I've gone out of my way to make time for sports because it makes me feel better. I climb on fridays and swim on saturday. It makes me feel refreshed so much so that I come home with a fresh mind after a crap week. Apparently it releases some endorphins or something like that!

    Anyhow enough of my typing - I hope everyone is having a good sunday - chill people http://static.thestudentroom.co.uk/i...ilies/cool.gif
    Good to hear you've started swimming and taken climbing back up. I do play sports, it's one of the few reasons I'm trying to stick university out. Was meant to play yesterday but couldn't I know what you mean though, it really does help clear your mind.
 
 
 
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