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    (Original post by Malsy)
    i am so low right now i just want to never ever ever have to face this world. ever. ever. again. ever
    :hugs:

    You may not want to right now, but you will one day, don't stop now interrupting how you'll feel then... Or something, I'm really tired so may not make sense! What's happened, is it results or other things?
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    **** the As. **** the whatever rubbish grades. great or **** I do not care. my depression and its reasons prevails and i am just so lost and sad right now and i swear down i just am so sad and self pitying and i dont know what to do anymore cos there is no solution so im sobbing and lost and i hate it
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    other things. and the C but that doesn't bother me. my life bothers me. my problems that kill me everyday. the fact that i cant be the real me and be who i want. the fact that i dont have much contact with the world saddens me but its how its going to be for the rest of my life as im just a state and i hate myself so why should anyone else love me? im also sad over just that too, love. urgh
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    (Original post by CherryCherryBoomBoom)
    :hugs: Thanks for that speech. You know, I sometimes wonder whether doing A Levels and uni is worth it at all. It seems like so many people are going to uni these days, and then I've read here on TSR that degrees are losing their worth because of that, and they cost so much anyway leaving much debt. And I really don't feel cut out for uni at the moment, even though I'd been really looking forward to going since Year 12. Who knows, maybe I'll just abandon education for now and go travelling and/or get a job, and maybe work my way up to somewhere higher? This depression is making things difficult so maybe I just need the break? Then I guess I could always go back to learning if I wanted to. I'm really considering that at the mo. After all, people like Simon Cowell and Alan Sugar didn't even do any education after GCSE, and they're frigging millionaires (or billionaire? :unsure: Eh, I just know they're super rich)! :eek: Though, I just see for now what happens in time :o:
    Sorry, it was a bit preachy... I just get a bit passionate about it because my school destroyed my confidence slowly from day 1 and by the time I got to sixth form I just didn't give a damn and believed that the school was right - I was worthless without decent A levels, which I couldn't achieve. I wouldn't say they forced me into anything; I was and still am a very free agent! But they certainly had a set ideal of what you could achieve which was very wrong, IMO. They pigeon-holed everyone into either "Oxbridge/Red Brick material" or just "Failure" and it was an awful atmosphere when you weren't achieving!

    I really wish I'd taken time to think about my options, rather than just blindly thinking "I have to go to uni straight away" which led to Kent and all sorts of bad times... A gap year would have done me the world of good, I'm sure of it. If you're doubting it, I'd say take one - There's nothing worse than getting to uni and not wanting to be there. And it's totally true that you can always go back to education; you don't *need* a degree! You can get a perfectly good job without a degree if you're willing to go up the levels, or you can train again when you're older

    Malsy :hugs:
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    ergh feel awful. Went to the supermarket several hours ago and my head is still ****** over it. Did finish essay at 5am though; gave it in then legged it out the lecture. :o:


    These results....aren't they just single module results? So if you didn't do great then you can still resit (hopefully when you're feeling a bit better), no? I dunno...
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    loooong time no chat! How is everyone? . I hope everyone is good.

    I had a very upsy down day! I found out i got rejected by bunac for some pathetic reasons i'm not going to go into. Anyhow, so i went to a crap lecture in the morning, then to nandos, and came home and watched 2 movies (i.e. dont no work today!).

    ....but i was happy then, and then I became very sad when i thought about bunac rejected me and i sent out emails on impulse to camp america saying i'd go with them if they 'didn't rip me off like bunac', etc. I hate when i write rash emails. Then i posted some crap on bunac fb. But now i'm happy again cos i've been thinking about driving across the USA, but low because I don't have anyone to go to and have to resort to some lame website to find people

    Anyone know how to combat these mood swings....there's something seriously ****** up with me .

    So who wants to drive across the USA with a complete lunatic?
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    Oh dear, I've been feeling pretty crap all day already, so that episode of Skins just now really didn't help. I know it's only fiction, but still, so scary and creepy what happened. And I'm becoming extra sensitive to these sorts of things. Thank you Skins writers for shaking me up like that :mad:. I will now have to go youtube and watch happy comedy videos now, so that I can sleep. :sigh:
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    (Original post by CherryCherryBoomBoom)
    Oh dear, I've been feeling pretty crap all day already, so that episode of Skins just now really didn't help. I know it's only fiction, but still, so scary and creepy what happened. And I'm becoming extra sensitive to these sorts of things. Thank you Skins writers for shaking me up like that :mad:. I will now have to go youtube and watch happy comedy videos now, so that I can sleep. :sigh:
    I was like that last week, it triggered me off something chronic.

