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    oh my essay is really taking the piss,! i have this sociology essay that needs to be in for wednesday afternoon, ok yesi did put it off as i cant stand the subject but even when i looked it never found anything bloody useful, the tutor and his lessons were uselss too AAARRRRGGGGHHHHHH. Apart from this essay getting me down today wasnt too bad, i got to see my doc who said i he will happily write the letter for me for my students disabilty allowance so as soon as i have that i can get the forms sent off.
    I ahve also had an email back from Uni of Leicesters mental health dept, who seems very helpful, they are going to send me out some info and haveinvited me over to meet them when i am ready to and finished this access course but would like to go to get an idea of what gos on in the dept and what help they will offer!
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    Thought I'd say hi to everyone and give :hugs: to those who need it.

    Things have been getting better for me, went for the blood test last week and results are pending. Apart from lack of sleep, headaches and erratic changes in appetite I'm feeling better than I was the last couple of weeks, I'm experiencing my high as I call it. Got a letter today also confirming that I should see a therapist but there is a waiting list....promising.

    How is everyone doing?
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    (Original post by RachelOranges)
    Thought I'd say hi to everyone and give :hugs: to those who need it.

    Things have been getting better for me, went for the blood test last week and results are pending. Apart from lack of sleep, headaches and erratic changes in appetite I'm feeling better than I was the last couple of weeks, I'm experiencing my high as I call it. Got a letter today also confirming that I should see a therapist but there is a waiting list....promising.

    How is everyone doing?
    Hey Rachel. It's great that things are going well for you, hope things keep getting better and that you get to see a therapist soon.

    Today's been a bit surreal. It was the first time I've left the house in a week and a half and I think I'd sort of forgotten that the outside world existed. Spent the whole morning at the doctor's hanging around in waiting rooms, getting ECGs and stuff, thinking they were going to re-admit me to hospital but in the end they didn't.

    It's been incredibly sunny today, I'd forgotten that that can happen too. Actually managed to more or less function today, went to the supermarket, cooked food and everything. Although in the supermarket the women at the checkout are always overly nice to me, as if they can see there's something wrong with me and I might fall apart at any minute.

    Anyway, today's actually been the first ok day I've had in a while. Think it's partly due to lack of sleep - makes it harder for me to think, and if I could stop thinking then maybe I could be happy.

    I am also drunk.
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    (Original post by superwolf)
    Hey Rachel. It's great that things are going well for you, hope things keep getting better and that you get to see a therapist soon.

    Today's been a bit surreal. It was the first time I've left the house in a week and a half and I think I'd sort of forgotten that the outside world existed. Spent the whole morning at the doctor's hanging around in waiting rooms, getting ECGs and stuff, thinking they were going to re-admit me to hospital but in the end they didn't.

    It's been incredibly sunny today, I'd forgotten that that can happen too. Actually managed to more or less function today, went to the supermarket, cooked food and everything. Although in the supermarket the women at the checkout are always overly nice to me, as if they can see there's something wrong with me and I might fall apart at any minute.

    Anyway, today's actually been the first ok day I've had in a while. Think it's partly due to lack of sleep - makes it harder for me to think, and if I could stop thinking then maybe I could be happy.

    I am also drunk.
    All sounds pretty good (well...not the thinking you were going to hospital bit but yeah the rest). Glad you've had an ok day.

    Wish I was drunk - working on it though!
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    (Original post by Sabertooth)
    All sounds pretty good (well...not the thinking you were going to hospital bit but yeah the rest). Glad you've had an ok day.

    Wish I was drunk - working on it though!
    :beer: I've actually just run out of alcohol - only bought one bottle of wine, and one is not enough. Now trying to give myself a sugar high instead by eating many many refreshers, fizzers and drumstick lollies. Eugh, just tried something called a fun gum, tastes like petrol... and yet I'm still eating it. What you drinking tonight?
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    (Original post by superwolf)
    :beer: I've actually just run out of alcohol - only bought one bottle of wine, and one is not enough. Now trying to give myself a sugar high instead by eating many many refreshers, fizzers and drumstick lollies. Eugh, just tried something called a fun gum, tastes like petrol... and yet I'm still eating it. What you drinking tonight?
    mmmmm sweets. I like the mega drumstick lollies, except they are pretty messy :o:

    cider of course. still have a fair amount of port but it's for when I get desperate.


    Went for another night time walk, love being intimidating.
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    (Original post by Sabertooth)
    mmmmm sweets. I like the mega drumstick lollies, except they are pretty messy :o:

    cider of course. still have a fair amount of port but it's for when I get desperate.


    Went for another night time walk, love being intimidating.
    I'm eating a drumstick lolly right now. Only normal size though. Mmm, so good.

    Damn you, now I want cider. Don't tell me it's pear, or I might just have to kill you.

    :mmm: You should develop a point scoring system based on how many people you terrorise

    I've now finished the drumstick and moved on to lovehearts. I've turned into a ******* sugar fiend.
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    Have written over 700/2000 words for essay. Ok it doesn't really make a lot of sense and some of the words are wrong but it's a start. It's not assessed so I figure as long as I give something in it'll all be fine. It's so hard to think though.


    Superwolf, love the point scoring idea.
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    (Original post by Sabertooth)
    Have written over 700/2000 words for essay. Ok it doesn't really make a lot of sense and some of the words are wrong but it's a start. It's not assessed so I figure as long as I give something in it'll all be fine. It's so hard to think though.
    That's good i always find that when i start on an essay it becomes easier to write - although i do find i babble a bit too!

