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    Damn. Just remembered something I realised last night - I'm supposed to be going walking in the lake district for a few days with my mum in a couple of weeks, and I actually think I'd enjoy this, only I clearly can't go because I can't even walk for 15 minutes without thinking I'm going to pass out.
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    (Original post by Sabertooth)
    Was it fiction or for school/uni?

    I have a lot of extended family, but I don't know most of them because my mum never let us mix with my dad's family growing up :rolleyes: and I don't really like her family.

    Atm it's complicated. I just (well like 2 months ago) changed psychiatrist but for some reason I haven't seen him yet, and I have no idea why. When I went to the GP she said she'd call and get me an appointment but nothing materialised. Also taking various medications. Tbh I really don't think I'll be ready for the exams, I've missed too much work over this year and I still have absolutely no idea how I passed my exams last year when I was feeling only moderately better than right now. There are 2 reasons I'm staying here right now 1) I can play sport 2) I don't have anywhere else to go, or at least store my stuff.


    oops sorry, essay. Wow I can write an essay on tsr but I'll be ****** if I can write the ones I'm meant to.



    oh dear.

    I did manage to find one nearby, it was a lot more than £700.
    It was fiction to take my mind off everything. I don't have to read much for school, apart from for History. Not looking forward to uni if I don't manage to sort out my concentration.

    Do you have any friends who could look after it then? Or would it be possible to not take exams, but stay at uni if that makes sense? Or could you take the exams, but forewarn the uni that you'll not do as well as you could and retake them next year? I don't know what's possible at uni obviously.

    Just keep pestering them for an appointment, it could be the thing that changes everything.

    Haha, I write essays on here too but can't even summon the energy/motivation to put all my school work into organised piles (which I'm supposed to be doing now).

    -

    Okay, I just have to say, is there anything better than freshly washed bedlinen? It just smells so nice, why can't someone bottle that smell and sell it as an air freshener? Actually, I do have some candles that might do...
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    (Original post by 35mm_)
    3500 word essay due in for tomorrow. I'm on about 500 words. Pretty damn screwed in all honesty. It's already two weeks late and they're sending it off to the examiners this week. Worth half my A level grade too. What's wrong with me...
    :hugs: They're sending it off early! You can still do it though, I always write my history coursework the night before/the day it's due in and I find it helps that I do it in one sitting. What's it on? You're already 1/7 of the way through, what day are they sending it off on? You may be able to get a few more days to do it.
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    (Original post by steffi.alexa)
    :hugs: They're sending it off early! You can still do it though, I always write my history coursework the night before/the day it's due in and I find it helps that I do it in one sitting. What's it on? You're already 1/7 of the way through, what day are they sending it off on? You may be able to get a few more days to do it.
    It's on civil rights, very boring stuff indeed. I'm not sure what day they're sending it off, but I've been hiding from my history teacher for two weeks now (not going to her lessons and hiding from her in the corridors) and she caught up with me on friday and basically said it was imperative that I do it by Monday. She's not the nicest teacher in the world so I don't really feel like explaining my situation to her or anything. Think it's hiding-in-the-library-all-day time again tomorrow.
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    (Original post by 35mm_)
    It's on civil rights, very boring stuff indeed. I'm not sure what day they're sending it off, but I've been hiding from my history teacher for two weeks now (not going to her lessons and hiding from her in the corridors) and she caught up with me on friday and basically said it was imperative that I do it by Monday. She's not the nicest teacher in the world so I don't really feel like explaining my situation to her or anything. Think it's hiding-in-the-library-all-day time again tomorrow.
    Yeah, sounds very boring. Maybe try emailing the head of history? Does the school know what's going on? When I told my school, they gave me a lot of slack with regards to lessons etc. I actually have coursework due in tomorrow too, but when I last spoke to the teacher about it I though I was dropping out of school... Oh well, looks like I'm hiding in the library all day too (I have yet to even annotate the sources.)
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    (Original post by steffi.alexa)
    Yeah, sounds very boring. Maybe try emailing the head of history? Does the school know what's going on? When I told my school, they gave me a lot of slack with regards to lessons etc. I actually have coursework due in tomorrow too, but when I last spoke to the teacher about it I though I was dropping out of school... Oh well, looks like I'm hiding in the library all day too (I have yet to even annotate the sources.)
    She is the head of history, unfortunately :p:

    Child protection officer and english teacher know what's going on with me, I don't want anybody else knowing and I've made that clear. I'll just hide again, I don't actually have a lesson with her until Wednesday so hopefully I can hold out until then, unless she decides to hunt me down of course, which is inevitable...
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    (Original post by 35mm_)
    She is the head of history, unfortunately :p:

    Child protection officer and english teacher know what's going on with me, I don't want anybody else knowing and I've made that clear. I'll just hide again, I don't actually have a lesson with her until Wednesday so hopefully I can hold out until then, unless she decides to hunt me down of course, which is inevitable...
    Haha, sounds like my history teacher (also head of history), I saw her in the sixth form block (where she never teaches) hunting down overdue coursework.

    Can you not say something vague about 'personal problems'? Why don't you want anyone else knowing? All of my teachers (except for one that keeps glaring at me but hey ho) have been great about it. Mind you, they were pulling me aside and asking if everything was okay last term so they'd kinda figured. Ah, I'm rambling, sorry my mind is mush and it keeps wandering...
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    (Original post by steffi.alexa)
    Haha, sounds like my history teacher (also head of history), I saw her in the sixth form block (where she never teaches) hunting down overdue coursework.

    Can you not say something vague about 'personal problems'? Why don't you want anyone else knowing? All of my teachers (except for one that keeps glaring at me but hey ho) have been great about it. Mind you, they were pulling my aside and asking if everything was okay last term so they'd kinda figured. Ah, I'm rambling, sorry my mind is mush and it keeps wandering...
    I'm pretty sure this woman wouldn't empathise if I said 'personal problems'. I wouldn't have the courage to say it to her anyway :o: If she finds me I'm just going to say 'yeah, really sorry, I haven't had time' and let her have her rant.

    I don't want other people knowing because I'm ashamed of what's happened etc, and I feel paranoid in front of the teacher's that do know because I feel like they know too much about me. I know it's stupid but that's how I feel
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    (Original post by 35mm_)
    I'm pretty sure this woman wouldn't empathise if I said 'personal problems'. I wouldn't have the courage to say it to her anyway :o: If she finds me I'm just going to say 'yeah, really sorry, I haven't had time' and let her have her rant.

    I don't want other people knowing because I'm ashamed of what's happened etc, and I feel paranoid in front of the teacher's that do know because I feel like they know too much about me. I know it's stupid but that's how I feel
    Ah, good luck then! I hate it when teachers do those rants.

    I know how you feel, but sometimes it helps to just bite the bullet and do it. None of my teachers have actually said that they know to me, they've just given me (IMHO) too much leeway/offers of help. Mind you, I doubt I'd ever get it done otherwise.
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    (Original post by steffi.alexa)
    Ah, good luck then! I hate it when teachers do those rants.

    I know how you feel, but sometimes it helps to just bite the bullet and do it. None of my teachers have actually said that they know to me, they've just given me (IMHO) too much leeway/offers of help. Mind you, I doubt I'd ever get it done otherwise.
    Do you know how all your teachers know? Did you tell one teacher and then they spread it around the staff room kinda thing? Or did you want them all to know to ease the workload? How did you school initially find out you were having problems?

    So many questions, sorry! :o:
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    (Original post by steffi.alexa)
    This doctor said she didn't like putting under-21s on them... I thought that too, but I feel much the same as I did last week. I'm sure it'll improve though, I found I was a lot more motivated (not that it was that much though) on sertraline than on citalopram, but my body really didn't like citalopram http://static.thestudentroom.co.uk/images/smilies/o.gif
    Ah ok. How do you feel about it? & how did you find the sertraline generally?
    I need to have a serious chat with my GP on Tuesday, I'm having a bit of a slump again.

    Yeah, I hope it'll only last a few days, I'm just so tired right now and have a massive headache... I gave my parents all of my pills (didn't quite realise how many I had actually) so I'm just going to have to put up with this headache until I get up the courage to ask for a painkiller http://static.thestudentroom.co.uk/i...s/rolleyes.gif
    Probably a good move while you're feeling volatile; surely they won't think you're trying to OD on one paracetamol though?! That sucks, bad headaches are rubbish :hugs: I'm really sick of the tiredness too.
    Well my Dad has told me he used to have depression, but he still wants me to leave my room (he came in at about 3pm to tell me to get out of bed etc and clean my room, which I am half way through, just lost the motivation and energy now). My Mum wants me to go swimming, but water + my excessive tiredness probably shouldn't be mixed right now. that and I just don't want to leave the house...
    Yeah I know the feeling of not wanting to leave the house... I just cancelled my cinema plans to sit inside and mope until "Being Human" :o: Your dad's probably got a point though; I never want to go outside my room/the house but only feel less crap about myself on the rare occasions when I manage to do it. Is there a form of exercise you can try that doesn't involve water?

