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    Seems like the only time I can get my friend to spend any time with me is when I'm actually crying my eyes out. I'll go and ask him if he wants to watch a film or something and he'll just say 'maybe later', which is basically just a polite way of telling me to **** off. This time I couldn't even tell him how bad I was feeling cos my other housemates were around. But I'd rather not have him only hang around with me out of pity anyway. ****. I was alright today up til about an hour ago but every night sooner or later I just fall apart.
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    (Original post by steffi.alexa)
    :hugs: Are you seeing anyone about any of this?

    Your parents sound horrible, just try to ignore them. Mothers are strange creatures and can be like that sometimes, you just have to try and ignore them.

    I'm sure your friends don't hate you, if they know they'll be more than understanding.

    Do your school know what's going on? Maybe try and go in tomorrow and just take it easy. If you don't get into uni this year, there's still Extra/Clearing (can't remember which is which) and there's always next year! Try not to stress about it, sometimes things happen which seem horrible at the time, but turn out for the best later on. :console:

    Sorry I took a while to reply, I was planning for a zombie apocalypse with my friend :nothing:... Yeah, my brain is turning to mush and I should probably leave the house soon. Also, I know this is a rubbish response, my brain really isn't working at the moment, but things will get better! :yep:
    No... I went to the doctors before christmas, but chickened of accepting the counselling they offered me. I now avoid my doctor :yy: because she'll probably tell me to piss off for wasting her time.

    My parents are... odd. 75% of the time they're lovely, normal parents who just get mildly disappointed in me, 25% of the time I can do nothing right and can literally just be sitting on the sofa minding my own business and I'll get shouted at. Always been that way; and they wonder why I'm ******* moody all the time. :sigh:

    No, friends have said they don't want to bother with me anymore. :dontknow:

    College doesn't know, I refuse to declare it (almost wishing I'd put it on UCAS now, maybe got a few 'disability' points :p: :erm:) and so any days off relating to it go down as unauthorised absence... last check I was about 10% below the pass rate in absence so I have to go in all the time to avoid being kicked out I'm determined to show that I can stick to something and that I'm not a **** up and so that's why I'm so desperate to go to uni this year. But I don't see the logic in it, as I will probably end up somewhere I'm not happy with and can't pidgeon hole myself into something I don't like... Blarghhh. I don't know. It makes no sense to me. Neither does the way I go between loving Bangor and absolutely hating it.

    Don't worry :hugs:
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    (Original post by steffi.alexa)
    How long have you been on them? Talk to your doctor first, there may be one that's better.
    7 weeks. I'm just so tired all the time on them (even though they've helped a little bit with the insomnia and panic - for a while before I was on them I literally wasn't sleeping) and if I'm still not in a position where I feel willing and able to get my work done then I don't really see the point.

    Hmm, thing is, when I feel like I currently do, I think it's too dangerous. Right now I want to binge, which means that my ED is rearing its ugly head and I really couldn't deal with my ED and this at the same time. That and actually leaving the comfort of my room...
    I'm sorry you're still having to deal with the fear of ED relapse as well. Did your current counsellor help you through those issues? Well be careful - it's true you don't want to have to deal with that again as well :hugs:

    Hmm, I still think I'm making it all up. Then again, sometimes I still think I made up my ED, even though my body would say differently if it could speak! Argh, I'm just so fed up of all of these thoughts!
    I know, I wish I could just stop thinking about it and analysing it and being confused by it, and just get on with my life instead My mum's convinced that I've just "thought myself into it" because I had to get diagnosed with something to get my extensions and have my course extended. But if I hadn't had the anxiety and low mood problems to begin with I don't think I would've gone into a huge panic and then lost all feeling of meaning etc anyway... I mean extending the course was a hugely detrimental thing to do, it's costing me twice as much money, etc, and I still can't work. I just don't know what to think.

    I really don't want to go to school tomorrow http://static.thestudentroom.co.uk/i...milies/cry.gif I though I'd be okay to go back to lessons on Tuesday, but I can't see that ever happening... I'm going to ask someone from each class if I can photocopy their notes though, so I can catch up really quickly when I'm feeling better... I just feel like I've let myself down hugely. I'm such a failure.
    :hugs: Remember if it gets too bad you can always walk out. Photocopying someone's notes is a good idea, it puts you back in control of things and keeps you potentially up to date without your having to go back to lessons before you feel able to.

