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    (Original post by twizzle)
    I'm so scared about moving back to uni and i don't know why. It's an irrational fear, i'm just scared of being even worse than I am now. I have no job when i go back so have money worries and it's my final year, so shall have all that stress. I feel like crying for no reason, been ok past few days apart from today, not happy or sad just.....nothing.
    :hugs: it will be ok. when you get there you'll probably sit back and think gosh i was worrying over nothing.
    as for a job... maybe do some volunteer work so that you have something on your cv and still look for paid jobs... or (at a push depending on a lot of things) try doing avon. ok it doesn't bring the cash in very well... but if you get enough value in orders it does add up and considering you will be in halls of residence you'd easily be able to grab hold of a few orders. (especislly with the girlies... uni students tend to spend a lot of money on look good items)
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    (Original post by Vienna Cannon)
    :hugs: it will be ok. when you get there you'll probably sit back and think gosh i was worrying over nothing.
    as for a job... maybe do some volunteer work so that you have something on your cv and still look for paid jobs... or (at a push depending on a lot of things) try doing avon. ok it doesn't bring the cash in very well... but if you get enough value in orders it does add up and considering you will be in halls of residence you'd easily be able to grab hold of a few orders. (especislly with the girlies... uni students tend to spend a lot of money on look good items)
    Thanks i always feel like this before i go back to uni this year. It just feels like that place is full of bad memories, the stuff that happened there is what made me unhappy, i used to love manchester as well. I wish i could do my whole 2nd year over, that was one of the worst years of my life. It's about time though that i stop caring about other people's judgements and worrying about their "perfect" lives and started living mine again for me. I'm gonna look into volunteering and hammer the shops with my cv's plus i'm joining stuff when i get back, so got that to look forward to. :cool:
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    Feel very delicate today.

    went to the sea side (well it's more of an estuary!) with my friend. I had a lovely day, but completely freaked out on the way back because it started raining. I don't do too good with rain and motorways - I had an accident last year and wrote my car off in the same circumstances. So, I got very distressed and I still feel quite on edge.

    I'm also very worried because I haven't had any correspondence from university and I start in 3 weeks. I know it's still 3 weeks away but I'm worried. I don't know where I'm livin because accomodation haven't been in touch, where as everyone else seems to know. The paranoid part of me is saying its some kind of ploy against me and they don't want me there after I wrote on my occupational health forms that I have depression and a past of self-harm. I need to stop being so ridiculous and get a grip!

    Going back to self-harm seems like a good idea right now
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    (Original post by melting_snow)
    Feel very delicate today.

    went to the sea side (well it's more of an estuary!) with my friend. I had a lovely day, but completely freaked out on the way back because it started raining. I don't do too good with rain and motorways - I had an accident last year and wrote my car off in the same circumstances. So, I got very distressed and I still feel quite on edge.

    I'm also very worried because I haven't had any correspondence from university and I start in 3 weeks. I know it's still 3 weeks away but I'm worried. I don't know where I'm livin because accomodation haven't been in touch, where as everyone else seems to know. The paranoid part of me is saying its some kind of ploy against me and they don't want me there after I wrote on my occupational health forms that I have depression and a past of self-harm. I need to stop being so ridiculous and get a grip!

    Going back to self-harm seems like a good idea right now
    Try not to go back to self harm, it doesn't solve anything it just causes more problems. The release is only temporary but many of the problems caused last a lot longer.

    Re: accommodation, why not ring them or email them to find out what's going on. It seem strange you haven't heard from them yet but I don't think it's because they don't want you there, they're not allowed to do things like that.

    :hugs:
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    (Original post by Sabertooth)
    Try not to go back to self harm, it doesn't solve anything it just causes more problems. The release is only temporary but many of the problems caused last a lot longer.
    not intending to cause an argument or anything but my counsellor said that if you really feel you need to self harm that you should go ahead and do it because it can cause more harm than good to not have any release at all.

    snow; obviously try to cope without it, but if you do resort to it then don't feel guilty or ashamed or anything. Always remember the self harm isn't the problem, it's what's behind it that really needs dealing with.
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    (Original post by death.drop)
    not intending to cause an argument or anything but my counsellor said that if you really feel you need to self harm that you should go ahead and do it because it can cause more harm than good to not have any release at all.

    snow; obviously try to cope without it, but if you do resort to it then don't feel guilty or ashamed or anything. Always remember the self harm isn't the problem, it's what's behind it that really needs dealing with.
    That's true, my psychiatrist has said that to me too which is why I put "try not to" rather than simply "don't".
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    My counsellor told me that too.

    It's been a year and half since I last hurt myself, but it seems like I'm wasting my time trying not to, because it feels as if its inevitable. Maybe I can talk to my counsellor about that tomorrow. FWIW, I have enough scars, a few more won't make any difference.

    Does anyone else ever feel like they "cant be bothered" to self harm? I want to, just can't be bthered to clear up the mess afterwards and stop any injuries getting infected. Another part of me is saying if I'm doing it to myself, why bother dressing it, preventing infections etc?