    She just sort of did, I can't remember if there was a single incident. I don't know, I just don't feel I can talk to her openly any more, especially after what she's saying about my friends (it honestly sounded like she was going to get the school to seperate us at one point, good luck to her if she did mean that http://static.thestudentroom.co.uk/i...ies/lolwut.gif). She hasn't even met my friends. Anyway, a lot of them are recovering or recovered from whatever problems they have/had and loads of people in sixth form have similar problems but aren't open and honest about it.
    Have you found some of your counsellor's advice/approaches helpful? She's probably trying to suggest what she thinks might be best for you, but in the end it's up to you which advice you feel is actually useful and worth acting on; I definitely agree that dropping your friends is unlikely to be the solution! Unless you find the counsellor makes you feel worse about most things, I'd keep it up until you get someone from the GP's referral, as it's usually better to have someone to talk to.
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    (Original post by 35mm_)
    Do you know how all your teachers know? Did you tell one teacher and then they spread it around the staff room kinda thing? Or did you want them all to know to ease the workload? How did you school initially find out you were having problems?

    So many questions, sorry! :o:
    Well, my school counsellor said she'd email my teachers if I was okay with it, then I spoke to someone in the sixth form about it (actually, I went to speak to her about eating disorders awareness week and burst into tears) and she emailed one of my history teachers who had apparently been angry about me not being in class and then I went to see the head of sixth form to tell him what was going on and that I was worried that my attendance was going to go down dramatically because I couldn't face lessons and so he emailed my teachers. All of this was with my permission.

    I learnt from my eating disorder that letting teachers know stops all the grief about me 'not being [myself]'. Well that, and I tended to be quite snappy when I hadn't eaten anything, so was often asked if everything was okay. I hate those awkward conversations that pretty much consist of me saying that everything's fine/I'm just tired whilst on the verge of tears. :rolleyes:
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    (Original post by 35mm_)
    3500 word essay due in for tomorrow. I'm on about 500 words. Pretty damn screwed in all honesty. It's already two weeks late and they're sending it off to the examiners this week. Worth half my A level grade too. What's wrong with me...
    I know that feeling all too well. :hugs: Is there any leeway at all, even a day or two? Seriously though you can do it, it's never fun writing essays the day and night before they're due but sometimes you need that pressure/impetus to do it, especially during these demovitated periods. I hate this lack of motivation! I've done nothing for days and am seriously considering staying up tonight until I have something resembling a draft of an essay Even though it's a bad idea generally I find working easier at night for some reason. We should both pull semi-all-nighters and nail the wretched essays, it can be done!
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    I hate myself. Eurgh. Waste of space.
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    (Original post by dappleddawndrawndauphin)
    Ah ok. How do you feel about it? & how did you find the sertraline generally?
    I need to have a serious chat with my GP on Tuesday, I'm having a bit of a slump again.
    I was only on it for 5 days, but I got along with it a lot better than I did with citalopram, I had far fewer side effects.

    Probably a good move while you're feeling volatile; surely they won't think you're trying to OD on one paracetamol though?! That sucks, bad headaches are rubbish :hugs: I'm really sick of the tiredness too.
    Well, there are more than enough pills to OD on in the medicine drawer, which I told them they didn't need to empty because they could keep an eye on it. I think my Mum would hit the roof if she saw me getting pills from there. I asked my Dad a few hours ago, and he made a big deal about me only taking one. :rolleyes: I wasn't feeling like that earlier, am a bit now, but I'm safe in my room.