    I just had a difficult conversation with my mum, I don't know what to do about the medication, I feel awful for adding to my dad's stress and I don't understand why I can't work... or why I keep screwing everything up for myself... sorry for this lengthy self-pitying waffle - there's no one I can talk to tonight and I feel really alone and have managed to start myself off crying again
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    (Original post by superwolf)
    Seems like the only time I can get my friend to spend any time with me is when I'm actually crying my eyes out. I'll go and ask him if he wants to watch a film or something and he'll just say 'maybe later', which is basically just a polite way of telling me to **** off. This time I couldn't even tell him how bad I was feeling cos my other housemates were around. But I'd rather not have him only hang around with me out of pity anyway. ****. I was alright today up til about an hour ago but every night sooner or later I just fall apart.
    You're probably just reading too much into it :hugs: I always get paranoid about my friends (mainly because I can never see why they would want to spend time with me anyway). Maybe he's just got a lot of work on at the moment or something?

    I hate nights too, I feel so alone. It's weird, I choose to be alone in the day but as soon as it's enforced I hate it I'm a mess tonight. Tried to listen to music, couldn't bear it. Picked up the scissors but too much of a wuss. Bit my arm a few times, which is just weird The restless leg thing is getting worse too. I need to get off these tablets.

    How're you feeling now?
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    (Original post by dappleddawndrawndauphin)
    You're probably just reading too much into it :hugs: I always get paranoid about my friends (mainly because I can never see why they would want to spend time with me anyway). Maybe he's just got a lot of work on at the moment or something?

    I hate nights too, I feel so alone. It's weird, I choose to be alone in the day but as soon as it's enforced I hate it I'm a mess tonight. Tried to listen to music, couldn't bear it. Picked up the scissors but too much of a wuss. Bit my arm a few times, which is just weird The restless leg thing is getting worse too. I need to get off these tablets.

    How're you feeling now?
    It happens often enough that I'm pretty sure it can't just be my paranoia (although I suspect sometimes it is). And no, he really doesn't have that much work to do at the moment. I dunno, there's so many things wrong with my life right now I can't even cope with the smallest problem.

    I'm sort of ok now. Self-harm ftw.

    Sorry you're feeling bad too.
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    (Original post by superwolf)
    It happens often enough that I'm pretty sure it can't just be my paranoia (although I suspect sometimes it is). And no, he really doesn't have that much work to do at the moment. I dunno, there's so many things wrong with my life right now I can't even cope with the smallest problem.

    I'm sort of ok now. Self-harm ftw.

    Sorry you're feeling bad too.
    :hugs:
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    Just had to pay £15 for a bloody doctor's note, if college don't accept that I'm going to go bonkers :/
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    (Original post by Sabertooth)
    Yeah ssris have a black box warning in the US that they can increase suicidal and self harm behaviour in young people it's generally why fluoxetine is prescribed first. Vivid dreams are also common on antidepressants. I didn't get the foggy feeling with citalopram but do with what I'm on now and I've taken it a few months and it hasn't gone away. But if you're feeling more suicidal or self harm urges are stronger you probably shouldn't up the dose. Have you tried other ssris because a different one might work better for you? Generally you should start to feel effects within about 8 weeks, I found the side effects of citalopram disappeared after about 2 weeks.

    I know what you mean about uni, I'm averaging 2:2s and haven't been to class in a while Uni takes a back seat when you feel like ****.

    Sorry to hear you've had depression so long, but you only mentioned sertraline and citalopram, there are quite a few other antidepressants you could try if you want to continue down that route. Don't really know what else to suggest because it sounds like you've tried pretty much everything :console:




    ....where's my cookie? :flutter:
    Sorry for taking a while to reply, bit scatter brained as of late.

    I'm gunna definitely bring up the suicidal feelings with the doctor, I'm just worried they'll pull me off it and I wont get to the beneficial effects in a few weeks time is all though. I don't really fancy changing medications and then going through all the readjustment stuff, I have so much work piling up at the moment I don't really have time for tweaking meds. Bad enough that at the moment my attention span has been reduced to pretty much zero.

    It's been suggested in the past that amitriptyline might be more beneficial, however it has a much higher risk in the event of an overdose which isn't something I fancy if I hit a particularly bad low point. And I've heard the side effects are much worse too especially the foggy feeling and tiredness.

    Getting very frustrated by the lack of any progress with treatment :/

    Oh yeah the cookie!
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    (Original post by Emsybean)
    Just had to pay £15 for a bloody doctor's note, if college don't accept that I'm going to go bonkers :/
    What? £15 just for a piece of paper? :eek:

    It's weird how some doctors do them for free, whereas others are making a bit of pocket money on the side :/
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    Okay, both of these replies are going to be crap, as I feel really... tired and odd and stuff.

    (Original post by kiss_me_now9)
    No... I went to the doctors before christmas, but chickened of accepting the counselling they offered me. I now avoid my doctor :yy: because she'll probably tell me to piss off for wasting her time.
    She won't think you're wasting her time, it's well worth going back and asking for help, your doctor will just be happy that you want help. Getting help/knowing that help is available and coming soon really does help you get through each day.