    I've had a lovely productive day, walked too and from town (30 minutes each way), made cakes (http://i173.photobucket.com/albums/w...0/DSCF4539.jpg, made dinner, got a bit of college work done... But I don't feel anything. Just... empty. :dontknow:
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    (Original post by kiss_me_now9)
    I was like that last week, it triggered me off something chronic.

    I've had a lovely productive day, walked too and from town (30 minutes each way), made cakes (http://i173.photobucket.com/albums/w...0/DSCF4539.jpg, made dinner, got a bit of college work done... But I don't feel anything. Just... empty. :dontknow:
    JJ's ep was last week, that was the happy one. Do you mean Freddie's ep two weeks ago (Effy going off the rails)? Wow, it doesn't seem so far away. Glad you had a nice day though :hugs: The cupcakes look lush by the way, good photography :yum:
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    (Original post by CherryCherryBoomBoom)
    JJ's ep was last week, that was the happy one. Do you mean Freddie's ep two weeks ago (Effy going off the rails)? Wow, it doesn't seem so far away. Glad you had a nice day though :hugs: The cupcakes look lush by the way, good photography :yum:
    Ah yes... You can tell I haven't really been watching this series, can't you?!

    Can't wait for the weekend, just tomorrow to slog through. :rolleyes: Thanks, my point and shoot camera is **** but I couldn't be bothered to get my 'proper' camera out, lol.

    :hugs:
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    (Original post by kiss_me_now9)
    I was like that last week, it triggered me off something chronic.

    I've had a lovely productive day, walked too and from town (30 minutes each way), made cakes (http://i173.photobucket.com/albums/w...0/DSCF4539.jpg, made dinner, got a bit of college work done... But I don't feel anything. Just... empty. :dontknow:
    you made those? :eek: They're amazing! Congrats on your awesome culinary skills. I'm impressed!
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    (Original post by Malsy)
    **** the As. **** the whatever rubbish grades. great or **** I do not care. my depression and its reasons prevails and i am just so lost and sad right now and i swear down i just am so sad and self pitying and i dont know what to do anymore cos there is no solution so im sobbing and lost and i hate it
    First off, sorry for taking ages to reply, I went to bed really early last night for fear of falling asleep on my laptop. Drool + laptops never mix.

    Right, so you got some As, that's great! I know what you mean about not caring, I don't really either. It's odd. Also, if that C does bother you, there were so few marks between a C and a B and a B and an A that it's ridiculous. You are not self pitying, you do NOT deserve to feel like this, honestly. You deserve to be happy, everyone deserves to be happy!


    (Original post by Malsy)
    other things. and the C but that doesn't bother me. my life bothers me. my problems that kill me everyday. the fact that i cant be the real me and be who i want. the fact that i dont have much contact with the world saddens me but its how its going to be for the rest of my life as im just a state and i hate myself so why should anyone else love me? im also sad over just that too, love. urgh
    I really think you need to try and see a doctor, this is really serious and you deserve to be happy again. They can help, so please go and see them or at least see those people that you mentioned in school. You shouldn't hate yourself and there are people who love and cherish and care about you, no matter how you feel they only want you to be happy :hugs: Even I, someone who doesn't know you IRL, want you to be happy!

    It won't be like this for the rest of your life, I promise. You just need a little help getting there, which is why seeing a doctor or counsellor will be a huge help to you (and if your GP is rubbish, I'll send them a nasty letter :cool:)

    :jumphug:
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    Hey guys, how is everyone? :hugs:

    Since coming off the fluoxetine I actually feel less mood-swingy, the restless urges to cause myself pain have gone, and I am slightly more able to get up in the morning. I don't know whether it's still in my system helping me get rid of the panic though, or whether it turns out that was thanks to the counselling and relaxation techniques after all Really hard to tell. I'm still not 100% but I can finally think and write again. Unless I relapse badly I am so tempted not to start on the citalopram...
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    I'm not seeing the counsellor again. Just saw her and she makes everything worse. I left the room and tried to self harm. I guess I'm lucky I didn't really have anything sharp enough.... Loads of scratches on my arm now though... I just don't see the point any more. I can't be ****** with all of this.
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    (Original post by dappleddawndrawndauphin)
    Hey guys, how is everyone? :hugs:

    Since coming off the fluoxetine I actually feel less mood-swingy, the restless urges to cause myself pain have gone, and I am slightly more able to get up in the morning. I don't know whether it's still in my system helping me get rid of the panic though, or whether it turns out that was thanks to the counselling and relaxation techniques after all Really hard to tell. I'm still not 100% but I can finally think and write again. Unless I relapse badly I am so tempted not to start on the citalopram...