    Yeah I know the feeling of not wanting to leave the house... I just cancelled my cinema plans to sit inside and mope until "Being Human" :o: Your dad's probably got a point though; I never want to go outside my room/the house but only feel less crap about myself on the rare occasions when I manage to do it. Is there a form of exercise you can try that doesn't involve water?
    Hmm, staying inside just sounds great though. Most of the sports I enjoy (or used to) involve water (swimming, rowing, canoeing... Yeah, anything with water :p:). I might go jogging tomorrow/on Tuesday, but it depends on how I'm feeling/if I've eaten enough to maintain my weight whilst doing exercise. At the moment, I'm losing weight sitting in my room doing nothing more than typing. :o:

    Have you found some of your counsellor's advice/approaches helpful? She's probably trying to suggest what she thinks might be best for you, but in the end it's up to you which advice you feel is actually useful and worth acting on; I definitely agree that dropping your friends is unlikely to be the solution! Unless you find the counsellor makes you feel worse about most things, I'd keep it up until you get someone from the GP's referral, as it's usually better to have someone to talk to.
    I don't know, I'm not really sure of anything right now. I guess I'd quite like to speak to someone who specialises in depression, just so that they can say if I really am. My Mum said something to the counsellor on Friday that's stuck in my mind and that was that people who genuinely are suicidal don't say they are. Which makes me think I'm not really... Mind you, I only told the counsellor I didn't want to exist, not that I wanted to die, which I view as different things (it's more passive)... Maybe I'm just making all of this up?
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    (Original post by kiss_me_now9)
    I hate myself. Eurgh. Waste of space.
    :console: No one is a waste of space! Why do you feel like that?
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    (Original post by steffi.alexa)
    I was only on it for 5 days, but I got along with it a lot better than I did with citalopram, I had far fewer side effects.
    hmm, can't decide if I want to switch to something like sertraline or come off the SSRIs altogether... I'm scared of feeling even worse off them but I'm still achieving so little, and usually when this kind of thing has happened to me my motivation has at least started to come back by now, even if it's accompanied by panic


    Jogging sounds like a good idea if you feel up to it. I used to crosstrain in my room but the trainer is faulty now Going to have to try to make myself go out on long walks or something


    I don't know, I'm not really sure of anything right now. I guess I'd quite like to speak to someone who specialises in depression, just so that they can say if I really am. My Mum said something to the counsellor on Friday that's stuck in my mind and that was that people who genuinely are suicidal don't say they are. Which makes me think I'm not really... Mind you, I only told the counsellor I didn't want to exist, not that I wanted to die, which I view as different things (it's more passive)... Maybe I'm just making all of this up?
    I don't know this, but from what I've heard it's a common myth that "people are only suicidal if they don't claim to be", like the idea that "people aren't mentally ill if they think they are" - but isn't actually true. When I feel down I definitely feel more that I don't want to exist rather than wanting to die - I'm actually terrified of dying, but I'm terrified of life too... Anyway yeah I think the problem with mental health diagnoses, especially with something like depression, is that while there are common symptoms it's bound to affect everyone a bit differently. I spent ages thinking I couldn't be depressed because I've never tried to commit suicide, but that's not the case.


    I know how you feel though, I still feel like I am just being lazy and making this up, I think that's the worst bit for me I hope they arrange your meeting soon, it should help talking to someone who you can trust really knows what they're talking about :hugs:
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    (Original post by dappleddawndrawndauphin)
    hmm, can't decide if I want to switch to something like sertraline or come off the SSRIs altogether... I'm scared of feeling even worse off them but I'm still achieving so little, and usually when this kind of thing has happened to me my motivation has at least started to come back by now, even if it's accompanied by panic
    How long have you been on them? Talk to your doctor first, there may be one that's better.

    Jogging sounds like a good idea if you feel up to it. I used to crosstrain in my room but the trainer is faulty now Going to have to try to make myself go out on long walks or something
    Hmm, thing is, when I feel like I currently do, I think it's too dangerous. Right now I want to binge, which means that my ED is rearing its ugly head and I really couldn't deal with my ED and this at the same time. That and actually leaving the comfort of my room...

    I don't know this, but from what I've heard it's a common myth that "people are only suicidal if they don't claim to be", like the idea that "people aren't mentally ill if they think they are" - but isn't actually true. When I feel down I definitely feel more that I don't want to exist rather than wanting to die - I'm actually terrified of dying, but I'm terrified of life too... Anyway yeah I think the problem with mental health diagnoses, especially with something like depression, is that while there are common symptoms it's bound to affect everyone a bit differently. I spent ages thinking I couldn't be depressed because I've never tried to commit suicide, but that's not the case.