    My parents are... odd. 75% of the time they're lovely, normal parents who just get mildly disappointed in me, 25% of the time I can do nothing right and can literally just be sitting on the sofa minding my own business and I'll get shouted at. Always been that way; and they wonder why I'm ******* moody all the time. :sigh:
    Parents are odd, but try to let that 25% go over your head and focus on yourself :hugs:

    No, friends have said they don't want to bother with me anymore. :dontknow:
    Your friends don't sound much like friends, do you have any friends you don't see often, but know you can talk to when you need to? You'll make better friends soon, friends who care about you and how you're feeling. I bet there's a least one friend out there who does already.

    College doesn't know, I refuse to declare it (almost wishing I'd put it on UCAS now, maybe got a few 'disability' points :p: :erm:) and so any days off relating to it go down as unauthorised absence... last check I was about 10% below the pass rate in absence so I have to go in all the time to avoid being kicked out I'm determined to show that I can stick to something and that I'm not a **** up and so that's why I'm so desperate to go to uni this year. But I don't see the logic in it, as I will probably end up somewhere I'm not happy with and can't pidgeon hole myself into something I don't like... Blarghhh. I don't know. It makes no sense to me. Neither does the way I go between loving Bangor and absolutely hating it.

    I know it's tough to tell school, but it does help. I haven't been to classes in over 1.5 weeks, and it's nice to know that teachers are going to hunt me down for it. You could try sending an email or something to your head of sixth form if you don't want to see them face-to-face but want the school to know. It does help an awful lot.

    As for uni, you don't know until you get there and chances are you'll enjoy it. Just try to ignore the doubt. :console:


    Don't worry :hugs:

    (Original post by dappleddawndrawndauphin)
    7 weeks. I'm just so tired all the time on them (even though they've helped a little bit with the insomnia and panic - for a while before I was on them I literally wasn't sleeping) and if I'm still not in a position where I feel willing and able to get my work done then I don't really see the point.
    I'd go see the doctor, there has to be one that'll suit you better (just 5 days on sertraline and I wasn't feeling nearly as tired as when I was on citalopram, that just suited me better). :hugs:


    I'm sorry you're still having to deal with the fear of ED relapse as well. Did your current counsellor help you through those issues? Well be careful - it's true you don't want to have to deal with that again as well :hugs:
    I don't know if it was her, admitting I have a problem or the ED clinic I went to every few weeks to be honest.


    I know, I wish I could just stop thinking about it and analysing it and being confused by it, and just get on with my life instead My mum's convinced that I've just "thought myself into it" because I had to get diagnosed with something to get my extensions and have my course extended. But if I hadn't had the anxiety and low mood problems to begin with I don't think I would've gone into a huge panic and then lost all feeling of meaning etc anyway... I mean extending the course was a hugely detrimental thing to do, it's costing me twice as much money, etc, and I still can't work. I just don't know what to think.
    You haven't 'though yourself into it', you are obviously not well and deserve all the help you need. Taking the extra time will be worth it in the end, it gives you the time you need to try and get better.


    :hugs: Remember if it gets too bad you can always walk out. Photocopying someone's notes is a good idea, it puts you back in control of things and keeps you potentially up to date without your having to go back to lessons before you feel able to.
    I didn't go to lessons. I was, however, in a foul mood and almost went to go and yell at a psychology teacher who was horrible to a friend of mine who's having a really tough time... You'd think psychology teachers would understand, but she's just... Yeah. I did catch up with all of Biology and A2 History, such is the magic of photocopiers.

    I just had a difficult conversation with my mum, I don't know what to do about the medication, I feel awful for adding to my dad's stress and I don't understand why I can't work... or why I keep screwing everything up for myself... sorry for this lengthy self-pitying waffle - there's no one I can talk to tonight and I feel really alone and have managed to start myself off crying again
    Go see your doctor about the medication, they know best, not your parents. Just take a little time to try and relax and if you feel better, do it then. Unless it's absolutely urgent, there's no point in forcing yourself to do something you don't feel up to. You have depression, you can't help feeling this way so don't feel bad for how you feel.
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    OMG I missed school today, and I feel kinda bad, kinda not bad. I stayed up too late last night, then consequently got up late today. I was too tired and unmotivated to go to school really, and hoped I would spend this time doing some overdue homework I have. I've just been procrastinating on TSR and stuff instead, and I still haven't done it . School is tiring these days though I dunno if I can be bothered anymore Damn, I need a kick up the arse or something.
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    (Original post by CherryCherryBoomBoom)
    OMG I missed school today, and I feel kinda bad, kinda not bad. I stayed up too late last night, then consequently got up late today. I was too tired and unmotivated to go to school really, and hoped I would spend this time doing some overdue homework I have. I've just been procrastinating on TSR and stuff instead, and I still haven't done it . School is tiring these days though I dunno if I can be bothered anymore Damn, I need a kick up the arse or something.
    :hugs: I know how you feel, I did very little today as I didn't attend any lessons. Can you photocopy anyone's notes and then go over them in coloured pens? Not only is it the quickest way to catch up, it also feels like you've done loads when you've actually only had to put in minimal effort.
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    Really bad day at college.
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    (Original post by fire2burn)
    Sorry for taking a while to reply, bit scatter brained as of late.