    Hi there! i am currently on citalopram and for the first 4 weeks i did feel like crap, even more so that before i started on them but after that 4 weeks i began to feel really good! i do still have up and down days but i am not as bad as i used to be before i started on them. I am currently at college and i really dong think i could cope with it if i wasnt on the tablets though i am worried about going to Uni as i do still have days where i jsut cannot do anything, and have ended up leaving essays till last minute so lost marks for the work not being good, so i am going thorugh the students disability stuff and my doctor has given me a letter to state my condition and stuff.
    Dont give up you may go thorugh a few different tablets till you find the right one, i know people hwo have to try 3 or 4 before they got the right one.
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    (Original post by Isis Black)
    Hi there! i am currently on citalopram and for the first 4 weeks i did feel like crap, even more so that before i started on them but after that 4 weeks i began to feel really good! i do still have up and down days but i am not as bad as i used to be before i started on them. I am currently at college and i really dong think i could cope with it if i wasnt on the tablets though i am worried about going to Uni as i do still have days where i jsut cannot do anything, and have ended up leaving essays till last minute so lost marks for the work not being good, so i am going thorugh the students disability stuff and my doctor has given me a letter to state my condition and stuff.
    Dont give up you may go thorugh a few different tablets till you find the right one, i know people hwo have to try 3 or 4 before they got the right one.
    Hey! Thanks for the advice, and I'm really glad that the citalopram has been working for you. I'm sure things will get better in time for uni, and you can take advantage of the fact that universities usually have really good free counselling services

    I gave the fluoxetine a fair trial I think - 2 months. After the first month it may have started lifting my mood a bit (although it helped to make my mood plummet even more in the first place), but I felt like I was trying to think and function through a fog, and was always alternating between yawntastic times of feeling absolutely bone weary, and occasional periods of restless energy where I felt quite out of control. Since coming off them my mind has started functioning more clearly again and I can actually work. It's true that the citalopram might be different for me, but I am tempted to see how it goes without the medication for a few weeks first. If things get too hard again, I've got the citalopram on hand and can start it anytime. May go back to the GP for a chat though...

    (Original post by steffi.alexa)
    I'm not seeing the counsellor again. Just saw her and she makes everything worse. I left the room and tried to self harm. I guess I'm lucky I didn't really have anything sharp enough.... Loads of scratches on my arm now though... I just don't see the point any more. I can't be ****** with all of this.
    :jumphug: I'm sorry to hear that - what did she do/say? How've things been going generally? It makes things more difficult if you're not getting along with the counsellor, I really sympathise - I was in the same position in the A levels. Been really fortunate with my counsellor this year but only have her for another week Have you seen if there are any other local counselling services you can try? It's so important to have someone like that to talk to who you feel you can trust. Do you get on well with your new GP?

    Please don't hurt yourself, it isn't worth it and things will get better, honestly. It's virtually impossible to remember/believe that when you're feeling crap, but good stuff happens when you least expect it, and sometimes your mood just lifts for no reason at all. & if you can get a good counsellor it can make such a difference. Don't feel you have to put up with second rate care, go to the GP and see what they can suggest.
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    Hi guys. I haven't posted in a while, I hope you're all ok.

    I feel really really really really anxious right now. It started a few days ago when I started thinking about illnesses and I was convinced I was ill with something (I have hypochondria btw) then it went on to me worrying about each and every family member being ill and something awful happening to them.

    Now,I've reached a point where I'm preoccupied with death and dying and illnesses that I really can't enjoy myself and it's just a ****** feeling.

    I have this tight feeling in my stomach and my boyfriend's supposed to be coming round later and I'm tempted to tell him not to bother as I don't want to see anyone and just GAHHHH!!

    WTF is wrong with me
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    I hate it when you can't get through to people. Just annoys me...

    On a random, unrelated to the society note; Shutter Island is a really cool film and I'd recommend it. It does centre around a mental institute and has mental health problems as a theme, but it's really interesting and quite complex. :yy:
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    Urgh! I sooo want to be able to do my coursework and start revision, but my mind/brain just can't because it'd rather sleep... How do I get motivated enough to do it?!?
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    (Original post by steffi.alexa)
    Urgh! I sooo want to be able to do my coursework and start revision, but my mind/brain just can't because it'd rather sleep... How do I get motivated enough to do it?!?
    i have the same problem - i don't think there is much you can do. I went swimming in the morning and it made me happy. I guess you could just do something that makes you happy?
 
 
 
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