    I know how you feel though, I still feel like I am just being lazy and making this up, I think that's the worst bit for me I hope they arrange your meeting soon, it should help talking to someone who you can trust really knows what they're talking about :hugs:
    Hmm, I still think I'm making it all up. Then again, sometimes I still think I made up my ED, even though my body would say differently if it could speak! Argh, I'm just so fed up of all of these thoughts!

    -

    I really don't want to go to school tomorrow :cry: I though I'd be okay to go back to lessons on Tuesday, but I can't see that ever happening... I'm going to ask someone from each class if I can photocopy their notes though, so I can catch up really quickly when I'm feeling better... I just feel like I've let myself down hugely. I'm such a failure.
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    (Original post by steffi.alexa)
    :console: No one is a waste of space! Why do you feel like that?
    Well, my parents hate me because I've been an absolute **** this weekend. I can't say a word to them sometimes without getting shouted at/hit. I said something really random and stupid to my mum this morning (knew she was pissed at me, but thought I could get a few sentences out of her in the company of my aunts and uncles), the kind of thing that I'd say normally and she'd just mildly tell me off for and she blew up big time and shouted at me in front of everyone. I feel like a 5 year old... No, in fact I don't, not even my Uncle who's harsh on his kids would have called his 5 yr old out in the way she did. I hate how she expects me to bounce back and tell her how much I love her when we've had an argument but she never bothers. ******* parents.

    My friends hate me because I just don't want to see them any more. I've arranged to have coffee with my best mate at the weekend and to go out with my friend on friday night (as we do every other week) but I'm dreading them because I just can't be bothered. I've already warned my best mate that I spend most of my time crying at random times nowadays.

    I think I'm deeper in than I was in back in September. I've got to get myself to college tomorrow, I've promised one of the ladies that I'd be in at midday and do some project work with her, she will be PISSED if I don't show up. Arhhh. I can't afford to miss any more days off college. But I can't concentrate on anything and I don't want to move right now. The work is piling up (4 essays due in over the next 10 days) and I don' want to even think about it. None of the uni's want me, I'm going to end up killing myself in some ****** little Welsh town, I can tell. :cry:

    Sorry, essay.
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    (Original post by kiss_me_now9)
    Well, my parents hate me because I've been an absolute **** this weekend. I can't say a word to them sometimes without getting shouted at/hit. I said something really random and stupid to my mum this morning (knew she was pissed at me, but thought I could get a few sentences out of her in the company of my aunts and uncles), the kind of thing that I'd say normally and she'd just mildly tell me off for and she blew up big time and shouted at me in front of everyone. I feel like a 5 year old... No, in fact I don't, not even my Uncle who's harsh on his kids would have called his 5 yr old out in the way she did. I hate how she expects me to bounce back and tell her how much I love her when we've had an argument but she never bothers. ******* parents.

    My friends hate me because I just don't want to see them any more. I've arranged to have coffee with my best mate at the weekend and to go out with my friend on friday night (as we do every other week) but I'm dreading them because I just can't be bothered. I've already warned my best mate that I spend most of my time crying at random times nowadays.

    I think I'm deeper in than I was in back in September. I've got to get myself to college tomorrow, I've promised one of the ladies that I'd be in at midday and do some project work with her, she will be PISSED if I don't show up. Arhhh. I can't afford to miss any more days off college. But I can't concentrate on anything and I don't want to move right now. The work is piling up (4 essays due in over the next 10 days) and I don' want to even think about it. None of the uni's want me, I'm going to end up killing myself in some ****** little Welsh town, I can tell. :cry:

    Sorry, essay.
    :hugs: Are you seeing anyone about any of this?

    Your parents sound horrible, just try to ignore them. Mothers are strange creatures and can be like that sometimes, you just have to try and ignore them.

    I'm sure your friends don't hate you, if they know they'll be more than understanding.

    Do your school know what's going on? Maybe try and go in tomorrow and just take it easy. If you don't get into uni this year, there's still Extra/Clearing (can't remember which is which) and there's always next year! Try not to stress about it, sometimes things happen which seem horrible at the time, but turn out for the best later on. :console:

    Sorry I took a while to reply, I was planning for a zombie apocalypse with my friend :nothing:... Yeah, my brain is turning to mush and I should probably leave the house soon. Also, I know this is a rubbish response, my brain really isn't working at the moment, but things will get better! :yep:
 
 
 
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