    I'm gunna definitely bring up the suicidal feelings with the doctor, I'm just worried they'll pull me off it and I wont get to the beneficial effects in a few weeks time is all though. I don't really fancy changing medications and then going through all the readjustment stuff, I have so much work piling up at the moment I don't really have time for tweaking meds. Bad enough that at the moment my attention span has been reduced to pretty much zero.

    It's been suggested in the past that amitriptyline might be more beneficial, however it has a much higher risk in the event of an overdose which isn't something I fancy if I hit a particularly bad low point. And I've heard the side effects are much worse too especially the foggy feeling and tiredness.

    Getting very frustrated by the lack of any progress with treatment :/

    Oh yeah the cookie!
    mmmmmm cookie :drool:

    I think them pulling you off it depends how strong the suicidal feelings are and how much you yourself feel like you're likely to act on them. If you think you can cope with it, I don't think a dcoctor would necessarily pull you off because of the various reasons you've given not to.

    I've taken amitriptyline (looooong time ago), I didn't find the side effects memorably bad but of course it's how each one interacts with the individual. You're right it's more dangerous in overdose but you could ask the pharmacy to dispense like a week at a time to you. Ok it's a bother for you to keep going and collecting it, but at least you'll be safe if anything did happen.
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    (Original post by steffi.alexa)
    :hugs: I know how you feel, I did very little today as I didn't attend any lessons. Can you photocopy anyone's notes and then go over them in coloured pens? Not only is it the quickest way to catch up, it also feels like you've done loads when you've actually only had to put in minimal effort.
    Yeah, I should be able to do that. I think I only had Media and English Lit, hmm, gotta check with someone if it's Week A or B. I think I'll make an effort to go into school tomorrow, I'll just need to get to bed earlier and wean myself off this darn computer! :lol: Thanks for the advice, hope you're Ok too :hugs:
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    (Original post by CherryCherryBoomBoom)
    Yeah, I should be able to do that. I think I only had Media and English Lit, hmm, gotta check with someone if it's Week A or B. I think I'll make an effort to go into school tomorrow, I'll just need to get to bed earlier and wean myself off this darn computer! :lol: Thanks for the advice, hope you're Ok too :hugs:
    Yeah, it seems to be a good way for me to catch up, I've done more work today than I did all last week (nothing much, but it's something), hopefully it'll work for you!

    I'm okay thanks, just worried about various essays I should have handed in weeks ago.
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    (Original post by Deyn_08)
    Really bad day at college.
    :hugs: what happened?


    ps. I like the Ramones too
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    (Original post by Sabertooth)
    :hugs: what happened?


    ps. I like the Ramones too
    Ah thanks! I love them, got me through some really difficult times in life.

    Bleh, in one of my classes some loser took the mickey out my name, (not an English name) whole class in gratuitous laughter
    I repel people a lot, people just seem to dislike me automatically

    I hate the college, i really want to leave, its not for my sort anyway.

    *sigh*
    i thought that kind of crap stopped in HS.

    Very Fed Up.
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    (Original post by Deyn_08)
    Ah thanks! I love them, got me through some really difficult times in life.

    Bleh, in one of my classes some loser took the mickey out my name, (not an English name) whole class in gratuitous laughter
    I repel people a lot, people just seem to dislike me automatically

    I hate the college, i really want to leave, its not for my sort anyway.

    *sigh*
    i thought that kind of crap stopped in HS.

    Very Fed Up.
    :hugs: I know the feeling. The whole way through school I had the mick taken out of me for my name. I know it can hurt but tbh it's pretty pathetic when you think about it. It's on the intellectual level of a man slipping on a banana skin. If they're going to pick on you they should at least try something original that a 4 year old couldn't come up with. Should pity them really.

    You're doing A levels, yeah? It probably seems a very long way off but you'll be finished pretty soon and getting on with your life, thinking how these losers will probably do nothing with theirs.
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    I'm going to feel very down later on - I've just been rejected from my first choice uni. Right now I feel oddly okay about it (had had a few doubts about whether or not I actually liked Durham anyway), but no doubt I'll be on here moaning abut what a failure I am later. :rolleyes:
 
 
 
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