    Re: accommodation, why not ring them or email them to find out what's going on. It seem strange you haven't heard from them yet but I don't think it's because they don't want you there, they're not allowed to do things like that.
    I was looking at the accomodation thread for my particular uni, and I would say about 25% of people don't know wher ethey're going to be living yet. I'm just so damn impatient. I hate waiting around for things. It doesn't help that I'm paranoid as hell about it. I'm checking my emails every 30 mins to see if they've sent me a confirmation for my accom. place, but i'm STILL waiting. I hate having to wait around. They did say, however, I would hear 10-14 days after results day... So I guess I'm just being impatient/paranoid.
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    And down I go again.

    Sigh.
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    I did not speak to saber, though I appreciate her offer to talk. I don't really feel like talking to anyone in particular, I'd rather just post in here for a bit. I wish there was an anonymous button though.

    Over the years I have been trying to find a sister figure to look up to/confide in, but every relationship I have had like that has turned out disastrously. It makes me so sad when I think about the past, good times and bad times. So much has happened in my life and I think it has built up and made me the person I am today, which isn't all good. I'd like to break free from it and move-on somehow, but it's so difficult. Recent events haven't helped, either. The more depressed I feel, the more negative thoughts I have and the more I think about things that I don't think about when I feel 'OK'. It is a vicious and dangerous cycle, because it just ends up with me falling into a deep depression that seems impossible to get out of.
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    can't sleep.
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    (Original post by melting_snow)
    can't sleep.
    :console:

    have you tried zopiclone? that stuff is awesome for sleeping.
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    I never sleep :sad: What is this zop stuff? I think i need some
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    Zopiclone? Talk to your doctor about it.

    I am going to attempt sleep.

    'Night.
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    you need a break and a holiday
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    Zopiclone is a prescription drug, and I'll be honest, it does work wonders, it also stops you from dreaming which is a wonderful change....
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    Have heard of zopiclone. I feel my my GP is at a loss of what to do, however. He just seems to switch me from one medication to another without giving me ways to deal with the roots of the problems

    Saw Karen (counsellor lady) today. I feel like I'm wasting both of our times. She said she won't talk about my mum unless I want to. I want to I just don't know how to. I go there with so many things I want to talk about, things I want to say just for the sake of saying them, but when it comes down to it I don't have the vocabulary to do it and its SO FRUSTRATING. I was thinking about it earlier, and I only have 3 more session left with her before uni. I'm entitled to a max. of 12, but obv I can't keep seeing her when I'm in b'ham. It took me three months to feel comfortable with Yanina (old counsellor from a couple of years ago). I was only allowed 10 session with her, and yet saw her for 7 months

    I told her there was so much I wanted to say but didn't know how to say it without sounding stupid or like a drama queen, and she said she wasn't going to push me to talk. Maybe next week I should take a list of things I want to talk about so she can make me talk about them.

    Yesterday was so bad. It looks like today might be better. I'm laid in bed, I've just eaten cheese and tuna toasties and soon I will smoke. Last night I got very mad at my dad, so went to the shop to buy wine and got wasted.

    Which brings me to this; why do I have to do everything to the extreme?

    I can't just buy one bottle of wine; I have to buy three
    I can't diet; I have to eat too little or throw up what I eat.
    I can't take a normal amount of painkillers; I have to eat the whole box.
    I can't self-harm superficially; I have to go overboard.

    Where do I find a happy medium?
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    Told dad that Oxford are considering me. This is a huge deal as I really want to go there for my PGCE, i.e perfect course, city etc. He said that I was just average and wont succeed, and wont support me.

    I might as well not even try going to oxford, it's too expensive. I cant afford the accomadation, let alone the college fees or even the tuition fees
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    (Original post by starchild)
    Told dad that Oxford are considering me. This is a huge deal as I really want to go there for my PGCE, i.e perfect course, city etc. He said that I was just average and wont succeed, and wont support me.

    I might as well not even try going to oxford, it's too expensive. I cant afford the accomadation, let alone the college fees or even the tuition fees

    Parents really suck sometimes. Ignore what he thinks - it should be impotrant that you have the potential to go to Oxford.
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    'm so angry right now that there aren't even words to explain.

    - My best friend dumped me.
    - My other close friend dumped me in town the other week. We'd gone out for her birthday and she ended up going off with someone else, leaving me to go home at 11.30pm, then had the cheek to phone up and brag about it then next day.
    - The same friend, everytime I call her or text her t see if she wants to do something, she's always too busy with her boyfriend. We were meant to be going to whitby yesterday, but when I asked if she'd pay half for my petrol, she text and decided she didn't want to go.
    - My cousin who I am close to has 2 kids. It was always one sided, I was always going to her house or texting/phoning her. So I stopped going up. I've seen her once in 5 weeks and that was at her daughters 4th birthday party.
    - I left work the other week and it was meant to be my leaving party this saturday night. I found out tonight that everyone has organised a night out on sunday, so now no one is coming on saturday night. I'm really ****** OFF about it.
    - I STILL haven't heard where I'm leaving at university. I don't know anything about the course. All I know is I'm moving around the 19th Sept and my course starts 1st oct.
    - I hate that people spell can't like carnt, and spell lovely like loverly. LEARN TO ******* SPELL.
    - My dad wants me to pick my little sister up from work at 10.30pm. He can't seem to grasp the concept that I have NO PETROL.

    I'm getting mad. I'm getting really ******* angry. I want to burst into hysterical tears and cut the **** out of my arms. Bad person. BAD PERSON. WASTE OF ******* SPACE.

    Okay, I'm calm now.
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