    Today has been strange. i literally got up - when to my first session of councelling and then have done nothing all day. Literally i just went to sleep for a couple of hours as i feel sleeping and dreaming is a good way to get away from it all, if that makes sense?

    Oh btw, i see you lot were talking about alcohol last night - how do you find drinking with taking tablets? as i went out sat night, didnt even drink that much and spent the whole time panicking cos i couldnt find anyone/crying/throwing up. It has really put me off going out drinking again which i used to love!
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    (Original post by Summer_Lovin)
    That's good i always find that when i start on an essay it becomes easier to write - although i do find i babble a bit too!

    Today has been strange. i literally got up - when to my first session of councelling and then have done nothing all day. Literally i just went to sleep for a couple of hours as i feel sleeping and dreaming is a good way to get away from it all, if that makes sense?

    Oh btw, i see you lot were talking about alcohol last night - how do you find drinking with taking tablets? as i went out sat night, didnt even drink that much and spent the whole time panicking cos i couldnt find anyone/crying/throwing up. It has really put me off going out drinking again which i used to love!
    1,621 :woo:

    yeah the sleeping thing makes complete sense. I love sleeping, because it's like I'm not here anymore.

    Depends what you're taking really. I've drunk on most of them and the worst side effect was getting really really drunk really really quick. I think it can take some getting used to though, so take it easy and work your way up slowly if you want to get wasted :p:
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    Can't stop ******* eating today, I've just chomped straight through a pack of laces and I'm still hungry! This is going to screw my diet right up
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    I've decided that I will go back to lessons on Thursday (I have a mental health thingy-ma-bob tomorrow over my only lesson). Slightly worried. I also told my History teacher I'd hand in my coursework tomorrow. I've yet to start it and we're not allowed to re-draft this one.

    I'm going to start that after food though, just come back from an hour long walk. I've finally found somewhere to go and just sit/think - all fallen trees, moss and streams. Bliss.
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    (Original post by kiss_me_now9)
    Can't stop ******* eating today, I've just chomped straight through a pack of laces and I'm still hungry! This is going to screw my diet right up
    Same, it's so annoying!
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    (Original post by steffi.alexa)
    I've finally found somewhere to go and just sit/think - all fallen trees, moss and streams. Bliss.
    That sounds so nice! wish i had somewhere close by like that! good luck with your coursework
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    (Original post by steffi.alexa)
    Same, it's so annoying!
    I need a bloody muzzle tbh
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    Yesterday was clearly an aberration. Back to business as usual - misery, crying and being rejected by my friends.
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    Bloody hell, if any of you want to put on weight then get yourself prescribed some mertazapine. It's making me hungry/eat all the damn time. Home treatment coming around in a bit, because I'm officially only on 'overnight leave' because they couldn't make it to the hospital yesterday, so they'll assess me for discharge here later. I can't say anything to them though because my mom will be here and will be upset if I ask her to leave the room And I feel really unsafe again and want to tell them that... but can't.
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    I thought my assessment with the psychologist was on thursday, turns out I got it wrong... it's actually in 12 hours time!

    Suffice to say I'm not feeling good about it, feel a mixture of anxiety, apathy, paranoia, all sorts really. I wonder what they'll say to me because 8 months ago when I was previously being seen I walked out of assessment and refused to contact them any more.

    To be honest having mental health problems terrifies me, knowing that in all likelihood it's going to be chronic and with me for life requiring continual management. So far it's been ongoing for the past 7 years and if anything with time it's gradually gotten stronger and worse as opposed to getting better. Really does seem like what's the point when my quality of life is going to be eaten away by something unseen lurking inside me, one of those days where you feel as though you wished that past attempts on your life had been successful.

    (Original post by steffi.alexa)
    I've finally found somewhere to go and just sit/think - all fallen trees, moss and streams. Bliss.
    That's good that you have somewhere to visit when the world is on your shoulders. Especially somewhere peaceful and beautiful :yes:

    (Original post by superwolf)
    Yesterday was clearly an aberration. Back to business as usual - misery, crying and being rejected by my friends.
    Sorry to hear things aren't going well for you today, friends can be a pain in the arse most of the time. Is there anything you can do in the mean time to at least distract yourself a bit?

    (Original post by 35mm_)
    Bloody hell, if any of you want to put on weight then get yourself prescribed some mertazapine. It's making me hungry/eat all the damn time. Home treatment coming around in a bit, because I'm officially only on 'overnight leave' because they couldn't make it to the hospital yesterday, so they'll assess me for discharge here later. I can't say anything to them though because my mom will be here and will be upset if I ask her to leave the room And I feel really unsafe again and want to tell them that... but can't.
    It's been a number of hours since you posted this. How did the assessment go? Hopefully you managed to talk with them and express what it was you wanted to say and how you're currently feeling.
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    (Original post by superwolf)
    Yesterday was clearly an aberration. Back to business as usual - misery, crying and being rejected by my friends.
    This is exactly how I feel today :hugs:
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    Just gotten back from my mental health assessment. How fun. :nothing: They guy said he didn't know whether I was depressed or if it was just all the stress of 'being 18' etc. :rolleyes: I hate these things, they're always so awkward.
 
 
 
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